New Navy Wife to be :)

sweeden224 · March 2011

Hi everyone

I am Currently engaged to a navy man and we are getting married in September. We have a set date since we want to be married after he gets out of Prototype and will have at least three weeks off.

I am just wondering what i need to be doing to start getting ready for the "Navy" life lol

We are hoping to get stationed in Virginia but we know that there is a small chance of that.

Any helpful hint would be great.

THANKS TONS

sweeden224

Beachy730 · March 2011

You actually have a good chance of getting stationed in Virginia since it is such a large base, and there are so many different smaller bases around it. But if he is just coming out of school he might have no say in where he goes. What is his rate?

My H is in the Navy, and we will actually be in Virginia in about a year or so. The best thing you can learn is to be flexible. The sooner you learn that nothing is ever written in stone, the easier it will be.

sweeden224 · March 2011

Hey thanks for the reply

His rate is MM3 he is a nuclear mechanic and is at his last school.

What was the hardest thing for you to adapt to when you first "got into" the navy???

Beachy730 · March 2011

The hardest thing is coming to terms with the fact that the military doesn't really give a crap about your personal life. And I don't mean that to sound cynical or like I'm complaining, which it probably does sound like. But I used to get so upset when we would have something planned for the weekend, or for a dinner one night, and he got stuck working last minute, or going to training, or something like that. Basically, like I said before, just undersatnding and accepting that nothing is ever set in stone or a guarantee. The sooner you can understand that mentality, the easier I think it will be for you.

Also, I always remind myself that there is no use getting upset over things that I have no control over. H is on his way back from a deployment, and will be going back out again before the end of the year. I was upset for a day, then realized there's nothing I can do to change it, so why upset myself.

sweeden224 · March 2011

Thanks I feel like that is going to be hard for me.

How long have you and H been in the military??

I am worried about his first deployment I was thinking that i would just go home.....What did you do??? Also how long do you tink it will be b4 he gets deployed for the first time??

Beachy730 · March 2011

My H has been in for almost 9 years now. We have been together for about 2 and half years, and we got married last July. This is our first deployment together because he was on shore duty when we met. He got deployed about a month and a half after we PCS'd here, and I had debated what I wanted to do. We are in WA now, and we our whole families and friends are all in NY, so I thought about staying there, but realized that i wanted to just be here and create our life here, even if he is gone. I don't regret it at all and I'm so glad I did stay here because I've made some really good friends whose husbands are on the ship too, and I've gotten really used to the area. Plus, I've proven to myself that I can handle a deployment on my own, which is a great feeling. It's definitely not for everyone though, and there are many wives and girlfriends who go back home to their families durnig deployments. Knowing myself and how I am I was pretty confident that I would be fine, so I wanted to stay here.

As for when he will be deployed, there really is absolutely no way to tell. It completely depends on where he gets stationed and the schedule of the ship, sub, or squadron. There is a chance that he could get stationed somewhere that is currently underway, and he could be flown out to meet it within a week or two of checking in. Just prepare yourself for the possibility that he could be going almost immediately, and anything else will be a relief.

sweeden224 · March 2011

Thats what i am worried about that we are gunna be just married than he is sent off hahah

Any other advice?? hahaha

Beachy730 · March 2011

There is lots, just not much I can think of now! I'm better with specific questions, so feel free to PM me anytime, or you can page me on this board too.

Definitely work on your communication with him. I think what helped us a lot with this deployment is that we were always an LDR, but only 2 hours apart, so we were able to see eachother every weekend. But since we were used to only communicating throught texts and phone calls during the week and not seeing eachother every day, it has made the distance a little easier. Some couples have a lot of problems communication mainly via email, and it's very hard to discern tone and attitude when reading it. H and I are very aware of how we correspond through email, so we almost always know exactly how to "read" the emails. Sometimes we still have issues with it though, and that leads to some bickering, but it's few and far between. I know a lot of couples though who aren;t used to it, and fight constantly through email. So that's one I can definitely think of for now, and to me one of the most important. I know there's more though.

sweeden224 · March 2011

Yea actually Me and N live in diffrent states right now hes currently in S.C and i am in MI finishing up my degree before we get married so we mainly text and and call each other. We do skype at least once a week if not twice. It has taken us awhile to be able to communitcate that way but we are learning how to read each other via text, email, ect....

I know that he is already getting paper work ready and everything set so that by the time we are married everything should be set....but is there anything that i need to do in that area??

Since we dont know where he is going to be stationed and wont know til about a month b4 he gets out so about a month b4 we are married how should we start looking for housing?? He wants to live off base and rent an apartment....any ideals??

Ok i think that is all for now

Sorry i have alot of questions i know i can be a pain

THANKS

Beachy730 · March 2011

There is nothing you need to do or even can do for the paperwork side of things. The Navy won't even talk to you basically until you are married. Just be aware that even if everything is set up to be ready for the move, you probably won't be paid to move with them, or be given the moving weight for 2 people. We did our move over a month after the wedding, but because we weren't married when his orders were cut, our move was considered a single person move. Luckily we were underweight anyways so it wasn't an issue. Then once he checked into the command that altered the paperwork for our move, and we got back pay for it.

As for where to move, if he is stationed at a large base they likely have base housing, which may or may not be available at the time. There are often many apartment complexes in the area. We don't live in base housing, but it's public privatized housing, which is the closest thing to it at our base.They have units always available here, and there are many other public apartment complexes in the area as well. I would just research apartments in the area. Also, as soon as he finds out orders, he can contact the Navy Housing Department on that base, and they can give recommendations, and tell you if base housing is available. If you are really intent on not living in base housing, or seeing apartments before you move in, you might want to just move your stuff into storage first, and stay at the Navy Lodge or something in the meantime so you can look for houses. He should get a week of house hunting leave that you can go to the area and look as well.

sweeden224 · March 2011

Thanks

kkposton · March 2011

This conversation was really helpful to me. My fiance is in the Navy and stationed in Hawai'i. We're planning to get married next year in May but we've had to move our wedding date around a few times given the possibility of deployment. He's been in for almost a year now and his ship in docked until next year so next year will be his first deployment.

The first thing I learned right off the bat before we were engaged is that I have to be flexible with just about everything I do. Right now the biggest thing for us is deciding when the best time for me to move will be since we aren't getting married til next year and he's suppose to leave for his first deployment 5 months after our wedding. Then depending on how long he's deployed we're thinking it might be best to just wait for me to move until after his first tour and decide from there. The hard part for us will be realizing that our first 2 1/2 years, possibly 3, will be apart. Communication is definitely key especially with our men being military.

Thank you for some insight into being a Navy wife!

kara811 · March 2011

Hey there! Welcome to the boards and becoming a Navy wife! My H is actually a MM just like your FI, so I can definitely relate to your situation. It's definitely not always going to be easy, and you're right, people don't always get the base of their choice right after prototype. Japan was my H's last choice, yet he was sent there! That's just the military life for you though. LDRs are hard, but ifI you are willing to work on it, then it's even more worth it. I actually recommend at least going through one deployment before you two get married. Deployments is one of those things that can really make or break a relationship. See for yourselves first how you will adapt to it, but that's just my opnion of course.

On a side note, your FI does have a possibility of staying in SC for a while. Some nukes are able to do that and work on shore in prototype or even be an instructor, but it's not easy to do. I'm sure your FI knows about it though. Good Luck with everything and Happy Planning!

sweeden224 · March 2011

Hey thanks for the reply

We have talked about staying in S.C. but he really does not care for the state haha

So we have put Virgina and Washington on his wish list and we are just waiting to see what happens..:)

How long is you H in Japan for???

How do you deal with the distance???

Hope you are having a GREAT day

alainakw · March 2011

I;m so glad I read this conversation. My FI will be done with training very soon and then will be stationed in VA. We are noting getting married until May 2012. I also worry about him getting deployed before the wedding. The unknown can be so scary. I know everything will be fine, but I wish I could be making plans for our wedding knowing that it will happen when we want it to. All the information and hints were very helpful though. When your H got to his duty station did he have a better idea of when he would be deployed? This is what I'm hoping for so we at least know if our wedding will need to be moved.

Beachy730 · March 2011

We knew that the ship H was getting stationed on was going out on deployment last Fall, so we knew it was imminent. We just weren't positive exactly when he would be flown out to it. And we didn't actually even know that date until about a week before.

Does he know what ship or squadron he will be stationed on? Once he finds that out, he should be able to get a general idea of when he is next scheduled to be deployed. They generally go out for about 6 months, then usually it's about 18 months between deployments, with workups and thins in between where they will be gone for a few weeks at a time. There are always exceptions though, like with H's ship and how soon their next deployment is. Once he gets official orders though, he should be given a sponsor on the ship, and he can contact his sponsor about when they think the next one will be.

We had been planning on our wedding being this past New Year's Eve, and we did our PCS to WA in September. When he got his orders last February, we found out about the deployment, and bumped up our wedding to July so that he would actually be here for it.

sweeden224 · March 2011

Hey

So I have had time to think of some questions haha

When you registered for your wedding at like Target or whatever how much did you register for??

Like i have started to pick stuff out but i am not sure how much we should ask for?? Any suggestions???

Anythhing that you suggest???

Beachy730 · March 2011

We did a decent sized registry because we knew we were moving after the shower and wedding so moving the gifts wouldn't be a problem. We registered at Target only. H had lived on his own for 6 years before we met, and I still lived with my parents but had a basement full of things I had been buying. So we had a lot, but registered for upgrades, and things like nice towels and sheets, and lots of fun kitchen gadgets and appliances.

In my hometown it is common that physical gifts are mainly given at the shower, and monetary gifts at the wedding. So we didn't bother refilling the registry or anything after the shower. Also, since everyone knew we were moving right after the wedding, we did get a lot of gift cards and monetary gifts at the shower as well.

As for how much you should add, I think technically they recommend 2-3 items per guests, but that's ridiculous. We invited 275, and I think our registry had about 150 items. Just make sure you have things from all price points. We had a few things that were bigger gifts for multiple people to go in on, and things that were good sets, like towels and bathroom stuff. We had a lot in the $30-50 price range, and then we had TONS of small things $20 and under. Target has that awesome wall of kitchen tools and we went crazy on that wall, adding serving spoons and lots of fun gadgets. Just make sure you have a good price range.

RobinW513 · March 2011

Hi, I'm a future Navy wife who lives in virginia.

Well, first as an MM do not expect him to get promoted very much. I have several MM friends, and since it's a dying rate promotions are hard to get. My friends husband is an MM he's tried for a promotion about 3-4 times now, and hasn't gotten it. He scored about 98% on his tests and has several points including a letter from an admiral, but MMs just do not get promoted quickly. Don't let that discourage you, he'll get there eventually but it may take a little longer than some rates.

The next thing I can say is, they have a housing department to help you find housing, but do not take the first nice apartment you look at. You may find that the apartments close to base are over priced. You also want to check out the crim rate in areas. In Norfolk, there are a lot of bad area. There are lots of nice ones too, but it's hard to know which ones are which without checking. I think you should check that no matter where you go though.

afowler90 · March 2011

I am also a navy wife to be, and all of these replies have helped a lot. The only thing that scares me is my FI is an aircrewman rescue swimmer in Jacksonville, and he starts his deployment with 2 weeks in April, followed by a year of scattered leaves and at the end he will be gone 7 months. I am scared that I will have a hard time communicating with him, or if something happens that I will have to find out through his parents when they are notified. He suggested getting a civil marriage first before deployment so that I can be kept in the loop, and then have a real wedding when we are for sure that he will be back for a few months. Is this a good idea? I guess I'm just really nervous about the whole thing, and I have never been in the military before so I do not know how anything works on base or how communication works between everyone. Any suggestions?

sweeden224 · March 2011

Thanks for all of the Helpful advice RobinW513

My FI is already pretty aware of how hard it is a MM to get promoted he has told me many times how impossible it can be.....lol

Thanks for the advice on housing

It will certainly be helpful to call them ahead of time foe suggestions

Oh and thanks for the heads up on the bad areas around Norfolk i will deff check the crime rate b4 we settle anywhere..

Do have any other advice for me???? I am all ears if you do

I hope you have a great day

CelticSpaz · March 2011

Hey all....also very glad I found this thread!! I recently got engaged to my Navy man and it is helpful to hear all of you discuss things I have never really considered..lol... He will be stationed overseas for the next 3 years and then he is going to request WA for his next shore duty. We were thinking of getting married when he gets back, but everyone thinks he will want to get married after one year apart...lol. Right now we live 2 hours apart so we only see each other on weekends.....I am hoping that will make the distance alittle easier on us.We have great communication but we will be dealing with a 8-9 hour time difference! I am also impressed with all the "navy terms" you girls know....feeling a bit out of place because havent quite learned all the "lingo" yet...LOL...I will continue to read and learn from you all...thanks for all of your postings, I don't have any fellow Navy wives/gf near me to talk to so this is extremely helpful. Thanks so much!!

GothicBelle · April 2011

Wow! This is a lot to think about and a lot of information to comprehend!

I'm actually getting married in October, 2013; when my fiancee comes back to dry land from being stationed on the USS John McCain in Japan.

I'm so nervous and having trouble because I'm afraid I'll have to do all the planning for the wedding, which is the worst idea because I'm already a Bridezilla!

As CelticSpaz said before me: "I will continue to read and learn from you all...thanks for all of your postings, I don't have any fellow Navy wives/gf near me to talk to so this is extremely helpful."

Thanks!!!

Beachy730 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-navy-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:6edbc178-8d2b-401f-b1a7-40634c1b20c7Post:4d5c7fef-57b1-49df-8b8b-07e7c978f5b0">Re: New Navy Wife to be :)</a>:
[QUOTE]I am also a Navy wife to be, my fiance is going to basic in 2 weeks, we are planning our wedding in Novemember. He will be in basic from April-June then in A school for 5 months, does anyone know if they get leave right after A school training?
Posted by nancymerchant[/QUOTE]

<div>I just checked with my H, and he said that chances are you can take leave right after A school, but it's not a guarantee, and he knows of people that haven't been able to take it. </div>

nancymerchant · April 2011

I am also a Navy wife to be, my fiance is going to basic in 2 weeks, we are planning our wedding in Novemember. He will be in basic from April-June then in A school for 5 months, does anyone know if they get leave right after A school training?

alainakw · April 2011

I believe that they can take leave after A school. He will have to ask when he gets there.

hgoncalves · May 2011

Hi everyone, I'm glad I cam across this thread. I'm engaged to a Navy man and we're getting married in November 2011. He's currently in c-school in San Diego...I'm hanging back where I currently live (Mobile, AL). In a month and a half we're moving to WA. We are both really excited but he's used to this bc he's been in the Navy for over 10 years. I am very very new to this. I'm a very independant person and for the first time I'm dropping everything just to move and be with him. I am very nervous but excited about this and it's a real learning experience for me. I am one of those people that needs to have everything planned out to a T. Now I'm learning how to relax and not freak out when you don't know whats ahead. That's been the hardest part for me. Learing how to not be a worry-wart.

Beachy730 · May 2011

Where in WA will he be stationed?

hgoncalves · May 2011

Bremerton for the first 6 months....then Everett for the rest of the time.

Beachy730 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-navy-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:6edbc178-8d2b-401f-b1a7-40634c1b20c7Post:78d382ce-e64b-4b87-b527-262b19b6a441">Re: New Navy Wife to be :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Bremerton for the first 6 months....then Everett for the rest of the time.
Posted by hgoncalves[/QUOTE]

<div>You'll have a PM in about 2 minutes.</div>

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

Beach, YGPM from me too.

New Navy Wife to be :)

Re: New Navy Wife to be :)

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