You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)

dreamlilly623 · September 2010

I am removing my post. I posted somehting on the Not Yet Engaged area because that's what I am. I was seeking advice on how to better communicated with my boyfriend on how to move toward our engagement in a more timely manner. However, all everyone seems to focus on is that I contacted a couple of vendors and ask some basic questions. I am very organized and make detailed plans so I really do not see what the big deal is about that. I have been communicating with my BF on plans. However, since we're still not officially engaged, I felt like I may not be doing it effectively. Seriously, do people really believe I would plan an entire wedding without consulting him? That's just silly!. But since that's what the majority of the post are in responce to, I am removing my post

honeybee724 · September 2010

So....does HE know you're planning and contacting vendors? Is he on board with it?

HeartOverMind · September 2010

Yeah, you definitely need to communicate with him. Tell him that you're ready and you would like to know if he's been thinking about the future. Ask him if he has a timeline in mind. (I asked my BF what his plans were and he was totally cool and told me).

I don't think you need to be contacting any vendors, because as you have stated you are NEY. WARNING: Um, that kind of thing(planning and you are not engaged) gets a person flamed around here. So, don't say no one warned you.

motoLyn · September 2010

Umm well to warn you, the short time that I have been lurking around here and posting. The members don't take highly to the ladies that plan before their officially engaged. I think its a sore topic, so brace yourself for some criticisms.

Other than that all I can say to you, is that you need to talk to your BF and voice your concerns. Though you guys have mentioned and talked about marriage, go ahead and planning it before you officially are (with or without a ring) probably is going to end badly. You could do all this planning and then find out your BF really is not ready to marry you yet. Then all that effort and stress for nothing. Sounds like he's studying to be a doctor, which is stressful enough when trying to secure residency. So in his eyes he already wants to secure a career in order to support your future together.

Elle1036 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_youve-planned-flowers-found-gownbut-ringyet-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:43175d71-05f3-4af6-8edd-0b0dc7d5b575Post:78ed90bc-501c-4841-8b9a-6f8f863f0db8">Re: You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, you definitely need to communicate with him. Tell him that you're ready and you would like to know if he's been thinking about the future. Ask him if he has a timeline in mind. (I asked my BF what his plans were and he was totally cool and told me). I don't think you need to be contacting any vendors, because as you have stated you are NEY. <strong>WARNING: Um, that kind of thing(planning and you are not engaged) gets a person flamed around here. So, don't say no one warned you.</strong>
Posted by HeartOverMind[/QUOTE]

I thought this, too, as soon as I read your post. I definitely understand being impatient (we all do), but if you aren't actually engaged yet, starting planning is essentially counting your chickens before they hatch. You never know what could happen in the next couple of years, and you may scare your BF off if he doesn't know that you're planning already. Be prepared for a few derisive responses.

dreamlilly623 · September 2010

Ok, while I appreciate all the warnings I do not see what the big deal is about contacting a vendor before being officially engaged. They do not seem to think it's strange that I might ask what services they offer, prices and how far in advance they need to know dates. And why would other women have issues with that, it's not like I'm preventing them from obtaining a vendor or "stealing their thunder." It's more like gathering information so the planning can go quickly when I DO get engaged rather than making actual plans. Like having all the pieces of a puzzle, they're just no quite together yet. Really don't see wha the big deal is there. I don't see that as being any different than women who take two years to plan their wedding and might talk to various vendors over and over again.

HeartOverMind · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_youve-planned-flowers-found-gownbut-ringyet-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:43175d71-05f3-4af6-8edd-0b0dc7d5b575Post:bd952e0f-2098-438f-9c3e-34cb9b4292b7">Re: You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, while I appreciate all the warnings I do not see what the big deal is about contacting a vendor before being officially engaged. They do not seem to think it's strange that I might ask what services they offer, prices and how far in advance they need to know dates. And why would other women have issues with that, it's not like I'm preventing them from obtaining a vendor or "stealing their thunder." It's more like gathering information so the planning can go quickly when I DO get engaged rather than making actual plans. Like having all the pieces of a puzzle, they're just no quite together yet. Really don't see wha the big deal is there. <strong>I don't see that as being any different than women who take two years to plan their wedding and might talk to various vendors over and over again.
</strong>Posted by dreamlilly623[/QUOTE]

OK, well if those women are <strong>actually </strong>engaged: They have (or should have) discussed a budget with their FI and their FI is on board with all of the planning, or at least aware of it.

Does your BF know you are contacting vendors?

PaigeMcC · September 2010

Looking around for ideas is a good thing. It really gives you an idea of what you want...and let's focus: it's fun to dream. But starting to book vendors before getting engaged is just silly. Contacting vendors is on the fence for me...you don't have a date so really the only thing they can tell you is timelines. Prices change all the time, vendors go out of business or move, they get booked, etc etc etc. The wedding business is fluid, things change all the time. I'd do some looking but contacting/booking is silly, IMHO.

Now about your BF proposing...I think you need to sit down and talk to him. Where do you see yourself in the next few years? Where does he see himself? As a couple? What are your timelines for marriage? If he wants to wait longer are you sticking around? These are all really important for you to discuss and it's important for you both to be on the same page. Have a chat with him and see how he feels.

PaigeMcC · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_youve-planned-flowers-found-gownbut-ringyet-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:43175d71-05f3-4af6-8edd-0b0dc7d5b575Post:5393aee6-ba8a-4dce-b649-375ce5cab853">Re: You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story) : OK, well if those women are actually engaged: They have (or should have) discussed a budget with their FI and their FI is on board with all of the planning, or at least aware of it.<strong> Does your BF know you are contacting vendors?</strong>
Posted by HeartOverMind[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This too. My FBD (when he was BF) would have been like WTF?! Had I been contacting vendors before we were engaged. But I waited until we were engaged so we could enjoy the process together. Being engaged and planning a wedding can be a lot of fun. Don't rob yourself of that fun by starting craziness early. Research/ideas =ok. Vendor communication/Booking = robbing yourself and your partner of the experience.</div>

honeybee724 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_youve-planned-flowers-found-gownbut-ringyet-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:43175d71-05f3-4af6-8edd-0b0dc7d5b575Post:bd952e0f-2098-438f-9c3e-34cb9b4292b7">Re: You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, while I appreciate all the warnings I do not see what the big deal is about contacting a vendor before being officially engaged. They do not seem to think it's strange that I might ask what services they offer, prices and how far in advance they need to know dates. And why would other women have issues with that, it's not like I'm preventing them from obtaining a vendor or "stealing their thunder." It's more like gathering information so the planning can go quickly when I DO get engaged rather than making actual plans. Like having all the pieces of a puzzle, they're just no quite together yet. Really don't see wha the big deal is there. I don't see that as being any different than women who take two years to plan their wedding and might talk to various vendors over and over again.
Posted by dreamlilly623[/QUOTE]

Its simply a matter of whether or not your BF is on board with this. If he is ok with it, fine, just be prepared for some people to find it strange. If he doesn't know you're doing this, why not?

jemmini6 · September 2010

If you aren't engaged, my only question is why are you bothering with actually contacting people? Do you have a date in mind? Is a proposal on the very near horizon? If both of those are true, and the date is fairly soon (aka 6 months or so), then I can maybe understand starting to get an idea on pricing for vendors.

But if not, then there's no point, which is why you might get flamed for doing so. Heck, I am engaged and haven't even contacted any vendors yet (albeit, I've only been engaged for 2 weeks, but still). Trust me, you can get burnt out very quickly on wedding stuff, there's no point to get burnt out on planning a wedding before you are even officially engaged.

I guess my ultimate question, is why do you feel it's necessary to contact vendors already? It really depends on the reason as to if I would think it's odd or not.

amberiasoasis · September 2010

Yeah, I've got to say, I don't really see what the big deal is about planning before the engagement, especially if you're on the same page with your SO. I was actually excited to see a NEY board on here since I am not engaged yet either (SO is waiting on me to get out of school), and it honestly bothers me that there's a board....but if you talk about doing anything before the engagement, you're going to get flamed. Doesn't that seem weird to anyone else? What's the point of there being a board if we aren't allowed to feel comfortable posting on it? If you didn't notice, the title of this post is the tagline for the NEY board. This board is specifically designed for people who are planning before being engaged. We should be allowed to talk about it. Everyone else can get over it, honestly.

I haven't contacted any vendors myself yet, but I probably will soon. I think it's important to note the difference between contacting vendors about pricing and timelines (which is what I'm talking about and what I believe the OP was talking about) and booking a vendor. My reasoning behind wanting to talk to vendors was to get an idea of what kind of money I need to have saved back when the time comes around and how far in advance things need to get done. I want to be able to get what I want, which I don't think I would get if I were to rush through planning, but I don't want to be engaged for 2+ years either. Some people, myself included, are going to feel more comfortable with the process if they are educated about what to expect beforehand.

That being said, even if people want to set plans in stone before the official engagement, that's their perrogative. Everyone has their own way of doing things, and it is nobody's place to say "that's wrong" if that's how they want to plan THEIR wedding and haven't invited criticism. Everyone's situation is different.

It's really unfortunate to me that there is such an elitist attitude around here when this should be a fun, safe place. I've noticed it on a few other topics, and, honestly, it's ridiculous.

dreamlilly623 · September 2010

Can I just say a big THANK YOU for completely understanding what I was getting at!! I too don't understand the point of having this board when you can't post on it without getting flamed or at least warned about being flamed. I would have hoped for more support, especially from women who are already officially engaged and might have gone through similiar concerns and doubts. I do want to include my BF, do what's best for us as a couple and communicate with him so that we can do things at the best time for us as a couple. Wedding planning can be overwhelming for those of us who don't know much about it. Which is why I came to this site in the first place. Since I know who I'm going to be marrying I think it's best to get a jump start on the planning so it doesn't take years and years. Now if I was planning and hadn't met the man or didn't know if we even would be getting married, that would be a little different.! Again, thanks, your post made me feel a little more normal, lol!

PandaBurr · September 2010

I don't think it's a matter of an elitist attitude; planning before you're engaged is just plain weird. Yes, that's the tagline of the board, but this is a wedding board, and their sponsors want women to think that they need to go above and beyond for their weddings.

It'd be like buying baby clothes and a crib without being pregnant, and no idea of when you were even going to start trying to conceive.

PandaBurr · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_youve-planned-flowers-found-gownbut-ringyet-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:43175d71-05f3-4af6-8edd-0b0dc7d5b575Post:954791cf-39fa-4cb2-bd73-84464d16e7ac">Re: You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)</a>:
[QUOTE] Since I know who I'm going to be marrying I think it's best to get a jump start on the planning so it doesn't take years and years.
Posted by dreamlilly623[/QUOTE]

Why would it take you years and years to plan a wedding? This just makes me think you care entirely too much about the party, and not the marriage itself.

lindsayrae1986 · September 2010

dreamlilly - would you mind putting the original post back up? it makes it difficult for those of us to come in and figure out what's going on. it would be great if you would put up the original post, and then maybe add an "edit" at the end with your second post.

i understand your frustrations. you kind of have to just get to know the personality of the board. honestly, the girls who said something about it were being very kind compared to what could have been said.

i did read the original post... and i totally understand where you are coming from, ie you want to have information and feel "prepared". i think you might have felt "attacked" by the girls about the planning, but what they were really getting at was this... does your BF know that you are planning and contacting vendors? if he doesn't, it could really change the dynamics of your relationship and cause a lot of unneeded stress.

i am waiting until i am officially engaged to contact vendors... i know my BF really wants to experience that with me. it will be a very special time for us, and we have decided to wait until we are engaged to do any of that. i do love to stalk wedding sites, and clip out/write down ideas that come to me so i won't forget... and we talk about it occassionally, but that's all the planning i do.

when i first came on the board after lurking, i used the wrong language and got some comments similar to what you experienced. just hang out, and let it roll off your back. there are women with all kinds of personalities here... and with so many personalities, there will be clashing... especially if a newcomer comes in with a bang. it's kind of like, whoa. who are you and where did you come from??

so... mind putting up the original post? and, for the "big question"... does your BF know that you have contacted vendors and have started making real plans for a wedding? he may feel strongly about waiting until he has a permanent job... and if he does, as crappy as it might be to have to wait, i commend him for looking at the Big Picture... immigration and and all that legal stuff is a pain in the butt. plus, it seems to me that he wants to protect his/your reputation... he sounds like a logical guy who knows what his priorities are.

good luck!

dreamlilly623 · September 2010

That's my point. I don't want it to take years and I don't want to become one of those women who becomes so overwhelmed with planning that she wishes she'd just eloped. I'd rather be well prepared and enjoy myself! We inquired about pricing as a couple from vendors because we weren't sure how much money we would need to save. Marriage is all about the committment to the other person. I understand that. But we're also planning for two fairly large families and it's an intercultural mix, so just a lot to think about.

alyzzle11 · September 2010

I don't think these women are trying to hurt your feelings or put your down or make you feel crazy. I've posted asking for advice here myself, and they actually give REALLY GOOD ADVICE.

For instance, I posted about a ring I loved but was way more than I wanted BF to pay. With the advice these women gave me I went and had an honest conversation about finances with him. That led to more serious conversations that definetly NEEDED to happen before a ring was even CONSIDERED. I skipped a step, and they called me out, and while at first I was defensive I realized they were 100% right.

Waiting to plan your wedding won't necessarily make it take years and years to plan. If your BF is looking for a new job in a year, and that's when he proposes, how do you know you won't be getting married in an entirely different place? Maybe he wants to get married on a tropical island? Not knowing your situation at the time in which the plans should be made could make all these preliminary calls pointless and a huge waste of your time.

I think the root of your question (before you removed it) was how do you talk to you BF about the engagement. Be honest, be open, and flat out ask, when do you see this happening?

lindsayrae1986 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_youve-planned-flowers-found-gownbut-ringyet-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:43175d71-05f3-4af6-8edd-0b0dc7d5b575Post:7e8499be-3f78-4bf4-a97e-f61c0a91b5f4">Re: You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)</a>:
[QUOTE]That's my point. I don't want it to take years and I don't want to become one of those women who becomes so overwhelmed with planning that she wishes she'd just eloped. I'd rather be well prepared and enjoy myself! We inquired about pricing as a couple from vendors because we weren't sure how much money we would need to save. Marriage is all about the committment to the other person. I understand that. But we're also planning for two fairly large families and it's an intercultural mix, so just a lot to think about.
Posted by dreamlilly623[/QUOTE]

you say "we inquired about pricing..."

does that mean you and BF did together? or you did?

dreamlilly623 · September 2010

Sorry lindsay that earlier post was in responce to someone else, not you. Thank you for taking the time to explain the dynamics of the community a little. That does help. There are a lot of personalities. I just expected more joy I suppose because the idea of marriage while a huge commitment and resonsibility should also be a joyful one.

I deleted the original post so I don't have that to repost. I was basically looking for advice on how to better communicate with my BF about our timeline. I'm not saying we have to get married immediately but I also don't want to wait several more years either when we have already decided that we will be getting married. But I want to do so in a way that will still be supportive of all the things he has to consider. And ultimately I want to make the best decision on the time for us to officially become engaged and making concrete plans. I was hoping for advice from those who might have gone through something similiar.

PandaBurr · September 2010

Honestly, if you can't come up with a way to sit down and talk about your future together with him, without it being uncomfortable, I don't think you're ready to be married.

Yes. I'm a total bitch.

dreamlilly623 · September 2010

Lol, oh my goodness the vendor thing just keeps coming back up and that's not what I was really even asking about. Just to be clear to everyone, my BF and I have both inquired about pricing. We just wanted to know what to expect.

dreamlilly623 · September 2010

I have talked to my BF about the engagement and I never stated that it was uncomfortable. However, the original post did mention that his situation has changed somewhat. so I felt like maybe we should discuss it again. As I've stated, I was simply seeking advice from those who might have been in a similar situation. Seeking wisdom from experience. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's perfectly fine. Honestly though, I don't see the point in posting a reply unless you have something constructive and relevant to add.

PandaBurr · September 2010

Okay, so you don't want opinions about you discussing your engagement with your boyfriend, and you don't want opinions about you calling up vendors. What do you want to hear then?

PandaBurr · September 2010

I've got run; I've got a hair appointment to get to. But I'm going to go ahead and just give you a pat on the head and say, "good for you", because clearly you're just looking for validation.

dreamlilly623 · September 2010

i do want to hear advice on discussing it with him.. I was under the impression you thought I hadn't discussed it with him at all and I just wanted to clear that up. I apologize for the confusion.

zipis1 · September 2010

Tsk tsk people. No quoting?

Look, starting stuff like this without being engaged is like setting up a nursery when your SO has only said, "I'd like to have children someday," rather than, "I'm ready so let's do this thing!" It's putting the cart before the horse and setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment if he doesn't get on board with it sooner rather than later. This is even true with just contacting vendors and not actually booking anything, because then you'll be thinking, "I have all these things I want to do. I am beyond ready. Why can't we move forward!?"

Believe me. I know. While I never contacted vendors or started planning, when BF and I first started talking engagement/marriage I started looking around and daydreaming. Then the months started to go by, and I started to become upset that he hadn't proposed yet, because I wanted to get started on planning. I was upset even though I knew his reasons and agreed with them (I was still in school and we were grotesquely broke). It started becoming a huge sore spot in my relationship until I made myself stop looking, allowing myself to calm down and accept that it will happen when it happens. Good thing, too, as it's been almost 1.5 years since then and I would probably have gone nuts enough by now that I could have henpecked him until he gave me what I wanted, therefore robbing myself of the experience.

The reason people get annoyed when other people plan before they are engaged is multifactorial. 1) It comes across as whiny. 2) It speaks of immaturity and impatience, neither of which are good for a marriage. 3) It suggests to us that the person in question is hell bent on getting engaged/married nownownownow! To Hell with whether he is truly ready! He's not stopping you so clearly he wants it this way too. And more often than not that isn't true. He just doesn't want to piss you off or know how to stop you without upsetting you. Which could lead to his resentment, which could then lead to what could have been a preventable divorce if you had just been more patient. People here are firm believers in doing everything possible to give marriages the best fighting chance, and that includes not jumping the gun.

What you have to keep in mind about TheKnot is that it's it a business. It is out to make money. So of course they are going to make a page that tries to make it seem OK for people to plan before they are engaged. Just look at the background of this corner of TK (which no other board has). They are trying to get you to buy things. Heck, I'll go ahead and say it. They're to some extent hoping you'll buy things, break up with the person you thought you were going to marry, and then have to buy things AGAIN when you find a new guy. However, the girls here are not doing that. We are happy with our relationships and enjoying life as it comes. We don't use it to plan but rather to make friends to goof around with. Sure, wedding stuff comes up from time to time, but mostly we just shoot the breeze here.

This is long so here's the main part I think you should read, though you should read it all. I could not read your original post (and BTW, dirty deleting does not help your case in the above mentioned maturity department), but from what I can gather you were essentially asking how you can get him to propose sooner. The simple answer is that you can't, at least without pushing him into something he's not 100% ready for. When he proposes, completely on his own and without any pressure at all (or even anything that could LOOK like pressure when squinted at, and doing what you are doing now falls into that category), you will know he is 100% ready. You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering if he proposed because he WANTED to or felt he had to since you were going ahead anyway.

The best thing you can do is to talk to him about 1, 2, 5, and 10 year timelines ONCE, and then drop it. No more pseudo planning, no more bringing it up, the end. For instance, this is how I went over it with BF when we talked about it before I dropped it for good: "So I think we should talk about how we want our relationship to develop and when. I know we agreed that we want to get married, so let's figure out how we want to make this happen. I would like to be married within about two years, and buy a house in 5. What about you? When do you think you want all this to go down? *he answers that he agrees with my timeline* OK, so how can we make that happen then? We should start looking for good jobs and saving up. Not for anything in particular, just plain savings." And so on and so forth.

From there you just let the ball roll. You know you are ready. You need to allow him to show you he is, too.

noelle24 · September 2010

And the tag line of the board comes back to bite some beebees in the beebeehind yet again. Way to go, Knot, way to go.

honeybee724 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_youve-planned-flowers-found-gownbut-ringyet-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:43175d71-05f3-4af6-8edd-0b0dc7d5b575Post:39964382-0cf6-40a6-87e8-e1b4e30130b8">Re: You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)</a>:
[QUOTE]i do want to hear advice on discussing it with him.. I was under the impression you thought I hadn't discussed it with him at all and I just wanted to clear that up. I apologize for the confusion.
Posted by dreamlilly623[/QUOTE]

Just ask him. Ask him where he sees things going, does he have a timeline in his head. Don't ask when he's all stressed out about other stuff or when you guys have somewhere to be shortly or when you're out in public. Ask the way you'd ask about any other important topic and just say "Hey, I know we've talked about it before but I just wanted to see where we were at right now". If you've had this conversation before (which it seems you have) then its pretty much the same thing.

lindsayrae1986 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_youve-planned-flowers-found-gownbut-ringyet-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:43175d71-05f3-4af6-8edd-0b0dc7d5b575Post:39964382-0cf6-40a6-87e8-e1b4e30130b8">Re: You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)</a>:
[QUOTE]i do want to hear advice on discussing it with him.. I was under the impression you thought I hadn't discussed it with him at all and I just wanted to clear that up. I apologize for the confusion.
Posted by dreamlilly623[/QUOTE]

okay. so you both have inquired about pricing. that's great... BF and i have started talking about budget and finances for the wedding/marriage. it's important to have those discussions to make sure you're both on the same page.

i think before you contact any other vendors or plan anything else, you just sit down with him and do a "timeline check-in". BF and i do this periodically. i know about when he is going to propose (this winter) and that he wants to get married in september. and we check in we each other every so often to make sure we're still on the same schedule. a lot of things can come up... getting a new job, losing a job, a huge unexpected expense... stuff like that can mess with your original timeline. until you are officially engaged, the timeline is subject to change. even after you're engaged, it can and may change.

from what i remember, he is wanting to make sure that everything is aboveboard because of immigration issues. is that correct?

desertsun · September 2010

Honestly, the "I'm a planner" is something we hear all.the.time.

I think that 99% of the time, this is a cop out. I'm a very organized person myself, and I had not a single problem planning an amazing wedding in 8 months.

The reason planning before a proposal or an "official" engagement is often questioned here is b/c there really is not a single good reason to "pre-plan." Frankly, pre-planning indicates there is some underlying issue with the relationship.

I am NOT saying your relationship isn't valid.

I'm just saying you're absolutely right that you need to talk this through with the BF, and you definitely came to a good place for helping keep your priorities straight, and getting valuable support and advice. The girls here are brutally honest, but there is a genuine care for each other as well. I encourage you to stick around!

Without knowing more about your relationship, it's hard to tell you exactly what to say to your BF. First, you need to really think about how YOU feel. Since I didn't see your OP, it's hard for me to give you specific advice on your situation. I would love to help, though, so tell me a little more!

Are you happy with the relationship? Why do you think he hasn't proposed yet? Is a proposal important to you? A ring? Do you guys have an agreed upon timeline for an engagement and wedding? Have you talked in depth and at length about what marriage means? Children? Finances? (Finances is HUGE. You need to know what the other makes, how you each spend, what your goals and timelines are for big financial decisions, like home buying, children, etc, what are boundaries for what each of you contributes to bills and spends on "fun" stuff...)

You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)

Re: You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)

Re: You&#039;ve planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring...YET (my story)