MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.

Jenni.Adams · June 2010

Sorry i've got to add my two cents here. As a tax payer I do JUDGE you immensely for going out on my dime. I bet your one of those people who are on WIC and buy 15 dollar steaks at the store, brand name cereal and tons of junk food for your kids with that money as well. I was unemployed for several months this past year and every dime I got went into a savings account. I'm not saying you can't have a good time and by that I mean going to see a movie or out to a nicer restaurant every once in a while but going out to get loaded on shots just ticks me off as a tax payer.

Your living the life of someone who doesn't have kids, well i'm sorry if you didn't want kids you should have learned how to use BC or keep your legs closed. Now that you do have kids act like an adult and put them first.

The Mel and Todd Show · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:3f9df99f-a7d6-4d7c-ab06-db8ee9a59304">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry. : And are you a mother? Then don't judge. I do NOT dump my kids on anyone, I do not get "loaded" all the time, and I slapped one person in 10 years. Yeah, I'm real violent. I am social by nature, yes, but as for going out frequently, I don't. Yeah, I got the chance to go out a few times in the last week, but that's pretty damn rare. It's usually one a month, if that. I am social in that I make friends easy IRL, without effort. I walk into a place and don't know a stranger. I've always been like that, as was my father. I like being social. It's not something that will change with motherhood. Yes, I used to go out every week, party all the time. That was before I had children. I am doing nothing that will lose my children, so don't even go there.
Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]

I'm a mom. By your own words, I can now judge you. Sit and be judged:
I'm worried about you. I truly am. I think you're in a very bad place, and you have come to admit (in only two pages, bravo, dear girl) that the relationships in your life are toxic. Good for you for coming to that realization, and Godspeed in your journey upon which you will (I hope) ultimately remove these people from your life.

You have to know that you can't tell a group of people that you're going out, getting drunk, and assaulting others, all without a job, and expect not to be judged. I don't care if it's $10 or $100, that money shouldn't be spent on anything but getting your life in order. It's incredibly narcissistic and downright unfair to your children to assume you "deserve" a night out. You don't get to deserve a night out when you don't have the gainful employment necessary to support your children in a home, surrounded by those who care for you and them, equally. You're unemployed? You have parents, who you have stated take your children every other weekend due to their love for them. This is wonderful, and this is where you should be living. If you can't afford a place of your own, suck it up and head to mom's house. Even if you don't spend a single penny on these nights where you go out, you still don't have a job. Spend that time taking classes (you're a single mother, I assure you there is money available to you to finance this), work on your resume, spend 8+ hours per day seeking a job. When the day is over, put your beautiful children to bed, and spend the night LOOKING FOR A JOB. Be a positive role model for your children before you scoff at someone who is trying to help you, spitting "don't judge me" at her, simply because she hasn't procreated. Procreating didn't increase your brain capacity, and it has no impact on hers, either. Get over yourself, grow up, and take care of your children.

nda_roxybabe · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:22536090-4348-4647-9502-888b9bb19183">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry. :<strong> I don't know where you got that I have THREE children at home, I have two</strong>. I also did not PUNCH a friend in the face. And whether you believe me or not, I have not used UI money for going out, FI does have a job and when we go out, it's his account we use. Not that it matters. I'm not comparing motherhood to martyrdom. But I don't exactly want to be one of the mothers working at a strip club to pay the bills, since that's about the only job available in this town right now. I won't lower myself to that. I am working on a few leads right now, so I can stop taking "your" money.
Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]
You have a future stepdaughter making 3. I'm sure thats where she got 3 from. It's not like it was some outlandish suggestion.

Anysunrise · June 2010

The OP is what I imagine a tv show would be like if we combined Jersey Shore, Jerry Springer and the Hills into one ridiculous monster dramafest.

mizri · June 2010

Yeah, there's money for single mothers, but not when you owe the college money and can't pay it back yet. They don't let you take classes when you have a debt with them. Plus, those finances are limited. I have used the max amount on Pell Grant working toward my degree. Which has been put on hold while I was working full time to support my kids and their father. I can't move back in with my parents. I've already been told that. I can afford the apartment that I have with the money from UI and FI's income. I am trying to find a job because staying at home drives me crazy. I am not one who enjoys being home all day. I would rather be working and contributing to my household than not. I love my children, but I am not SAHM material. And, no, I'm not judging anyone who enjoys staying home with their kids. It's just not for me. And that's not a bad thing. And how am I to go about spending 8+ hours a day looking for a job when I'm home alone with my kids all day and most the jobs require coming in to apply? My mother lives an hour away. I can't just drop the kids off.

Licia&Wayne · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:714933d0-175f-4920-9048-b66be798065e">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, there's money for single mothers, but not when you owe the college money and can't pay it back yet. They don't let you take classes when you have a debt with them. Plus, those finances are limited. I have used the max amount on Pell Grant working toward my degree. Which has been put on hold while I was working full time to support my kids and their father. I can't move back in with my parents. I've already been told that. I can afford the apartment that I have with the money from UI and FI's income. I am trying to find a job because staying at home drives me crazy. I am not one who enjoys being home all day. I would rather be working and contributing to my household than not. I love my children, but I am not SAHM material. And, no, I'm not judging anyone who enjoys staying home with their kids. It's just not for me. And that's not a bad thing. And how am I to go about spending 8+ hours a day looking for a job when I'm home alone with my kids all day and most the jobs require coming in to apply? My mother lives an hour away. I can't just drop the kids off.
Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]

Seriously mizri, all I hear from this is pity me, poor me, I'm not going to change because it's too hard.

Take your kids with you when you apply. Plenty of people have been in your shoes and succeeded. You simply cannot be weak and you cannot give up, so stop excusing your life and your decisions and better yourself.

emilykathleen511 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:714933d0-175f-4920-9048-b66be798065e">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, there's money for single mothers, but not when you owe the college money and can't pay it back yet. They don't let you take classes when you have a debt with them. Plus, those finances are limited. I have used the max amount on Pell Grant working toward my degree. Which has been put on hold while I was working full time to support my kids and their father. I can't move back in with my parents. I've already been told that. I can afford the apartment that I have with the money from UI and FI's income. I am trying to find a job because staying at home drives me crazy. I am not one who enjoys being home all day. I would rather be working and contributing to my household than not. I love my children, but I am not SAHM material. And, no, I'm not judging anyone who enjoys staying home with their kids. It's just not for me. And that's not a bad thing. <strong>And how am I to go about spending 8+ hours a day looking for a job when I'm home alone with my kids all day and most the jobs require coming in to apply? My mother lives an hour away. I can't just drop the kids off.
</strong>Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]

Okay, I wasn't judging you<em> quite </em>as much as the others because you seemed at least relatively receptive to some of the advice you were getting. Until you said this. You can drop your kids off to go clubbing, but not to look for a job?!?!?!? Awesome. And now I am also pissed that my taxes are going to you. And that is saying quite a bit, as I am very much a bleeding heart liberal (the Dems are too conservative for my taste).

mizri · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:da255562-fd3a-472d-a144-696357c8d5a8">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry. : Okay, I wasn't judging you quite as much as the others because you seemed at least relatively receptive to some of the advice you were getting. Until you said this. You can drop your kids off to go clubbing, but not to look for a job?!?!?!? Awesome. And now I am also pissed that my taxes are going to you. And that is saying quite a bit, as I am very much a bleeding heart liberal (the Dems are too conservative for my taste).
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

<div>I do NOT drop my kids off to go clubbing! They go to my mother's for the weekend sometimes. That is the only time I go out. My mother owns her own business and lives an hour away from me. She can't exactly watch the kids in the middle of the day for me to go someplace to apply without some planning. Once I get an interview somewhere, then I will probably ask her to keep the kids overnight one day during the week so that I can go to the interview. At least that's the plan. Really, you guys are making it out to where I'm out every single weekend. I'm not. I happened to have two weekends in a row where I was able to go out with friends, who I have now started to see as not the best people in my life. Before that, I hadn't gone out in over a month. </div>

mizri · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:1bfa447f-b325-4de9-8ac5-c420aeb1a91f">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry i've got to add my two cents here. As a tax payer I do JUDGE you immensely for going out on my dime.<strong> I bet your one of those people who are on WIC and buy 15 dollar steaks at the store, brand name cereal and tons of junk food for your kids with that money as well.</strong> I was unemployed for several months this past year and every dime I got went into a savings account. I'm not saying you can't have a good time and by that I mean going to see a movie or out to a nicer restaurant every once in a while but going out to get loaded on shots just ticks me off as a tax payer. Your living the life of someone who doesn't have kids, well i'm sorry if you didn't want kids you should have learned how to use BC or keep your legs closed. Now that you do have kids act like an adult and put them first.
Posted by Jenni.Adams[/QUOTE]

<div>And the only gov't assistance I recieve, other than UI right now, is Medicaid for my kids. </div>

pixiedust84 · June 2010

Seriously Mizri it doesn't appear to me that you want any of our advice. So why the eff did you post on an advice board?? Very confusing.

I thought everything Mel said was brilliant. I absolutely think it would be good for you to move in with Mom. Is the reason you can't because you come in a package with your fi? I can't imagine supportive parents (which is sounds like yours are) would say you can't move in unless you were moving in with your toxic fi. Maybe you could move in without him. Sounds like a plan to me.

You asked for advice, you got it. Don't shoot down everything everyone says. I mean come onnnnnn.

Licia&Wayne · June 2010

I agree with Pixie. Mizri, you have an answer for everything we say. So if you're content with the status quo, fine. No matter what any of us says, it's not that bad according to you and it's all too hard for you to overcome. It's silly to even continue this discussion.

betrothed123 · June 2010

Mizri- Stop with the excuses. If you don't want to be judged on your miserable train wreck of a life (which is solely your fault at this point), stop posting about it for the whole world to see. You love the freaking drama, and you love everyone here judging you for it. If you didn't you would find a way to pull yourself out of this situation.

Licia&Wayne · June 2010

Betrothed, you read my mind.

mizri · June 2010

I have taken the advice, but the assumptions about my life is what I was defending. Saying that I'm one of those mothers that abuses gov't assistance and drop my kids off to go clubbing all the time was not called for. I cannot move back in with my mother. She has already told me that it won't happen. Not because of FI. I have relied on her too much in the past and that time is past. She will help me as much as she can, but not have me move back in with her, again.

I came here about what MOH did this past weekend. I feel betrayed by someone that I thought was a very close friend. But you guys are all right, I have toxic people in my life. And I need to change that. There is so much I need to change in my life, and I am working on that. But my life didn't get this way overnight and it won't change overnight either. I appriciate the advice, I don't feel that any of the rest was called for, but it was put out there. So, I defended what I could. I am not one of the mothers who pawns her kids off on everyone around her. I hate that. But when my mother volunteers to take them, I don't say no. Sometimes I ask her to take them, but not often. I see so many people who have their parents raising their children and I hate it. So I don't do it. It pissed both me and FI off when his daughter's mother sent his daughter to the grandmother's house when she couldn't deal with her kids. Unfortunately, his daughter was back home before we could act and get custody. But her older two kids are still with the grandmother. I hate that. You are a mother, take care of your own kids. Don't send them away.

bablingbrooke · June 2010

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your kids is to hand them off to someone else while you get your shiit together. I'm not saying that's what you necessarily need to do. But I disagree that if your life is a mess your kids should have to stay and bear witness to it.

I apologize for mistaking 2 for 3 (hardly a war crime) and if you felt attacked, I'm sorry. But if 30 strangers on a message board have all drawn the same conclusion from what YOU wrote about YOURSELF, that's something to think about in terms of how you portray yourself to the world. I'm glad you want to get things on track. I hope it goes smoothly.

Licia&Wayne · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:f63bb3d1-88ca-49aa-90bc-f5ddf80cddd4">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]I have taken the advice, but the assumptions about my life is what I was defending. Saying that I'm one of those mothers that abuses gov't assistance and drop my kids off to go clubbing all the time was not called for. I cannot move back in with my mother. She has already told me that it won't happen. Not because of FI. I have relied on her too much in the past and that time is past. She will help me as much as she can, but not have me move back in with her, again. I came here about what MOH did this past weekend. I feel betrayed by someone that I thought was a very close friend. But you guys are all right, I have toxic people in my life. And I need to change that. There is so much I need to change in my life, and I am working on that. <strong>But my life didn't get this way overnight and it won't change overnight either.</strong> I appriciate the advice, I don't feel that any of the rest was called for, but it was put out there. So, I defended what I could. I am not one of the mothers who pawns her kids off on everyone around her. I hate that. But when my mother volunteers to take them, I don't say no. Sometimes I ask her to take them, but not often. I see so many people who have their parents raising their children and I hate it. So I don't do it. It pissed both me and FI off when his daughter's mother sent his daughter to the grandmother's house when she couldn't deal with her kids. Unfortunately, his daughter was back home before we could act and get custody. But her older two kids are still with the grandmother. I hate that. You are a mother, take care of your own kids. Don't send them away.
Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]

Don't you have 30 days?

I'm sorry Mizri, I don't buy it. I'm glad you recognize there are problems in your life, but your excuses are too prevalent for me to take you seriously. You clearly love drama and seem to be aiming at creating it. That's just childish.

Edit: I do just want to say that I'm not trying to be a total jerk to you, but this drama is out of control. The excuses are just frustrating beyond belief. That is where my harsh words are coming from.

LeighPA · June 2010

[QUOTE]Sorry i've got to add my two cents here. As a tax payer I do JUDGE you immensely for going out on my dime. I bet your one of those people who are on WIC and buy 15 dollar steaks at the store, brand name cereal and tons of junk food for your kids with that money as well.
Posted by Jenni.Adams[/QUOTE]
WIC and welfare (food stamps) are two different things. With the WIC money a mother receives, she has to buy very very specific items in specific amounts. The food stamps are what would allow her to buy filet mignon and cases of soda.

Otherwise, I agree with you beyond completely.

mizri · June 2010

Thank you, Brooke. I have decided that I'm not going out for a while. I can spend time with my friends away from that place. I'm talking to one friend about starting a D&D campaign, and we can run that at my house, after kids go to bed. I had one friend come over today with her daughter to go swimming with me and my kids. I am now viewing this past weekend as the slap in the face that I needed.

emilykathleen511 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:f6d3855b-361b-4966-ab5a-4522beb0c21e">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you, Brooke. I have decided that I'm not going out for a while. I can spend time with my friends away from that place. I'm talking to one friend about starting a D&D campaign, and we can run that at my house, after kids go to bed. I had one friend come over today with her daughter to go swimming with me and my kids. <strong>I am now viewing this past weekend as the slap in the face that I needed.
</strong>Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]

bolded portion = pun win

:)

mizri · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:be0112c6-de8e-4086-8c05-372bcec9593a">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]WIC and welfare (food stamps) are two different things. With the WIC money a mother receives, she has to buy very very specific items in specific amounts. The food stamps are what would allow her to buy filet mignon and cases of soda.
Posted by LeighPA[/QUOTE]

<div>This, but as previously stated, I'm not on either of those. Was on WIC when kids were babies, because formula is expensive, especially if you have a child on hypoallergenic formula. But I got off it when they got off formula.</div>

Jenni.Adams · June 2010

You are correct WIC and food stamps are two different things and I should have been clearer about what I meant.
What I meant was food stamps for the expensive steaks and cases of soda and bags upon bags of candy & chips cases of beer etc and WIC is where you can spend the money on certain things food wise and then buy a new 300 dollar tv with your unemployment.

They all kind of blend together as people abusing the system so they can party because they had child when they were still children themselves and want to still act like children

My FI works at walmart so he see's plenty of both of these kinds. (and the TV thing happened to him like last week, some lady came in and had WIC for the food items and then handed him a big chunk of cash for the brand new TV

mizri · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:ee978b10-c130-4cfa-b9dd-1ba79f021bb2">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]You are correct WIC and food stamps are two different things and I should have been clearer about what I meant. What I meant was food stamps for the expensive steaks and cases of soda and bags upon bags of candy & chips <strong>cases of beer</strong> etc and WIC is where you can spend the money on certain things food wise and then buy a new 300 dollar tv with your unemployment. They all kind of blend together as people abusing the system so they can party because they had child when they were still children themselves and want to still act like children My FI works at walmart so he see's plenty of both of these kinds. (and the TV thing happened to him like last week, some lady came in and had WIC for the food items and then handed him a big chunk of cash for the brand new TV
Posted by Jenni.Adams[/QUOTE]

<div>Can't buy beer with it. Just sayin'. And I think the thing about people on food stamps that pissed me off the most was standing in line behind someone at a gas station and waiting while she picked out $20 worth of scratch offs, then used her food stamp card to buy her daughter a pack of sugared donuts. I'm not a fan of gov't handouts, I was on WIC, just when the kids were babies. I have them on Medicaid because I have no way to have them on private insurance currently. My last job was a call center that lost contract and they filed our UI for us. We just had to wait for our packet in the mail and call to start payments. </div><div>
</div><div>And you never know, maybe she had saved up money for that new TV for months and had the cash ready to pay for it. That's better than putting it on a credit card. Just because she's on WIC doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to have a new TV if she worked hard and saved the money for it. I'm not defending her, just giving another perspective. </div>

Jenni.Adams · June 2010

If she saved up the money for the TV then she should be able keep saving enough to build up and not have to get my tax dollars. Just sayin.

And yes food stamps you can buy beer with it. The money is loaded onto a horizon gov't card that you swipe like a credit card they don't keep track of what you are buying.

You were on welfare and now your not. Congratulations now go fix the rest of your life, do not procreate again, and live in the real world where excuses do not make up for actions. Actions speak louder then words, you have admitted you have toxic relationships which is a big first step now take some of those excuses for why you cant do things throw them on the ground and stomp over them as you go on to do better things for not only yourself but for your kids.
FFS women

bablingbrooke · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:824cfbfe-d340-42e3-b3cf-dc0507b03e62">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry. : CAnd you never know, maybe she had saved up money for that new TV for months and had the cash ready to pay for it. That's better than putting it on a credit card. Just because she's on WIC doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to have a new TV if she worked hard and saved the money for it. I'm not defending her, just giving another perspective.
Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]
See, this is an example of the attitude that's making you rub everyone the wrong way. If you cannot afford food for your family to the point that the government has to buy your food for you, no, you do not deserve a new TV. It's blatantly irresponsible. You save up and get housing, employment, whatever. Get off government aid. Then buy the things you want: TVs, nights out, etc.<div>
</div><div>It's not easy but it's necessary. That's the choice adults have to make: deciding between what is right and what is easy. Take me and DH last year. He was out of work for pretty much the whole first year of the Great Recession (he finally got a great job almost a year ago, which necessitated a cross-country move and me transferring to another law school for the final year). DH and I love to travel. No, strike that: we LIVE to travel. We're always going somewhere. Last year we had no income outside my student loans. That's what supported us. I could have taken out bigger loans to cover our travel costs, or used my grant money for it. But that would have been irresponsible. If you are without income to the point that you need to have taxpayer intervention (student loan, WIC, welfare, etc.) then it's wrong to buy luxury goods just because you've figured out a way to pay for them. You have a responsibility to society to not use their money to fund your luxury items. So DH and I didn't travel for a long time. Then he got a job, our income got much more stable, and only after we were completely self-supporting again (i.e. using the loans only for tuition, not for housing or other needs) did we start traveling (this included our honeymoon, btw--we took it nearly six months after our wedding).</div><div>
</div><div>Being an adult really sucks sometimes. But you have to do what you have to do.</div>

SassyBrass · June 2010

I agree- If you can "work really hard" to save up for a spankin' new TV, then you can save up for some freakin necessities. You know, food and water bills and things like that.
And if you don't have a job, you should be looking for one. That in itself should be a job. I know when I first got laid off I enjoyed my time with FI, who just got back from deployment a week before, but it really wasn't long before I was working full-time again.
Maybe you can't move in WITH your mother, but closer to her? Maybe when you do go back to work, your kids have somewhere to go. Plus, she has her own business, is there a way you can work for her? Or she may have a connection? I'm not all for handouts, but when push comes to shove and you have to think of your kids, there's nothing wrong with asking for help. You don't have to work on a pole, but go work part time wherever you can, if you aren't content with it, keep looking while you're working. Holding out for the "right" thing won't do you good.
Besides, an hour isn't too far away for your ex to spend time with his kids when he wants to choose to do so, which you seem to give off isn't too often. Why make it easier for him? You need to get YOUR life together. If he wants to see them, HE can figure it out.
I won't lie to you, your OP made my eyes glaze over with confusion. There was way too much to gather. I think the other knotties put it simply best to say you don't need these people in your life. If you make friends easily, it won't take much effort to make some that may actually be decent, non-drama feeding people.
You don't need to fight your friends' battles. If this Dante doesn't like the way Bobby is "looking" at him, that's his problem. Sounds a little phobic to me. Hey Dante, just because you have a penis doesn't mean every gay dude wants to get with you. Get over yourself. What was Bobby going to do, Really?
And as far as Bobby goes, any "friend" who waves the fact that he had sex with my ex in my face woudn't get any reconcilliation. He would lose a friend. For life. End of story. Sure, maybe it was said while drunk, but you know he holds some pride in that. Yep, sever ties with that one.
I'm not too sure where all all this falls solely on your MOH trying to break you and your FI up. You seem to have too much to do with your ex that extends beyond the biological father stuff. Plus, with this whole 30 days trial period, I don't think anything your MOH will do is really affecting your already rocky relationship. Don't worry about what she, or Dante, or Bobby, or your Ex are doing. If you want to repair your relationship with FI, it starts with you and him. If it's something that you're not too sure to hang on to, don't. Or straight up put it on hold, without any wedding stuff in the equation. You both sound like you have a lot of work ahead to make this relationship a success.
First things first, work on your kids' best interests. They are the relationship that matters. Then you can work outward from there. Sure they are young now, but they too, can learn which relationships are toxic. You don't want to be one of them.
There's nothing wrong with having a night out with your friends every now and then, but honestly, I think you are past the age of doing the clubbing partying thing. Regardless of how much you spend or yours, FI's, or TP's money.

sapphirebaby926 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:22536090-4348-4647-9502-888b9bb19183">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry. : I don't know where you got that I have THREE children at home, I have two. I also did not PUNCH a friend in the face. And whether you believe me or not, I have not used UI money for going out, FI does have a job and when we go out, it's his account we use. Not that it matters. I'm not comparing motherhood to martyrdom. <strong>But I don't exactly want to be one of the mothers working at a strip club to pay the bills, since that's about the only job available in this town right now.</strong> I won't lower myself to that. I am working on a few leads right now, so I can stop taking "your" money.
Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]

The bolded part is a load of bull - there are plenty of jobs in this town right now. Their retail jobs but they are available the problem is you probably just haven't applied to them

mizri · June 2010

And yes food stamps you can buy beer with it. The money is loaded onto a horizon gov't card that you swipe like a credit card they don't keep track of what you are buying.

You're thinking of UI benefits, not FS. I may not have been on FS, but I've had good friends who were/are. You ring up all your stuff, then swipe your FS card. It covers all non-prepared food items, and leaves the balance of everything else. And beer is not on the list of non-prepared food items. I have actually been with one friend who had beer with her food and it had to be paid for seperately. Now, yes, you CAN use the UI debit card for it, since it is a VISA debit card from Chase.

See, this is an example of the attitude that's making you rub everyone the wrong way. If you cannot afford food for your family to the point that the government has to buy your food for you, no, you do not deserve a new TV. It's blatantly irresponsible. You save up and get housing, employment, whatever. Get off government aid. Then buy the things you want: TVs, nights out, etc.

And I wasn't supporting her decision, just offering another perspective. The poster that put this example did not know the situation that led to that woman being on WIC and paying cash for a TV. I know that there are people out there who abuse the system, but there people out there who do what they can and it's still not enough. Maybe someone else is paying for that TV as a gift to the family. Maybe she's abusing the system. Who knows.

And things with my FI are over. He pushed the decision last night and I made my choice. He will be moving out in a few days, sooner if he decides that he's going to leave me and the kids high and dry on bills he helped contribute to. He wanted to have this talk before he shelled out any money to bills this month. Right now, I am just trying to convince him to leave my phone and insurance alone for just a week or two so I can get money to set it all up under my name again. He's "thinking about it". I told him that if he was the one to push this to last night and he doesn't have an answer for my by today on whether he's going to be a d!ck and cut my phone and insurance off without giving me a chance to get it all set-up again under my name, knowing that I don't even have enough for rent right now, then he can be out of my house by tonight. He said he still has to think about it. But he is going to give me the money I need to cover rent. He just doesn't know about the phone and insurance yet.

mizri · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:2a7098d8-6b26-4e93-8cbe-1387435634e7">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry. : The bolded part is a load of bull - there are plenty of jobs in this town right now. Their retail jobs but they are available the problem is you probably just haven't applied to them
Posted by sapphirebaby926[/QUOTE]

<div>Retail jobs that are part-time that I won't be able to take because I can't work nights. I've already thought of this. </div>

gottahavashorti · June 2010

Good for you for end ing things with your FI. 65 posts later I'm still not entirely sure of the specifics of what is going on but regardless, it's not good and you need to run from these toxic relationships. Being unemployed actually could give you the opportunity to run away from all of this. Start looking for jobs a few hours away in areas with more job prospects and see if your mom can help you move to save on cash.

sapphirebaby926 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:7ee8c987-3256-4507-8540-3e1656e3af48">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry. : Retail jobs that are part-time that I won't be able to take because I can't work nights. I've already thought of this.
Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]

It's likely that those retail part-time jobs are going to pay you more than your UI benefits will. I know working nights and having kids is not going to be great but can you really not work until 9pm? Because most of the stores around here close about that time. Besides I know there are a few places that will work with you to work early shifts so you're off early in the day so you don't have to work at night.

MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.

Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.

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