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Snarky Brides
Only-Child Myths
Courtesy of Mery on FB.
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2002382,00.html
The article talks about how more parents are choosing to only have one child despite people still acting like there is something wrong with doing that. The myths that only children are selfish, aloof, asocial, lonely and spoiled persists although there is a lot of evidence that only children tend to have higher levels of intelligence and achievement.
As an only child I fit many of the stereotypes...I typically prefer my own company to that of others, I need a lot of alone time, I cannot tolerate chaos and noise in my house, I tend to make decisions based on how they affect ME, I am called aloof quite often, I have always scored very high on intelligence tests. But I am perfectly happy with how I am and loved being an only.
I tend to think people who have large families as selfish and reckless. H comes from a family of 12 and there is no way all of those children got the individual growth and attention they needed.
What are your thoughts on only children?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Only-Child Myths
I think more than two is too much
I don't fit into the stereotype of an only child (for the most part) and I really don't feel that I missed out by not having siblings.
We plan on only having one child, because I don't see it as a bad thing.
[QUOTE]As an only child I fit many of the stereotypes...I typically prefer my own company to that of others, I need a lot of alone time, I cannot tolerate chaos and noise in my house, I tend to make decisions based on how they affect ME, I am called aloof quite often, I have always scored very high on intelligence tests. But I am perfectly happy with how I am and loved being an only. I tend to think people who have large families as selfish and reckless. H comes from a family of 12 and there is no way all of those children got the individual growth and attention they needed. What are your thoughts on only children?
Posted by saschaduran[/QUOTE]
Yes, this is definitely me. FI and I want three children, "middle child syndrome" be damned.
I made a bio?!?
I personally wish I had grown up with siblings, I dont know what its like to have that kind of relationship. If we have kids, I want atleast 2.
[QUOTE]In Response to Only-Child Myths : Hmmmm, interesting because this is pretty much me but I'm not the only child. I'm the oldest out of 5 kids.
Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]
That's what i was thinking as well.
My younger sisters are ridiculously huggy, needy, and loud. My brother's are both jokesters with major "look at me" syndrome.
But I would have loved having a sibling that was really close to my age. I was too old to be anything other than a fill-in-mom to the other kids.
I'm cool with having only 1 kid (so is H) and I don't think they miss out on anything other that learning some social skills among peers. I suppose day-care and playdates can fill in that void. I do however reserve the right to have a second kid if the "I want another baby" bug ever bites me.
My Fat Chick Blog
[QUOTE]Courtesy of Mery on FB. <a href="http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0" rel="nofollow">http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0</a> ,8599,2002382,00.html The article talks about how more parents are choosing to only have one child despite people still acting like there is something wrong with doing that. <strong>The myths that only children are selfish, aloof, asocial, lonely and spoiled persists although there is a lot of evidence that only children tend to have higher levels of intelligence and achievement. </strong>As an only child I fit many of the stereotypes...I typically prefer my own company to that of others, I need a lot of alone time, I cannot tolerate chaos and noise in my house, I tend to make decisions based on how they affect ME, I am called aloof quite often, I have always scored very high on intelligence tests. But I am perfectly happy with how I am and loved being an only. I tend to think people who have large families as selfish and reckless. H comes from a family of 12 and there is no way all of those children got the individual growth and attention they needed. What are your thoughts on only children?
Posted by saschaduran[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You just described FI to a tee, except he is very generous with affection. I grew up as the middle of 3, and I think I got all the attention I needed. My step-dad was the youngest of 13, and I'd like to think that's why he's such an ass.
</div>
I would like 4+ kids, but at 30 that may not be possible. I would like at least 2 though. If I can only have 1, thats fine too. I just want kids. Bad. I would love a house full of kids.
I know a few only children. They show some of the signs you stated. Its just more of a personality trait of theirs. I dont think there is anything wrong with having only 1 kid. There will always be cousins, neighbors, school friends, etc to socialize with.
I also see no problem with not wanting kids, but I hate when people spout off about how having more than 1 or 2 is selfish and greedy and a strain on the environment. As long as I can take care of my kids, its really none of your business how many I have.
DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
[QUOTE]In Response to Only-Child Myths : Hmmmm, interesting because this is pretty much me but I'm not the only child. I'm the oldest out of 5 kids.
Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]
I learned in a psych course that onlies and oldest children exhibit the same personality traits/behaviors.
In terms of the socialization issue, that's really only an issue if you let your kids stay home in front of a TV all day. I'm an only and had a ton of friends to play with all the time because I went out and played.
I made a bio?!?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Only-Child Myths : I learned in a psych course that onlies and oldest children exhibit the same personality traits/behaviors. In terms of the socialization issue, that's really only an issue if you let your kids stay home in front of a TV all day. I'm an only and had a ton of friends to play with all the time because I went out and played.
Posted by npasquale16[/QUOTE]
My mom didnt "let" me sit at home infront of the tv, I just didnt live anywhere near my friends and often had to stay at my grandparents house she was working which was hte opposite side of the city. I wasnt some lazy ass kid who watched too much television.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Only-Child Myths : I learned in a psych course that onlies and oldest children exhibit the same personality traits/behaviors. In terms of the socialization issue, that's really only an issue if you let your kids stay home in front of a TV all day. I'm an only and had a ton of friends to play with all the time because I went out and played.
Posted by npasquale16[/QUOTE]
Um, not so much. My mom didn't let me sit in front of the TV all day. She encouraged me to call friends and go outside to play. Sometimes socialization issues come from other events that happen in that kid's life, not because their parents figured TV was entertainment enough.
Psych "studies' really irritate me sometimes.
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Only-Child Myths : Um, not so much. My mom didn't let me sit in front of the TV all day. She encouraged me to call friends and go outside to play. <strong>Sometimes socialization issues come from other events that happen in that kid's life, not because their parents figured TV was entertainment enough.</strong> Psych "studies' really irritate me sometimes.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]
Absolutely true. I was talking more along the lines of those who say it's a negative experience for the child if you only have one. I am an only child and did not have socialization issues. Of course, people can be influenced by a TON of different factors.
I made a bio?!?
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
I did have plenty of socialization though, I started riding / showing horses when I was 11 which was great. I probably woudln't have been able to do that if I had siblings because my parents wouldn't have been able to afford it. I'm happy that my parents also didn't "spoil me" - I know I got more than if I would have had siblings, but I also had to work hard for a lot of those things (cleaning the stalls after school to help pay for the board & training of my horse, for example). I know a girl who is the prime example of the spoiled only child, she gives the rest of us onlies a bad name.
Sorry for the novel. I guess I'm on the fence on this one. I'd like to have 2 kids.
[QUOTE] As far as the sharing thing...there is a huge difference with me and my husband. I do think of everything as "mine". And if I go in the kitchen to get a drink or make a snack, I never offer to get him anything. Or if I go to the store or grab food, I never think to call and see if he wants anything. I have been trying really hard to change this.
Posted by saschaduran[/QUOTE]
That's FI too. I know he doesn't do it intentionally, it's just that he never had to worry about anyone but himself as a kid. And then he lived alone for years after he grew up. I don't usually take it personally, because I know it's just force of habit for him. And he has made a conscious effort to do stuff like call on his way home to see if I need anything, and stuff like that.
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
[QUOTE] As far as the sharing thing...there is a huge difference with me and my husband. I do think of everything as "mine". And if I go in the kitchen to get a drink or make a snack, I never offer to get him anything. Or if I go to the store or grab food, I never think to call and see if he wants anything. I have been trying really hard to change this.
Posted by saschaduran[/QUOTE]
I'm like this with everyone but my H. I spoil H and think of him more than I do myself. It annoys me sometimes. But if other people come over for a visit, it never even occurs to me to offer them a drink or snack. then they leave and suddenly I'm all, "how could I be so stupid to not offer anything?!" or if someone asks how my day was, I say fine and don't ask about theirs, then end up kicking myself in the butt later.
I still don't understand how I know I do these things and want to change yet do them anyway. Methinks I am unfixable.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
He doesnt like to share, likes things his way, etc.
Maybe only children just exhibit classic "oldest child" traits because if there was another child, they would have been the oldest.
DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
[QUOTE]See the concept of not sharing food is so completely foreign to me. I don't think I've ever eaten a meal, or had a drink, without somebody having some of it. Used to be my brother, even after we were kids. We lived together in college too. And now it's FI. Seriously, I haven't had a glass of sweet tea to myself ever in my whole life, I don't think.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
I'll share food if it's in front of me. I just forget to offer we're chatting on the couch or hanging out outside and none is around. I don't know why. As for the ice cream, H will eat more than half the container the day I get it and not tell me, so when I go to get some it's mostly gone. Or he'll eat it all and not tell me or replace it. That annoys me.
As for drinks, I can only share with H. My mom has a phobia of drinking after people, and I think she passed it on to me. I grew up hearing about backwash and bacteria and people's spit being in their drinks (her words, not mine) and sharing drinks grosses me out.
Sascha--I know what you mean. I feel nosy asking a bunch of questions. Plus, most of the time I don't really care. And I always feel like the people asking don't care either, they're just asking out of obligation or something. Man, the more I explain myself, the more I totally sound like I have serious issues.