Need help convincing the DF

AMorrispink · October 2010

So...while there is no E-ring yet, my DF and I have decided to get married Memorial Day weekend of 2012, while it IS a ways away, I'm aware that that is a busy weekend for weddings, especially in this area. I've had one venue in mind since I was little and a family member got married there so I've been trying to convince him that when I get my 4th qtr. bonus in March (I work in retail management) that we should put down a deposit on the place. He's worried that we'll book it and then not be able to afford it later, or not be able to then afford our other vendors that would be in the same caliber as the venue. I'm just worried it'll get booked up...should I calm down or should I keep pushing?

Help! And TIA

fallbride1109 · October 2010

You are wayyyyy jumping the gun on this one. If your boyfriend says no, you have no ring, and no firm plans, then don't do it. Contracts are binding and you could be up a creek come 2012.

I can also think of many other reasons that this is bad idea. But I'll just leave it at that.

Tiffany618 · October 2010

I agree with Stephie 100%.

bsn1752 · October 2010

I agree with Stephie. If there's no commitment yet and your boyfriend says no, then don't do it. When you get engaged, THEN start putting deposits down. Until then, just "window shop." If your venue is booked for your date (after you're engaged), then either change your date, or change your venue.

DFWIndian · October 2010

We booked our venue and things before I had a ring and things, but you need to make sure you have an honest understanding of if you two are ready and actually going to get married.
That being said.. You said you won't do this until March correct? why not work out a budget and see other vendors before deciding this. Realize their prices do change year to year and you may have to pay a little more later, but it may give you a better idea if you should put any deposits down.

MsLaura31 · October 2010

DFWIndian - your situation is different, I think. If you didn't have a formal engagement, you would have had a ring earlier.

Get engaged first. You don't have to have a ring to be engaged. But you both have to decide that you want to get married, and you both need to start calling yourselves engaged. Tell your families and friends. THEN contact at venues.

FWIW, I booked a venue in March 2010 for my June 2011 wedding, and things went awry. We lost our deposit and had to find a new venue. Most venues were still available when looked again in June. So while I understand wanting to plan ahead, your boyfriend is smart to want to think things through.

bsn1752 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_need-convincing-df?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:e48d39fd-7beb-47f9-85a1-cbfe8584c317Post:5fd752aa-65d7-4d02-8c5b-e31b52e69801">Re: Need help convincing the DF</a>:
[QUOTE]FWIW, I booked a venue in March 2010 for my June 2011 wedding, and things went awry. We lost our deposit and had to find a new venue. Most venues were still available when looked again in June. So while I understand wanting to plan ahead, your boyfriend is smart to want to think things through.
Posted by MsLaura31[/QUOTE]

Maybe I miss that part... what happened?!?

MsLaura31 · October 2010

The owner went a little crazy on me and my DOC... we decided the money for the deposit wasn't worth worring about him. All is good now, though! I'm just hoping that is the big drama for my wedding, and it's over now. Ya know?

bobbileighb · October 2010

I agree with PP. If you do not have a ring and he is saying no then the answer is no. For now you guys could work on a budget so that you know you will be able to afford realistically and if the venue you want is in budget or what you need to do to make it in budget. Try and remain flexible and if for some reason when the time comes the venue is booked like the other post said either change the date or the venue.

Testerman1 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_need-convincing-df?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:e48d39fd-7beb-47f9-85a1-cbfe8584c317Post:07b19408-1379-4297-b6d7-e1eba97c22d6">Re: Need help convincing the DF</a>:
[QUOTE]You are wayyyyy jumping the gun on this one. If your boyfriend says no, you have no ring, and no firm plans, then don't do it. Contracts are binding and you could be up a creek come 2012. I can also think of many other reasons that this is bad idea. But I'll just leave it at that.
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]

I agree with this as well! Anything could happen with no commitment, no plans, No ring...... I would waite

meghanttu08 · October 2010

The ring is the first step. Besides, it's 2012...A LOT could happen! You could even find a place you want more!

mandaroo7 · October 2010

I totally second Stephie!!

BanannaP · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_need-convincing-df?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:e48d39fd-7beb-47f9-85a1-cbfe8584c317Post:2982cf00-9769-4197-a5e9-d6120e24d49e">Re: Need help convincing the DF</a>:
[QUOTE]The ring is the first step. Besides, it's 2012...A LOT could happen! <strong>You could even find a place you want more!</strong>
Posted by meghanttu08[/QUOTE]
This times a million. I love my venue, but there are a lot of beautiful places that I didn't even know about till after I booked.

NathanandJordan · October 2010

I agree with PP. The only thing I would add is to start a savings account now. You can put that 4th qtr bonus in there and that way, when you are ready, you will have money put away and won't stress too much about saving up.

juliebug1997 · October 2010

I agree you should wait. You won't even get this money for almost six months.

For what it's worth, I paid my deposit for my reception and bought my dress before I had a ring. HOWEVER, I knew there was a ring because Bill was fighting with Jared in Lewisville about needing my ring to be round. Plus we were both 34.

2012JulyBride · October 2010

I don't know if other people failed to see this, but if you get your bonus in MARCH 2011, that's only 14 months before your projected wedding day. Timelines I just looked up suggested making a deposit 12-16 months in advance. I would call the venue to see if it is booked already and, if not, how early in advance would they estimate the average person books with them. With that information, and timeline information of when to look and book wedding stuff, go to your DF and let him know what's up.
Remind him that you will be getting paid approx. 14 Months before the wedding date...IF he agrees to this date as well. There doesn't have to be a ring, or maybe the ring will come at Christmas.

bsn1752 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_need-convincing-df?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:e48d39fd-7beb-47f9-85a1-cbfe8584c317Post:6bb04408-ee9a-4ef2-bca9-7e8c8e2770ef">Re: Need help convincing the DF</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know if other people failed to see this, but if you get your bonus in MARCH 2011, that's only 14 months before your projected wedding day. Timelines I just looked up suggested making a deposit 12-16 months in advance. I would call the venue to see if it is booked already and, if not, how early in advance would they estimate the average person books with them. With that information, and timeline information of when to look and book wedding stuff, go to your DF and let him know what's up. Remind him that you will be getting paid approx. 14 Months before the wedding date... IF he agrees to this date as well. There doesn't have to be a ring, or maybe the ring will come at Christmas. :)
Posted by 2012JulyBride[/QUOTE]

True, but the point is that there are TONS of venues around... take your time and look. Yes, the "checklists" tell you to begin looking/booking that far out, but you don't have to... not all places book out that far.

Still though, do wait for the firm commitment and the "go ahead" from your boyfriend. I would put your bonus into a savings account until you get the commitment from your boyfriend.

juliebug1997 · October 2010

The fact that he said no, wait is kind of a sign that you should wait. I'm not saying that he's not going to propose but you should respect his opinion.

2012JulyBride · October 2010

I do completely agree with waiting until he's ready before making a deposit. I'm also thinking that approx. 1 year before the wedding, around the time the bonus check comes, it wouldn't hurt asking the venue if the date's taken, how far in advance peopel tend to book, etc. If he's not ready a year in advance AND you two agree on the venue, I think waiting until the following year (holding off on booking and adding that bonus to a savings) would be better for you. Everyone's different so you just kind of have to figure out what works for you two. Some guys would get mad about inquiring and others wouldn't mind at all...if they're right there with you but would rather surprise you with an engagement.

chantico23 · October 2010

First of all, if your bonus doesn't come in until March then that gives you 5 months to look at other venues and decide for sure on what you want. Now is NOT the time to be pressuring your FI. If you still love the venue in March then that's when you should be having the serious conversation about whether or not you book the place.

Second, do not book a venue unless you are 100% sure that you can afford it. Booking a place and then saying, "We'll figure it out" is not worth it. Weddings cost way more than you initially think that they will, and starting out over your head will cause you stress and frustration that you do not need when you are in the middle of wedding planning.

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