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Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
riadawson
member
Can I not invite Grandma?
My maternal grandmother is mentally ill, however, she is a "functioning" person. She tends to start fights with everyone in the family. She hates men (and boys) and says crazy things like she thought my 3 year-old nephew was trying to murder her, and when he was 8 and got in trouble at school, she asked if he had gone to prison. My mom feels obligated to her, and she really wants me to invite her (my mentally ill grandfather is on the agreed "Do not invite" list). I do not want this woman at my wedding. I can see her throwing a tantrum or saying something unthinkable to someone, including my sweet nephew or even my FH. I told my mom I would consider it. My maternal aunt agrees that g-ma should not be invited. I don't want to make my mom feel bad or put her in a place of telling g-ma that the invitation is NOT in the mail. What should I do? Can I get away with not inviting and welcoming a sociopath to our wedding?
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Re: Can I not invite Grandma?
If I was in your situation, I would not extend an invitation to my grandmother - if only for the reason, that I want my other guests not to be put in an awkward situation - not so that I wouldn't be embarrassed.
Good luck with this. Sounds like this is not really something that can be helped.
Overall, I think it depends on the severity of her disorder and how close the two of you are. For instance, my Grandmother and I are close. I would be heart broken if she was not at my wedding. So if it would not hurt or stress her out I would have somone on "Grandma" duty as someone else mentioned. They could watch her and explain to anyone that she has such and such disorder. I am sure adults will be understanding. Even children can be understanding to a point and most things will role off of their shoulders when handled appropriately. However, the chaperon could help to eliminate any situations. From your posts, it sounds like you have already made up your mind though. All you have to do is go about it in an appropriate way so no one gets too upset. Just remember you can't please everyone.
[QUOTE]Wow, I'm sorry that you feel so unsympathetic to your grandmother's plight that you refer to her as a "sociopath." If she is in fact mentally ill, then she probably deserves a little bit of sympathy. If I was in your situation, I would not extend an invitation to my grandmother - if only for the reason, that I want my other guests not to be put in an awkward situation - not so that I wouldn't be embarrassed. Good luck with this. Sounds like this is not really something that can be helped.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]
If OP is trying to describe their grandma to strangers it is completely necesssary to give details of her personality such as sociopath so everyone can make a correct comment that will help her. Sorry but I don't think it was unsympathetic to her. This is wedding planning we're discussing...not puppies and rainbows time
My sister has mental issues and she is not on the invite list. My mother was trying to guilt me into it because she too felt obligated to her. I finally tol dmy mom that my sister is not going to be invited and it is not open for discussion. If she feels strongly about it she can boycott the wedding in protest but my sister is still not coming.
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