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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Guests Not RSVPing to Bridal Shower
I am a Bridesmaid in my sister's wedding and am in charge of the invitations for her bridal shower. There were many guests that did not respond by the RSVP date, so I emailed them to see if they were able to make it. There are still 2 guests who haven't responded.
Should I reach out to them again? The shower is this Saturday. IMO, an invitation and a follow-up email is sufficient, but I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
Should I reach out to them again? The shower is this Saturday. IMO, an invitation and a follow-up email is sufficient, but I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Guests Not RSVPing to Bridal Shower
"Halloween may have loose women scantily clad...
But Christmas has a pregnant virgin.
Way cooler." - anna.oskar
[QUOTE]Did you ask that they get back to you by a certain date or they would be considered "nos"? If it were me though, I wouldn't worry about contacting them because it's only 2 more people and shouldn't make or break the shower if they show up without an RSVP.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]
I didn't specify a certain date in the email, because the actual RSVP date had already passed. That would have been a good idea though!
To that end..... I am now questioning whether or not I want to invite this girl to my wedding at all. If she couldn't come to the shower (or didn't want to), no big deal. But to blow off the shower, to me, shows a lack of consideration and interest in the wedding. I have a very small guest list (80 people) and there are friends I am not inviting that I wish I could... so this is a very sensitive issue to me. What would you ladies do???
[QUOTE]I have the same issue for my shower next week (I'm very looped in, haha)... one of my friends ignored the RSVP date and the follow-up. I think it is out-and-out rude. My mother is having the shower at a tea room that requires a headcount - this was made clear on the invitation. I don't think it's fair that my mother would have to pay for a plate "just in case" and then have the girl not show. To that end..... I am now questioning whether or not I want to invite this girl to my wedding at all. If she couldn't come to the shower (or didn't want to), no big deal. But to blow off the shower, to me, shows a lack of consideration and interest in the wedding. I have a very small guest list (80 people) and there are friends I am not inviting that I wish I could... so this is a very sensitive issue to me. What would you ladies do???
Posted by clnyu[/QUOTE]
You've invited her to the shower, so it would be really rude not to invite her to the wedding. Two rudes don't make a right.
"Halloween may have loose women scantily clad...
But Christmas has a pregnant virgin.
Way cooler." - anna.oskar
[QUOTE]I have the same issue for my shower next week (I'm very looped in, haha)... one of my friends ignored the RSVP date and the follow-up. I think it is out-and-out rude. My mother is having the shower at a tea room that requires a headcount - this was made clear on the invitation. I don't think it's fair that my mother would have to pay for a plate "just in case" and then have the girl not show. To that end..... I am now questioning whether or not I want to invite this girl to my wedding at all. If she couldn't come to the shower (or didn't want to), no big deal. But to blow off the shower, to me, shows a lack of consideration and interest in the wedding. I have a very small guest list (80 people) and there are friends I am not inviting that I wish I could... so this is a very sensitive issue to me. What would you ladies do???
Posted by clnyu[/QUOTE]
I would still invite her to the wedding, like adamar said. To not do so would be very rude.
[QUOTE]I have the same issue for my shower next week (I'm very looped in, haha)... one of my friends ignored the RSVP date and the follow-up. I think it is out-and-out rude. My mother is having the shower at a tea room that requires a headcount - this was made clear on the invitation. I don't think it's fair that my mother would have to pay for a plate "just in case" and then have the girl not show. To that end..... I am now questioning whether or not I want to invite this girl to my wedding at all. If she couldn't come to the shower (or didn't want to), no big deal. <strong> But to blow off the shower, to me, shows a lack of consideration and interest in the wedding.</strong> I have a very small guest list (80 people) and there are friends I am not inviting that I wish I could... so this is a very sensitive issue to me. What would you ladies do???
Posted by clnyu[/QUOTE]
<div>Invite your friend to your wedding. That is what etiquette and friendship call for. If you uninvite her at this point (and an invitation to the shower should mean an invitation to the wedding whether formal invitations are out yet or not) you stand a good chance of ending the friendship.</div><div>
</div><div>Are you calling your friend? Has anyone heard from her? If anyone has a way of getting a message to her, you can say, "We need to hear by the 27th (or whenever), or we'll assume you're not coming."</div>
I haven't been communicating with the girls invited to my shower, I've left that up to my mother and MOH. She has received 4 communications about the shower, with an explanation of when we needed the headcount by and why it was a firm deadline. She has not acknowledged any of it.
[QUOTE]In the end, I know I will invite her... I'm just hurt. I would never ask of someone what I wouldn't do myself - and I would never, ever just ignore a friend's shower. I have gone solo to a wedding where I didn't know a soul other than the bride, and was seated by myself at a table full of couples. Not fun... but it wasn't about my good time, was it? It was about the bride, and I wanted to be there for her. I haven't been communicating with the girls invited to my shower, I've left that up to my mother and MOH. She has received 4 communications about the shower, with an explanation of when we needed the headcount by and why it was a firm deadline. She has not acknowledged any of it.
Posted by clnyu[/QUOTE]
I understand being hurt, I really do, but this person is your friend so I would contact her whatever way works best for the two of you about her life. Nothing more. Like I said before, something could be taking precedence over RSVPing to your shower. Examples - family member in the hospital, being busy, stressed out, etc.
Ok, you all got me thinking... and the hurt feelings are only going to get worse if I don't nip it. I don't think I should have to chase anyone down to RSVP, but I sent my friend (let's call her Jill) an email... I wouldn't be able to call her until tomorrow night and don't want to wait that long. I basically said that I know she hasn't RSVP'd yet and I'd understand if she can't make it, but I'd love to see her there if she can.
Jill, myself and our mutual friend were always doing our NYC single girl thing together. Then I met my fiance 2 years ago... at first Jill was totally fine and nothing seemed different. Then our mutual friend met her boyfriend last fall, and after that she became more distant. Jill blatantly ignores most any invite these days, and after awhile it becomes very hurtful. But I feel like a happy hour invite is way different than a bridal shower invite, and I deserved a response.
I know Jill feels, to some degree, that she's being left behind. I TOTALLY get it. I've been there, and it's cruddy. But at a certain point you have to put that aside and just be happy for your friend. I've been there too.