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FMIL's dress

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Re: FMIL's dress

  • SaraElizabeth7SaraElizabeth7 member
    10 Comments
    WiscBliss,  My FMIL would also assume that "I don't care" so that's probably another part of it--at this point, I probably shouldn't care and should just enjoy my day!!
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  • VeggieLove1022VeggieLove1022
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmils-dress-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1748f7f-9ed5-4476-9d9e-efcaa8b0b010Post:e2746f79-4aac-4f93-888c-2e0e5ebe9d13">Re: FMIL's dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Different approach maybe? "Mom, Sara is concerned that you are settling on a dress that you don't like and she really thinks that you can find something you'll feel and look fabulous in.  Why don't you two go shopping together and I'm sure you'll come up with something you'll just be beaming in." Stay away from the "you can't wear white" thing and gear it towards wanting to make her feel like it's all about her and you want her to feel fabulous. 
    Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

    If FI brings it up, I wouldn't want to be thrown in the middle of it. IMO he should say something directly from him to her such as, "You know people will talk if you wear that." or something.

    If she wanted to take the "go shopping" approach, I would do it myself instead of having FI set us up on a play date. It would just seem awkward like while she's meeting you to go shopping she'll be thinking, "hmm you biitched and made my son change my dress, but were too big of a puss to tell me to my face."

    IDK, maybe I'm just overanaylzing it.
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  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker

    no, I can for sure see that side of it too.  Never thought of that angle. 

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  • LaurmiLaurmi
    100 Comments
    Wow that's so incredibly rude to wear white / cream / ivory to a wedding. I cannot believe she wouldn't know this. Have your FI talk to her to get the message across. I'd be ripped if I were you.

    Laura 
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  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    One other thought - could there be a budget issue at play here?  You mention she hasn't checked out bridal shops, and the dress she has now came from the clearance rack.  I know my mom was really concerned that a bridal shop wouldn't have anything in her budget (which was only around $150), so we started our search at Macys since she felt that was more in her price range.  I encouraged her to try on whatever she wanted to try, with the plan that I'd pick up the tab for anything she couldn't afford... she ended up finding a dress for $110, well within her budget, but it was definitely easier for her to shop without having to look at price tags so much.
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  • SaraElizabeth7SaraElizabeth7 member
    10 Comments
    Ok girls--just sent FMIL a text saying that the ladies at my bridal shop can't wait to find her a dress and that we should go look asap since orders are coming in for june/july weddings (per my consultant). 

    Hopefully FMIL and I will get an appointment for next week or the week after and we can go from there.  My dream is that she finds something to wear that blows dress one out of the water and it's just resolved.  And then we'll talk about her having two dresses!  

    Does anyone have experience with that?  I know some women wear a suit to the ceremony and a dress to the reception but that's really it.  I don't think it's super unusual so I'm interested in it.
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  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmils-dress-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1748f7f-9ed5-4476-9d9e-efcaa8b0b010Post:96194538-c678-49a1-bcc6-1a82fa2dfa83">Re: FMIL's dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok girls--just sent FMIL a text saying that the ladies at my bridal shop can't wait to find her a dress and that we should go look asap since orders are coming in for june/july weddings (per my consultant).  Hopefully FMIL and I will get an appointment for next week or the week after and we can go from there.  My dream is that she finds something to wear that blows dress one out of the water and it's just resolved.  And then we'll talk about her having two dresses!   Does anyone have experience with that? <strong> I know some women wear a suit to the ceremony and a dress to the reception but that's really it.  I don't think it's super unusual so I'm interested in it.
    </strong>Posted by SaraElizabeth7[/QUOTE]

    I've not personally seen it done, but I think it's a great idea to get her into two dresses without it turning into "FMIL Fashion Week."
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  • VeggieLove1022VeggieLove1022
    500 Comments

    If she finds a dress I would say, "Oh and you could even wear that white one to the RD so now you have both your outfits picked out!" I wouldn't think twice about someone wearing white to a RD so maybe that could help if she's dead set on wearing it.

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  • SaraElizabeth7SaraElizabeth7 member
    10 Comments
    Yes, that's what I was thinking too--wear the white to the RD (I will be wearing white too but it's not the same and no one will talk), and then find a stunner for the wedding.
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  • CurlsNpearls12CurlsNpearls12
    100 Comments First Anniversary

    Well, if it makes you feel any better, I just found out that my OWN Grandmother is wearing an ivory dress to our wedding. It's driving me nuts, but I just keep telling myself she is a grown woman, and she can wear what she wants.

    Good luck finding your FMIL a dress, though! I think if you tell her how amazing she looks in a color, she'll lean more towards something other than anything related to white.

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  • SaraElizabeth7SaraElizabeth7 member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmils-dress-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1748f7f-9ed5-4476-9d9e-efcaa8b0b010Post:ead7c169-9c55-42ff-8b3e-17c02a262f45">Re: FMIL's dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, if it makes you feel any better, I just found out that my OWN Grandmother is wearing an ivory dress to our wedding. It's driving me nuts, but I just keep telling myself she is a grown woman, and she can wear what she wants. Good luck finding your FMIL a dress, though! I think if you tell her how amazing she looks in a color, she'll lean more towards something other than anything related to white.
    Posted by CurlsNpearls12[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Curls, sorry to hear that!  I am glad I'm not alone, but it's still a crappy situation for anyone!  

    </div>
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  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    Definitely have her check out the Montage by Mon Cheri collection of dresses if you can find it (carried at bridal salons).
    My mom was insistent on a jacket also and ended up finding a great dress that wasn't boxy and looked amazing on her.
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  • amyspeightamyspeight member
    First Comment
    I had a similar issue. My FMIL bought two dress - one white and one in the color I had requested. She then told me she was wearing the white one because she liked the style better. My FI spoke to her and phrased it in a way that said he liked the one in the color I asked for because it went with our wedding colors and never mentioned that my feelings were hurt. She is now wearing the one in the color I originally wanted.
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  • SaraElizabeth7SaraElizabeth7 member
    10 Comments
    UPDATE!!

    To update everyone who graciously responded on this post:

    FMIL and I went shopping for a dress for her today at the bridal shop.  She found 2 dresses in the mother's section and one in the bridesmaid's section that she liked, and I think she will be choosing from those---and she has chosen a pretty darker chocolate brown for two and a caramel color for the other.

    She did bring the first dress along, and tried it on.  It is very pretty on her, but I expressed my concern that it was pretty light and since she will have cream and ivory flowers in the small bouquet, it might all blend together, especially in photos.  I also said that even though it's very flattering and pretty, it is a dress style you see a lot.  Given that, since FI is her only child and this is the only wedding she gets to do this for, I suggested that she go all out for one of the sparklier/lacier type, longer dresses she had found at the shop and save this one for the rehearsal dinner instead.

    I think it went well, and hopefully she will be able to make a decision in the next few weeks on it! :)
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