Is a reception meal necessary before 6?

beowolfe03 · July 2010

We recently moved our park wedding from 3:00 to 4:00 to avoid the heat. It's a fairly casual, 30 minute wedding, and since we're on a next-to-nothing budget, we only planned to have a cake & punch reception. Now my mother is saying that because it's so close to 5:00, we'll need to provide dinner as well. While it's a nice idea, it's not particularly plausible given the budget and The FI is balking. Can we just stick to our cake & punch plans, or do mom and etiquette win on this one?

jed15 · July 2010

In my circles, absolutely yes, but we expect a meal regardless of the timing. Our wedding also starts at 4, ceremony ends at 4:30, cocktail hour 4:30-5:30 and dinner afterwards. Could you do a picnic theme since it's casual? Hot dogs, hamburgers, fruit salad, pasta salad, corn on the cob? That's pretty cheap to do yourself, or even have catered. I personally would walk away from your wedding going WTF's for dinner??

flutgrl1 · July 2010

I would always expect a meal.

loop0406 · July 2010

I expect a meal too.

Any way someone can pitch in to help you with $ or provide the meals ?

trix1223 · July 2010

Yes. Unless your reception is going to last 15 minutes, you need to provide something. Your wedding, ideally starts at 4:00. But as a church organist, I can guarantee that it's the rare wedding that starts on time. So let's say 10 minutes late.

Your 30 minute ceremony now means that it's 4:40. You greet your guests. It's now 4:50.

But you can't then just send everyone home then, because you do need to provide something for those who came to celebrate with you. So even if that only lasts an hour, now it's almost 6 pm.

Your reception fell smack into dinner hour.

If you don't want to provide a meal, begin your ceremony at 1:00 pm. Have you reception from 1:30-4:00 pm. Have cake and cookies and punch, add in some fruit trays, and cheese and crackers and a couple of other snacks. Not terribly expensive, but you've adequately hosted your guests without having to worry about a full meal.

gottahavashorti · July 2010

Your reception is during dinner hour, so yes, a meal is necessary.

You could also move it to midday like Trix said, or to 8pm. Either way, indicate on the invitation "cake and punch reception to follow" so your guests don't expect a full meal during a non-meal time.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

Ditto trix and gotta. Move it earlier or later and you're fine. People WILL leave your reception to find food if they're hungry, and that's pretty much the only thing they'll remember about your wedding.

alithebride · July 2010

if i went to a wedding at 5 i'd expect a meal

skippylouwho · July 2010

DDs wedding starts at 3:30, 5:00 cocktails, 6-11 dinner & reception. I'd be hungry and for more than just cake and light stuff.

skippylouwho · July 2010

Trix when I got married the pastor of our church was really, really obnoxious. He insisted his wife be in the room where we all got ready and he was with the men in their room. They were on walkie talkies to each other> He insisted he'd never had a wedding start late. He gave the organist (guest organist who was a friend of ours) a walkie talkie too. If her music ran late he would message her, tell her to cut the music and go to the processional music.

He was so obnoxious that the organist and I had an agreement - we were starting 10 minutes late NO MATTER WHAT... just to annoy this conrolling little creep. And we did. Yes, it was petty but he was just so annoying. Otherwise - we would have started on time, on the dot cause to me :on time is late, early is on time.

Lisa8888 · July 2010

I do think guests expect to be fed at a reception especially at that time.

Is it common in your area to just have a cake and punch reception? How long do you plan on the reception lasting. What kind of reception did you plan?

NillaWafer10 · July 2010

I would leave early if you just had cake and punch. The hubby and would already be dressed up, so we would probably leave after the cake cutting.

Don't kill your budget just trying to provide a meal though. You could have chili in crock pots, corn bread, and a tossed salad. There are lots of low budget meals.

You can post on the budget board for some more low cost meal ideas.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

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trix1223 · July 2010

Skippy. that's so funny, if funny means sad and sorry.

At my wedding, we were ready to go at 10:55 for the 11:00 am ceremony. Our minister insisted that we start 5 minutes late and kept us cooling our heels. I was annoyed.

I'm a church organist now, and I start playing about 20 minutes before the ceremony is supposed to start. But I put 40 minutes worth of music up, because it's the rare wedding that begins exactly on time.

I get annoyed when it's more than 10 minutes late, but I have to say, if someone told me to cut a piece in the middle, the musician in me just wouldn't be able to do that. I'd turn off the walkie-talkie and finish.

And it's extra creepy making his wife stay in the room where you were getting ready. We all got ready in the church nursery (had an attached bathroom!) and had so much fun together. I would not have been happy to have a hall monitor in with us.

janedoe1113a · July 2010

Yes, you need a meal. Your reception is going to run into dinner time.

_Dagney_ · July 2010

you may serve whatever you like to your guests. Just indicate "cake and punch to follow" or something similar so people know what to expect.

Generally most people DO serve a meal, even a modest one, when the ceremony is close to a meal time. But you don't HAVE to.

quotequeen · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-meal-necessary-before-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:8dd74aba-1210-42df-91bf-9ad68f7e58c6Post:23255ae7-c17a-4a43-a518-0d230003efd6">Re: Is a reception meal necessary before 6?</a>:
[QUOTE]you may serve whatever you like to your guests. Just indicate "cake and punch to follow" or something similar so people know what to expect. Generally most people DO serve a meal, even a modest one, when the ceremony is close to a meal time. But you don't HAVE to.
Posted by _Dagney_[/QUOTE]

If your reception is during a meal time, then yes, you do have to. (In the sense that you "have" to do anything that's required by etiquette.) If you want a cake and punch reception, it should not be held during a meal time.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-meal-necessary-before-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:8dd74aba-1210-42df-91bf-9ad68f7e58c6Post:23255ae7-c17a-4a43-a518-0d230003efd6">Re: Is a reception meal necessary before 6?</a>:
[QUOTE]you may serve whatever you like to your guests. Just indicate "cake and punch to follow" or something similar so people know what to expect. Generally most people DO serve a meal, even a modest one, when the ceremony is close to a meal time. But you don't HAVE to.
Posted by _Dagney_[/QUOTE]
Well, yeah, you don't HAVE to. Likewise, your guests don't HAVE to stick around and starve, and they don't HAVE to remember your wedding fondly or say nice things about it. Actions have consequences.

wwnbw · July 2010

i'm not and i'm getting married at 6:30. i put a insert in the invite that said cake reception to follow. if anyone doesn't like it then they DON'T HAVE TO COME. my budget is 3000 and i can't afford to feed all these people. we are having no help so it is what it is.

RebeccaB88 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-meal-necessary-before-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:8dd74aba-1210-42df-91bf-9ad68f7e58c6Post:794dbb18-f7ca-4c83-88df-f8508d623194">Re: Is a reception meal necessary before 6?</a>:
[QUOTE]i'm not and i'm getting married at 6:30. i put a insert in the invite that said cake reception to follow. if anyone doesn't like it then they DON'T HAVE TO COME. my budget is 3000 and i can't afford to feed all these people. we are having no help so it is what it is.
Posted by wwnbw[/QUOTE]

Well, you're being upfront about your plans, so people know they will need to have dinner before they go, because you will be providing dessert. Not the way I'd do it, but it's straightforward, and if someone shows up hungry, that's their problem.

Is a reception meal necessary before 6?

Re: Is a reception meal necessary before 6?

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