Engaged once before, question about the dress

shansteve4211 · December 2009

I am recently engaged to the love of my life and we are begining the process of planning our small initmate wedding.

My question is, i was once previously engaged, when i was younger and less mature and bought a dress about a week after the first engagement. It was a long distance relationship and just really didnt work out and we broke things off 6 months later. I never had the dress tailored or bustled, i bought it and its literally sat in my parents closet in its bag, wrapped in sheets to keep it safe (slightly on the expensive side!)

I really love the dress but i am not sure what to do, find a new dress or wear the one that i already have and love?

RachNRich · December 2009

One of my good friends has been engaged twice; she planned on wearing the dress from her first engagement.

Since then, she started seeing a new guy---she thinks he's "the one"....and mentioned she would wear the original dress if and when she ever got married. I'm not sure I could do it--but some do.

Talk to your FI. That will give you a better understanding of where to go from here.

sucrets4 · December 2009

Some people don't associate clothes with emotions and others do. It's impossible to know how your FI feels without talking to him. If neither of you care, then go right ahead and wear it...it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as you and FI are on the same page.

ExpatPumpkin · December 2009

I think you should wear the dress if you love it. Perhaps you can add some embellishments to "make it new." By the time you get it altered, it will be a different dress anyway. Good luck and keep us posted

Koopa17 · December 2009

I would talk to your FI about it and if it doesn't bother him, and doesn't bother you then go for it. It's all a personal preference, and it's not like anybody other than the 2 of you really need to know about it.

mocha beans · December 2009

I'll ditto the talking to FI also. Some guys care about it, some guys couldn't care less.

I think it's similar to e-rings; some girls will absolutely refuse to wear a ring that wasn't bought new specifically for her, others could care less if it was bought off ebay from someone else's broken engagement. It's really something you have to talk to FI about and get his feelings first.

Personally, if I loved the dress and it still made me feel spectacular, I would wear it. I'd use some of the cash I would have spent on a new dress to buy some killer jewelry or shoes, or just funnel it into better food or bar or something else for the reception. I'm not terribly sentimental about material things; if they can serve the same purpose, that's good enough for me.

thesuninherhead · December 2009

I think this is something that only you and your FI can decide. Personally, if I did not associate the dress with the ex and it wasn't a big deal to my FI, I would wear it- providing I still loved it. If I wasn't sure about the dress, or felt like it reminded me of my ex, I would start shopping for another. Only you know how you and your FI feel about this, really.

AlannaF · December 2009

I had a somewhat similar situation-long ago I had the right dress,wrong man. It was an amazing dress and I definitely couldn't afford to purchase something now that would rival it. Although I ended up getting a new dress, it was only because my old one was a massive ballgown, and the wedding I am having will be intimate (kinda figured the old dress was a bit much).

Here's what helped me decide..... I took the old dress out, looked it over, tried it on. I also went shopping for new dresses. Once I knew for sure that I had no emotional attachment to the dress, no sad memories, etc., AND I knew that no other dress on the market today gave me that "yay this is the dress!" feeling, I would have been ok wearing it.

If you do decide you are not ok wearing it, you could sell it! I recommend preownedweddingdresses.com. I used the money from my old dress to buy my new one, and had enough left over for the undergarments and accessories.

Btw - although I definitely agree that you should talk to your FI about it, I later mentioned this issue to my FI and he honestly could not have cared less. I think his response was something like, "Good idea. More money for the honeymoon."

playtntsbpg30 · December 2009

discuss with FI, as long as you both are ok with it, and you still love the dress, I say go for it. Wear it. I agree as long as you do not think of your ex and dress together then that is good and go for it.

I would suggest not to wear it if you had gone through and got married, however since that didn't happen I see nothing wrong with saving some money and just getting it fixed up a little bit to wear for your wedding.

swim1011 · December 2009

Discuss it with your FI, and see how he feels about it. A good friend just broke off his engagement, and his exFI was upset bc they already bought the dress, and she wanted to never wear it again. He asked her why, and said he would still plan to use his wedding band whenever he got married. (I also advised him to talk that over with his FI when the time came- she might have a problem with it, even if he doesn't!)

I would probably associate my dress with the person I intended to marry when I bought it too much to not buy a new one. But, if you don't, and your FI is okay with it, then why not?

squirrly · December 2009

Discuss with your FI. I was engaged previously (for 9 months), and purchased a dress. I could never have worn that dress to marry anyone else, so I sold it years ago.

Depending on how long ago your dress was purchased, it may be less stylish, and/or may not fit as well now as you'd like. I'd talk with your FI, find out if he cares, and then try the dress on for some honest friends. See what you're dealing with, and then make a decision.

Goldlie11 · December 2009

I'm late with this one, but I think you should wear the dress. And honestly, my FI couldn't care less if I wore a dress I almost wore to my wedding. It's not as if you actually got married in the dress. My FI would be excited to save some money.

phut_action · December 2009

Definitely discuss this with your man. As long as he doesn't care, no one else should either.

I was engaged once before, and found a dress i loved but never bought (we didnt make it that far into the planning process before breaking things off). When my fiancee and I got engaged, i told him about my ex and that dress and he didnt care, so bought the same dress because it was on sale for very very cheap and it still is beautiful and amazing and looks perfect.

J91PINKLADY · December 2009

I was engaged not long after graduating from college and bought the dress of my dreams. It was a classic style and absolutely perfect but I had to sell it. There were too many painful memories associated with it and I didn't know if I would want the same style of wedding again (college chapel & hotel ballroom).

I held on to the dress for three years after the break-up and then brought it to a consignment shop. I don't regret doing that and while I have come close to being engaged in the years since, it hasn't happened. I'm a different person now than the one who chose that dress so I'm glad that someone else had the opportunity to wear it.

foreverhis2010 · December 2009

I would deffinatly talk to your FI. I too was engaged once and had a beautiful dress I loved but now I've decided to get a new dress now that I am engaged again just for the fact that I had my ex in mind when I puchased that dress but like many of the ladies said its ultimatly up to you and what you feel is right.

PRLJMB · December 2009

I would absolutely get a new dress. I was engaged once before my husband to be as well a similar situation. I never bought a dress and I am so thankful that I didn't because going through the process with the love of my life feels so right. If i were you I'd sell that dress. ASAP and put the money towards a new dress. You both deserve a dress that you looked into the mirror wearing for the first time and thought, I will be wearing this when I marry the love of my life. And your first memory of that dress definitely was not with him! Get rid of it!

salt78 · December 2009

Weird. I have no idea who half the people in this thread are.

Anyway, yeah I'd talk it over with your FI just to see what he thinks, but my first instinct would be just to wear it if you love it. It's not like you actually married someone else in it.

Chances are if your FI is a normal guy he isn't going to give a crap what you are wearing.

happysparkle · December 2009

Totally agree with salt78, at least 98% of normal guys are too practical to care. Check with him anyway, but seriously, all the guy cares about is that you show up and that YOU like your dress. He'll think you look beautiful no matter what.

happysparkle · December 2009

Totally agree with salt78, at least 98% of normal guys are too practical to care. Check with him anyway, but seriously, all the guy cares about is that you show up and that YOU like your dress. He'll think you look beautiful no matter what.

Freckles72761 · December 2009

I think it really depends on your feelings about the dress.

I was engaged once before and bought an amazing dress....THE dress! Well, I didn't get to wear it because my fiance died before the wedding. But now I am engaged again and I am going to wear that dress....the dress of my dreams. And here's why...because I didn't buy that dress for the guy. I bought that dress for me!! Its MY dress and no one else's.

If you bought that dress for yourself and no one else, then wear it! If it is THE dress, then wear it! And don't feel bad....you wont be alone!

thatmuseumbride · December 2009

My FI and I have already had the discussion about the dress I had purchased for a previous engagement. He definitely had a problem with it, and it's up for sale. As much as I love the dress, there are two other factors: 1) I love him so much more, and 2) my taste has changed since I had purchased the dress.

We have both been engaged before, and decided that whatever we do for our wedding, it will be about us, not anything before.

So if anyone is interested in an AA dress in a big girl size, its up for sale at preownedweddingdresses.

2B_Bride · December 2009

I was engaged once before and had already bought the dress. I talked to my FI once we got engaged about wearing the same dress, and he said he had no problem with that. My ex had never even seen the dress. He had no idea what it looked like at all. I bought the dress because I loved it, and that is why I am wearing it again. I say talk to FI and see how he feels. If he has no problems with you wearing the dress, I say go for it!

frambach · December 2009

I had the exact same dilemma. Then I realized the perfect solution... not sure of your dress fabric and shape, but mine is a gorgeous silk sheath. I'm having it dyed black and turning it into a formal evening gown!

Go with your heart. The answer is not in this blog - you already know the answer and you're just looking for someone to back you up

Your emotions, your dress, your decision.

Good luck!

Engaged once before, question about the dress

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