Just Engaged and Proposals

help! i've never been a maid of honor!

i've never been a maid of honor before and know NOTHING about weddings! ... any word of advice from some of you who has been one before?
while doing some research for my best friend Jen (she's the bride!!!!) i came across this relatively new site that has proposal of the week contests! so fun!! i just submitted her for it...not sure if she will be featured but wanted to share to all you other ladies out there who want to share their story ;)


thank you!!!!!


Re: help! i've never been a maid of honor!

  • I'm sort of in between fuzzy and goheels on this one.  I agree that there is nothing extra you are required to do, but since you're here, it sounds like you want to be a rockstar MOH (my sister is one, she's great)!

    Ways she has been awesome:
    - Difusing situations and helping me de-stress.
    - Offering ideas and opinions to fill gaps - she doesn't add a whole lot to what I already have planned, which is helpful and less confusing.
    - She's coordinating a nerf war with my FSIL for the WP.  She called it my best idea - so she can take some of the fun little non-wedding related WP stuff and run with it.
    - Letting me bounce every and any idea that I have off her.  I send her images of what I like, take her to venues, and she can enhance what I have and add an extra dimension to what we're planning - we're having a lounge at the reception hall, and since we have a bunch of teenage cousins she suggested adding Guitar Hero or Rockband for them - free (borrowed from family) and awesome!

    So much of what she does, she doesn't need to do.  She does it because she's awesome.  It's not so much that she's doing random tasks for me, she's just there and ready to help if/when I need her to.  And she offers all the time so I know I'm not imposing.
  • :) I've never been a maid of honor either, but just be there for her. If she needs your help finding the perfect pair of shoes, act as if it was you who were getting married and search like there was no tomorrow. (That's what my cousin did for me).

    And most of all, if she asks your opinion, be honest. If you don't like something or you don't think a dress looks right on her, don't be afraid to give your opinion. My cousin (my MOH) helped me find the PERFECT bridesmaids dresses. They weren't even what I thought I wanted until she found them and lead me in a different direction.

    Just have fun. Don't stress out too much though. This should be a very fun and special time for both of you. 
  • I've never been a MOH or bridesmaid either.  But being a bride, I can tell you... just be there for her.  She picked you for a reason... She knows you have been and always will be.. not in the sense of doing a bunch of stuff and being her gofer -Ibut in the sense of the fact that you mean a great deal to her (this is why I'm having 3 MOH's and two junior bridesmaids...I guess you can say they're pulling double duty..LOL!).  She'll probably rely on your talents, your advice and just you being there.  It's nice to have someone to talk with about stuff (especially if you don't wanna tell your mom about it!)  Just be up for anything!  So far, mine have allowed me to bounce ideas off them,  one's making my cake (s?) another may be playing a wedding march on piano (junior bridesmaid)   More than anything... HAVE FUN!Wink
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_proposals?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:b6f1e98f-0fea-4232-92c3-37f6f281809bPost:43d605fb-793e-4e55-8092-73a69247cadb">Re: help! i've never been a maid of honor!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I disagree with fuzzy.  Your best friend picked you as her MOH because she loves you , not because she wants you to do a bunch of stuff for her.  Your duties as MOH are to buy the dress the bride asks you to buy, show up, stand up next to her at the ceremony, and sign the marriage license.  However, MOHs typically plan the bride's shower and bachelorette party.  These are optional, but chances are, it's something your friend is hoping you will do.  You can recruit help (financial and "man power") from the other bridesmaids, but try to be respectful of everyone else's budget when planning.  It never hurts to ask if the bride has any special requests for her shower and b-party, also. The bride may want you to give a toast or speech at the ceremony, but you don't have to.  Closer to the wedding date, ask her if she would like you to do that, if it's something you feel comfortable with.
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  Exactly.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Come over and check out the Wedding Party board if you want to read up more.  </div>
  • It sounds like you're already going beyond the call of duty by coming here and asking.  Lucky her!  Like PP said, you don't have to do much- she picked you because she wants you standing by her as she gets married.  If you want to help more, I agree think about planning parties and offer to help if she mentions she's working on something (ie addressing STDs) if you have time.  Help like that is always appreciated!

  • maybe i'm just old fashioned, but i always thought being MOHs and BMs were chosen to help. thats what they were for way back when weddings lasted a whole week. granted, no one should be expected to do that anymore, or be the brides slave, but i would assume that as maid of honor, i'd have to help the bride in everything i could.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_proposals?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:b6f1e98f-0fea-4232-92c3-37f6f281809bPost:90e06d21-5427-4a20-9e7d-3c0378f767e0">Re: help! i've never been a maid of honor!</a>:
    [QUOTE]maybe i'm just old fashioned, but i always thought being MOHs and BMs were chosen to help. thats what they were for way back when weddings lasted a whole week. granted, no one should be expected to do that anymore, or be the brides slave, but i would assume that as maid of honor, i'd have to help the bride in everything i could.
    Posted by michellendanny10[/QUOTE]

    <div>Nope, that's never been the case.  BMs were originally chosen to be decoys in case someone wanted to steal the bride, thus the matching dresses.  It has evolved into a way for the couple to honor their closest friends.  As closest friends, these are typically the people that would help the couple with anything they are doing, but that's a function of friendship, not of status.  The point of asking BMs is to honor the friendship, not to get wedding helpers.</div>
  • I agree with some of the comments here.  The biggest thing is just to answer the phone when it rings because she probably just needs someone to listen.  I called my MOH today and just said I'm stressed.  She listened to why (though she already knew), reassured me I wasn't aggrevating her, and then gave me some great advice (as she has some to give because she has been in so many weddings!).  The advice was pretty much what I knew, what we all know, that at the end of the day all that's going to matter is that I'm married to the man of my dreams.  Not the colors, the flowers or how my reception is decorated these things will be forgotten very soon.
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  • I mostly agree with the majority of posters on here.  You do not have any duties per se.  The only requirement is to buy the dress and walk down the aisle.  However, it would be very nice of you to take it upon yourself to help your friend in any way you can.  Its not required, but SO appreciated.  If you arent sure what to do, you can always ask her what she needs help with.  However dont ask if you dont think you can help.  My MOH offered to help address envelopes, hangs out with me to brainstorm.  She is also planning the shower and bachelorette (with help of bridesmaids) which she took up on her own.  I never asked her to do these things.  She constantly asks what else she can help with.  I have done most everything myself, but its nice to know that she wants to and will help if needed!  Do what you can, and know you can ask (not demand) the other bridesmaids help with the parties.
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  • I was the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding through 2 years and 5 planned/cancelled weddings (she kept changing her mind on the location, date, and colors! Ahh!) So here are my tips:

    1) She picked you because you are important to her, so make sure she remembers why you are there if she tries to go Bridezilla on you! You are NOT her slave.

    2) You should be prepared to take care of last minute details or emergencies that arise on the night before the wedding or day of the wedding. I found it very useful to pack an emergency wedding kit (aspirin, band-aids, safety pins, double-sided tape, lip gloss., breath mints). I was so glad I had it! Her shoes rubbed the back of heels weird so the band-aids helped and she started getting a migraine during the reception. 

    3) You should also be prepared to deal with other BM drama as you will most likely be coordinating the bridal shower and/or Bachelorette Party. There will almost always be BM drama (i.e. one person's schedule never seems to coordinate with everyone else's, one BM doesn't get along with another BM) Just be prepared for the drama that could occur and handle it as gracefully as you can. Try not to put your bride in the middle of it either because now she's stressed out about her wedding and dealing BFF drama...never good!

    4) You're already doing awesome for checking out TK!

    Good Luck!
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