when to ask? & how do mixed wedding parties work?

Re: when to ask? & how do mixed wedding parties work?

• gottahavashorti member

  

  July 2010

  [QUOTE]I'm getting married in just over two years.  I asked two of my bridesmaids the day I got engaged and I'm not the slightest bit worried about it because I've been friends with both of them for many years.  My fiance wants three of his friends to be groomsman, and I want my brother to be in the wedding, so that would make 4 on FI's side, unless I had my brother on my side (which would give us each 3).
  <strong>Uneven sides are absolutely fine.  I think WP members should stand up for the party they're closer to, which in your case means your brother would be a Bridesman/Bridal Attendant.  But you could also ask him what his preference is - tell him that you and your FI want him to be in the wedding, and that you'd like him to stand on your side but understand if he'd be more comfortable being a GM.</strong>
  
  So I have two questions to ask: Mixed Wedding Parties - how do they work?  A lot of bridesmaid stuff is really girly (e.g. I can't imagine my brother at my bachelorette party, cause it's kind of girl time, and also shopping for dresses, planning, etc....), so do I just include my brother in what's appropriate, and let him join the men for what isn't?
  <strong>That's up to him and those hosting each event.  Our shower was co-ed and DH's bachelor party was almost co-ed but the girls ended up needing to decline.  Obviously he wouldn't need to go dress shopping, and planning isn't a requirement for anyone but the bride and groom.</strong>
  
  If we decide my brother should be on FI's side, I want to choose two more bridesmaids to make it even, and many people are considerations but no one totally jumps out as an obvious choice.
  <strong>Don't ask people for the sake of even sides.  Ask them because you want them standing up with you and coudln't imagine them not being your BMs.</strong>
  
  Since I've already asked two, it would be inappropriate at this point to wait another year to ask the other two, right? I've seen advice on both sides - some say don't ask too early, and others say you should go ahead and ask because people will be wondering who's in and who's out, and it can get awkward. Does anyone have experience with these two issues?
  <strong>Wait a year.  Even the longest, steadiest friendships can change in the blink of an eye and there have been many accounts of just that happening on this board.</strong>
  Posted by daisylanecampbell[/QUOTE]

  
  
  Planning/Married Biology

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• bablingbrooke member

  

  July 2010

  Uneven sides are totally fine; we had uneven sides.  GM stood up with DH at the altar and BMs walked in solo.  GM and BM paired up on the way back with one GM taking one BM on each arm (a job, btw, he specifically asked for).

  
  

  All your BMs (male or female) have to do is buy the attire and show up.  So your male friends needn't worry about showers, etc.  That was (poorly) attempted for comedic effect in "Made of Honor" but not something they actually have to do.

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• aerinpegadrak member

  

  July 2010

  Do not, DO NOT ask your WP until you've booked your major vendors.  Not just selected them, but contracts signed and deposits down.  Even if your relationships don't change, your wedding plans might, and it's really difficult to commit to something when the date isn't firmly set.
  
  We sort of played it by ear with our attendants.  Of course, neither of us had a b-party and there wasn't a shower, so that wasn't really an issue.  It's just what everyone's comfortable with.
  
  Also, don't ask people just for the sake of having even sides.  That's the express lane to Dramaville.
  

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  Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284

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• bablingbrooke member

  

  July 2010

  Can I answer "none of the above" to your poll?

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• quotequeen member

  

  July 2010

  Mixed Wedding Parties - how do they work?  A lot of bridesmaid stuff is really girly (e.g. I can't imagine my brother at my bachelorette party, cause it's kind of girl time, and also shopping for dresses, planning, etc....), so do I just include my brother in what's appropriate, and let him join the men for what isn't?
  
  My brother is standing on my side, and none of this is an issue.  Include him in what he wants to be included in.  He probably won't want to go shopping for dresses, but your BMs might not either.  Don't force anybody to do anything, regardless of gender.  It's not your WP's job to help you plan anyway.  Whether your brother is invited to the bach party is up to the hosts, and him on whether he wants to attend (and by the way that would be true regardless of which side he stands on).

  Married 10/2/10

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• amberma member

  

  July 2010

  I asked one of my closest male friends to stand in as a Bridesman. He was honored that I would ask him despite the way it might look to some of those people attending the wedding. He is probably more excited about getting to be my bridesman than anyone else I've asked. In fact, he is the one who helped me with shopping for my dress. He knew when I had found my dress before I even said it.

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• meima

  

  July 2010

  My younger brother is standing up for me as my "Man of Honour". 
  
  I've never even considered someone throwing a shower or bachelorette party for me, and I adore my brother.  I can't imagine having him NOT stand up for me at the wedding.  He knows he's welcome to come dress shopping if he wants, but he's not obligated. If FI and his groomsmen decide to do something together before the wedding, my brother will join them.  Luckily, my FI loves my brother too.
  
  I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and it's totally workable

  
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