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Wedding Party

Maid of Honor-zilla

My wedding date is 8/18/13. I asked my (older and married) sister to be my MOH when I got engaged. She said yes, albeit with less than anticipated excitement (didn't sound OMG OVERJOYED but *did* sound happy).

Problem is, she is constantly telling me that I better not become a bridezilla. When I told her I wanted her and my bridesmaid to carry paper chinese style parasols instead of flowers (outdoor afternoon wedding in August? Hello heat and mega sun) she burst out laughing. She said she would wear anything provided we had lots of booze...we're having a dry wedding (we don't drink, neither do most of our friends and many of our family)...she kept saying just get wine for the toasts...one per table etc. I told her it's a $100 fee for alcohol license at the venue (outdoor and municipal property), and if she wanted to pay for the fee and the alcohol be my guest.

She is complaining about the wedding she is going to this weekend (her hubby's brother) and how she had to pay for his outfit (grey pants, white shirt, white belt...how expensive is that?? Seriously??) but then went and shelled out $140 on alcohol for themselves for three days.

She has shown NO interest in anything for my wedding (sure, it's a year away but there are things I have to do soon) and only ever complains about weddings in general. I understand she has two kids (8 and 4) and an intense job, but at the same time, this is her only sister's wedding...at her wedding, she only had a MOH and instead of me doing her hair and makeup as planned, she let her MOH step in last minute...all I ended up doing was pressing play on the cd player when she walked down the aisle (tiny wedding in the common room of their condo building).

She keeps saying I better not be a bridezilla...my wedding is going to be pretty simple...bbq reception at the wedding site, family style long tables with bbq buffet. We are blessed to have friends and family who are caterers, bakers, photographers, so we won't be spending an incredible amount of money and I was going to pay for her dress and my bridesmaid's dress (simple coordinating sujndresses) and shoes (sandals). I don't expect or want a huge bachelorette party (was thinking she and my BM and I going for pedi's and then dinner with friends).

I asked her because she is the closest female relationship I have besides my mom...and even at that, we're not super duper close. Would I be horrible to tell her she is no longer needed and then ask my best guy friend to be my man of honor?
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Re: Maid of Honor-zilla

  • Stop talking about your wedding with her. She seems to have some chip on her shoulder.
  • You have a few choices
    1. Listen & bite your tongue
    2. Don't share any details with her unless needed
    3. Wait until you get closer (like time to go dress shopping) & ask her that with her already full schedule with work & kids if being a bridesmaid is adding too much stress giving her the chance to say yes, it's too much, I can't do it
    4. Kick her out & cause big family problems
    5. Sit her down & explain to her that the way you have things planned are the way you want them and when she makes those comments it really hurts your feelings

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-zilla-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:52de49db-ef80-4860-84cf-7d47848c87fcPost:f67196ff-8786-4a44-8fee-e1fb5a18798a">Maid of Honor-zilla</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>She has shown NO interest in anything for my wedding (sure, it's a year away but there are things I have to do soon)</strong> and only ever complains about weddings in general. I understand she has two kids (8 and 4) and an intense job, but at the same time, this is her only sister's wedding...at her wedding, she only had a MOH and instead of me doing her hair and makeup as planned, she let her MOH step in last minute...all I ended up doing was pressing play on the cd player when she walked down the aisle (tiny wedding in the common room of their condo building). 
    Posted by jcrmc[/QUOTE]

    <div>The ONLY thing your MOH is required to do is purchase a dress and show up at your wedding. There is really no other thing that is "expected" of her.  If a MOH wants to help you with wedding DIY or plan a shower that is her choice.</div><div>
    </div><div>As PP have said I would refrain from talking about the wedding with her.  Kicking her out of  your wedding would likely cause irreparable damage.  </div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-zilla-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:52de49db-ef80-4860-84cf-7d47848c87fcPost:f67196ff-8786-4a44-8fee-e1fb5a18798a">Maid of Honor-zilla</a>:
    [QUOTE](sure, it's a year away but there are things I have to do soon) 
    Posted by jcrmc[/QUOTE]
    Yes, there are things YOU have to do soon, because it's YOUR wedding, and she's not responsible for planning it.  Her responsibilities come into play when it's time to start shopping for a dress, and doing that more than 8 months out is just asking for problems.  She hasn't done anything remotely worthy of being called a 'zilla, but you're well on track for the title.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Let me be clearer on this...I haven't asked her to do *anything* - but she keeps nixing anything I mention I like for the wedding (example: parasols). i don't expect her to spend a cent (I'm paying for the dress/shoes/accessories) - but she keeps overtly 'hinting' that I would be a bridezilla if I make her spend a dime.

    When I said that I know that the wedding is a year away but there are things I have to do, I meant exactly that - *I* have to do them...all I am asking is her opinion, since she will be in the wedding party...and all she does is laugh/scoff at them but doesn't help by giving any input on what might be nice.

    I plan on taking some of your advice - not asking her for any help whatsoever - just opinions that affect her directly, as (like I said) she will be in the wedding party and I want her to feel pretty/comfortable. All I really need is someone to be a witness, and that is the MOH main duty - sign the papers.

    I just wish she was more supportive as a sister...oh well, c'est la vie, right?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Being supportive means being happy that you're joining together with your chosen partner and being willing to help guide and nurture that relationship.  It doesn't mean cooing over every detail or idea you throw out about the party.  There's a big, big difference, and a lot of drama gets created needlessly when brides mistake one for the other.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I completely disagree with everyone commenting on this post. I think you have every right to be upset, mad, frustrated, and even a little disrespected by your sisters actions. Your sister has one job! One job! She is supposed to be there for you at a time in your life that means the most to you. And by be there, I mean BE SUPPORTIVE. By accepting the role of the MOH she knew that it came with responsibilities. It's not fair to the bride to have to deal with all the whining and complaining from someone who might be expected to what? Put up 200? Spend a few hours of her precious time to do something that doesn't directly benefit her? People like that are just selfish. Here's something people must have forgotten...it's okay to be selfless every once in a while. It's okay to do things for other people just because. And better yet it's her own sister! In all honesty, I am going through the same BS with my little sister whom I made my MOH. She is being a total snot about everything and anything that has to do with my wedding. And it's just because she is a selfish biotch. I'm having the same issue at deciding whether to tell me sister "see ya later". But I know I won't. Because people are right. It will create problems for the future and she's obviously not worth it. I only have 4 months left and I'll just have to suck it up. And remember this for when her wedding comes up If you people don't agree it's obvious you are 1 of 2 things; a MOHzilla yourself, or have never been a bride that has had this problem. Amen girl :
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