Gay friend as a bridesmaid

StefanieG8781 · December 2011

My best friend is a guy and I would love to have him as a BM. Has anyone done this or seen it done? Need help!

Ali092011 · December 2011

From what I understand, it's not at all uncommon and widely accepted to have male "bridesmaids" and female "groomsman." My college roommate's husband had his female cousin as his "best man." I think you would just refer to everyone as your "bridal party" as opposed to calling your friend a "bridesmaid."

jbenbe28 · December 2011

I was just in a wedding where the groom's best friend was a woman and she stood on his side, black dress and wore a corsage. I don't see why it wouldn't work the other way. I love the idea.

JJJ625 · December 2011

One of my best friends is a gay man. He'll be on my side with my 2 BMs. He'll be dressed like the grooms men. We're just trying to come up with a title for him. The best we've come up with is Maid of Dishonor (it's funny to both of us and not an attack on him at all), but we'll probably go with Man of Honor.

MyNameIsNot · December 2011

Mixed gender WPs are very common.

His sexual orientation is completely irrelevant.

mbcdefg · December 2011

Plenty of brides have a brother or a guy friend/cousin stand on their side, whether they're gay or straight. If your friend were straight he wouldn't automatically be disqualified from being your attendant.

Call him a bridesman, bride's attendant, honor attendant, attendant, or bridal party member. No need to call him a Bridesmaid just because he's on your side (unless he actually identifies himself as a woman).

RaptorSLH · December 2011

[QUOTE]Mixed gender WPs are very common. His sexual orientation is completely irrelevant.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This. I have a straight bridesman (married to my bridesmaid.) I couldn't imagine not having them both.</div>

PetalPockets2012 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gay-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e217dce-8a24-4750-a131-11cad004577ePost:aeb6c171-d201-452f-899e-07731805af62">Re: Gay friend as a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Mixed gender WPs are very common. His sexual orientation is completely irrelevant.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Thank you. I didn't really see the point of including sexual orientation.

levanlaere · December 2011

My two brothers will be standing on my side. It is perfectly acceptable.

sweetcanadian1979 · December 2011

Doesn't matter who stands up for you, male or female, but what does being gay have to do with it? i have seen male bridesmaids (man of honor as well) that are NOT gay, the way your title is almost makes it sound as if you have to be gay to be a "bridesmaid". I am sure not the way you intended but the way it comes across would be offensive to me if i was your friend.

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gay-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e217dce-8a24-4750-a131-11cad004577ePost:aeb6c171-d201-452f-899e-07731805af62">Re: Gay friend as a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Mixed gender WPs are very common. <strong> His sexual orientation is completely irrelevant. </strong>
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto all of this, especially the bolded part.</div>

em01092 · December 2011

Yeah, the fact that he's gay doesn't really matter. Unfortunately, "gay" often becomes a person's master status, aka the main thing people identify them with (not necessarily in a bad way), even to their friends.

davenport52803 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gay-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e217dce-8a24-4750-a131-11cad004577ePost:cf36249c-7ca1-4d05-aca3-8525257a1e1e">Re: Gay friend as a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, the fact that he's gay doesn't really matter. Unfortunately, "gay" often becomes a person's master status, aka the main thing people identify them with (not necessarily in a bad way), even to their friends.
Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

As a guy who happens to be gay, being gay doesnt identify me, and its not my master status. I would certainly hope my friends and family dont see it as my master status either. I am me, and I also happen to be gay.

FWIW, I dont think the OP was being offensive, and I certainly didnt take it that way. She's never seen a bridal party with mixed genders, so its new to her. You are right that sexual orientation doesnt matter, but I dont think she mentioned it to be offensive.

davenport52803 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gay-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e217dce-8a24-4750-a131-11cad004577ePost:1a4dcd00-8521-4dd7-ba98-6a05d8be35ef">Re: Gay friend as a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]LGBT RIGHTS TYRADE: Please please please tell me you don't call him your gay friend IRL. Because that's called "tokenizing". It's not cool. That's like if your friends went around calling you "My heterosexual friend". To put it into further perspective, let's take a stereotypical situation, where a gay man's heterosexual friends will say "Oh, Greg, I have a friend who's perfect for you". Greg then asks "Oh, is he my type?" and they say "Yeah, he's gay." Imagine if the situation is reversed, and your gay friend says to you "Oh, I have a friend who's perfect for you. He's straight." "<strong>Gay" doesn't not make up a person's an entire personality</strong>. TYRADE OVER. Sorry. Just had to get that off my chest.
Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

Gay doesnt make up any of their personality. IT only makes up their sexuality. But I get the point of what you are saying.

BMcLeodTeam · December 2011

I am having a Man of Honor... he's my best friend and yes, he happens to be gay.... but regardless as my best friend that's who I would want standing beside me.
I don't think the OP was trying to be offensive at all in stating he's gay...

romamor4 · December 2011

I happen to be having my brother stand up next to me as my Maid of "dishonor" lol, I like that so I had to use it! He'd think it was funny! My FI is also having his cousin stand up next to him on his side since he has no other family in his wedding party and she really knows our circumstances more than anyone else in his party. It worked out very nicely.

)

As PP's have said, sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. But we get the gist of what you were trying to say.

rebarobert2012 · December 2011

Of course he can be in your wedding party. Whether he is gay or not doesn't matter.

MyNameIsNot · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gay-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e217dce-8a24-4750-a131-11cad004577ePost:081163cc-e9a7-4693-a2e7-f75d667d6dbc">Re: Gay friend as a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having a Man of Honor... he's my best friend and yes, he happens to be gay.... but regardless as my best friend that's who I would want standing beside me.<strong> I don't think the OP was trying to be offensive at all in stating he's gay...</strong>
Posted by BMcLeodTeam[/QUOTE]

<div>No one said she was trying to be offensive. Just thast it came off as offensive.</div>

StefanieG8781 · December 2011

Sorry if I offended anyone. That was definitely not my intention!! I have just never seen a guy on the bride's side before or vice versa. Without offending anyone I'd like to ask a few more questions.................Did you have your Man of Honor walk down the aisle by himself and have the BM's do the same? Also, what have you or are you doing at the reception when the bridal party dances with the bride and groom? I love my friend very much and know that he would not have taken offense to any of this and I am sorry again if I offended anyone!

LittleMissCutiePie · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gay-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e217dce-8a24-4750-a131-11cad004577ePost:67c12e95-a969-40d8-8e45-bd1b25b7b1ab">Re: Gay friend as a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gay friend as a bridesmaid : Gay doesnt make up any of their personality. IT only makes up their sexuality. But I get the point of what you are saying.
Posted by davenport52803[/QUOTE]

My apologies, davenport. You're completely right.

BMcLeodTeam · December 2011

We haven't worked out the logistics of walking down the aisle yet, plenty of time to figure that out.. rather than doing a wedding party dance (which are outdated, boring for the guests and awkward for the wedding party) we are planning on starting the party with an upbeat song, with the wedding party joining us for the first little part of it and then encouraging others to get up and join in

BMcLeodTeam · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gay-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e217dce-8a24-4750-a131-11cad004577ePost:94c2c139-d9d7-43e9-87d1-2386cc7e3b27">Re: Gay friend as a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gay friend as a bridesmaid : No one said she was trying to be offensive. Just thast it came off as offensive.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

<div>I understand that, I was replying to comments stating that the way it was coming off was that it was offensive, I was just stating I don't think that was the OPs intention... </div>

em01092 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gay-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7e217dce-8a24-4750-a131-11cad004577ePost:98cd5278-45ba-4677-a4ec-834c9f9e967e">Re: Gay friend as a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gay friend as a bridesmaid : As a guy who happens to be gay, being gay doesnt identify me, and its not my master status. I would certainly hope my friends and family dont see it as my master status either. I am me, and I also happen to be gay. FWIW, I dont think the OP was being offensive, and I certainly didnt take it that way. She's never seen a bridal party with mixed genders, so its new to her. You are right that sexual orientation doesnt matter, but I dont think she mentioned it to be offensive.
Posted by davenport52803[/QUOTE]

<div>Notice I said <em>often, </em>not always, in referrene to one's master status, which by the way is not something you entirely control, and being gay as a master status does not necessarily have to equal a bad thing. Regardless, I too hope your family and friends are supportive and can see there is much more there than your sexuality. </div>

harpsdesire · December 2011

Having a 'bridesman' (or groomswoman) is perfectly acceptable. You can give them any title you feel honors them appropriately and won't make them uncomfortable.

The simplest way to deal with uneven sides, or any awkward pairing up issues regardless of gender-related-ness, odd numbers of party members or personality clashes, etc, is just to let the whole WP recess single file. It looks fine and means no one has to be implicitly 'paired up'.

hellosunshine12 · December 2011

we have a gay couple in our wedding party, I don't see an issue at all, Fi's best girl will be wearing a tux (her choice) it is more important to us that we have the people who are important in our lives standing by our side, than how it "looks" ..I'm sure you guys will be able to work it out

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