Introduction

choephori · April 2011

Hi everyone,

I recently posted on the Not Yet Engaged board with my story and they sugested that I wander over here to look for some advice and/or support, if that's all right?

My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage for the last six months, but it finally came to a more definite point when the job situation here at home wasn't looking up and we talked about the option of him applying to go active duty in the Air Force this coming October. I'm not from a military background at all; my extended family (grandparents, uncles) were but my immediate parents were not. Thus I'm a little bit (read, a lot a bit) nervous about the entire idea -- whether I have the character and patience and fortitude to be the sort of support he'll need at home.

I really want him to do this. I know it's always been a lifelong dream of his to serve simultaneously with his dad (who's retiring in a year or two) and I've supported that from the very beginning. I have qualms about up and moving who knows where and the chances of him being deployed, but at the same time -- this is important, you know? So in my view, it's a small price to pay for something much more important.

That said, if he does get accepted, we're looking at setting a date for summer '12, as he willl hopefully know where he's posted at that point. It's going to be a drastically new experience for me and I'm really nervous...any and all thoughts, advice, or shared stories would be greatly appreciated. ^^;

Thank you!

SamiJoeB · April 2011

Welcome!!

I'm going to say that I like you already for a few reasons,1st that you say "lot a bit" (I say that ALL the time), 2nd, I LOOOVVEEE that you're questioning weather or not you'll be a good military wife. I think that so many girls are so young and think that just because JoeShmo thier High School Sweetheart joined the military that they are strong enough to be a military spouse. NOT to say that all high school relationships end up not working (though more often then not, they don't). I really appreciate the fact that you are taking a step back before jumping into this kind of a relationship. I haven't seen my husband since 2 weeks after our wedding, and in all likely hood, I won't until well after our 1st anniversary. You have to be okay on your own, you have to be able to get yourself out of bed every day dispite the fact that idk.. Your newborn baby is sick and you were up all night, or your puppy is not taking to house training very well and you're the only one at home to deal with it because your Hubs has training, or is deployed. You have to be okay with little or no communication for days, or weeks at a time. I love that while you want to support your man, that you recognize that you have very little experience with this lifestyle. For the record, I think that by taking the time to even ask these questions, you're taking a really positive step. I Like You very much!! Best of Luck and Welcome to the board again!!!!

Sammy0709 · April 2011

OP, I read your post on NEY to learn a little more about your situation. It's pretty cool that you're a chem teacher. I originally went to college for that until I changed my major. That was off subject.

Since your BF has a masters is he planning on going officer or enlisted? With an MBA plus a public health degree I'd bet he could go health care admin officer. Don't quote me on that, though.

You already seem to be in an LDR. He is in SF and you're in LA correct? How do you deal with that now? That's a question I would ask myself. My MIL has been a great support for me as I learn how to be a military wife (she was an Army wife for 22 years). Perhaps your BF's mother can do the same for you. The ladies on here and on MN have also taught me a lot. I don't know about other ladies, but I wasn't born a military wife. I am learning how to be one. My motivation is that I love him and I am proud of him.

choephori · April 2011

@SamiJoeB: Thanks so much for the kind words and welcome! Hehe, I love the phrase "a lotta bit"! I use it all the time!

Thank you so much for the encouragement. My BF has been really good about being an open, nonjudgmental ear through all this, but I honestly felt guilty for questioning like I did -- like if I expressed my doubts, it'd erode his confidence in this decision and that was the last thing I wanted. I think the hardest part for me is the lack of communication for long stretches of time; we've been dealing with long distance for the greater majority of our relationship, and the way we handle it is being on the phone/IM/e-mail with each other every free second of the day. To not have him near even in that capacity is a very frightening prospect.

I greatly respect your commitment to your husband.

I just really, really hope I have even a portion of that strength!

@Sammy0709: Ohh, yeah? That's really awesome; people genuinely interested in chemistry are a rare breed!

From what I understand, he is intending to go that route -- health care admin and essentially be working a desk at a base in the hospital there, which, from what I understand, does greatly diminish his chances of being deployed and make it into a more "normal" schedule. We're long distance about 10 months out of the year -- something that we handle by scheduling visits as often as we can and spending every spare moment of the day in some sort of communication (phone, e-mail, IM, etc.) with each other. If that was not possible...it'd be very, very hard.

I have nothing but the utmost admiration and respect for those serving and those waiting at home for them. It's a calling, for sure, on both fronts.

Thank you too for the thoughts and advice! You've been extremely kind to an otherwise mixed-up stranger. ^^;

birdie1020 · April 2011

I'd like to second everything everyone else has said, and add that my mom was in the exact same boat as you when my father proposed. They had been long distance for a while because he was in flight school, and when he proposed she told him she need 24 hours to decide if she could really handle being a military wife. She took time off from work, went for a long drive, and just spent the day thinking about who she was as a person and what kind of demands would be placed on her. In the end she said yes (good thing she did or I wouldn't be here today!!) and she made an amazing military wife the entire time my father was in the Marines.

Obviously, you don't have to make your decision in 24 hours like she did! I just wanted to share that story so that you knew there was someone else out there who took the time to do just what you're doing now.

Best of luck with everything!

SarahP787 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_introduction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:3dc02a20-9eb8-4f97-b178-0aa79a3d7c74Post:3e889b41-4f29-482e-9048-94d348344d26">Re: Introduction</a>:
[QUOTE]@SamiJoeB: We're long distance about 10 months out of the year -- something that we handle by scheduling visits as often as we can and spending every spare moment of the day in some sort of communication (phone, e-mail, IM, etc.) with each other. If that was not possible...it'd be very, very hard. :) [/QUOTE]

I think you're right - in my experience, having a LDR is a lot like dealing with deployment except deployment sucks more, lol :-P But it's a good point - it sounds like you're already willing and able to do the long distance thing, and that says a lot about what you're capable of.

Like others have said, it's good to self reflect before you make such a big choice!

choephori · April 2011

Thank you so much for the encouragement! It really does make me feel loads better to know that I'm not the only one who had to step back for a minute and really think about this...I guess I was feeling guilty that I wasn't honestly able to say, "Yes!" enthusiastically right away but was sincerely questioning.

There's still a lot of things I don't know about what all this will entail; having no experience with the military whatsoever, I don't even know all the acronyms let alone all the details of what exactly may or may not, will or will not happen. It really helps to hear from those that do know so I feel more informed and prepared.

So thank you!

He's wanting to apply for MSC. We've been pretty good about coming up with ways to stay close and intimate even while long distance; we spend a lot of time trying to do things together, even if it's just watching a movie on Netflix or talking to each other on the phone while we're out for a walk. It's hard, but we've made it work. Just worried about if/when this gets even harder, how we're going to deal then. >.< We're great at communication and really good about being independent and keeping busy apart from each other -- but it's always been, "I'll see you by the end of the month." Making that, "in a year?" is a really daunting prospect.

Thank you so much again, everyone -- you've been incredibly kind and I've absolutely loved being able to read what you've said. It's helped so much. ^^;

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