What do you think about HM registries?

jaycee7389 · July 2011

We're not doing one (we're having a wedding-moon!) but I have never heard of them until TK. Sorry if this has been brought up in the past..but I was just curious about what you all think about them.

I'm a huge creeper and I typed in made up names to find registries and a lot of them were actually getting what they asked for!

For those who don't know what they are, they are registries where the B&G list things they need for their honeymoon or would like to do on their honeymoon. Guests view this like a normal registry and basically make a cash gift online towards whatever activity they want the couple to do. In reality they B&G will get a cash deposit into their checking account and can use the money for anything, but they are supposed to use it for what the guest determines. www.honeyfund.com

DanieKA · July 2011

I personally don't have a problem with them, IF there is a range of options ($10 towards a canal ride in Venice. $50 towards an excursion on your cruise, etc) and as long as their guests have at least 1 other option like pottery barn/williams sonoma/bed bath & beyond.

I know some people think it's tacky, but I think it's just sort of a sign of things to come. An evolution of sorts. More people live together before marriage (than there has been before historically) so there may not be a need for more sheets or towels or dishes, though it's nice to have new stuff. I have yet to see any of my friends use their formal china (I think I would, but I see why people don't). We're just a much less formal society now. So I see the trend and I get it. Doesn't really bother me.

I do have a problem asking for flight or lodging. For some reason that just irks me. But money towards activities, couple's massages, whatever just doesn't get under my skin.

ETA: The site I'm most familiar with is http://www.travelersjoy.com/

SeaTea02 · July 2011

I think they are kind of tacky.

Plus the companies take a percentage of the "gift". Also it doesn't actually go toward "dinner at X", you just get the money.

jaycee7389 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_think-hm-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:68d1c94f-4351-441f-94d0-a9bf81516ff7Post:6d2d9297-577b-4fcb-8dc4-9d41a0496a80">Re: What do you think about HM registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally don't have a problem with them, IF there is a range of options ($10 towards a canal ride in Venice. $50 towards an excursion on your cruise, etc) and as long as their guests have at least 1 other option like pottery barn/williams sonoma/bed bath & beyond. I know some people think it's tacky, but I think it's just sort of a sign of things to come. An evolution of sorts. More people live together before marriage so there may not be a need for more sheets or towels or dishes, though it's nice to have new stuff. I have yet to see any of my friends use their formal china (I think I would, but I see why people don't). We're just a much less formal society now. So I see the trend and I get it. Doesn't really bother me. <strong> I do have a problem asking for flight or lodging. For some reason that just irks me. But money towards activities, couple's massages, whatever just doesn't get under my skin. </strong>
Posted by DanieKA[/QUOTE]

This is basically how I feel as well. I personally wouldn't have one for my own wedding, but I wouldn't be offended as a guest. I would be offended, as you said, if the couple was asking me to pay for their plane ticket.

CrzyCatLady · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_think-hm-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:68d1c94f-4351-441f-94d0-a9bf81516ff7Post:0a14682a-787a-4fb6-b577-a2961810542c">Re: What do you think about HM registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think they are kind of tacky. Plus the companies take a percentage of the "gift". Also it doesn't actually go toward "dinner at X", you just get the money.
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

<div>This. And the only honeymoon registries I've seen didn't have a range of prices. Everything was $100 or more. Also, I don't want to pay for your sexfest.</div>

lennonkdc · July 2011

My problem with them has to do with the way that most of the sites work. Guests think that they are getting you a couple massage or a nice dinner, but most registry sites turn around and give the couple a check, with a healthy cut off the top to boot. Knowing that makes them seem tacky to me. Like its a creepy way to ask for cash.

I wouldn't side eye someone who had one, but I wouldn't get anything off of it either.

desertsun · July 2011

I don't like them.

Asking your guests to pay for your vacation is disrespectful and rude.

I don't mind buying you some towels, but I DO mind buying you a massage.

One's practical and the other is an indulgence. That makes a difference to me. I'm sorry that I don't want to put my hard-earned cash toward your vacation. I'd rather put it toward MY vacation. But if you need some glasses for your home, I'm okay with helping you out with that. KWIM?

PLUS there is the whole issue of most of those HM registry services skimming off the top or charging a fee.

DanieKA · July 2011

Yeah, I definitely wish there was a site where you could actually book a reservation and the money would be held by the restaurant or activity place in your name (any excess paid by you, and left over you get after the activity). I don't have a problem with the skimming from the sites, depending on the percentage. I kind of feel like it's the cost of doing business. I sell my old law books on half.com and some crap on ebay and they take a percentage. I understand it. Sit's gotta run somehow. Doesn't bother me (by no means does that say take half. That, I think, is wrong).

jaycee7389 · July 2011

Desert- I agree that I'd feel a lot more comfortable buying something for their home than for them to indulge.

My friend's MIL told us about a baby shower invite she got that said "in lieu of gifts, please make a contribution to babysfuturename's college fund we have set up" and listed the account # or whatever.
Now THAT is pretty much the most awful shower related thing I've ever heard of.

Peaseblossom55 · July 2011

I think they are a bit tacky for most of the reasons people have mentioned above. I would rather give cash and they can do whatever they want with it.

jorja86 · July 2011

I think they're tacky. It's a fancy way to ask for money. If you want money, just don't register for much stuff.

leia1979 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_think-hm-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:68d1c94f-4351-441f-94d0-a9bf81516ff7Post:eaebd455-9771-4ca4-9193-55deda0c75f8">Re: What do you think about HM registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think they are a bit tacky for most of the reasons people have mentioned above. I would rather give cash and they can do whatever they want with it.
Posted by danser55[/QUOTE]

Agreed! I'll either buy a physical item from the registry or give cash.

mookow86 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_think-hm-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:68d1c94f-4351-441f-94d0-a9bf81516ff7Post:6b13dcd4-f301-405c-9664-fe601877f0a4">Re: What do you think about HM registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think they're tacky. It's a fancy way to ask for money. If you want money, just don't register for much stuff.
Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]
Yup. My thoughts exactly.

csousa1 · July 2011

I don't think they are that bad. I mean, if you decide you are going to spend X on a couple for their wedding, what does it really matter where it goes? I always feel, with gifts, like I would rather it be for something the person really wants than what I want them to have.

That being said, there are CERTAINLY ways in which it is tacky. If the lowest amount you can spend is $100, for example. Or if they ONLY have a HM registry and nothing else.Things like that.

My best friend from college is getting married in August and I am going to buy them something toward their HM registry, mostly because by the shower last weekend there was barely anything left on the other two regular registries. However, this couple falls under tacky for me. They have prices as low as $6 drinks you can buy them on the site, but their list is a mile long and their flights are included, suggesting that they aren't intending to put a dime toward their own HM. And I know that the bride's father is footing the entire bill for the castle-on-the-water wedding. None of my business whatsoever, but it does irk me to know that they are having this huge expensive wedding and HM at no expense to them, when they each make a killing, and can now afford their own home, which BF and I will have to save for years to afford. I don't let any bitterness actually settle and linger, it just sometimes feels like a slap in the face.

AnneR15 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_think-hm-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:68d1c94f-4351-441f-94d0-a9bf81516ff7Post:52b22df6-b65e-4713-9157-7e715101adf1">Re: What do you think about HM registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think they are that bad. I mean, if you decide you are going to spend X on a couple for their wedding, what does it really matter where it goes? I always feel, with gifts, like I would rather it be for something the person really wants than what I want them to have. That being said, there are CERTAINLY ways in which it is tacky. If the lowest amount you can spend is $100, for example. Or if they ONLY have a HM registry and nothing else.Things like that. Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. I think they could be a good idea in theory, and I would definitely rather get the couple something they really want. But you have to include a range of prices and absolutely have a "normal" registry people can choose from. Ultimately, I probably wouldn't do one, but I bet I would consider it.

tuarceatha · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_think-hm-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:68d1c94f-4351-441f-94d0-a9bf81516ff7Post:64711b97-3870-4591-87ca-e1bc235744c7">Re: What do you think about HM registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do you think about HM registries? : This. And the only honeymoon registries I've seen didn't have a range of prices. Everything was $100 or more. <strong>Also, I don't want to pay for your sexfest.</strong>
Posted by CrzyCatLady[/QUOTE]

ha.

I don't have a problem with them. I've only seen one, and I thought it was cute to give them money towards that trip. They had such a great time and told us all about it when they got home (minus any sex stories thankyouverymuch).

lavenderfields13 · July 2011

I totally agree with Desert. Ugh, pay for your own honeymoon. A HM is not a necessity that you need to start your life together.
Sousa that would seriously piss me off. I know it's none of my business who pays for whoever's wedding or whatnot but I just really let that stuff get to me- It is like a slap in the face for those of us who don't have things just handed to us. But whenever I feel myself getting irritated with people like this I just remind myself that it feels so much better to achieve something all on your own or with very little help!

edeeg · July 2011

I'd rather just give someone an actual gift (or a check/cash in a card or stuffed in a cute box). Those sites are misleading... if you want to donate to their HM how about you write "Here is $50, spend it on lunch on your HM!"

Also... I lol'd at the sexfest comment!

jemmini6 · July 2011

The first time I saw one was FI's BM's wedding and I thought it was a fantastic idea. They were both in their late 30's and combining 2 households, so I liked being able to contributing to something I knew they'd actually enjoy using (we gave them like $200 towards a discovery dive because FI and I both dive and we enjoy it, so I liked giving them the same experience). Every guest at their wedding that we talked to really liked it too and they got quite a bit contributed to it. When I was telling my family about it afterwords, they suggested we do one for our wedding as well (this was still a year before FI and I even got engaged).

So we do have a small HM registry set up with a couple little excursions on there (in addition to 2 other small traditional registries). I will say though that I think it's stupid to count on that to pay for your trip, FI and I already have our HM booked and paid for and we can afford to buy every single thing we registered for (on all of our registries, not just the HM one).

I think it's tacky when you register for things you can't afford, or would never buy for yourself, like a $900 crystal vase or something. Same goes for a HM, if you can't afford it and are expecting other people to pay for it, then it's tacky. But if I know you can afford a HM, then I have no problem giving towards an 'experience' instead of towels.

jaycee7389 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_think-hm-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:68d1c94f-4351-441f-94d0-a9bf81516ff7Post:cbbcad84-416a-45aa-9dfa-537dcf0f551a">Re: What do you think about HM registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]The first time I saw one was FI's BM's wedding and I thought it was a fantastic idea. They were both in their late 30's and combining 2 households, so I liked being able to contributing to something I knew they'd actually enjoy using (we gave them like $200 towards a discovery dive because FI and I both dive and we enjoy it, so I liked giving them the same experience). Every guest at their wedding that we talked to really liked it too and they got quite a bit contributed to it. When I was telling my family about it afterwords, they suggested we do one for our wedding as well (this was still a year before FI and I even got engaged). So we do have a small HM registry set up with a couple little excursions on there (in addition to 2 other small traditional registries). <strong>I will say though that I think it's stupid to count on that to pay for your trip, FI and I already have our HM booked and paid for and we can afford to buy every single thing we registered for (on all of our registries, not just the HM one). I think it's tacky when you register for things you can't afford, or would never buy for yourself, like a $900 crystal vase or something. Same goes for a HM, if you can't afford it and are expecting other people to pay for it, then it's tacky. But if I know you can afford a HM, then I have no problem giving towards an 'experience' instead of towels.</strong>
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Well said. I never thought about this. I would absolutely be okay with a HM registry where the couple is going regardless, and you are paying for excursions and things for them to experience as a new couple.

desertsun · July 2011

Those are definitely fair points, Sousa and Jemm.

There is just something about paying for someone else's vacation that rubs me the wrong way.

But I will certainly concede that there are differences between social groups, and if it's something your friends like, then by all means, do what works for you!

I'm a big supporter of different strokes for different folks.

ravenray · July 2011

Eh. I don't like them. But I don't hate them and I don't look down on a couple for doing it, it is just not something I will spend my money on.
But then again I also don't like giving cash to people for weddings or birthdays. So maybe I am bias.

desertsun · July 2011

Annnd....I'm a huge hypocrite. After thinking about what Jemm said, I realized my H and I totally used money we got at our wedding on our HM. We'd already bought tickets and everything, but having some extra money enabled us to take a helicopter ride that we might not have done otherwise. And it was one of my favorite parts of our HM.

So. If you and your friends/family are okay with HM registries, I say go for it.

But I maintain you should not mention it in your invitations.

jemmini6 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_think-hm-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:68d1c94f-4351-441f-94d0-a9bf81516ff7Post:64711b97-3870-4591-87ca-e1bc235744c7">Re: What do you think about HM registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do you think about HM registries? : This. And the only honeymoon registries I've seen didn't have a range of prices. Everything was $100 or more. <strong>Also, I don't want to pay for your sexfest.</strong>
Posted by CrzyCatLady[/QUOTE]

So you wouldn't buy a couple bedsheets because they'll probably have sex on them?

What do you think about HM registries?

Re: What do you think about HM registries?

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