Is getting married young a bad idea?

zaneopal · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-married-young-bad-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1dea0075-8971-4343-a95a-bdc9aecc6aa3Post:dc697498-73ef-40cc-ab91-9b20a176cc34">Re: Is getting married young a bad idea?</a>:
[QUOTE] I love him to the moon and back, but that doesn't mean we should get married.
Posted by AnneAndJJ[/QUOTE]

This.

I'm 22 and I know that marriage is still a long time off for me. I'm not ready, he's not ready.

Take the time when you two are apart to really get to know yourself. Have fun being a silly post-high school girl. Learn much at cosmetology, find new hobbies. He's going to be away and this is time to learn about yourself.

You'll find that if you two are meant to be together, you will be at the end of basic, at the end of his first deployment, after whatever may come next. Long distance is hard, I know, I'm there. My BF has been away for 7 months, and it will be two more before I see him again. But we're making it through because we truly believe this is right for us, and if it is truly right for you and your BF, then you will make it through too.

oceana919 · April 2010

1) Mutley, you're just a big meeny booboohead. :P

2) AnneandJJ, you give me hope for those in the age bracket of 18-22.

katanne9 · April 2010

OP - you asked for advice you are getting it. Please listen to what these ladies have to say. IMO, you are just simply too young to be getting married. It doesn't mean it won't ever happen, but wait and enjoy your relationship. Especially if he is going off into the air force. Wait, be happy dating and keep growing together.

202987 · April 2010

Just a thought...

To the arguement that "Well, my mom/grandma/aunt/someone-older got married at age whatever, and theyre still married happily...", I just wonder how much their age/the times they lived through affect that. The age women are marrying has probably risen, and the view of the woman's role in the household has changed. No one is an old maid if they don't marry by 30. My parents lived together in the 80s before marriage, and their family practically disowned them. That has changed for sure.

Just something to consider before considering your relationship to those in the same scenario decades prior. Better to look honestly at your own situation. I'm not saying what will work for you, just a reminder that the times have changed.

zaneopal · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-married-young-bad-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1dea0075-8971-4343-a95a-bdc9aecc6aa3Post:36d30c39-33a5-4f92-b5fb-bcfdf7c2bce7">Re: Is getting married young a bad idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just a thought... To the arguement that "Well, my mom/grandma/aunt/someone-older got married at age whatever, and theyre still married happily...", I just wonder how much their age/the times they lived through affect that. The age women are marrying has probably risen, and the view of the woman's role in the household has changed. No one is an old maid if they don't marry by 30. My parents lived together in the 80s before marriage, and their family practically disowned them. That has changed for sure. Just something to consider before considering your relationship to those in the same scenario decades prior. Better to look honestly at your own situation. I'm not saying what will work for you, just a reminder that the times have changed.
Posted by 202987[/QUOTE]

I was thinking about that too, actually. I mean, my dad's mother was practically an old maid when she was married (she was 27, which was horrifying for the 50s), and I think that has stuck with her, as she's been harping on my parents about when BF and I are going to get married.

My aunt married pretty young, in her first marriage at least. She got married at 19 to a guy she'd known about 6 months, had her first daughter just before she turned 21, and spent my cousin's first birthday hiding from her husband in a coworker's closet. The divorce finalized a few weeks later.

Which sort of fills my "you should really know each other" reason as well as the "wait until you're older" reason.

amberoselizebeth · April 2010

i just love how the big deal is about how "oh when i was 19 i knew everything" you wanted oh and.. hmmm doesn't seem like much has changed.

no two people are the same
people mature at different ages
and in the end it is YOUR choice,
if you're ready, you're ready.
it's no one else's choice to make but yours.

for the people that are fine with getting married at 25+ and having kids at 30, that's fine for them, but i know that me personally, I want a few years to be married with my husband before I have kids, and I don't want to start kids at 30, i want them to be tots by then.

it's all about the person that YOU are and the person that youre BF/FI is

that's just my opinion, just because you're 25,26,27, ect -
IT STILL DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU KNOW EVERYTHING

jeanacorina · April 2010

I don't know everything. But now I recognize that and have a better understanding of what it takes to make an educated decision. You DO learn things with time. Just plain old time.

Almost every single 19 year old thinks they are mature. Really. Why? Because 19 years old is the oldest they've ever been, and in comparison to the other ages they have been, 19 is mature and wise.

By the time you have another 5 or 10 years under your belt, you realize that EVERY age is the oldest you've ever been, and that next year you'll be even MORE old and MORE wise and you'll look back on 25 thinking how YOUNG and NAIVE you were.

And so you start making decisions that your 80-year-old self will most likely still be proud of, instead of thinking about your 19-year-old self.

I don't know if that will make any sort of sense..... but that's my rationale about the whole "When I was 19 I was an idiot, and when I am 80 I don't want to think I was an idiot at 26."

Or something.

Does anyone else understand that at all?

**Mutley** · April 2010

Thanks for taking that one for the team, Jeana. I just don't have it in me today. Plus you are nicer.

KD+BC · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-married-young-bad-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1dea0075-8971-4343-a95a-bdc9aecc6aa3Post:8e3b971c-4a38-4acf-b18f-f19891dc2af0">Re: Is getting married young a bad idea?</a>:
[QUOTE] I want a few years to be married with my husband before I have kids, and I don't want to start kids at 30, i want them to be tots by then. it's all about the person that YOU are and the person that youre BF/FI is that's just my opinion, just because you're 25,26,27, ect - IT STILL DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU KNOW EVERYTHING
Posted by amberoselizebeth[/QUOTE]

Enjoy being a divorced mom.

Ok, that was mean. But seriously, what is the big effing rush? I always thought I wanted to have my first kid by 24 and that my eggs would shrivel up and disappear by the time I was 30. The thing is, yes, it is different for everyone but THE VAST MAJORITY of teenagers think they know everything and want to get married for the wrong reasons. You can wait till you're 24 to get married, have 3 years to be with your DH and still have 2-3 kids before 30.

PaigeMcC · April 2010

Older = more time to learn things = wiser

It won't hurt you to wait. If you're in love now and want to get married then you should still be in love then..right? RIGHT!!

She was the one that asked if it was wrong and we gave her an honest answer. No one said they knew EVERYTHING but guess what...the 27 year olds in here most likely know more than the 24 year olds, and the 24 year olds than the 20 year olds, etc etc etc. There is lots of time to get married and be preggers before you're 30. I have a friend who got married at 27, got preggers and had a 2 year old before she was 30.

We're saying there are more things out there to explore at 19 and more things to do and you should experience them! Being married is a big deal - you're spending your lives together. If he doesn't want to do what you want to do, if he doesn't want to experience what you want to experience then you'll be miserable, he'll be miserable and it will turn out badly.

The two people in the relationship need to be turly ready - independant, financially stable, mature, etc. At 19 years old there is a lot to learn and a lot to experience before you're all of those things.

I'm just sayin'

SonaliPop · April 2010

Marriage is a lot of work and a lot more than many couples bargain for - regardless of age. But, being young and not having a lot of life-experience (even if you ARE different) and then getting married can be extremely difficult. I can't tell you what to do but there is no need to rush. Enjoy being young and your time together. It isn't going to be happy and romantic everyday. There are going to be a lot of bad days. Bills. Arguments. Family issues. Stress. Wait a few years - if you still love the guy, if you get jobs and can support yourself, if you give it time and you are still with him, then consider it.

**Mutley** · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-married-young-bad-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1dea0075-8971-4343-a95a-bdc9aecc6aa3Post:8e3b971c-4a38-4acf-b18f-f19891dc2af0">Re: Is getting married young a bad idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]i just love how the big deal is about how "oh when i was 19 i knew everything" you wanted oh and.. hmmm doesn't seem like much has changed. no two people are the same people mature at different ages and in the end it is YOUR choice, if you're ready, you're ready. it's no one else's choice to make but yours. for the people that are fine with getting married at 25+ and having kids at 30, that's fine for them, but i know that me personally, I want a few years to be married with my husband before I have kids, and I don't want to start kids at 30, i want them to be tots by then. it's all about the person that YOU are and the person that youre BF/FI is that's just my opinion, just because you're 25,26,27, ect - IT STILL DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU KNOW EVERYTHING
Posted by amberoselizebeth[/QUOTE]

WHY ARE WE YELLING?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!

You are correct. It is her choice. And it is his choice. However, when you ask for opinions that is what you are going to get.

Why do you want your kids to be tots by the time you are 30? I am very curious about this.

I am going to be 28 when our first child is born. There are days where I still cannot believe that I am old enough to be having a child. The immense power of all of it overwhelms me. I am going to be a mom. We are going to be responsible for this living, breathing, loving little one. And WOW is that a big responsibility.

When I was 19, I thought that I would be married and be starting my family by the time I was 24. Looking back, that is so surreal for me. I cannot imagine having this responsibility at that age and I have always been 'mature for my age.' I am so thankful that life had other plans for me.

I think that the biggest point that people are trying to make is that you lose nothing by waiting. You can still be with that person. You can still have a commitment without marriage. You can still have experiences together. You can also continue to grow as your own person in ways that are not as easy if you are married. Are you going to go on a semester abroad? Are you going to go hang out with your girlfriends for an entire week? Are you going to make some choices that are all about you? Are you going to spend adult time with your parents/family without your significant other?

The last one is one of the area that I don't feel that people think about as much. I think that it is very important for people to develop adult relationships with their family members. There is something unique in these relationships and I think it fosters better relationships with other adults. In my experience, people who do not cut the maternal/paternal ties with their parents have more issues in their romantic relationships down the line.

Button5807 · April 2010

I actually do know everything.

laurenkae · April 2010

Getting married young could be a good or bad idea depending on who you are. People mature at different rates. We will both be 21 when we get married (JUNE 5th!!) But we have both talked about the future and want the same things ,,,no children..focus on our carreers, open our own business..retire in mexico lol these are all dreams but we dream them together and thats the important thing. BUT if i decided to get married to the BOY i was with at 18,,,my life would be HELL!!!

I think that if you have to ask...its probably a bad idea...sorry

Is getting married young a bad idea?

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