Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
bridesmaid suddenly backing out?
I chose a nail design that I would like for my BMs and I've already told them I will pay. I want them all to get french tips and a simple flower design. I will pay for it. One of my bridemaids is suddenly refusing to get the tips put on because she says it gets in the way of playing guitar which she does for a living. I feel like it's BS that she won't suck it up for me, and honestly she has disagreed with me on everything from the dress to the shoes and everything. I offered to pay for everything for her including her dress when she said 2 days before the order by date that she didn't like it. She's the only dress I offered to pay for but I'm paying for shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and make-up for everyone since I'm requiring it. Do I tell her no nails no wedding party? I don't think it's fair that she just gets to do whatever she wants when no one else is.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?
[QUOTE]I chose a nail design that I would like for my BMs and I've already told them I will pay. I want them all to get french tips and a simple flower design. I will pay for it. One of my bridemaids is suddenly refusing to get the tips put on because <strong>she says it gets in the way of playing guitar which she does for a living.</strong> <strong>I feel like it's BS that she won't suck it up for me,</strong> and honestly she has disagreed with me on everything from the dress to the shoes and everything. I offered to pay for everything for her including her dress when she said 2 days before the order by date that she didn't like it. She's the only dress I offered to pay for but I'm paying for shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and make-up for everyone since I'm requiring it. <strong>Do I tell her no nails no wedding party?</strong> I don't think it's fair that she just gets to do whatever she wants when no one else is.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Quoted because this just smells like a future DD.</div><div>
</div><div>Umm OP, if it gets in the way of her livelyhood, then yes, she has every right to say no. Even if you're paying.</div><div>
</div><div>To the second bolded: are her nails more important than her friendship? That should give you your answer. <span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">Just because all the other girls are going along with what you want doesn't mean they're happy about it.</span></div><div><span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">
</span></div><div><span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">I used to get tip put on all the time. They absolutely destroy your natural nailbed. I totally understand why someone wouldn't want to get them done.</span></div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Spelling and this because it should get good:<img style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;-webkit-user-select:none;" src="http://www.helloloser.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Mj-thriller-popcorn-o.gif" alt="" /></div><div>
</div><div>
</div>
[QUOTE]I chose a nail design that I would like for my BMs and I've already told them I will pay. I want them all to get french tips and a simple flower design. I will pay for it. One of my bridemaids is suddenly refusing to get the tips put on because she says it gets in the way of playing guitar which she does for a living. I feel like it's BS that she won't suck it up for me, and honestly she has disagreed with me on everything from the dress to the shoes and everything. I offered to pay for everything for her including her dress when she said 2 days before the order by date that she didn't like it. She's the only dress I offered to pay for but I'm paying for shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and make-up for everyone since I'm requiring it. <strong>Do I tell her no nails no wedding party?</strong> I don't think it's fair that she just gets to do whatever she wants when no one else is.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]
You cannot be serious, right?
Who gives a flying fluck what her nails look like? I would tell you to go to hell if I was her.
there is no way someone can be this tacky AND this inconsiderate.
[QUOTE]I chose a nail design that I would like for my BMs and I've already told them I will pay. I want them all to get french tips and a simple flower design. I will pay for it. One of my bridemaids is suddenly refusing to get the tips put on because she says it gets in the way of playing guitar which she does for a living. I feel like it's BS that she won't suck it up for me, and honestly she has disagreed with me on everything from the dress to the shoes and everything. I offered to pay for everything for her including her dress when she said 2 days before the order by date that she didn't like it. She's the only dress I offered to pay for but I'm paying for shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and make-up for everyone since I'm requiring it. Do I tell her no nails no wedding party? I don't think it's fair that she just gets to do whatever she wants when no one else is.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]
<img style="cursor:pointer;" class="toggle_inline_image constrained_image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu9nk0jSQv1qjpwun.gif" alt="image" width="250" height="188" />
'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
Personally I would not want tips. It would get in the way of my work as well. Tips are not for everyone- they can be really uncomfortable to wear!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out? : Eff that. I don't care if her reason is "i don't like flowers" or "My aunt Mildred has tips and I hate her", she doesn't need a "good" or "valid" reason to not do something to her own body.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
<div>I know that she doesn't need any reason to not do it. I was just trying to frame it so OP, if she's not a troll, will understand that her friend is making complete sense, which OP doesn't seem to believe.</div>
[QUOTE]What difference do her nails make? Nobody, and by that I mean NOBODY, will notice her nails. You're silly to make her do this, especially when it interferes with her livelihood.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]
<div>This. </div><div>
</div><div>This thread is ridiculous. I can't believe people are like this.. but I guess that's where the term 'bridezilla' comes from, right? </div>
[QUOTE]You are fighting with your best friend about nail polish.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]
<div>I change my answer. This, above all, is the main point.</div>
This is ONE day of your life, you won't even see their nails in your photos unless you tell your photographer to take photos of their nails. In case you want that lame photo, just have her stand out.
My advice is to over yourself and apologize to your friend.
[QUOTE]This whole mismatched bridesmaid thing is new. I'm not a fan, and that is okay. Many brides choose to have their bridesmaids match entirely and do not offer to pay for anything. I don't think that is right, and so I'm paying. The dress is a very simple black cocktail dress that they all chose together with the intention to wear it over and over again. Same with shoes.<strong> She can do what she wants with her nails after the wedding.</strong>
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]
<div>No she can't, because you RUINED THEM. To take nails off one day after the wedding will destroy her nails. Hell, taking them off WEEKS after will destroy them and make them too weak to play guitar for months. You are selfish and it's quite obvious you don't give a ISH what anyone here has to say.</div><div>
</div><div>Did you even think to offer her the press on nails from the drug store? Those will last one day. </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Also, no one said anything about the dress or shoes. That doesn't make your BSCness better, so don't even bother mentioning it. I've never heard of anyone so selfish. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.</div>
'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
[QUOTE]This whole mismatched bridesmaid thing is new. I'm not a fan, and that is okay. Many brides choose to have their bridesmaids match entirely and do not offer to pay for anything. I don't think that is right, and so I'm paying. The dress is a very simple black cocktail dress that they all chose together with the intention to wear it over and over again. Same with shoes. <strong>She can do what she wants with her nails after the wedding.</strong>
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]
<div>No. She can do whatever the hell she wants with her body regardless of anything you have to say. She bought the dress, she's going to show up on the day of; that's all she needs to do.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: The "mismatched bridesmaid thing" I'm pretty sure refers to just their dresses. *No one* will care/remember what your BMs hair looked like on the day of the wedding. Same goes for shoes and nails!</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out? : No she can't, because you RUINED THEM. To take nails off one day after the wedding will destroy her nails. Hell, taking them off WEEKS after will destroy them and make them too weak to play guitar for months. You are selfish and it's quite obvious you don't give a ISH what anyone here has to say. <strong>Did you even think to offer her the press on nails from the drug store? Those will last one day. </strong>
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]
<div>Of course I did! That would be FINE! She won't do ANYTHING to them at all!</div>
[QUOTE]The last time I had gel tips (I'm assuming this is what you're talking about? I could be wrong) put on was for senior prom. I also played guitar, so I had to have them taken off the following week. You know how they did it? They FILED THEM OFF. They went so far down that they filed into my nail bed. It was incredibly painful and I couldn't play guitar for somewhere around a month. It was horrible. I'm sure I just went to the wrong person, but I wouldn't ever try it again, either way. Even if someone else paid. I'm not saying this is what happened to your BM, but my point is, everyone has their reasons for not wanting to do something, and it's not your business. You won't be able to see their nails in photos unless you're doing a close up of their hands for some reason, and if that is the case, can she just have the design put on without the fake tips?
Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]
This happened to me too, except I had acrylic nails put on. It took months for my nails to grow out and weeks before I could touch them without them hurting. Never again.....
If it is super, super important to you that everyone has their nails done, why can't your friend just get a regular old french manicure with the design? It only needs to stay on for one day anyways. Why does she need tips? And lastly, why is it so important that their <em>nails</em> match?!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out? : Of course I did! That would be FINE! She won't do ANYTHING to them at all!
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]
<div>Oh, now you're getting touchy. She shouldn't HAVE TO, is the main thing. Lord, can she just get a white tip painted on her real nails and the flower design? It's completel beside the point because you're nuts, but whatever.</div>
'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out? : No. She can do whatever the hell she wants with her body regardless of anything you have to say. <strong>She bought the dress</strong>, she's going to show up on the day of; that's all she needs to do.
Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]
<div>No, actually, I did. Just sayin'.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out? : No, actually, I did. Just sayin'.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]
<div>Fine, she's going to wear the dress. You are really in no position to be nit-picky with us.</div>
[QUOTE]This whole mismatched bridesmaid thing is new. I'm not a fan, and that is okay. Many brides choose to have their bridesmaids match entirely and do not offer to pay for anything. I don't think that is right, and so I'm paying. The dress is a very simple black cocktail dress that they all chose together with the intention to wear it over and over again. Same with shoes. She can do what she wants with her nails after the wedding.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]
You have absolutely no right to try to control how her fingernails look on your wedding day. Get over yourself.
You are being ridiculous. And the mis-matched isn't completely new, long ago women would wear their best clothes, not matching clothes. So don't pull that card. AND you DIDN'T have to pay for the dress, if you didn't offer, she would have taken herself out of the BP and you wouldn't be mad at her non-conformist, self-righteous, rebellious, income-loving ways.
Do you care more about nails than your friendship?
[QUOTE]It honestly sounds like you care more for the "look" of your wedding than the feelings of your BMs. If she truly doesn't want the tips on her nails, why not just let her get her real nails painted the way you want or decide your wedding is more important than your friendship. If a close friend of mine asked all of this of me just to have the "privilege" of being in your wedding, we wouldn't be friends anymore. It is just rude to think your wedding is more important than her job! IMHO
Posted by Ctexasgurl26[/QUOTE]
Or, you know, not try to tell her what to do with her nails at all. I don't wear nail polish on my hands, period.