in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....

SB1512 · December 2012

Also, I would like to mention that in November we went to another baptism for a different child in the same family. We were also at a restaurant in a banquet type room and there was no bar in the room with us. One of the hosts went around to each table and took drink orders from everyone and covered the tab. I guess I was just surprised Sunday because FI's parents paid for the event and they are usually very proper so it was weird that we weren't notified that only certain things were hosted. I mean I guess maybe the bottles of wine on the table could have been an indicator, but it still would have been nice to have clarity.

SB1512 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:0451f144-7159-4ade-9095-74cd48d72285">Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : I agree this is awkward. However I never assume anything is open bar. Its always good to be prepared. Even when I went to a wedding this summer that FI was in,<strong> I KNEW for certain it was an open bar and still made sure we had some cash on us. Its always good to be prepared. Just in case.</strong>
Posted by ftrmrsw[/QUOTE]

I do always bring cash when I go to weddings even if it is open bar. I like to leave a tip for the bartender (even though it's not my responsibility to tip) so I always make sure to have some money on me. I wasn't planning on drinking Sunday though so I had no money.

lyndausvi · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:0451f144-7159-4ade-9095-74cd48d72285">Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : I agree this is awkward. However I never assume anything is open bar. Its always good to be prepared. Even when I went to a wedding this summer that FI was in, I KNEW for certain it was an open bar and still made sure we had some cash on us. Its always good to be prepared. Just in case.
Posted by ftrmrsw[/QUOTE]

<div>if you come from a family/social group like mine the assumption comes from never having a cash bar. Seriously, it would be like showing up on Thanksgiving and not having turkey. It's ALWAYS there. And when I say it's always there, i mean 1st b-day parties, funerals, Sunday's at Grandmas. We were all taught you always have non-alcoholic and alcoholic beverages available to your guests. It's just how we socialize. </div><div>
</div><div>Your social group might be different and that is okay. However I would shocked if anyone in my family did such a thing. It's just un-heard of.</div>

SB1512 · December 2012

Oh and to add to the awkwardness! Good friends of FI's parents were at the baptism and they came up to us saying how excited they are for our wedding. They then told us how when their son and his fiance got engaged they wanted to get married on June 29, and they told their son and his FI to change their date because FI and I had already picked it and they didn't want to miss our wedding! I kept thinking to myself good thing we picked a date first b/c if FI's parents had tried to pull that on us I would have lost my sh*t (mostly because 2 of our most important vendors were already booked full for the summer other than 6/29 when we contaced them in January 2012!).

Burtonbaby145 · December 2012

"Am I the only one totally ok with no bar whatsoever at a wedding and can manage to get through those 5 hours without drinking? Is this a foreign idea now?" I agree that it is ok to not have it at the wedding, especially if it is for religious or personal reasons, such as the couple doesnt drink. But if it is a couple that wants a danceparty atmosphere but parents dont want to pay for alcohol or they really cant afford anything I think having it available as a cash bar in another room is fine, so long as they make people aware that is the case. I know that I at least am not a raging alcoholic and can go for a reception without drinking lol. But if it's an option to drink and I want to go dance or something, yea I will probably have a drink or two, for the sole reason that my dancing skills improve exponentially after a beer or two, at least in my own mind. However daytime weddings, baptisms, and really any event hosted in honor of a child, I would certainly not expect alcohol. That said, Melb I do see how OPs situation was very akward for some guests, at the very least guests should have been made aware it would be a cash bar, especially if open bars at all social events is the norm in their circle, since people may not think to bring cash. Like I said I did not mind my friends cash bar, however I knew going in that it would be and was prepared with a bit of cash.

daveANDkristen · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:cafaa6b2-837e-4c5d-9ef4-76c846f6f1a9">Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think there are certain cases in which a cash bar is ok</strong>. Last year two friends got married, and they come from very different families. <strong>The brides grandfather is a preacher and the entire family is pretty hollyroller and</strong> <strong>do not drink nor really approve of it, and since they paid for the majority of the wedding I can see why they did not offer alcohol</strong>. <strong>However the grooms family is pretty opposite. They all enjoy drinking, especially at celebratory events such as this</strong>. We all knew going in that for this reason it would be a cash bar, and for this couple it totally made sense. The bar was in the event space but in another room right beside the main reception space, but it did have smaller decorated cocktail tables in it so you knew it was a part of there reception. I was glad to at least have the option to drink and that the family's religious views on alcohol were not forced on their guests, and did not mind paying for my drinks in said situation. For a religious event like a baptism, especially a childs, I fully understand not having an open bar. I honestly would not expect an open bar at a a babies baptism celebration. But I do agree with OP that some sort of heads up about it would be nice to avoid embarrassing situations, or as PP have suggested, having the bar in another room so it does not appear to be hosted.
Posted by Burtonbaby145[/QUOTE]

What you're saying is the couple failed to properly host the groom's family due to the preferences of the bride's family. Alcohol was still served, bride's family just didn't pay for it. What was prohibiting the bride and groom from covering the cost of alcohol for their guests?

I'm sorry but I am firmly in the "no cash bar, ever" camp. Yes, if someone really doesn't want to pay for any alcohol of any kind, fine, have a dry wedding. It is not ok to ask your friends and family to pay their own way at your reception (where you receive and host your wedding guests). If you can only afford beer/wine/signature drink or any combination thereof, then that is all that should be available.

Sidenote: At my SIL's wedding a few months ago, beer, wine, and a good selection of hard alcohol was open. The venue also had a good 25 other types of liquor sitting next to the free stuff, and every time I was at the bar I heard the bartender explain what was free and what wasn't. They had plenty of options that were hosted, there is no reason to have a bunch of other stuff out that isn't hosted. (General you) apply this to your own situation. If you can't afford any alcohol, do not have it available. If you can afford a limited bar, have only those options available.

rachelm13 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:0451f144-7159-4ade-9095-74cd48d72285">Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : I agree this is awkward. However I never assume anything is open bar. Its always good to be prepared. Even when I went to a wedding this summer that FI was in, I KNEW for certain it was an open bar and still made sure we had some cash on us. Its always good to be prepared. Just in case.
Posted by ftrmrsw[/QUOTE]

We always have cash on us at any function if just for anything to TIP the bartenders... In general while they are getting paid hourly and may get tipped out by the venue, most likely they are earning far less than what they would at a bar on a Saturday night...

rachelm13 · December 2012

I like the use of "pedagogical" and I like your analogy and maybe if this was repeatedly posted everytime someone asked about a cash bar it would sink in??? I think it's a perfect explaination.

Burtonbaby145 · December 2012

Fair enough and I get that. I like your comparison to food, its a good way to look at it! Although if I went to a wedding where the family was vegan and chose to only serve vegan I would probably respect their choice and be grateful for the food they provided, but be more than happy to pay for a burger at a restaurant next door later on... But yea I get your point for sure. I want to make it clear that their situation is not something I would do personally. I am having a full open bar for a few hours then shifting over to beer, wine and a signature mixed drink bar at some point, since we expect the reception to last quite a while. However I am simply saying this was something the bride and groom discussed with both families and came to a unanimous decision. I think the grooms father did actually pick up the bill for the grooms family, I think that just excluded college friends ha, which I do think is rude in itself but it's in the past. But again I knew going in it was a cash bar so oh well. Not optimal and an etiquette faux pas, but it certainly didn't make me look at our friendship any differently because I paid for a few drinks at their wedding... Just thinking in the grand scheme of things I suppose.

vsgal · December 2012

I never understood the position of not drinking booze because of religious beliefs. Didn't Jesus turn water into wine at a wedding?

Burtonbaby145 · December 2012

I also want to add that I am very happy to see an actual discussion on this. I think there are excellent points being made all around and am so glad that everyone's opinions are being expressed and respected. I don't feel like this has been the case on a lot of boards recently, and it's great to see a real open discussion about a hot topic like open bars! :

Burtonbaby145 · December 2012

"I never understood the position of not drinking booze because of religious beliefs. Didn't Jesus turn water into wine at a wedding?" Yea I never fully got that either.. The two groups I know of That don't drink are Mormons and some Southern Baptists. I was at a mormon wedding which was completely dry, then the one I have been talking about here were Baptist. Maybe this? : http://www.askamormon.com/MormonsandAlcohol.html

StephJean83 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:7c680c31-cb60-4514-be9f-c48fefff7ae5">Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : if you come from a family/social group like mine the assumption comes from never having a cash bar. Seriously, it would be like showing up on Thanksgiving and not having turkey. It's ALWAYS there. And when I say it's always there, i mean 1st b-day parties, funerals, Sunday's at Grandmas. We were all taught you always have non-alcoholic and alcoholic beverages available to your guests. It's just how we socialize. Your social group might be different and that is okay. However I would shocked if anyone in my family did such a thing. It's just un-heard of.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Your family sounds like my sister's ILs. They have a bar in their basement and at my niece's first birthday, they called the VIPs and asked what their 1st choice liquor is so they would have it on hand at the party. They hosted my sister's RD 5/6 yrs prior and did the same thing.

s-aries8990 · December 2012

I think that, if there is an event, the B&G need to identify what their service is hosting. Any bar that is in the room/area of the even needs to only provide the hosted options. BUT, if there is another restaurant or bar at the venue that is in a different part (the main bar of a country club , the bar at a hotel, etc that is separate from the function room) the B&G cannot be expected to host their beverages, as the guest is leaving the party. KWIM?

I think that a cash bar is tacky -this isn't a company Christmas party or a fundraiser - and any drinks that are not hosted should not be advertised.

lyndausvi · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:80302bb9-aba9-4d8f-991d-4aebfa18312b">Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : Your family sounds like my sister's ILs. They have a bar in their basement and at my niece's first birthday, they called the VIPs and asked what their 1st choice liquor is so they would have it on hand at the party. They hosted my sister's RD 5/6 yrs prior and did the same thing.
Posted by StephJean83[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah. A lot of my cousins have bars in their homes. Those that don't (like us) still have a variety of alcohol available for our guests. We also call the VIPs. I'm going to my sister's for xmas. She just text me today to make sure DH still drank Stoli. It's just how we are.

Calypso1977 · December 2012

i never order a drink without first inquiring whether there is a charge and i always bring money up to the bar. i just think its presumptuous to assume its free. or i ask someone else at the table who already got a drink - hey is it open bar?

StephJean83 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:a0ff7c08-f1b3-4f08-9fde-a440fa594005">Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : Oh yeah. A lot of my cousins have bars in their homes. Those that don't (like us) still have a variety of alcohol available for our guests. We also call the VIPs. I'm going to my sister's for xmas. She just text me today to make sure DH still drank Stoli. It's just how we are.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

My sister and BIL do not have the full bar like his parents have but they have a bar in their basement. It's mostly a counter and cabinet, a mini fridge and wine racks so they can keep everything together. The mini fridge is in an alcove type thing, it is a hole in the wall that is just a little larger than the mini fridge and is trimmed. The house came with it, my BIL just ran electricity to it so they wouldn't have the cord coming out in front and cause any problems.

I don't have a bar in my apt but I have a buffet that acts as my bar area. I haven't restocked our cabinet since we moved but I always make sure we have stuff people drink when they come over. We hosted some friends for the Superbowl last year and the guys(my FH and our roommate) didn't understand why I wanted to know what people drank and why I felt we needed to have it on hand.

QueerFemme · December 2012

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:9d1fc87f-00ce-4f73-bfbd-9ca3c0dbd516">Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : Cash bars are always rude. I'll take your example and make it about food instead of booze for pedagogical purposes: See how silly that sounds? You would never let guests pay to upgrade their entree, why would you let them pay to upgrade their beverages? Hosts are expected to provide adequently for their guests, and guests are expected to receive the hosts offerings graciously. Those are the rules.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

This was one of the best posts I've seen about cash bar and why you shouldn't ask people to pay for the "upgrades".

When I host a party at home, I serve food and drinks. I make sure that I have a vegetarian and vegan choice and at least a couple of liquor choices. Hopefully, my guests enjoy the soft drinks, wine, beer or vodka lemonade that I usually host. If not, they are free to get super loaded on their beverage of choice after they leave my home. But, I am not putting on the invites "beer, wine and vodka lemonade are provided complimentary, but please make sure you bring $20 bucks and drop it in the candy dish by the front door if you want tequila or gin". </div>

lyndausvi · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:9d1fc87f-00ce-4f73-bfbd-9ca3c0dbd516">Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : Cash bars are always rude. I'll take your example and make it about food instead of booze for pedagogical purposes: See how silly that sounds? You would never let guests pay to upgrade their entree, why would you let them pay to upgrade their beverages? Hosts are expected to provide adequently for their guests, and guests are expected to receive the hosts offerings graciously. Those are the rules.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

I love you

Simply Fated · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:6ce7888c-8eb5-4f95-ae6f-74d4ea5f5ba4">Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....: Some people also have big do over weddings, b list invites, and force their BMs to pay for matching updos. Just because something is done doesn't make it good etiquette.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
So, the host <em>should</em> provide alcohol, even if they can't afford it?

s-aries8990 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:47907aeb-bd8c-47b8-9e26-1387eee0f2f9">Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : So, the host should provide alcohol, even if they can't afford it?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

No, the host should only provide what they can afford. If they cannot afford alcohol, it should not be made available in the reception space.
EX- at a function hall, if there is a bar in the space it should have the alcohol removed/covered an only be available for soft drinks.
EX- at an outdoor venue, the bar should only be stocked with materials to provide soft drinks.
EX- at a home reception, only soft drinks should be provided.

If the hosts can afford beer, the bar should only be stocked with beer and soft drinks. Only wine- same thing. Only afford wine and beer? Only stock wine and beer and soft drinks.

Can only afford signature drinks? Only stock for those drinks and soft drinks.

Can only afford well alcohol? Only those bottles should appear on the shelf.

It's like telling a kid, "I'm going to take you to the candy store" and then you drop them off and they get all disappointed because they didn't realize by take them you meant transport them, not get them something.

Anything your guests have to pay for should not be in the reception space.

ETA: same rules apply for ceremony and cocktail hour spaces too.

daveANDkristen · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:47907aeb-bd8c-47b8-9e26-1387eee0f2f9">Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : So, the host should provide alcohol, even if they can't afford it?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Of course not. If the couple cannot afford to provide alcohol, they will have a dry wedding.

AddieCake · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:47907aeb-bd8c-47b8-9e26-1387eee0f2f9">Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : So, the host should provide alcohol, even if they can't afford it?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>I missed any post claiming a host should provide alcohol if they can't afford it. </div><div>
</div><div>No,the host should provide what they can afford. If alcohol is not part of what they can afford, there's no reason to have it at the event b/c having alcohol is not a requirement. The point is that they shouldn't ask guests to pay for<em> </em><strong>anything </strong>at the event. </div>

Simply Fated · December 2012

So my question remains. If the party, be it a baptism, bridal shower, or wedding reception is held at a restaurant that happens to have a bar, they need to make sure they offer everything the restaurant has available?
I mean, when I go to parties at a restaurant, we're given a limited menu. It's not like they're telling me I can have chicken or fish, but if I want the beef I have to pay extra. They're telling me chicken or fish. I choose one of those two options. The same with the bar. I'm given a limited menu and I choose a beverage.

From this thread I'm being told that all options must be made available to me at the bar, courtesy of the host, if there is a bar located in the restaurant. So would this also go for the restaurant's food?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:cafaa6b2-837e-4c5d-9ef4-76c846f6f1a9">Re:in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I think there are certain cases in which a cash bar is ok. Last year two friends got married, and they come from very different families. The brides grandfather is a preacher and the entire family is pretty hollyroller and do not drink nor really approve of it, and since they paid for the majority of the wedding I can see why they did not offer alcohol. However the grooms family is pretty opposite. They all enjoy drinking, especially at celebratory events such as this. We all knew going in that for this reason it would be a cash bar, and for this couple it totally made sense. The bar was in the event space but in another room right beside the main reception space, but it did have smaller decorated cocktail tables in it so you knew it was a part of there reception. I was glad to at least have the option to drink and that the family's religious views on alcohol were not forced on their guests, and did not mind paying for my drinks in said situation. For a religious event like a baptism, especially a childs, I fully understand not having an open bar. I honestly would not expect an open bar at a a babies baptism celebration. But I do agree with OP that some sort of heads up about it would be nice to avoid embarrassing situations, or as PP have suggested, having the bar in another room so it does not appear to be hosted.
Posted by Burtonbaby145[/QUOTE]

Sorry, that's a horrible compromise. If they bride's family did not want to pay for the alcohol, either the couple or the groom's family could have covered it, knowing the groom's family would like to drink.

In my religion, we drink. At children's functions, adults still drink. If something was hosted in a restaurant and there was a bar nearby, yes, I'd probably get a drink. I don't see what either of those things has to do with me having a glass of wine in the afternoon.

I went to an RD once which was in a completely separate room in a restaurant, with tableside service for drinks. Beer and wine were hosted. Fabulous. Obviously someone COULD have ordered a martini, but it was made clear that beer and wine only were hosted. I have no problem with that. I do have a problem sprining it on people after they order drinks, or not hosting anything when it's available and likely someone will want to drink something other than iced tea, like at a celebratory party.

AddieCake · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:3611a70c-334b-4a3c-a7be-eb4591c75c8d">Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]So my question remains. If the party, be it a baptism, bridal shower, or wedding reception is held at a restaurant that happens to have a bar, they need to make sure they offer everything the restaurant has available? I mean, when I go to parties at a restaurant, we're given a limited menu. It's not like they're telling me I can have chicken or fish, but if I want the beef I have to pay extra. They're telling me chicken or fish. I choose one of those two options. The same with the bar. I'm given a limited menu and I choose a beverage. From this thread I'm being told that all options must be made available to me at the bar, courtesy of the host, if there is a bar located in the restaurant. So would this also go for the restaurant's food?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>Ahh, I see what you're asking. No, I don't think the hosts should have to provide everything available at the restaurant; that could get outrageously expensive. I think it needs to be made clear to guests what is and is not hosted in that case. </div>

lyndausvi · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:f3677a7e-d97a-4ffd-9751-8131c6486ca8">Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused. Some people are saying to host what you can afford. Others are telling me that it doesn't matter, if the guests want something else, the host has to pay for it. <strong>I've always been in the No Cash bar/Host what you can afford camp, but this thread seems to be going in different directions.</strong>
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

I don't feel that way. I've never once said you have pay for something you can't afford. I'm just saying you shouldn't make what you can't afford to pay for available either.   It's an out-of-site-out-of-mind thing for me.

A private room with only wine on the tables is fine.   A private room with wine on the table and a cash bar is not fine to me. There is no need to even put it in people's heads there are other options out there.

It would be like handing a guest a menu with 20 options but saying they can only choose these 3 otherwise you've pay for it yourself. However, you've already seen the steak. It's like a tease, you might not have cared about having the steak before seeing the menu, but now that you see it you want it.  Out comes the wallet.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:3611a70c-334b-4a3c-a7be-eb4591c75c8d">Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]So my question remains. If the party, be it a baptism, bridal shower, or wedding reception is held at a restaurant that happens to have a bar, they need to make sure they offer everything the restaurant has available? I mean, when I go to parties at a restaurant, we're given a limited menu. It's not like they're telling me I can have chicken or fish, but if I want the beef I have to pay extra. They're telling me chicken or fish. I choose one of those two options. The same with the bar. I'm given a limited menu and I choose a beverage. From this thread I'm being told that all options must be made available to me at the bar, courtesy of the host, if there is a bar located in the restaurant. So would this also go for the restaurant's food?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

That's fine. The difference with the OP is that apparently NOTHING to drink was hosted, and the type of venue and prominent bar and type of event made that seem like a poor choice. The crowd also seems to have favored drinking alcohol, since she said many people ordered drinks and then handed them back.

I wouldn't host an event at an Italian restaurant if I was going to serve a limited menu of tacos and sushi. I wouldn't host a dry event at a restaurant featuring a prominent bar with a full cocktail menu. If I wanted a dry event, I would have it at a private house, a private venue, or in a restaurant that didn't serve alcohol.

I'm going to a company function on Friday I know will not serve alcohol. This is fine, since 1) we have a private room in the restaurant and 2) it's a day time function.

lyndausvi · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:3611a70c-334b-4a3c-a7be-eb4591c75c8d">Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]So my question remains. If the party, be it a baptism, bridal shower, or wedding reception is held at a restaurant that happens to have a bar, they need to make sure they offer everything the restaurant has available? I mean, when I go to parties at a restaurant, we're given a limited menu. It's not like they're telling me I can have chicken or fish, but if I want the beef I have to pay extra. They're telling me chicken or fish. I choose one of those two options. The same with the bar. I'm given a limited menu and I choose a beverage. From this thread I'm being told that all options must be made available to me at the bar, courtesy of the host, if there is a bar located in the restaurant. So would this also go for the restaurant's food?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

See I wouldn't have an event in the main dining room of a restaurant unless I could afford to host them complete. So there's that. A private dining room is different, because it's the party will more than likely they have a special setup.

AddieCake · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_in-case-anyone-needs-one-more-reason-not-to-do-a-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a1863df-0990-44ca-bc88-3311cd918d12Post:6be747ad-277a-4005-b429-6649823d67b6">Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar..... : I wouldn't host a dry event at a restaurant featuring a prominent bar with a full cocktail menu. If I wanted a dry event, I would have it at a private house, a private venue, or in a restaurant that didn't serve alcohol. I
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>100% agree. People need to think their locations through and pay attention to whether or not there might be confusion on this issue. </div>

in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....

Re: in case anyone needs one more reason not to do a cash bar.....

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