Students

Any PhD students out there?

Hey everyone, I was just wondering if there are any grad students doing PhDs on the board? I'm finishing up my dissertation this fall and plan to submit it in December. My FI is also finishing up his PhD, and our wedding will be in April, so the next few months might get pretty stressful. Anyone in a similar situation?
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Re: Any PhD students out there?

  • I'm not in a PhD program. I'm just finishing my master's in Educational Counseling, but I'd love to go on to get my PhD...I'm just not sure how I would pay for it, lol, or if I can realistically justify the expense. Maybe you talk to me about that? What is your PhD in? I'd love to be a full-time faculty member at a university, and I know that requires a PhD.
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  • Anyway, that's awesome you're getting so close!
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  • Hey, thanks! That's great you're finishing up your master's. Good luck with all the details.

    My PhD is in medieval Scandinavian literature. I'm at a university in England, and partially funded by the Canadian government (I'm from Canada). So my research fellowship pays for 2 of 3 years and I took out a student loan for the remaining year.

    If I hadn't gotten substantial funding I wouldn't have been able to purse the PhD, so I definitely sympathize with you regarding finances. My best advice for you would be to apply for as much funding as you can find and if you're unsuccessful the first time around, wait another year and try again if that's feasible and if a PhD is something you really want.
  • That's awesome! I love literature! I was an English/Creative Writing major as an undergrad. I'm looking at programs that combine several disciplines, like the History of Conciousness program at UC Santa Cruz and the Rhetoric program at Berkeley (Yeah, long shot is an understatement there, but I can dream, lol), as well as several Counseling PhD programs that my master's would qualify me for but those would be strictly online which to me seems wierd. We'll see what happens. I'm hoping that if I do get in somewhere, the university will fund me...I've heard it happens when the stars align. There are also EDD programs that are less expensive, but are mostly for people that are looking to be university directors and admins, not neccessarily faculty.
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  • That's amazing, btw, that you are studying in another country! What is that like?
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  • That sounds like you have some really neat options. History of Consciousness sounds really interesting! What have you focussed on in your masters? And what do you think you'd like to research specifically for a PhD?

    I like doing things from an interdisciplinary approach as well. I'm in an English department, but my dissertation covers historical and cultural aspects of the literature as well. Plus I have done manuscript studies, so it's all quite interesting! Lots of work to finish up though, as you can imagine.

    You probably have a better chance of getting accepted with funding in the States than elsewhere, from what I understand, but I know it's still tough. I guess just keep researching your options! Smile

    Studying in England is really interesting. I've been here four years now (met my American FI here too). A big difference in terms of academic programs is PhDs here are just 3-4 years, comprised of intensive research only (no coursework or exams until the final viva). Living in (northern) England has totally broadened my horizons too; it's a very different place, culturally, than North America, so it's caused me to reflect not only on the new culture, but on my own upbringing and who I am. I like living here, and may stay a while longer if I or my FI can get an academic job, but ultimately we want to settle back in the States.
  • Hah, oops, sorry that was so long; I got a bit carried away!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:146e749f-5ea4-4dfa-b276-93d7f9d3206d">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey, thanks! That's great you're finishing up your master's. Good luck with all the details. My PhD is in <strong>medieval Scandinavian literature</strong>. I'm at a university in England, and partially funded by the Canadian government (I'm from Canada). So my research fellowship pays for 2 of 3 years and I took out a student loan for the remaining year. If I hadn't gotten substantial funding I wouldn't have been able to purse the PhD, so I definitely sympathize with you regarding finances. My best advice for you would be to apply for as much funding as you can find and if you're unsuccessful the first time around, wait another year and try again if that's feasible and if a PhD is something you really want.
    Posted by tiny speck[/QUOTE]

    My boyfriend thinks you're badass :)
    I'm getting my MA in Forensic Psychology but I'd love to go on to my PhD. We're currently engaged to be engaged and thinking we'd get married 4-5 months after I graduate. It'll be a pain in the ass and stressful, but it beats planning while you're still in the program. Have you considered a wedding planner?
    <a href="http://daisypath.com/"><img src="http://davf.daisypath.com/rd8tm4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Daisypath Anniversary tickers" /></a>
  • Cat, that MA sounds awesome! Lol, so I've become convinced that when you get to the graduate level, you realize that there are any number of other programs you wish you could do. I miss general ed. :) I want to study too many different desciplines.

    Tiny Speck, That's awesome! I wish I'd had the opportunity to study abroad. I just wasn't organized enough for it as an undergrad, and as a grad student there really isn't a way to do it from my university. My focus is educational counseling, so if I did an interdisciplinary program, I'd probably focus my program around the idea of national and cultural narrative/rhetoric and how it impacts the nation and individual psychologically speaking.

    My FI and I are engaged, but not getting married until I finish my program next year. I'll graduate at the end of my winter quarter and have about 3 months with nothing but wedding planning to do. (And hopefully a new job.) If I did go on to a PhD program, it would make it hard because I'd be putting his life on hold for 5-7 years. :(

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:ccb609a6-65a6-4d2e-9102-bb38669791a7">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any PhD students out there? : <strong>My boyfriend thinks you're badass</strong> :) I'm getting my MA in <strong>Forensic Psychology</strong> but I'd love to go on to my PhD. We're currently engaged to be engaged and thinking we'd get married 4-5 months after I graduate. It'll be a pain in the ass and stressful, but it beats planning while you're still in the program. <strong>Have you considered a wedding planner?</strong>
    Posted by catrb89[/QUOTE]

    1. Hah, thanks! I'll admit it is pretty awesome; being able to read "Viking" (aka Icelandic) is fun!

    2. Forensic Psychology actually sounds pretty badass to me!

    3. We have absolutely no room in our budget for a wedding planner. I wish. We're trying to make the wedding work for £3000 or less total. It'll be stressful, but we're both down to the dissertation editing stage already, so I tell myself it will be fine, and it could be worse...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:ccc3c39a-8166-4e49-b414-884d20f2e3de">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Cat, that MA sounds awesome! Lol, so I've become convinced that when you get to the graduate level, you realize that there are any number of other programs you wish you could do. I miss general ed. :) I want to study too many different desciplines. Tiny Speck, That's awesome! I wish I'd had the opportunity to study abroad. I just wasn't organized enough for it as an undergrad, and <strong>as a grad student there really isn't a way to do it from my university</strong>. My focus is educational counseling, so if I did an interdisciplinary program, I'd probably focus my program around the idea of national and cultural narrative/rhetoric and how it impacts the nation and individual psychologically speaking. My FI and I are engaged, but not getting married until I finish my program next year. <strong>I'll graduate at the end of my winter quarter and have about 3 months with nothing but wedding planning to do. (And hopefully a new job.)</strong> If I did go on to a PhD program, it would make it hard because I'd be putting his life on hold for 5-7 years. :(
    Posted by jshillings1[/QUOTE]

    1. What about just outright applying for a PhD at a university abroad? It might be worth a chance if you really want to. Just an idea. But I know it's a huge decision and would obviously impact your FI as well.

    2. That sounds sensible, and similar to my situation. Once I submit my dissertation in December, I won't have anything to do for a couple months before I have my viva exam. So I think I can manage finishing up all the wedding stuff then with FI's help of course. :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:8ea2f478-135e-42e4-8a98-de5100c9d2f8">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any PhD students out there? : 1. What about just outright applying for a PhD at a university abroad? It might be worth a chance if you really want to. Just an idea. But I know it's a huge decision and would obviously impact your FI as well. 2. That sounds sensible, and similar to my situation. Once I submit my dissertation in December, I won't have anything to do for a couple months before I have my viva exam. So I think I can manage finishing up all the wedding stuff then with FI's help of course. :)
    Posted by tiny speck[/QUOTE]

    1) Yeah, that would be the only way to do it - just apply somewhere out of country and do my program there. I've kicked that idea around with FI, but like you said big decision. Because of our other goals, I'd probably end up doing a program in Northern Ca. so we can be close to his family who I love! Since Norcal has some of the best universities in the world, I'm okay with that. :P

    2) Awesome! When is your date? Where are you guys getting married? In the states or overseas? What is your dissertation about? Lol, I had a professor last quarter who literally just graduated with her doctorate this June. She was telling us in class one night about how she was so excited when she passed her dissertation defense that she left her thumdrive with her entire project on it at the hotel she was staying at. Luckily the hotel found it and mailed it back to her.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:36474ab0-6a24-4ec6-8ab6-b67b6eda8e8c">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any PhD students out there? : 1) Yeah, that would be the only way to do it - just apply somewhere out of country and do my program there. I've kicked that idea around with FI, but like you said big decision. Because of our other goals, I'd probably end up doing a program in Northern Ca. so we can be close to his family who I love! Since Norcal has some of the best universities in the world, I'm okay with that. :P 2) Awesome! <strong>When is your date? Where are you guys getting married? In the states or overseas? What is your dissertation about?</strong> Lol, I had a professor last quarter who literally just graduated with her doctorate this June. She was telling us in class one night about how she was so excited when she passed her dissertation defense that she left her thumdrive with her entire project on it at the hotel she was staying at. Luckily the hotel found it and mailed it back to her.
    Posted by jshillings1[/QUOTE]

    We're looking at early April but haven't booked anything yet. We're going to start narrowing our options down next week, visiting venues, and will hopefully be able to secure a date soon (by the end of August at the latest). We're probably going to get married here in England, since we live here, and just have a small wedding with our immediate families and close friends. Since we're planning so small and have a small budget we're hoping we can get away with booking things about 8 months in advance. I'll definitely keep this board updated! :)

    As for my dissertation, it's about 250 pages of literary analysis of an Icelandic saga that hadn't been translated into English before, along with some discussion of its contexts, like relationships with other texts, the manuscripts, and its reception.

    That's crazy your prof left her project in the hotel! I would got nuts, haha! Right now I have it backed up in so many different formats and places I'm hoping it's safe, but you never know.
  • edited July 2012
    Awww, a small wedding in England sounds so romantic! :) My Fi and I are hoping to honeymoon in Europe and would love to see England. It would be a first for both of us. Have you gotten to travel much while you've been in England, or have you just been busy with your studies? We're having a small-ish small town wedding in my Fi's hometown about 20 minutes from San Jose. We started planning early because I figured anywhere in the bay area would be crazy to book things, but it has actually been easy so far.

    Your dissertation sounds awesome and intimidatingly impressive. :) I love middle English literature...lol, especially the Canterbury Tales. The intersection of personalities and life situations in that book is amazing, heartbreaking, and sometimes hilarious.

    Lol, yeah when my professor told us that story I was amazed she hadn't backed it up. She's an awesome and very very smart lady, so it was very out of character. At least it ended well. She was so excited about graduating...that inspired us all I think.
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  • Thanks, I'm hoping the small wedding will be romantic and special. I mean, I'm sure it will be, but if we could have it totally how we'd like, we'd do it in the states so that more of FI's extended family and close family friends could attend. I think that makes him a bit sad now and then. But yes, it will still be great. That's great also that you haven't had too much trouble booking things for your wedding. I've never been to California, but I can imagine things might be a bit crazy regarding weddings. :)

    You should definitely visit England. I am in Yorkshire, about 2 hours north of London on the train, and there is so much amazing stuff up here! I haven't done much travelling while here, but have been lucky enough to go to a few international conferences and brief training courses, so I have been to Germany two years ago, Iceland last year, and will be headed to Denmark in August. Business trips, so not much sight seeing, but still exciting!

    And, I love the Canterbury Tales too. Really cool stuff; it's always nice to hear that people enjoyed reading them (people who don't study medieval literature for years on end, haha).
  • HTR10HTR10 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    I am  PhD student, going on my third year (got my Master's already at a different University). My FI already has his PhD, he graduated two years ago...but we're waiting until June 2014 to get married. 
  • I am a PhD student, starting my second year.  My FI is starting his 4th year in the same program.  I actually have a question about that for any other grad students or previous grad students out there - we are hoping to have our wedding in 2013 (next fall).  My FI should be graduating shortly thereafter, and will have to move to another city for a post-doc while I have to stay where I am and finish the program (potentially an additional 2 years).  Is anyone else here about to experience something similar?  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:c2375bba-7cfd-45ce-ae49-ee3364920dc8">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am  PhD student, going on my third year (got my Master's already at a different University). My FI already has his PhD, he graduated two years ago...but we're waiting until June 2014 to get married. 
    Posted by HTR10[/QUOTE]

    Hi! Nice to hear from you. What are you doing your PhD in (and what's your FI's)? Are you waiting until you're finished to get married?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:7482917d-5ae4-4f71-a662-96267f6c7a70">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a PhD student, starting my second year.  My FI is starting his 4th year in the same program.  I actually have a question about that for any other grad students or previous grad students out there - we are hoping to have our wedding in 2013 (next fall).  My FI should be graduating shortly thereafter, and will have to move to another city for a post-doc while I have to stay where I am and finish the program (potentially an additional 2 years).  Is anyone else here about to experience something similar?  
    Posted by PrincessJas[/QUOTE]

    Hi! I'm definitely facing a similar situation to yours, though FI and I are both finishing our programs around the same time (Jan/Feb 2013). We are getting married soon after, and then we will be faced with deciding on postdocs and/or teaching positions. We are trying to keep all our options open so that we might be able to move around together (I really don't want to have to do long-distance). Luckily FI has freelance work he can fall back on too, so that if I get an academic job initially and he doesn't, he can come with me and just freelance for a while. It will be tough until we know what our post-PhD job situation looks like.

    What's your PhD in?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:71db5c21-cf34-432b-a932-e5d91ac14afc">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any PhD students out there? : Hi! I'm definitely facing a similar situation to yours, though FI and I are both finishing our programs around the same time (Jan/Feb 2013). We are getting married soon after, and then we will be faced with deciding on postdocs and/or teaching positions. We are trying to keep all our options open so that we might be able to move around together (I really don't want to have to do long-distance). Luckily FI has freelance work he can fall back on too, so that if I get an academic job initially and he doesn't, he can come with me and just freelance for a while. It will be tough until we know what our post-PhD job situation looks like. What's your PhD in?
    Posted by tiny speck[/QUOTE]

    <div>Forunately, my FI should be done with his post-doc by the time I finish (my advisor is notorious for keeping students 6 years), and will hypothetically be looking for or have a teaching position.  I haven't decided what I'm going to do with my PhD - I'm not too keen on academia, and I know I don't want to be on soft money (read research), as we plan on starting a family pretty soon after we sort out where we'll be living and what we'll be doing.  We're both in geoscience - he's in planetary geophysics and geomorphology, and I'm studying the modern and ancient record of aeolian dune fields on Earth and Mars.  Job options for me (outside of what I've mentioned) are policy or government administration (NPS or NASA), or industry (oil), so I should be fairly flexible about where I can move.</div>
  • HTR10HTR10 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:20e23cfd-c4da-47be-8a90-9268959ac9d9">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any PhD students out there? : Hi! Nice to hear from you. What are you doing your PhD in (and what's your FI's)? Are you waiting until you're finished to get married?
    Posted by tiny speck[/QUOTE]

    <div>My PhD is in Sociology with a specialization in Medical and Aging/Life Course, his is in Bioengineering (biomedical engineering). Ideally when we get married I'll be done with my classes, have passed both my comps (knock on wood), and just be dissertating (likely just collecting data). I don't have an official graduation date because our program is contingent upon so many things so hopefully I'l be almost done by then (it's a 5 year program--and I have my Master's already so that kind of stinks). </div><div>
    </div><div>What is your FI's PhD in? Your wedding sounds like it will be lovely. Honestly I think that those few months will be crazy but worth it...it sounds like the experience of a lifetime! I just wanted to be further along because I want to go on a two-week honeymoon to Europe and don't want to have to worry about studying for comps or anything...I want to really enjoy our wedding :) </div>
  • HTR10HTR10 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:7482917d-5ae4-4f71-a662-96267f6c7a70">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a PhD student, starting my second year.  My FI is starting his 4th year in the same program.  I actually have a question about that for any other grad students or previous grad students out there - we are hoping to have our wedding in 2013 (next fall).  My FI should be graduating shortly thereafter, and will have to move to another city for a post-doc while I have to stay where I am and finish the program (potentially an additional 2 years).  Is anyone else here about to experience something similar?  
    Posted by PrincessJas[/QUOTE]

    <div>I am a PhD student and my FI already has a PhD...I haven't been in your exact situation but we are currently doing long distance...it can be really challenging with two people in such specialized fields, so you are NOT alone. We're within driving distance and I can spend summers/breaks with him...and hoping to my dissertation in the city he works (up in the air due to funding). </div><div>
    </div><div>The only obvious piece of advice I can give you is live in the moment now. Things tend to work themselves out, and when they aren't perfect they often are completley doable. I was stressing out (and still do on occasion) about things I can't control...and it just isn't worth it. </div><div>However, I do know multiple people in my department who have been in a situation where they ARE married (one even got pregnant and had a kid) and did long distance. If you ever want to chat, feel free to PM me...I check my inbox on a regular basis :) </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:90b1cf1e-2aeb-4ade-9a10-4c92fe19f63f">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any PhD students out there? : Forunately, my FI should be done with his post-doc by the time I finish (my advisor is notorious for keeping students 6 years), and will hypothetically be looking for or have a teaching position.  I haven't decided what I'm going to do with my PhD - I'm not too keen on academia, and I know I don't want to be on soft money (read research), as we plan on starting a family pretty soon after we sort out where we'll be living and what we'll be doing.  We're both in geoscience - he's in planetary geophysics and geomorphology, and I'm studying the modern and ancient record of aeolian dune fields on Earth and Mars.  Job options for me (outside of what I've mentioned) are policy or government administration (NPS or NASA), or industry (oil), so I should be fairly flexible about where I can move.
    Posted by PrincessJas[/QUOTE]

    That's good that you'll have some flexibility and that your FI will be done with his postdoc when you're done your PhD. I think it helps not being on the exact same timeline sometimes. I totally get not wanting to have to stay on a research salary; it sounds like you've got good options though. Your research sounds really interesting! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
  • tiny specktiny speck member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:86c25ff9-82a3-4188-a5db-921d6d2c6545">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any PhD students out there? : My PhD is in Sociology with a specialization in Medical and Aging/Life Course, his is in Bioengineering (biomedical engineering). Ideally when we get married I'll be done with my classes, have passed both my comps (knock on wood), and just be dissertating (likely just collecting data). I don't have an official graduation date because our program is contingent upon so many things so hopefully I'l be almost done by then (it's a 5 year program--and I have my Master's already so that kind of stinks).  What is your FI's PhD in? Your wedding sounds like it will be lovely. Honestly I think that those few months will be crazy but worth it...it sounds like the experience of a lifetime! I just wanted to be further along because I want to go on a two-week honeymoon to Europe and don't want to have to worry about studying for comps or anything...I want to really enjoy our wedding :) 
    Posted by HTR10[/QUOTE]

    Wow, everyone's research sounds so amazing!

    My FI's PhD is in medieval history, so similar to mine in some respects, but still different enough that we aren't too worried about finding jobs: he's history; I'm literature. I think you're right when you say the crazy times will be worth it. I'm looking forward to it!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:cd65bfd7-680e-448d-8741-539f58d6aec3">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any PhD students out there? : I am a PhD student and my FI already has a PhD...I haven't been in your exact situation but we are currently doing long distance...it can be really challenging with two people in such specialized fields, so you are NOT alone. We're within driving distance and I can spend summers/breaks with him...and hoping to my dissertation in the city he works (up in the air due to funding).  The only obvious piece of advice I can give you is live in the moment now. Things tend to work themselves out, and when they aren't perfect they often are completley doable. I was stressing out (and still do on occasion) about things I can't control...and it just isn't worth it.  However, I do know multiple people in my department who have been in a situation where they ARE married (one even got pregnant and had a kid) and did long distance. If you ever want to chat, feel free to PM me...I check my inbox on a regular basis :) 
    Posted by HTR10[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Thanks for the advice!  That actually makes me feel a whole lot better, knowing that there are other students out there going through the same thing (and succeeding, which is the truly important part!).  It's really kind of ironic that our marriage is likely to begin long distance, as our relationship did (I was still in college halfway across the country when we were first together - at one point we even decided not to even try to be in a relationship as a result, but that decision lasted a grand total of two weeks); somehow, that didn't seem so serious as being married to someone living in another state, though :D  </div><div>
    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_any-phd-students-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a2d86039-d3a3-4a3d-86f6-afc53cb7c2bePost:525da462-c96d-44d8-a03a-726ec3dae9b4">Re: Any PhD students out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any PhD students out there? : Wow, everyone's research sounds so amazing! 
    Posted by tiny speck[/QUOTE]

    <div>I second this!!  I'm kind of excited that everyone came out of the woodwork to respond to this thread!</div>
  • Wow I'm glad you posted. My life seems so crazy right now that I didn't thnk there would be others to sympathize with! I'm in the third year of a doctoral program in educational leadership. I also have a full time job and a part tome job. The time between our engagement and marriage is just a little over two months, so it's been a busy summer of planning and keeping up with everything. It has been doable, though. My main concern is our honeymoon. We a looking at 10 days in late august/early September, and there is no way I can do that without missing classes. I think I can pull it off, and I want to more than anything, but I'm also thinking of dropping one class to lighten my schedule (since I'll also be busy with the whole matter of moving in together and we will be finishing renovating my house to get it ready to rent). Would you lighten your schedule over this? I think maybe it's worth it. The only reason I hesitate is I would lose a little scholarship funding.
  • tiny specktiny speck member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2012
    Corgnilias, have you considered waiting and taking your honeymoon at a more convenient time? Perhaps around Christmas or spring break?

    If it were me, I'd prioritize classes over honeymoon, because lightening your class load now will mean taking longer overall and maybe being busier down the road, whereas it's really easy to fit a honeymoon in later. It would be something to look forward to as well. It's what FI and I are doing; we're getting married in April but have no plans for a honeymoon right after. We'll save up for that separately and take it later in the summer, or some other time more convenient.

    I also see you have funding you'd lose if you dropped a class; that would seal the deal for me: stick with the class and plan the trip later! What's the rush?
  • Tiny speck-- Good point and that would work for most people. The reason we don't want to put off our honeymoon is that first, my mom is terminally ill but is doing pretty well right now, and his dad is also in poor health but stable. I don't foresee these situations staying stable for a long time, so I'd like to get away now before we might be caring for them a lot (which will be an honor but also a big commitment). And for these same reasons every remaining holiday is precious and we would hate to skip one to travel. The other reason is that we are an older couple and didn't want to wait too long before trying to start a family, but I'd like the honeymoon to be a completely single, non pregnant, selfishly just-us trip. The funding amount I'd lose is not a huge deal and we are financially stable. I already have my career and the degree will just enhance it. So that's why we are thinking of a honeymoon right away...dropping a class or struggling a bit to catch up seems minor in comparison. But we are still on the fence.
  • Ah, well with that information it makes more sense. Thanks for sharing your story a bit more. I think especially if you already are set in your career and your PhD is a kind of bonus, then it won't be a big deal to take a little longer to finish. I'm in the opposite kind of situation, just starting out and hoping to stay in academia when I'm finished. So it sounds like you've weighed the pros and cons for you specific situation. I hope everything works out for you! :)
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