Seating chart

SmallenForever · February 2013

Is it better to seat people with people they know or to mix tables? Most of my tables are small family groups (related people with related people) or mostly friends who know each other, but my mother keeps insisting that proper etiquette says you need to mix groups so people mingle and aren't bored. Any advice? Personally, I'd rather sit with my family or friends than strangers, but I might be weird.

jessicabessica · February 2013

Your mom is wrong. Etiquette is about making your guests comfortable. Seat them with people they know and like. If you have guests that don't know anyone else, put them with people you think they will like.

ZeroOrchestra · February 2013

We mostly sat everyone with people they knew. We had some tables that were mixed due to the size of the tables and available seats, so we put people around the same age or who had similar interests together as best we could and it worked out really well. A few of our friends commented on how much fun they had at their table and how they all got along, so I'm glad we took the time to put some thought into it.

One thing we took into consideration, was that H's adult cousins didn't necessarily want to be seated with their parents, so we put them with people more in their age group. Same for my sister who did not want to be seated near my Aunt (she has a stressful personality) so I seated her with my friends from HS who she already knew and gets along with.

I'm with you, I would try to put people who know each other together where you can.

andthepigsaidtothecow · February 2013

We are going to do a slight mix. Manly because meeting and talking to new people is half the fun as a guest at weddings (atleast it is for me and FI)

Some people on table of people they know, some on tables with a mix of people that they know with people they will know off/just met once, some on tables were they know half and half were they will have something in common.

Just don't have a table of just single friends. and make sure if you are mixing people up have people there with atleast a couple of people they know and make sure you think the people will have something to talk about

Jager1219 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a59c68d4-5ecc-467a-90ce-2a8cdb7b8022Post:f56caca9-1377-4a18-a63f-9af90040887e">Re: Seating chart</a>:
[QUOTE]We mostly sat everyone with people they knew. We had some tables that were mixed due to the size of the tables and available seats, so we put people around the same age or who had similar interests together as best we could and it worked out really well. A few of our friends commented on how much fun they had at their table and how they all got along, so I'm glad we took the time to put some thought into it. O <strong>ne thing we took into consideration, was that H's adult cousins didn't necessarily want to be seated with their parents, so we put them with people more in their age group.</strong>Same for my sister who did not want to be seated near my Aunt (she has a stressful personality) so I seated her with my friends from HS who she already knew and gets along with. I'm with you, I would try to put people who know each other together where you can.
Posted by ZeroOrchestra[/QUOTE]
This is what my parents are advocating. Splitting up families to put them in similar age groups. We'll see how the numbers work out when the time comes. But IMO, if it comes to putting people who don't know each other together because of age vs. putting people who know each other together, I'd go with the later.

melb2013 · February 2013

I agree that people should be seated with others that they know and like to make them comfortable. That being said, I hate when it looks like the wedding is literally divided in half between families. I like meeting new people at weddings and I think weddings are about the joining of families. We're going to have 8 people at each table. For the most part, we'd like to have 4 people who know each other and another 4 people who know each other at each table, but whom we think will all like each other. We'll see how that actually works out. My FI has a lot more people invited to the wedding, so I anticipate there will be plenty of tables with only his family.

AddieCake · February 2013

We seated ours with people they knew and were already friendly with for the most part. I am very shy and would hate to be seated with strangers if there were people I knew that I could be sitting with.

ZeroOrchestra · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a59c68d4-5ecc-467a-90ce-2a8cdb7b8022Post:c180a913-0f4f-4ee2-9342-14cc09dadaab">Re: Seating chart</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seating chart : This is what my parents are advocating. Splitting up families to put them in similar age groups. We'll see how the numbers work out when the time comes. But IMO, if it comes to putting people who don't know each other together because of age vs. putting people who know each other together, I'd go with the later.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

<div>Sure, we just knew that those particular people didn't want to sit with their older family members, so we put them where we could. My sister happened to know other people there and his cousins did not so we plugged them in with our friends where it made sense.</div>

LDubHawksFan · February 2013

For the most part, we seated people with others that they knew. After a BM couldn't make it the week before, and I rearranged our seating chart, we did have a few exceptions.....instead of 2 WP tables with their SOs and other friends, we combined the WP and their SOs to one table (this wasn't a big deal because they still new the other guys/girls, and then met the others at the RD), and we made a table of our college friends (3 couples from each of us), and they all agreed it was a hoot to meet new people that had similar interests. You can take some liberties with who you seat together, but I would always error on the side of seating people with who they already know.

brielleinlove · February 2013

I always prefer being seated with people I know, particularly if I've traveled to go to a wedding - it's never fun to drive 4 hours to a wedding and find out you're not even going to get to eat dinner with the people you drove all that way to hang out with.

That said, if it isn't possible, try to seat them with guests near their own age. I was once stuck at a table that was very clearly the table for people they couldnt figure out what to do with, which in this case was neighbors of the groom's parents and a couple business associates of the bride's. I would have much preferred to be seated at a nearby table full of the couple's college friends, where I would at least have had something in common with them!

mlg78 · February 2013

At dinner parties it is common to mix people up but not at weddings...

arendiva · February 2013

Seat people with other people they know. The last wedding I went to my fiance was the only one at my table I really knew (there were two people I had seen before but couldn't name). It's leads to awkward forced small talk. Being asked what you do for a living (I was unemployed and the whole convo made me really uncomfortable) etc etc. Don't get me wrong the people at my table were all nice but the whole evening I kept looking longingly over at the table full of fiance's friends who we would loved to have spent the evening chatting with.

daveANDkristen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a59c68d4-5ecc-467a-90ce-2a8cdb7b8022Post:f56caca9-1377-4a18-a63f-9af90040887e">Re: Seating chart</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>We mostly sat everyone with people they knew. We had some tables that were mixed due to the size of the tables and available seats, so we put people around the same age or who had similar interests together as best we could and it worked out really well. A few of our friends commented on how much fun they had at their table and how they all got along, so I'm glad we took the time to put some thought into it.</strong> One thing we took into consideration, was that H's adult cousins didn't necessarily want to be seated with their parents, so we put them with people more in their age group. Same for my sister who did not want to be seated near my Aunt (she has a stressful personality) so I seated her with my friends from HS who she already knew and gets along with. I'm with you, I would try to put people who know each other together where you can.
Posted by ZeroOrchestra[/QUOTE]

This is what we did. I would find it really odd to be assigned to a table with strangers and separated from all of the other guests I did know. Forcing people to mingle is just not comfortable.

Simply Fated · February 2013

I'm super shy with really bad anxiety, so at no point do I ever look forward to social situations where I'm forced to make awkward small talk with people I don't know.
I'm friendly, so I make do and sometimes it's fine, but only after I have a few drinks in me.
I think it's much more courteous to seat people with other guests they already know, if it's possible. Or maybe even a mixed table, so it's the best of both worlds.

Jen4948 · February 2013

Don't mix tables. Your mother has that backward.

Having to sit with strangers and be forced to socialize with them, especially when friends and family are sitting nearby and not getting to socialize with them, will cause boredom. And most people will get up to mingle with friends and family anyway, so trying to do this will ultimately be self-defeating.

Ajuliana · February 2013

I still maintain that seating charts are a lot of stress for nothing. If you seat people with their immediate family, they get mad. If you seat people with their similar aged cousins, they get mad. If you seat people with other single guests, they get mad. If you seat people with members of the other family, they get mad.

How the heck am I supposed to gather everyone's preferences, make it fit into perfect 8 person tables, and guarantee that nobody switches things up and messes up the order I spent weeks putting together?

I just don't see the plausibility of the concept.

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