The wedding party.

ambersthebride · January 2012

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graysquirrel · January 2012

Even though it is tempting to make these decisions now because you are excited, my advice is to wait wait wait. 900 days is a really long time, and as you said, things will change. Most of the horror stories on here are from people who didn't wait and ended up with major problems because they made what they felt was the wrong choice.

As for which girl you pick, I think that the only thing that matters is which person you are the closest to. Things like how much money they have or their taste shouldn't matter. The MOH is not required to help you plan or to host parties, so those things should not be taken into consideration. Pick the girl that you are the closest to. If you don't know now, that is OK-- you have tons of time to figure it out. And if it ends up being a huge issue, you don't have to designate a role-- just have everyone as a BM.

gmcr78 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-27?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a4b60715-4a2c-46bc-959f-e2a97583e16fPost:83bf64de-6544-4193-88b0-2be2d323c4c9">The wedding party.</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I have chosen wedding party numbers. We're doing 8 on each side. We have made preliminary lists (as our wedding isn't for 900 days) and I haven't told anyone yet (as things change fast) However - I cannot for the life of me figure out a MOH. I know there will be hurt feelings REGARDLESS of who I choose. 1. Friends since 16, lives far, has offered hints of wanting the position. 2. Friends since 15, same taste, $$, lives close 3. BF/Sister-like at 14, lost touch when I moved, and now this year we have been talking and hanging out more...planning to spend lots of time together (who knows how close we'll be in 2 yrs.) Regardless of who I choose someone is going to feel sad (either 1 or 2...) but I still cannot figure out. I would call both of them in the middle of the night if I had to hide a dead body... Considering doing 2 MOH but Ugh!..... input please?
Posted by ambersthebride[/QUOTE]

Honestly, I don't think anything you mentioned here is a reason to choose or not choose someone as a MOH. Your MOH is supposed to be the one you want standing next to you on the day. You don't even have to have one-you can just have your BM's and skip the MOH part. There's no rule.
If your wedding isn't for more than 2 years, you should refrain from asking anyone to be in the wedding party this early. You never know what could change in that time.
And I have to ask, what exactly do you mean by $$ in #2? Are you indicating that she has money, so that would make her a better candidate for MOH? I really hope that's not what you meant, but I fail to see what financial status has to do with choosing your wedding party.
Bottom line-don't choose anyone yet.

mbody · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-27?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a4b60715-4a2c-46bc-959f-e2a97583e16fPost:83bf64de-6544-4193-88b0-2be2d323c4c9">The wedding party.</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I have chosen wedding party numbers. We're doing 8 on each side. We have made preliminary lists (as our wedding isn't for 900 days) and I haven't told anyone yet (as things change fast) However - I cannot for the life of me figure out a MOH. I know there will be hurt feelings REGARDLESS of who I choose. 1. Friends since 16, lives far, has offered hints of wanting the position. 2. Friends since 15, same taste, <strong>$$</strong>, lives close 3. BF/Sister-like at 14, lost touch when I moved, and now this year we have been talking and hanging out more...planning to spend lots of time together (who knows how close we'll be in 2 yrs.) Regardless of who I choose someone is going to feel sad (either 1 or 2...) but I still cannot figure out. I would call both of them in the middle of the night if I had to hide a dead body... Considering doing 2 MOH but Ugh!..... input please?
Posted by ambersthebride[/QUOTE]
What does $$ mean? That she has a lot of money? doesn't have a lot of money? And why would either scenerio even matter? (Of course, you'll need to ask budget for a dress, but you can find really pretty cheap dresses if that's the situation- that's all I can really think of for $$)

If you can't choose, you don't have to have a MOH. It's not a requirement. Or have two.

Also, why would it matter who lives close vs. who lives far?

ambersthebride · January 2012

Sorry for not explaining further - I hope I can here..

Ok - So, the top two choices at the moment are both dear friends and will both be in the wedding party in the end.

They will both be standing next to me. I just want to avoid hurt feelings if I choose one over the other.

I have not and will not ask anyone for at least another year. But obviously I'm thinking about who I would chose if I had to.

The distance thing can matter - she works three jobs, is very very busy - we see each other about 3x a year and I know she is in debt.

I don't want her to feel pressured into doing all of the activites with us (as MOH or BM, as we are doing Vegas for Bachelor(ette))

THe dollar signs for the other girl (I really should have explained earlier, sorry) mean that she is financially stable and has a stable job.

Again I'm not asking anyone for another year... I just want to know how to avoid hurt feelings because I know some may possibly occur.

Thanks everyone:)

Also - I don't mean to offend or be offensive... I'm 24 newlywed and have only been to a couple weddings in my life and not sure AT ALL what they entail or detail or anything!!!

MyNameIsNot · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-27?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a4b60715-4a2c-46bc-959f-e2a97583e16fPost:c23d55be-a079-495f-97ab-4fb335b003b0">Re: The wedding party.</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry for not explaining further - I hope I can here.. Ok - So, the top two choices at the moment are both dear friends and will both be in the wedding party in the end. They will both be standing next to me. I just want to avoid hurt feelings if I choose one over the other. I have not and will not ask anyone for at least another year. But obviously I'm thinking about who I would chose if I had to. The distance thing can matter - <strong>she works three jobs, is very very busy - we see each other about 3x a year and I know she is in debt. I don't want her to feel pressured into doing all of the activites with us (as MOH or BM, as we are doing Vegas for Bachelor(ette)) THe dollar signs for the other girl (I really should have explained earlier, sorry) mean that she is financially stable and has a stable job. </strong>Again I'm not asking anyone for another year... I just want to know how to avoid hurt feelings because I know some may possibly occur. Thanks everyone:) Also - I don't mean to offend or be offensive... I'm 24 newlywed and have only been to a couple weddings in my life and not sure AT ALL what they entail or detail or anything!!!
Posted by ambersthebride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If your wedding is in 900 days, you need to wait about 700 days before you ask anyone anything.</div><div>
</div><div>When the time comes to ask, do not pick numbers and fill slots. Ask the people you feel close to, regardless of numbers.</div><div>
</div><div>And for god's sake, get all this crap about what your MOH can do for you out of your head. It doen't matter if she lives far away, has a stable job, is in debt, or what. The one and only thing that matters is that she be your closest friend. Considerations about what she can do for you is making you come off greedy.
</div>

mbody · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-27?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a4b60715-4a2c-46bc-959f-e2a97583e16fPost:c23d55be-a079-495f-97ab-4fb335b003b0">Re: The wedding party.</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry for not explaining further - I hope I can here.. Ok - So, the top two choices at the moment are both dear friends and will both be in the wedding party in the end. They will both be standing next to me. I just want to avoid hurt feelings if I choose one over the other. I have not and will not ask anyone for at least another year. But obviously I'm thinking about who I would chose if I had to. <strong>The distance thing can matter</strong> - she works three jobs, is very very busy - we see each other about 3x a year and I know she is in debt. I don't want her to feel pressured into doing all of the activites with us (as MOH or BM, <strong>as we are doing Vegas for Bachelor(ette))</strong> THe dollar signs for the other girl (I really should have explained earlier, sorry) mean that she is <strong>financially stable and has a stable job</strong>. Again I'm not asking anyone for another year... I just want to know how to avoid hurt feelings because I know some may possibly occur. Thanks everyone:) Also - I don't mean to offend or be offensive... I'm 24 newlywed<strong> </strong>and have only been to a couple weddings in my life and not sure AT ALL what they entail or detail or anything!!!
Posted by ambersthebride[/QUOTE]
The distance doesn't matter at all. As long as she can be present, standing next to you on your wedding day is all that counts.

You already know you're going to Vegas this far in advance?

Again, being financially stable or having a stable job really has nothing to do with being a BM/MOH. Shouldn't even cross your mind when you're deciding. Also, you have 2 1/2 years, and things can most definitely change with jobs/finances. Someone can get a promotion, get fired, go back to school, buy a house, win the lotto.

Just sit back, relax, and enjoy being engaged. You don't have to worry about a wedding party for a while.

MBDD13 · January 2012

the distance thing could matter if you need a lot of help with DIY stuff but other than that who ever you want to be up there with you is who you should pick.

VeggieLove1022 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-27?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a4b60715-4a2c-46bc-959f-e2a97583e16fPost:545b1d56-dd39-40ec-a5bb-c968f2368c98">Re: The wedding party.</a>:
[QUOTE]the distance thing could matter if you need a lot of help with DIY stuff but other than that who ever you want to be up there with you is who you should pick.
Posted by MBDD13[/QUOTE]

BMs are never required to help with anything. It's her and her FI's wedding, they do the DIY things if no one offers.

OP- choose (in 2014) who you are closest too. You don't have to have a MOH if you don't want to hurt their feelings.

ETA: OP I'm not sure if anyone's said they are taking you to Vegas, but if they haven't- don't assume. You're not entitled to a bachelorette party and if no one offers, then you just may not get one. Your friends may not have the money to take you there and they're not bad friends for that. Your marriage will still be valid though.

Also, the 8 on each side is also annoying. A wedding isn't a play and you aren't assigning roles. If you have 4 people and he has 2, let it be. Choose the closest to you and let him choose the closest to him. You get no say in his side and he gets no say in yours. Don't just ask people so you have even sides and don't NOT ask people for the same reason. Are you going to tell a good friend, "I'm sorry, I love you, but my want for even sides is more important than our friendship." No one will notice if you don't have even sides.

TiffannieF · January 2012

Seriously you really shouldn't be considering your WP until 2014. I know its tempting but I honestly wouldn't pick a single thing until 2013 some time even your dress, venue, etc...so much WILL change before 2012 is over, before 2013 is over, and before August 2014.

You want honest, good advice...hold off on your wedding planning. Maybe just collect some ideas but anything that requires booking is a bad idea. Read the posts on this board...so many brides have issues with their MOHs and BMs just because they asked them over a year in advance and their relationship changed in that amount of time.

graysquirrel · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-27?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a4b60715-4a2c-46bc-959f-e2a97583e16fPost:c23d55be-a079-495f-97ab-4fb335b003b0">Re: The wedding party.</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry for not explaining further - I hope I can here.. Ok - So, the top two choices at the moment are both dear friends and will both be in the wedding party in the end. They will both be standing next to me. I just want to avoid hurt feelings if I choose one over the other. I have not and will not ask anyone for at least another year. But obviously I'm thinking about who I would chose if I had to. The distance thing can matter - she works three jobs, is very very busy - we see each other about 3x a year and I know she is in debt. I don't want her to feel pressured into doing all of the activites with us<strong> (as MOH or BM, as we are doing Vegas for Bachelor(ette))</strong> THe dollar signs for the other girl (I really should have explained earlier, sorry) mean that she is financially stable and has a stable job. Again I'm not asking anyone for another year... I just want to know how to avoid hurt feelings because I know some may possibly occur. Thanks everyone:) Also - I don't mean to offend or be offensive... I'm 24 newlywed and have only been to a couple weddings in my life and not sure AT ALL what they entail or detail or anything!!!
Posted by ambersthebride[/QUOTE]

I'm confused about this. Who decided this if you have no WP yet and how do you know that everyone will be ok with it? The B & G are not to have any say in what parties are thrown for them and are definitely not supposed to require any.

ambersthebride · January 2012

Lots of opinionated Brides here

My fiance and I decided we want to go to Vegas for our bach parties. We are throwing them.

Again I say I'm not TELLING anyone who is in the WP until 6 months in advance or so.

I'm just trying to figure out how to avoid HURT FEELINGS.

My fiance has played hockey his whole life and has many "best friends" he wants in his WP which is how we came to 8, and it is easy for me to put my beloved girls in 8 as well. So please, understand that symetry and nonsymetry is our own choices.

Any input in how to avoid hurting peoples feelings when asking them (or not asking them) to be in the WP is much appreciated. Anything else, unneccessary.

thanks brides:)

TiffannieF · January 2012

Ok, you are asking how to avoid hurt feelings....my input is to wait. More than likely your decision will be clearer in a year or so.

mbody · January 2012

In Response to Re: The wedding party.:
[QUOTE]Lots of opinionated Brides here

My fiance and I decided we want to go to Vegas for our bach parties. We are throwing them. Again I say I'm not TELLING anyone who is in the WP until 6 months in advance or so. I'm just trying to figure out how to avoid HURT FEELINGS. My fiance has played hockey his whole life and has many "best friends" he wants in his WP which is how we came to 8, and it is easy for me to put my beloved girls in 8 as well. So please, understand that symetry and nonsymetry is our own choices. Any input in how to avoid hurting peoples feelings when asking them (or not asking them) to be in the WP is much appreciated. Anything else, unneccessary. thanks brides:)
Posted by ambersthebride[/QUOTE]
Yes and they will give you honest feedback as well. That's the beauty of the entire thing.

You shouldn't throw any of your wedding pre-parties. This includes engagement parties, wedding showers, or bachelor/ette parties.

From what I understand, you are deciding who to chose as your MOH between two girls, correct? I'm having 2 MOHs. One is my sister and the other is my best friend for 24 years. I couldn't chose so I'm having both.

ambersthebride · January 2012

Ok, so I've decided - since I cannot delete this post lol

That since EVERYONES weddings are TO EACH THEIR OWN, my fi and I will do what WE want and that is to go to Vegas for our bach party, to have 8 on each side. To do whatever we flippen want.

Thanks for all of your very valued opinions! It did help a lot in making me realize that I actually DO NOT need any ones opinion except mine and my fi, my friends who KNOW us, and our families.

xo

TiffannieF · January 2012

lol, ok amber....GL!!!

FWIW: I don't think the Vegas thing is a big deal...I would just reword it as inviting people to come out and celebrate your last trip as "single" people or a trip with friends...we're just saying it's awkward to throw your own parties because it makes you look very AWish...like throwing your own b-day party...you can do it but people will look at you a little weird.

Viczaesar · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-27?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a4b60715-4a2c-46bc-959f-e2a97583e16fPost:2dcbd612-9af5-40b8-a84b-3237fc5d5c5e">Re: The wedding party.</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so I've decided - since I cannot delete this post lol That since EVERYONES weddings are TO EACH THEIR OWN, my fi and I will do what WE want and that is to go to Vegas for our bach party, to have 8 on each side. To do whatever we flippen want. Thanks for all of your very valued opinions! It did help a lot in making me realize that I actually DO NOT need any ones opinion except mine and my fi, my friends who KNOW us, and our families. xo
Posted by ambersthebride[/QUOTE]
And with that kind of attitude you'll probably lose at least half of your ladies before your wedding day even arrives.

katehar01 · January 2012

I know those boards can seem harsh, but these ladies are giving you good advice, if not in the kindest way possible. I would call your Vegas trip a "last fling" like PPs said, calling it a Bach party if you're throwing it is a little awkward. But you're right, you can do whatever you want - as long as you're prepared for the very real possibility that the majority of your BMs and GMs won't be able to swing it financially. You'll have to decide if going to Vegas or having everyone there is more important.

The wedding party.

Re: The wedding party.

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