I'm having one of my good girlfriends be my personal attendant but I absolutely hate the name "personal attendant". I want her to feel like she is a special part of my bridal party and not my assistant. Anyone have any cute suggestions for a different title?
Re: New name for Personal Attendant
Why do you need a personal attendant for your wedding day?
If she was such a "good friend" then you should have made her a BM. There is nothing that says "hey, be my biitch & lackey for the day" like asking someone to be your personal attendant.
[QUOTE]You know how to make her feel like a special part of your bridal party and not your assistant? Make her part of your bridal party, and not your assistant. <strong>There's no way to put a bow on a turd and pretend it's a gold doubloon.
</strong>Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE
Too funny! ;)
Hlstrean, what is a personal attendant? What "job duties" are you requiring?
[QUOTE]Wow, I've read lots of things about brides having a personal attendant. I'm a little taken back by these responses. <strong>She's not a bridesmaid because we wanted to keep the bridal party at an even number and my FI didn't have anyone else to ask.</strong> Plus her and I have lost touch a bit in the last two years but still chat and I wanted her to be a part of the wedding somehow. It was important for me to still have her included in the bridal party, in pics and ride along on the bus. Basically even though it didn't work out to be a bridesmaid because I currently do have closer friends, I still wanted her there with us. Didn't think that was rude... And like I said, I don't want her to be a personal assistant. Hence the post for help on a different name.
Posted by hlstrean[/QUOTE]
So what you're saying is even numbers is more important than honoring your friendship with her? You could have had an unven bridal party. Your vows still would have been legal. Just tell her she wasn't good enough to make the final bridesmaid cut because of numbers but you still want to honor your friendship with her by making her hold your dress over your head while you pee.
I have a friend who doesn't want to wear fancy dresses and told me years ago she loves me but can't do the spotlight so wouldn't want to be in my bridal party. However she was with me THROUGH A LOT and was at my baptisim a few years ago (only friend not from church who was) and I asked her to do a reading for me and she is honored by it. The only people she would ever stand up in front of a crowd for besides her own wedding is her favorite cousin and me.
Your MOH should be your potty buddy if you need one so bad.
[QUOTE]Zitiqueen - I also said we've lost touch a bit over the last two years. Didn't think trying to include someone would somehow result in me being a b*tch. Apparently its nicer for me to just not include her at all.
Posted by hlstrean[/QUOTE]
What everyone is getting at here is that you picked numbers over people. You said we wanted an even wedding party so you, my friend, can't be a bridesmaid. Isn't that silly? It's just a number. Even numbers don't make or break a wedding. Even numbers have nothing to do with weddings!
I think it's much kinder to break your arbitrary even wedding party rule and make this girl a bridesmaid. Personal attendants just reek of "being the bride's slave all day" while bridesmaids are honor positions. See the difference? If your choice is honor her or make her a slave, yes, it would have been better to not include her at all.
If you really want her to be a part of your wedding then have her in your wedding party...uneven sides are ok...a lot of brides now-a-days have uneven sides (I myself had 2 BMs and my H had 5 GMs)...and guess what, the pictures and them walking down the aisle and everything else looked just as wonderful as someone with even sides.
I don't care what new fangled name you decide to call this girl, she will still be a personal attendant and basically acting like your b*tch for the day with is degrating.
Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013!
Again, it's also unnecessary to have even numbers in your bridal party, so making her a bridesmaid is still an option if you really want to include her. However, if you aren't that close to her to consider giving her the honor of standing up with you at your wedding, I think your best options is to just let her attend as a guest (which is an honor too), or perhaps ask her to do a nice reading during your ceremony.
While I understand that you want to include her, think of how it feels on the other end. She is told that there isn't enough room for her to be a BM, but that you want her to do a bunch of DIY projects and be your lady in waiting for the day. And even though she isn't a real WP member, she can tag along on the party bus. That sounds super awkward for her. She is included, but it is like being the unpopular girl asked along at the middle school sleepover. I would just ask her to be a BM and have uneven sides, have her do a reading, or have her be a guest.
[QUOTE]Personal attendant isn't really an honor-- it is pretty much the same as unpaid wedding coordinator, which sucks for the PA. While I understand that you want to include her, think of how it feels on the other end. She is told that there isn't enough room for her to be a BM, but that you want her to do a bunch of DIY projects and be your lady in waiting for the day. And even though she isn't a real WP member, she can tag along on the party bus. That sounds super awkward for her. <strong>She is included, but it is like being the unpopular girl asked along at the middle school sleepover.</strong> I would just ask her to be a BM and have uneven sides, have her do a reading, or have her be a guest.
Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]
<div>This analogy is perfect. </div>
Here's the post. Please read it and understand why you shouldn't do this.
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_story-of-bridal-attendant-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b97ee07-df26-40eb-9678-7e96e3113f82Post:38167d9d-90f3-4691-9c54-f57b0402b200
[QUOTE]Wow, I've read lots of things about brides having a personal attendant. I'm a little taken back by these responses. She's not a bridesmaid because we wanted to keep the bridal party at an even number and my FI didn't have anyone else to ask. Plus her and I have lost touch a bit in the last two years but still chat and I wanted her to be a part of the wedding somehow. It was important for me to still have her included in the bridal party, in pics and ride along on the bus. Basically even though it didn't work out to be a bridesmaid because I currently do have closer friends, I still wanted her there with us. Didn't think that was rude... And like I said, I don't want her to be a personal assistant. Hence the post for help on a different name.
Posted by hlstrean[/QUOTE]
Would you want to be a brides bitch for a day? The personal attendant is basically doing what the MOH should be doing during pictures etc, but instead someone somewhere made up this role to take it away from the MOH. If i'd ever be asked to be a personal attendant, i'd say no and be offended I wasn't good enough to be considered a bridesmade.
I think that some people are happy to help out and other's aren't. As long as you remember that they are helping you and not working for you, and that you shouldn't ask them to do anything you wouldn't want to do, everything should work out fine.
I think labeling a personal attendant as a "low position" in a wedding is a little lame. Every part of the wedding party is IMPORTANT, especially if you feel the role is necessary to making your day more memorable and complete. I think the personal attendant has a more crucial role than a reader, usher, or guest book attendant, but I don't see any of these replies calling out how "lowly" or unimportant those positions are compared to the BM and Groomsmen roles. You should do what works for you and ignore the comments of the position being an insult, because it is BY FAR anything close to that.
And as for a "name", you could refer to her as the "Bride's Right-Hand, "Honor Attendant", or "Assistant Coordinator", because all these align to the importance and roles of a personal attendant.