Father in law's ultimatum

Re: Father in law's ultimatum

• Uumpabo1 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I have to agree with you. His father is acting like a petulant child. After all is said and done she is his stepmother. His father united her and her children with his children. Just because he decided to end it with her (by cheating) does not mean the family ties have been cut as you've stated. Personally I would call his bluff (but thats just me) it seems like its just one of those famous familial stresses neither of you need before your wedding. I would say to him something like "I understand you do not want stepmom/ kids there but we still have a relationship with them. Its horrible to think that you would not be at our wedding but your ultimatum makes me uncomfortable. I'm sorry you feel like you can not be in the same room as them but would have thought you'd at least try to make that sacrifice for us. ... Or something like that. But thats just me, I tend to get my hackles up when someone tries to force an ultimatum on me. Good luck with everything.

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• DG1 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  
  If you want his money, you have to play by his rules.  If you pay for it yourself, you get to invite whoever you want and let them act like fools if they so choose.
  
  

  
  

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• Judith233

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I would still invite her, but be prepared to not get that $5000.  Either change your plans so that $5000 isn't needed, or come up with the difference yourselves.
  
  Money from other people comes with strings.  Always.  Planning the wedding you and your FI can afford is the best way to avoid these situations.
  
  I wouldn't lie about who you are or aren't inviting.  No good comes from lying and it could due long term damage to the relationship between FI, you and his dad.

  Planning Bio

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• arbolita

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_father-laws-ultimatum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4205e5d0-00a8-477d-a103-9329456116d0Post:010e2e3d-1895-4294-9c88-05060452632d">Father in law's ultimatum</a>:
  [QUOTE]Ok this is confusing. My fiance's father says we can't invite his ex-step-mother to the wedding or he is not comming. A little background. We have been dating for nine years. Two years into the relationship his father cheated on his step mother, divorced her and remarried his current wife. (Ironically the same thing happened with  his first marriage to my fiance's mother). The divorce was messy. Supposedly the breaking point was when his dad got in a fight with the ex step daughter. The step daughter threw a punch and the ex step mom took her daughters side. I personally believe there was tension between the step kids but I don't think that is what caused it. I think he just wanted greener pastures but anyway....he said no 2nd wife or he wasn't showing. I don't even know the third wife. So I don't care if she is there or not but obviously she will be comming because they are married. Obviously his mom is invited. The problem is I think the 2nd wife should be invited with his step siblings too. I mean she still buys him birthday presents and christmas gifts, we still go out to dinner with her a few times a year, etc. My fiance thinks she should be there too but obviously we don't want his dad to not show. So what do we do....Invite wife number two and the step kids and lie to his dad when he asks? I personally want to tell his dad that it's our wedding and be a man for half a day and deal with it. I mean he was the one that left her/cheated on her. I realize he probably should have some guilt about how he left her and maybe that's it but she isn't the type that is going to make a scene at the wedding because I truly believe she is over it and happier now. My question is.....what do you think: Appease the dad? Call his bluff? Lie to him and say she isn't invited when she is? Oh one other thing....I am afraid to piss off his dad because he has promised 5000 to help with the wedding which will really help my dad out. This is so frustrating. The divorce dynamics are just so much different from my parents who get along. Oh well....
  Posted by osuchica85[/QUOTE]
  
  Oh, please lie and say she isn't invited, and then invite her anyway.  Then report back and tell us what happens.

  

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• ReturnOfKuus member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  His dad is an assh*le, looks like.  Say no thanks to the money and let him throw his tantrum and not show up.

  

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• mountaingirl18

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Wow- this a tough one.
  I wouldn't lie. If you are inviting her, and if he asks, say "yes."
  Expect not to get the money, which isn't the end of the world, becasue the most important thing is you're getting married.
  I think he'll show up anyways. he can't be so prideful that he would miss out on his son getting married.
  If he is that prideful and childish, then you probally don't want him there anyways.
  Just remember, don't allow other people's poor behavior ruin your wedding experience! Best of Luck!

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