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Wedding Party
Bridesmaid Bailout ::: UPDATE...Advice?
Ok, so i posted a board not that long ago saying how my FSIL was going to be a bridesmaid but everyone got into a huge arguement about her dumb bf. anyway, she refused to come to the wedding and I dont have a bridesmaid.
I know most the responses told me to wait it out, and guess what, she still doesnt want to be a bridesmaid. So i only have a maid of honor.
Ok, so my next question is, now that she told me she def doesnt want to go to my wedding let alone be in it, what do i do?
My FI and Dad keep telling me to ask someone else. The thing is, I have a hard time getting close to people because in the end, i always end up getting screwed over and my feelings hurt, so im not really close to anybody.
I know people are going to say to wait to see if she comes around, but i cant wait forever and its not really fair to me to have to wait on someone for my wedding. call me a bridezilla, but it just doesnt sit right with me. am i supposed to wait until the last minute for her? Or is it ok now to ask someone else?
and if i do ask someone else, do i explain the situation? or just completely leave her out of it?
I know most the responses told me to wait it out, and guess what, she still doesnt want to be a bridesmaid. So i only have a maid of honor.
Ok, so my next question is, now that she told me she def doesnt want to go to my wedding let alone be in it, what do i do?
My FI and Dad keep telling me to ask someone else. The thing is, I have a hard time getting close to people because in the end, i always end up getting screwed over and my feelings hurt, so im not really close to anybody.
I know people are going to say to wait to see if she comes around, but i cant wait forever and its not really fair to me to have to wait on someone for my wedding. call me a bridezilla, but it just doesnt sit right with me. am i supposed to wait until the last minute for her? Or is it ok now to ask someone else?
and if i do ask someone else, do i explain the situation? or just completely leave her out of it?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bridesmaid Bailout ::: UPDATE...Advice?
Just have the MOH. You don't need anyone else.
[QUOTE]At the end of the day, it's your wedding and you should decide how you want your wedding to turn out!
Posted by Marilynor[/QUOTE]
Right. And the goal at the end of the day is to be married to your FH, not have even sides or warm bodies to fill positions.
If you're not super close to anyone, it's still fine. Having just a MOH will still be special, and I'll bet she'll feel special too. I wouldn't ask anyone else, and if FSIL comes around that's great, but if she doesn't it's okay too.
[QUOTE]I think you should ask someone else, if it's definite that she is not attending or participating, Than move on and do what you need to do! At the end of the day, it's your wedding and you should decide how you want your wedding to turn out! I had the same problem a couple days ago, and I was really frustrated, thank god my FSI changed her mind and called me. So do what you need to do to make your special day the way you have always dreamed it would be. Congratulations and Good Luck!
Posted by Marilynor[/QUOTE]
This is terrible advice. No one wants to be a replacement.
Your wedding party should be the people who are closest to you. They are your friends, not your props. Especially as you don't have a close friend that even jumps to mind as a replacement, you definitely, definitely should not be asking someone just to have even numbers.
Just have your MOH. I promise that it will not render your marriage invalid.
"If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
[QUOTE]I think you should ask someone else, if it's definite that she is not attending or participating, Than move on and do what you need to do! At the end of the day, it's your wedding and you should decide how you want your wedding to turn out! I had the same problem a couple days ago, and I was really frustrated, thank god my FSI changed her mind and called me. So do what you need to do to make your special day the way you have always dreamed it would be. Congratulations and Good Luck!
Posted by Marilynor[/QUOTE]
This demeans your FSIL, which may not seem like a big deal now while you're on the outs, but down the road when things can be mended (and you'll be family, so don't discount that possibility!) showing your FSIL that she was irrelevant and just a wedding prop could throw an additional wrench in it and further harm the relationship.<div>
</div><div>It also demeans the fill-in person you ask. You're saying, "Yeah, I didn't really want you as my BM, but since I've got a job opening, and I need symmetry, you need to stand there and be a bookend for me." It's crappy.</div><div>
</div><div>And perhaps worst of all, it demeans your MOH, who hasn't done a thing wrong. It tells her, "My bridal party isn't important to me, you're just there because I need bodies in matching dresses or it doesn't look like a 'real' wedding. Watch out, 'cause you're replaceable too." I know it feels like it has nothing to do with her, but the message will still be there.</div><div>
</div><div>Plus, since you don't have anyone else you're close to, there's no reason to cause yourself added stress by having to scramble for another body to wear a dress. Seriously, there's enough to stress about with weddings, don't add to it. Let this go, trek on with your MOH, and have a great wedding. People come here all the time talking about how their bridesmaids are causing them problems and stressing them out, and 99 times out of 100, it's because they asked people who weren't actually close friends or family members, people who don't care and don't have a personal stake in seeing you happy. Most times, brides want to know how to <strong>remove</strong> those people from the wedding party. So don't put yourself in that position. Not worth it!</div>
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It's your day no matter what!
OP, Please also read what others have said.
It's one thing if you say, "I realize I should have asked you a long time ago," but if you can't think of others, that's a sign you should stick with the MOH and that's it.
"I just think this is totally stressing you out and when people are stressed they don't think as logically about things as they normally would."
I think im going to leave it with my MOH (shes my cousin and we are only 6 days apart in age) and we've always been pretty close.
My FI best man and groomsman will walk with her down the aisle so she doesnt feel left out but still feels special enough that shes the only one standing up for me.
If by any chance, my FSIL does turn aroud, her spot will be available for her.
I really appreciate the advice. Thanks again
Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
My Planning Bio
My Married Bio updated March 4
[QUOTE]No matter what it's the brides day!
Posted by Marilynor[/QUOTE]
<div>While it's the bride's day, she doesn't have to fill a spot with someone she doesn't care about.</div>
Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
My Planning Bio
My Married Bio updated March 4
[QUOTE]No matter what it's the brides day!
Posted by Marilynor[/QUOTE]
And no matter what, it's the groom's day, the BM's day and the day of anyone whom the bride and groom choose to involve. As long as the bride is not by herself, it will never be JUST her day.
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
[QUOTE]Geez isn't this a forum for Brides and wedding info? I don't ever see Grooms discussing all the WP details, because we are more into it and pretty much make all the decisons for our wedding, so it's really our day The Brides! My post wasn't meant to influence her decision, It's the truth, Grooms are just meant to show up and that's it! We do everthing unless you can affod a wedding planner! Chill out ladies, you guys are so touchy with everything..
Posted by Marilynor[/QUOTE]
I go on TK while DH goes on car forums. But I get equal say in our next vehicle and he had a ton of input in our wedding.
I NEVER would have married someone who said, "Just tell me where to show up."
DH and I are equal partners in this marriage. OF COURSE we were partners planning the wedding!
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
[QUOTE]Geez isn't this a forum for Brides and wedding info? I don't ever see Grooms discussing all the WP details, because we are more into it and pretty much make all the decisons for our wedding, so it's really our day The Brides! My post wasn't meant to influence her decision, <strong>It's the truth, Grooms are just meant to show up and that's it!</strong> We do everthing unless you can affod a wedding planner! Chill out ladies, you guys are so touchy with everything..
Posted by Marilynor[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I just want to say that I am sorry for you, because if this is how you truly feel then that's SAD. 90% of the process my FI and I made all the decisions together, the other 10% is my attire and look. I always feel bad for brides that don't have an active groom. I understand some girls get SO into it, that it may overwhelm their grooms but for all him to do is just show up, it makes me wonder what else in your marriage he will "Just show up" for.
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