What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?

jengii · July 2010

It might've been mentioned before, but if you're that worried about it, what about creating a filter just for those FB friends that are invited?

I think, if you're really only posting a WR update once a month or so, and it's random thoughts you're having, like, "picked up my dress today--so pretty!" rather than something incessant like a daily "142 days until my wedding!", etc., only someone with a HUGE stick up their butt is going to get offended by it. People post much, much stupider stuff in their FB statuses on a regular basis.

If anybody pitches a fit that they're reading your WR statuses and aren't invited... they need to grow up. No one can afford to invite the world +1 to their nuptuals.

FB statuses are such throwaway things, really. They pretty much evaporate within a few hours of being thrown out into the world. Post what you want.

nmeyer01 · July 2010

I don't think posting anything on FB is a big deal at all. I mean, I have 600+ friends and am obviously not inviting them all, but I post little details and stuff here and there. I posted that I was engaged, bought my dress, etc. because it was a big deal and something important to me.

I think as long as you don't post specific details or things like that you should be fine! It's your wedding, the biggest day of your life, you don't (and shouldn't) have to ignore it!

SpinelliSmith · July 2010

Personally, I am totally that annoying bride to be with wedding stuff posted, maybe not every day but honestly, pretty often. The way I look at it is that most people that I'm friends with are excited too and don't want to be a part of the planning process and are excited for the details but may not have the time or patience to hear me ramble about the difference between loden, kelly and hunter greens. They want to be in the know, but not in the middle of everything. So a post like: Just decided on the bridesmaid dresses and they are adorable! Thanks Meg and Kristen!" is fine, happy and not that annoying and anyone that wants to know what they look like will ask. And anyone who doesn't care, well, will ignore it.
And that's kind of the point of facebook. You post what's going on in your life and when people care they talk to you about it, and when they don't, they leave you alone. Whatever. I don't post stuff so people will talk to me, I just share for the sake of sharing.
I think the people that want to know, will be happy. And frankly, everyone knows how expensive a wedding can be and I don't think aside from very close friends and family that anyone would be absolutely offended by not receiving an invite just because they saw on FB that you are "so excited to get all of the responses!" And anyone that doesn't want to know, will ignore you.

SpinelliSmith · July 2010

I thought that you put this very well!!!

jessicahaik · July 2010

I think that is ok to make some comments about your wedding. It's your FB account and if you are excited then make some comments. If people don't want to know what's going on in your life then they don't have to read it. Now, I don't think that you should write every detail of the planning daily or even weekly because that could be a little obnoxious, but seriously I don't like hearing about how so and so ate an egg sandwich but if I see that someone is getting married it's kind of fun to see what's going on in their life.

Congrats!

lild1181 · July 2010

I say post what you want it is a big part of your life!! you hear about everything else in all of your friends lives and you read what you want and don't read what you don't want to! I post my progress on a weekly basis and all my friends are super excited to hear about it! I really don't think that the friends on FB that you only talk to on FB once in a blue moon will expect an invite if they do then thats too bad!! Be excited about your big day and let the world know!!!!!

helsway · July 2010

How about you do what feels good for you? It's Facebook, for pity's sake. If the 300 people in your friends list (whom I'm assuming are not all your closest, bestest friends) aren't mature enough to handle the fact that they might not be invited to your wedding then I don't think you need to be losing sleep over it. Drama might happen, but believe it or not, you can choose not to be involved.

I will agree that constant, incessant updates about every detail of your wedding would be annoying. That's what Twitter is for - a consistent stream of randomness that people can follow or ignore as they wish. However, if you're going to bother using Facebook, and bother updating your status, then why not have the updates reflect your life and what's going on in it? People read your status updates because they WANT to know what you're doing. If they don't care, they won't read. Very simple.

spawelski · July 2010

I wouldn't because if people feel like they should be invited and aren't, that would just put salt on the wound!

itsgigglegirl · July 2010

No one needs constant status updates of what anyone is doing about anything, but people still do it because they're excited and it matters to them.

if you're excited that it's t-minus 77 days 17 hours and 49 minutes until your big day (this girl is!) then let people know. people who care will read or post, those who don't will skip or hide you.

someday_peonies · July 2010

Ohhh my goodness. While I can understand being excited and wanting to shout to the world how awesome you feel, I agree that it would be inconsiderate to talk too much about the wedding in status updates. I personally love to hear all about my friends' weddings over lunch/dinner dates or late-night phone calls, where I can ask about the details in person and really see their excitement.

That being said, I do have a friend who has been constantly talking about her wedding in her status updates, and I can't lie...it's driving me insane. Then again, she's been all "look at me!" from the get-go, so maybe I was set to be annoyed from the beginning. A picture of the ring, maybe a few engagement pictures and a few of your favorite pictures from dress shopping would be nice, and of course pictures after the wedding for those who want access (thank goodness for privacy settings).

sleepnbeeutie · July 2010

I am totally doing all of that. I am not going overboard by having every update be wedding related, but it is a huge part of our lives and it is very exciting so I think it's only natural to spread our joy and do mini countdowns and to announce some major plans and things alike. I sometimes write a loving message about my FH and how much I love him too. I am not inviting all of my FB friends and I doubt all of them expect to be invited. Some of my h.s. friends on their have done their announcements etc and I didn't expect to be invited. FB is just about sharing our lives and thoughts and if you want to shout from the rooftops, I say go ahead.

brookelynpaisley · July 2010

Ehhhh... I think you mean well, so... rancid cotton candy

katenicole · July 2010

I think you should put whatever you want on facebook! I have a LOT of FB friends getting married, and I think it's exciting to follow their wedding planning. I personally never feel offended when I'm not invited to their weddings--many of them are friends from high school, and it's understandable that they have to limit their guest list.

I say post what you want! If you're excited about something and want people to know, don't worry about it! If people don't like it, they shouldn't be on facebook anyway. Facebook is a place to share things--there's no point in having a facebook if you're not interested in sharing details of your life with your friends!

sparkleberry* · July 2010

I think go for it!! That's what FB is for! Letting people know what's going on in your life, the things that you are doing that you find exciting! I can't believe all the advice to keep your wedding planning secret! I mean, don't give away all the details, but it's nice sharing some of the exciting news. Getting married is one of the most exciting times in your life, and your friends like to hear what you are getting up to, even if they aren't involved. I have over 800 FB friends, and only a few are coming to my wedding. I occasionally put up messages like 'shopping for my wedding dress', 'found gorgeous flowers for the bouquets' etc and people really like to hear that. It makes them feel involved in my happy day when they won't be there. Share your happy news I say!

eaglenightshade · July 2010

other than changing your status to engaged then to married why does the public at large need (or want) to know.

Instead set up a private group for those that are involved in the planning - moh, bridesmaids, relatives etc.

that way those who need to know can keep with developments while those who are not invited don't feel put out by having to hear about the whole thing without getting an invite

mrsthoser · July 2010

I haven't announced a date yet and don't plan on it until about a month (maybe less) before and I'm ONLY posting ceremony info. That way if friends want to see us get married that's fine, but the reception is by invite only and so I'm not posting info about that to avoid crashers&hurt feelings. Also, when I post the ceremony info, I'm def incl something like "as much as we'd love to have everyone join us afterwards, the budget just doesn't allow it. we'd still love to see everyone at the ceremony!"

As far as constant updates go, I only post little stuff i.e: got my dress, found a dj, etc. I DID once ask for advice on where to get inexpensive cakes, which doesn't seem bad. RM friends typically like giving tips and advice!

BrianKathy · July 2010

In all honesty I would say it depends on the people you are friends with and the type of person you are. If you're a person who is open and doesn't mind who knows about your information go for it. Also if you have the type of friends who love to know details and understand that they may not be invited then hey go for it. I know a lot of my friends were happy that I posted some questions about wedding stuff on my fb because it made them feel as though they had something to do with my wedding even though I couldn't afford to invited them. It gives them a way to feel included. But at the end of the day all that matters is who you are and what you do. Do what you want and what makes you happy.

kattieshack · July 2010

I think there is a happy medium. Yes, Facebook is a social networking site, and you do want to keep people updated... but why bore people with minute details?

I posted when we got engaged (actually, people were posting congrats before we even "announced" it on FB), when we picked a date, and when I bought my dress. I like my updates to be lighthearted and funny, but wedding planning to others is pretty boring... and sometimes it may feel "rubbed in the face"...

So I post the big things, not our "engagement story", or random Vaguebook statuses about wedding drama.

Either way, post what you want, if I want to read it, I will, if not, I'll just block your statuses. End of story.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

I have a close friend who is getting married on 10/10/10. I am also friends with his fiancee and they are CONSTANTLY posting updates about how many days + hours, every little detail of planning, blah blah blah. Now don't get me wrong, I adore my friend and I really like his fiancee but holy crap, I do NOT care about all that. I blocked both their updates from my news feed months ago because of the constant updates.

I get it, people tend to have tunnel vision when they're getting married but the rest of us have lives too and we're not interested in 5 updates a day about your wedding.

sfetter-blom · July 2010

I think it depends on your group of friends on facebook, and the amount that you are posting. My fiance and both went to different colleges, far from where we are now. There are a lot of people who wish they could be closer to be more involved and they typically seem to enjoy knowing whats going on. This could also be because we are at the age where everyone is getting married so we offer ideas and encouragement. I do think it's annoying when people go overboard (and I have seen a friend do that), but in my opinion occassional updates and comments are okay.

jwang517 · July 2010

im an Asian bride myself. i have over 750 fb friends when we got engaged. that being said, people i met or were friends with over the years from high school, college, grad school, and living in 4 different places and travling a lot over the past a few years. knowing many of them are just casual friends, they probably wouldn't expect to be invited and I didnt plan to either.

However, once i changed my status on facebook that i was "engaged" TONS AND TONS of people congratulated us, which we appreciated, but there were also random ones that i haven't met for 10 years and was never friends (and some even stabbed my back at school) asked if they would be invited. and some ask about the date. some even still ask about our 2nd reception in Asia constantly and say "definitely let me know." i knew i wouldn't invite them, not the wedding in August in DC, nor the reception back in Asia where many of my relatives and family friends still are. So I never respond to those questions.

We have a short engagement, and there's only one post I made was specifically about our wedding which was about how much I love my BM's dresses that I want to get one myself, and the BMs and closer friends made some comments. But that's it. Even when there's 30 days left, and I was so excited, all I said was "30 days!" but since I didn't publicize my actual wedding date EVER on my facebook, nobody knew what it really means.

another Asian friend puit on her facebook saying "the date is set: (date), photographer checked, venue checked, bla bla bla checked." and she has hundreds of facebook friends, some people ask "will i be invited?" or "i'd better get an invite." and i don't even think she even planned to invite all of them, but wasn't thinking about it cos she was soooo excited about having it set~

xstarx05x · July 2010

occasionally, like when I achieve a "milestone" in wedding prep, i'll post a status on FB. but i've made a group that's just the people who are being invited, so only they can see it. I also have a photo album that has "inspiration" photos for my wedding--flowers etc--that only they can see.

ambi083 · July 2010

I am planning and everything on my own, and don't have tons of friends on my fb; some are ppl I just went to high school with and we just keep up with what each other are doing. I don't send out huge announcements on fb or anything. I did create a "album" on fb though that is for wedding things. I got tired of trying to explain what things looked like. I have pics of everything on there from my dress to the location, to my colors. It mentions that I updated the album, but if my fb buddies don't wanna look, they don't have to.

dimondsandlace · July 2010

I know I"ve posted a few FB updates, but nothing that will make people wonder if they're invited or not--just "I found my dress today!" or "We got the go-ahead for the location!" (it's a military wedding, so everything has been up in the air)
Don't over do it though--like everyone else has said, people will get sick of hearing about it, especially if they know they didn't make the guest list

Tofulady · July 2010

Personally I think that depending on the frequency and the content it is perfectly acceptable to post WR content. I currently live in Japan (as does my Naval fiancee) and my friends and family mostly live stateside. If I didn't post WR items nobody would be in the loop. FB is a social networking site and as long as you exercise restraint, that's what it is there for! Best of luck to you!

clearheavens · July 2010

Wow! So many responses, never thought this thread would be such a big hit. I appreciated reading every single response.

For me personally, I've decided to only post status updates for huge miles stones like my dress and bouquet pick. But anything other than that, even photographer, DJ, musicians, etc. will be under under a specific group for family and closest friends. I also decided not to reveal where my reception is going to be to prevent party crashers.

This seems to work the best for me!

ladyamanuet · July 2010

You are getting married. You are excited. Post whatever you want! I don't care that my disgusting college buddies are on the toilet, or that my lame cousin is off to publix, then 10 min later home from publix, then 15 min later making dinner, etc. etc but I have to see all that stuff in m news feed. It's not like your status updates are sent directly to their phones or emails. I wasn't invited to a lot of my HS friends weddings, but I loved seeing the status updates and telling them good luck, etc. I especially loved seeing the pics afterwards. If someone you only have any communication with through facebook is upset they aren't invited to the wedding of someone they've not seen or spoken to in years, tehy are a crazy person who has deeper issues anyway. BE EXCITED! I had friends that got support from other brides once they got engaged - neither was invited to the other's wedding, but they were able to chat about it and stuff. If your friends don't care, they can just scroll along to the next item in the news feed.

lryan72137 · July 2010

I don't mind them. I get curious about how far along people are with their wedding details because I'm going through the same thing. I'm not really into reading about what STRANGERS are doing like on websites like this. If you don't like it then block the person or just don't read them.

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