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gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it

lilcasserslilcassers member
100 Comments
in Snarky Brides
Sooo annoyed at my super conservative bridesmaid who always finds a way to "stomp on my passion" by making remarks about how gay marriage is wrong and and that I shouldn't call myself a christian since I believe in it. I am a social worker.. I advocate for all.

I posted a simple fb status about equal rights and legalizing gay marriage and she decides to tell me that I shouldn't call myself a christian and blah blah blah. Religion comes in all forms and she and I are obviously not as close as I thought we were if she thought that I am super relgious (I certaintly am not) and that it's cool to make rude remarks about stuff your FRIEND is passionate about.

I have regretted asking her to stand up as of last month but as we all know, kicking someone out completely ruins friendships and not to mention, would make things weird in our group of friends.

Just annoyed because I never make remarks to my friends about stuff they stand for. I can't tell you how much democratic bashing she does and I just sit there and smile. Not to mention her telling me what kind of christian I am...

thanks for listening :)
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Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    10000 Comments
    Why can't you speak up against things tehy believe in? What's stopping you? If someone is bashing something you believe in, you don't have to just sit there and smile.
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_gay-marriage-rant-dont-read-very-conservative-dont-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a0225ef-55c6-4279-9875-10473eb046d2Post:6ba8f187-3950-49de-93c9-a29071ac5898">gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sooo annoyed at my super conservative bridesmaid who always finds a way to "stomp on my passion" by making remarks about how gay marriage is wrong and and that I shouldn't call myself a christian since I believe in it. I am a social worker.. I advocate for all. I posted a simple fb status about equal rights and legalizing gay marriage and she decides to tell me that I shouldn't call myself a christian and blah blah blah. Religion comes in all forms and she and I are obviously not as close as I thought we were if she thought that I am super relgious (I certaintly am not) and that it's cool to make rude remarks about stuff your FRIEND is passionate about. I have regretted asking her to stand up as of last month but as we all know, kicking someone out completely ruins friendships and not to mention, would make things weird in our group of friends. Just annoyed because I never make remarks to my friends about stuff they stand for. I can't tell you how much democratic bashing she does and I just sit there and smile. Not to mention her telling me what kind of christian I am... thanks for listening :)
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]

    Not to say she's right, but when you put it out there you invite comments.  If you don't want people to post things you don't like about gay marriage, maybe you shouldn't post your thoughts on the idea to begin with.

    If you want to continue posting your feelings but don't want to have to read hers, hide those statuses form her so she can't read them in the first place.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • shaydeniseshaydenise
    1000 Comments
    This would not be someone I associate with.  I have friends I disagree with on occasion and sometimes on important things, but my friends would never bash my beliefs or tell me I'm not a real christian because I support equal rights for marriage.  If I were you, I wouldn't be friends with this person anymore.
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2010
    Ditto Betrothed. When you put things on FB you put it out there for people to comment on. If you don't want to hear this girls negative feelings towards you and your life, don't write it, or defriend her.

    You need to decide if this is someone you want to continue being friends with first and foremost. If you decide this isn't someone you want in your life, end the friendship, the WP mess will take care of itself.

    ETA: Personally I wouldn't continue being friends with someone who says and does the things she does. Only God can determine if you're a good Christian, no one else on this Earth can judge. (Not that I'm super reiligious, just thought I'd throw that out there).
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  • marriedfilingjointlymarriedfilingjointly
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_gay-marriage-rant-dont-read-very-conservative-dont-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a0225ef-55c6-4279-9875-10473eb046d2Post:644064c1-0fbf-439c-b028-73a12b1a1ba3">Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it : <strong> Not to say she's right, but when you put it out there you invite comments.  </strong>If you don't want people to post things you don't like about gay marriage, maybe you shouldn't post your thoughts on the idea to begin with. If you want to continue posting your feelings but don't want to have to read hers, hide those statuses form her so she can't read them in the first place.
    Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]


    Yep.  You knew what you were doing by posting it on FB. 

    You can possibly convince her that she's wrong, but not if you're confrontational and antagonistic about it.  Speak her language.  Remind her that Jesus preached love, not hate and judgment.  Point out some biblical stories where Jesus was an advocate for those who were not perceived as the "righteous" one (like the story of Mary and Martha).  And if she's not willing to talk to you like a reasonable adult, then it's probably time to start rethinking your friendship. 
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  • BecW2beBecW2be
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Why are you even friends with this girl? And why are you telling us not to read this if we aren't going to agree with you? I think these two questions will help you with your problem.

    1. Don't be friends with people who attack your beliefs.

    2. Don't put your beliefs out there to be attacked if you can't anticipate/handle combative responses.
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    Yea I know ladies... I can't help but being a facebook wh*re :-P and I always try to advoate for those that can't always have equal rights. I should just not say stuff like that but it bothers me that she has the nerve to say those things.

    It's not that I can't stand up for stuff when she goes on her politics rant-- it's that I don't care. I am not super democratic or super republican.. I just go with the flow and vote for the candidate that I like who is running. Same goes for religion. I was raised christian but I don't have all of the strong traditional beliefs.

    and to the first poster... I absolutely cannot kick her out. The MOH is her sister... that is how I got caught up asking her to stand up. She is usually with us a lot and I guess when I got stupidly wrapped up in the first stages of wedding planning I thought asking her would be "only right" since I always hang with her, too. But it doesn't mean we are close, I can tell ya I learned that!
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  • marriedfilingjointlymarriedfilingjointly
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    Well you obviously do care or you wouldn't have posted this angry tirade about it. 
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  • mehgankmehgank
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary

    OP, you brought it on yourself. I know that not everyone believes the way I do, especially those that are close to me like my family, which is why I never post my views on controversial topics on FB, such as abortion, religion, and politics.

    As far as keeping her in your WP/life, I would seriously consider gaining distance from this person. It's one thing to disagree with you, it's entirely another to bash you for it.

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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_gay-marriage-rant-dont-read-very-conservative-dont-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a0225ef-55c6-4279-9875-10473eb046d2Post:21ac4753-77e8-49c1-81bd-f30faa2f4e7f">Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yea I know ladies... I can't help but being a facebook wh*re :-P and I always try to advoate for those that can't always have equal rights. I should just not say stuff like that but it bothers me that she has the nerve to say those things.

    It's not that I can't stand up for stuff when she goes on her politics rant-- it's that I don't care. I am not super democratic or super republican.. I just go with the flow and vote for the candidate that I like who is running. Same goes for religion. I was raised christian but I don't have all of the strong traditional beliefs.

    and to the first poster... I absolutely cannot kick her out. The MOH is her sister... that is how I got caught up asking her to stand up. She is usually with us a lot and I guess when I got stupidly wrapped up in the first stages of wedding planning I thought asking her would be "only right" since I always hang with her, too. But it doesn't mean we are close, I can tell ya I learned that!
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]

    Why do I get the feeling you antagonized this whole mess by getting up on a soapbox on your FB page about gay marriage, most likely attacking people who disagreed with you?  You seem like the type of person who seeks drama out.

    You can help being a FB whore.  You chose to be one.

    Also, I call BS on you not caring.  If you didn't care about politics you wouldn't have posted anything about gay marriage.

    And I don't understand how you got roped into asking this person to be in your WP simply by making her sister your MOH.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • BecW2beBecW2be
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Yea I know ladies... I can't help but being a facebook wh*re :-P and I always try to advoate for those that can't always have equal rights. I should just not say stuff like that but it bothers me that she has the nerve to say those things.


    I'm betting that's what she's saying about you right before she responds. Again, if you put polarizing statements like that out there, you need to be prepared to handle attacks from opposing viewpoints. You're putting a lot of faith in the behavior of other people, and that's a mistake. Your FB status isn't going to change the world. If you want it to be a topic of discussion, be prepared for all sides of the discussion to chime in.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    10000 Comments

    Oh, I think you do care. Otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to mention how you never make remarks and how it annoys you that others speak up. But if you truly don't care, then why would you bother getting worked up over her opinions anyway?

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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    married--- yes I care about her bashing the stuff I am obviosly publicly advocate for. I said that I don't care to disput her political rants because I am not into politics. A poster above asked me why I don't stand up for stuff that she brings up and debates about. It is because I don't get worked up over her passions so I just don't contribute to them.

    Yea I don't see her often anyways because she lives in D.C. but I now don't care to hang out with her much anymore..
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_gay-marriage-rant-dont-read-very-conservative-dont-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a0225ef-55c6-4279-9875-10473eb046d2Post:21ac4753-77e8-49c1-81bd-f30faa2f4e7f">Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yea I know ladies... I can't help but being a facebook wh*re :-P and<strong> I always try to advoate for those that can't always have equal rights.</strong> I should just not say stuff like that but it bothers me that she has the nerve to say those things. It's not that I can't stand up for stuff when she goes on her politics rant-- it's that I don't care. I am not super democratic or super republican.. I just go with the flow and vote for the candidate that I like who is running. Same goes for religion. I was raised christian but I don't have all of the strong traditional beliefs. and to the first poster... I absolutely cannot kick her out. The MOH is her sister... that is how I got caught up asking her to stand up. She is usually with us a lot and I guess when I got stupidly wrapped up in the first stages of wedding planning I thought asking her would be "only right" since I always hang with her, too. But it doesn't mean we are close, I can tell ya I learned that!
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]

    Advocating for those that can't have equal rights is not a bad thing. You just have to be prepared to defend your position when those that don't agree with you confront you. You can't spew your views all over FB and get upset when someone with a conflicting view opposes you. Stand up for what you believe it. Don't cower after you've voiced what you think. People will respect you more. Maybe if you stand up to her more and defend yourself when she says these things she might respect you. Right now if you don't say anything, she probably thinks she can say whatever she feels like saying and knows you won't defend yourself.
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    sesha-- the "your not a true christian" comment is what I felt was out of line. It's fine that she doesn't agree with GM, but judging my beliefs is rude because it can happen.. I am a christian and I am for GM.

    Thanks all for listening
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_gay-marriage-rant-dont-read-very-conservative-dont-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a0225ef-55c6-4279-9875-10473eb046d2Post:12a340e2-4a0f-416a-9b01-5c86270e3fe4">Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it</a>:
    [QUOTE]married--- yes I care about her bashing the stuff I am obviosly publicly advocate for. I said that I don't care to disput her political rants because I am not into politics. A poster above asked me why I don't stand up for stuff that she brings up and debates about.<strong> It is because I don't get worked up over her passions so I just don't contribute to them. </strong>Yea I don't see her often anyways because she lives in D.C. but I now don't care to hang out with her much anymore..
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]
    Did you ever stop to think maybe she's the same way?  Maybe gay marriage is one of those topics she's also passionate about, but maybe with an opposing viewpoint to your own.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • marriedfilingjointlymarriedfilingjointly
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_gay-marriage-rant-dont-read-very-conservative-dont-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a0225ef-55c6-4279-9875-10473eb046d2Post:12a340e2-4a0f-416a-9b01-5c86270e3fe4">Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it</a>:
    [QUOTE]married--- yes I care about her bashing the stuff I am obviosly publicly advocate for. I said that I don't care to disput her political rants because I am not into politics. A poster above asked me why I don't stand up for stuff that she brings up and debates about. It is because I don't get worked up over her passions so I just don't contribute to them. Yea I don't see her often anyways because she lives in D.C. but I now don't care to hang out with her much anymore..
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]


    So you're allowed to be passionate about gay rights but she isn't allowed to be passionate about her political beliefs?

    Are you in college?
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  • BecW2beBecW2be
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Instead of whining to us you should tell her how her behavior upsets you.
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_gay-marriage-rant-dont-read-very-conservative-dont-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a0225ef-55c6-4279-9875-10473eb046d2Post:12a340e2-4a0f-416a-9b01-5c86270e3fe4">Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it</a>:
    [QUOTE]married--- yes I care about her bashing the stuff I am obviosly publicly advocate for. <strong>I said that I don't care to disput her political rants because I am not into politics</strong>. A poster above asked me why I don't stand up for stuff that she brings up and debates about. It is because I don't get worked up over her passions so I just don't contribute to them. Yea I don't see her often anyways because she lives in D.C. but I now don't care to hang out with her much anymore..
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]

    I don't understand this statement either. To be an advocate for gay marriage/gay rights/animal rights/ human rights, you have to be involved in the politics. Putting polarizing statments out there for people to comment on will pull you into the political debate because that's what the Gay Marriage fight is all about, politics.
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  • Lenore2010Lenore2010 member
    1000 Comments
    Ahh, Facebook. That great source of drama and general entertainment.

    I agree you need to not put controversial things on your FB if you don't want the flack. I also think that this person would not last a day as a friend of mine not so much because of what she think/believes (which I completely disagree with BTW) but because she is fairly pushy and obnoxious about it.
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  • marriedfilingjointlymarriedfilingjointly
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    An aside, I always think it's funny when someone accuses someone else of not being a "true Christian" or a good Christian."  You never hear anyone say "you're a bad Jew" or "you're a bad Buddhist."  Seems to me that the only requisite for being a Christian is believing that Jesus Christ is the savior of mankind.  I don't know how one is "bad" at that. 
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_gay-marriage-rant-dont-read-very-conservative-dont-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a0225ef-55c6-4279-9875-10473eb046d2Post:8436db3a-22af-4419-9b8c-e8db84ca8cd9">Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it</a>:
    [QUOTE]An aside, I always think it's funny when someone accuses someone else of not being a "true Christian" or a good Christian."  You never hear anyone say "you're a bad Jew" or "you're a bad Buddhist."  <span style="font-weight:bold;">Seems to me that the only requisite for being a Christian is believing that Jesus Christ is the savior of mankind.</span>  <strong>I don't know how one is "bad" at that. </strong>
    Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]
    Maybe you believe he only saved a small portion of mankind.  That might make you a bad Christian.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • marriedfilingjointlymarriedfilingjointly
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_gay-marriage-rant-dont-read-very-conservative-dont-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a0225ef-55c6-4279-9875-10473eb046d2Post:efcca742-2798-4a0c-b05a-bfa1455f3219">Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it : Maybe you believe he only saved a small portion of mankind.  That might make you a bad Christian.
    Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

    Touche!
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments

    mkrupar- I guess politics are hard to explain. I don't get into the whole "i hate obama or i hate mccain" thing. I just go with the flow in that respect.

    I am just for gay marriage and animal rights and I fight for them independently.

    You can be passionate about a few causes without getting into the whole political scene.

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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    wow lol.. I am out of college. I just would not tell someone they aren't a true christian-- that is all. I know she is against GM and I have known that. I just thought that one comment was out of line. Thats it. and yes, I did tell her how I felt.
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I get your point OP, but just understand that all of those things are politically controversial, so while you may not be posting it coming from a political view point, others are going to read it as political. It's hard to separate the two on issues like these.
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    I just put "don't read" for those who may get upset about it not for those who really care to contribute to the convo. I am just always thinking of others' feelings. Sorry thats how I roll.
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  • marriedfilingjointlymarriedfilingjointly
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    What did she say when you told her how you felt?  Was she sorry she hurt you, or did she just keep on hatin'? 
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  • BecW2beBecW2be
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_gay-marriage-rant-dont-read-very-conservative-dont-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a0225ef-55c6-4279-9875-10473eb046d2Post:cd3d98ac-2a2a-499e-9f4b-a77bff08f6f5">Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just put "don't read" for those who may get upset about it not for those who really care to contribute to the convo. I am just always thinking of others' feelings. Sorry thats how I roll.
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]

    As long as their feelings are the same as yours, that is.
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_gay-marriage-rant-dont-read-very-conservative-dont-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6a0225ef-55c6-4279-9875-10473eb046d2Post:cd3d98ac-2a2a-499e-9f4b-a77bff08f6f5">Re: gay marriage rant-- don't read if you are very conservative and don't agree with it</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just put "don't read" for those who may get upset about it not for those who really care to contribute to the convo. I am just always thinking of others' feelings. Sorry thats how I roll.
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]
    Did you put the same disclaimer on your status?  That could have prevented this whole thing.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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