$10,000

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

When FI's grandma passed away him and his siblings inherited 10k each. However, he was too young to take care of it so his grandma legally left it to his parents for him when he was older and more responsible. All his siblings have recieved it so far, two for a house and one for something I can't remember. He asked to retrieve part of it recently to buy a newish car, but was REFUSED by his father. His current car doesn't have AC and only has heat on setting 5, the windows don't roll up (but do roll down) and the gas gauge doesn't work so he has to remember to fill up every 300 or so miles. His dad is a handyman who works for a car company, so he feels it still runs fine, but the only reason it hasn't exploded is because we take it to him to fix the leaks at least once a week. I don't understand something more practical at this point in time than to get a car.

Do you think his father is being completely unreasonable, or is it just me?

AmoroAgain · July 2010

The money should have been given to him when he turned 18 or something, but that's just me.

However, I don't think that I would use an inheritance on something like a car. House is definitely more worthwhile, and I'll be his dad thinks the same. You can buy a better car without using the inheritance. I'd find another way.

crfische · July 2010

I guess personally, if my husband inherited 10K, I would want him to spend it on something other than a car. Or not spend it at all and let it gain some interest.

But, it IS your FI's money, and if that's what he wants to use it for, I would think that his dad should let him use it for that.

Simply Fated · July 2010

If he inherited it through a will, you should suggest he seek a lawyer's advice. But that's just my advice

Stackeye210 · July 2010

It's not that hard to save up and buy a new car, and his dad probably realizes that. Putting that money towards a better investment is probably more what they have in mind for the inheritance.

Mr Stack and I will have saved up enough money in 9 months to buy a brand new car out right because we don't want payments. It just takes discipline.

On the flip side.......sounds like if your FI is 18 he should be able to use the money how he feels necessary. Maybe there are terms in the will that you are not aware of for how the money is to be spent.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:f6c9b17e-fcdc-4292-852c-238edda728a3">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]If he inherited it through a will, you should suggest he seek a lawyer's advice. But that's just my advice :)
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>Really? He should sue his parents for inheritance money for a car? Ooookay then.</div>

*BeachBride0410* · July 2010

Sounds like he should have taken advantage of the cash for clunkers......

I would think there is some legal document stating at what age he is to receive the money. If there is no age cited, and its up to his parents to give it to him when they feel he is responsible enough...then I am not sure what he can do about it.

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

Its kind of to the point if he doesn't have this car he doesn't have a car. He can't afford additional payments on top of the bills he has now, and the money was left to him with the purpose of making his life a little smoother when it needed to be. The money was legally left to his parents, and privately through conversations before his grandma passed away told for it to be given to her grandchildren because all her children were are very well. He didn't get the money when he turned 21 because he had no legal rights to it, and his parents thought it was best to hold on to it (which it probably was, knowing him at that age.) I suppose maybe I'm harsh, but I really don't see why a car is a poor use of the money. It may not be overly sentimental, but it is hardly a bad decision when its almost to the point of necessity.

Simply Fated · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:97956b61-23b6-4661-b8c8-9fb62adfeff4">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 : Really? He should sue his parents for inheritance money for a car? Ooookay then.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
If it's his money, then it's none of his parent's business what he spends it on.
He wouldn't even have to sue, though. All I suggested was seek a lawyer's advice, not take legal action.

nhelene · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:97956b61-23b6-4661-b8c8-9fb62adfeff4">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 : Really? He should sue his parents for inheritance money for a car? Ooookay then.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

I don't know how old FI is, but I agree that he probably should have received the money at 18 and that the father shouldn't have any say in what the inheritance pays for.

I don't think it needs to come so a lawsuit, but I'd certainly like to know where I stood in the eyes of the law if it were me. At the very least it would be a good starting point for an informed argument with his father.

*BeachBride0410* · July 2010

But I have to agree...he should not be using the 10K for a car. DH received 10k from his family & put it right in a CD. In less then 3 yrs it has earned $3,000 thus far.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:8080dcbe-9a9c-45f4-aa6c-644afbac1599">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]Its kind of to the point if he doesn't have this car he doesn't have a car. He can't afford additional payments on top of the bills he has now, and the money was left to him with the purpose of making his life a little smoother when it needed to be. The money was legally left to his parents, and privately through conversations before his grandma passed away told for it to be given to her grandchildren because all her children were are very well. He didn't get the money when he turned 21 because he had no legal rights to it, and his parents thought it was best to hold on to it (which it probably was, knowing him at that age.) I suppose maybe I'm harsh, but I really don't see why a car is a poor use of the money. It may not be overly sentimental, but it is hardly a bad decision when its almost to the point of necessity.
Posted by Juxtaposition00[/QUOTE]

<div>Look, if he's up to the point of struggling to pay his bills, then he needs to reevaluate what he's putting his money towards anyway.</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe he should just look into not using $10k, and ask for a portion of it instead. I really don't think that a car IS a good use of the money, at all. It depreciates in value as soon as you drive it off the lot, and you only keep it for a few years at most. I'm pretty sure that you guys will get to a point when you need the money for something like, a house that makes so much more sense.</div>

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

It certainly would never come to a lawsuit. His parents are very nice people, and like I said, all the other siblings did get thier money. We are both over 18 (I'm 23, he's 25), but they still feel its their responsibility to keep us responsible I guess. I don't know. I do know I would have never asked for it for the wedding. FI offered, and I was like "Hells NO!" because I felt that would have been wasteful because we can do a perfectly nice wedding (where we are honoring our grand parents on both sides) without throwing an extra 10k at it.

We would give his parents the money before create that kind of rift with them. And I have a feeling if it came down to, they'd do the same.

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:7fb59a7a-2c76-4a4f-ae78-4fd3889075bd">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 : Look, if he's up to the point of struggling to pay his bills, then he needs to reevaluate what he's putting his money towards anyway. Maybe he should just look into not using $10k, and ask for a portion of it instead. I really don't think that a car IS a good use of the money, at all. It depreciates in value as soon as you drive it off the lot, and you only keep it for a few years at most. I'm pretty sure that you guys will get to a point when you need the money for something like, a house that makes so much more sense.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

I'm not trying to be snarky, promise. But his car is falling apart. And his job is not that great (he works in retail). And I don't want to live together until after we get married, so he has to pay for his own place. And we are putting together a wedding, which he insists on paying for half of (and I am making sure it is a budget one). Like I said, he wants to get a newish car, not a new one. 10k wouldn't even buy a new one. Its not like he wants a corvette, he wants a car that he can roll down the windows in one day (which is necessary if the ac doesn't even work), and know that he could roll them back up if it rains. He wasn't asking for all of it... I think he asked for 3k, maybe 5. So really, what should he do?

nhelene · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:7fb59a7a-2c76-4a4f-ae78-4fd3889075bd">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]. Maybe he should just look into not using $10k, and ask for a portion of it instead. I really don't think that a car IS a good use of the money, at all. It depreciates in value as soon as you drive it off the lot, and you only keep it for a few years at most. Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

From what I read, he was asking for a portion of the money to buy a used car.

And, IMO, a gas gauge that doesn't work and no AC in 100 degree weather are pretty good reasons to start shopping around.

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:53845e81-7aa2-47c9-9c3e-81fade1517b1">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 : From what I read, he was asking for a portion of the money to buy a used car. And, IMO, a gas gauge that doesn't work and no AC in 100 degree weather are pretty good reasons to start shopping around.
Posted by nhelene[/QUOTE]

YAY! I was starting to really think I was completely insane. Cause I think he's a hero for even keeping this car this long. I know I would have given up and asked for the money a couple years ago.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:419d5729-ed95-4db7-9ebe-003c0dc93778">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 : I'm not trying to be snarky, promise. But his car is falling apart. And his job is not that great (he works in retail). And I don't want to live together until after we get married, so he has to pay for his own place. And we are putting together a wedding, which he insists on paying for half of (and I am making sure it is a budget one). Like I said, he wants to get a newish car, not a new one. 10k wouldn't even buy a new one. Its not like he wants a corvette, he wants a car that he can roll down the windows in one day (which is necessary if the ac doesn't even work), and know that he could roll them back up if it rains. He wasn't asking for all of it... I think he asked for 3k, maybe 5. So really, what should he do?
Posted by Juxtaposition00[/QUOTE]

<div>I worked retail for years. I know the money you don't make, but I sure as hell didn't need to use a 10k inheritance for a car. I sucked it up and did it myself. Perhaps you should start thinking bigger picture here- Live together before the wedding to save money, or stick to some weird moralist line, and throw money out the window? Even living together, you don't have to have sex or all that jazz. I just don't think it's a wise investment. </div><div>
</div><div>If you're that fired up about it, maybe you and your FI should sit down and talk to his dad very seriously and ask for the money again. </div>

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:0a7740bb-c5f5-4aa4-ad46-9a716d9c1cd2">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 : YAY! I was starting to really think I was completely insane. Cause I think he's a hero for even keeping this car this long. I know I would have given up and asked for the money a couple years ago.
Posted by Juxtaposition00[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, one person agreeing with you is a total win. Way to ignore everyone else. </div>

Simply Fated · July 2010

I can't speak for anyone else, but where I live, you need a car to get to work, so I see it as an investment.
The bottom line is, it's his money. What he does with it his his business, not his parents. Some people might not approve or might feel it could go to other uses, but that doesn't change the situation.

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:f15aa9c2-ab91-4049-a8b1-602bc8bf79a1">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 : I worked retail for years. I know the money you don't make, but I sure as hell didn't need to use a 10k inheritance for a car. I sucked it up and did it myself. Perhaps you should start thinking bigger picture here- Live together before the wedding to save money, or stick to some weird moralist line, and throw money out the window? Even living together, you don't have to have sex or all that jazz. I just don't think it's a wise investment. If you're that fired up about it, maybe you and your FI should sit down and talk to his dad very seriously and ask for the money again.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

We do have sex, thats not the issue. Its not even really a moral situation. I have been in a lot of bad situations in my life where I was not in control of where I lived or what happened there (imagine a 12 year old living in a meth house). And I am perfectly willing to live with my husband who shares half of everything, but not willing to do so until after the wedding. You can tell me to suck this up, but years of trauma don't just disappear.
So my question is: if its not a wise investment now while his car is completely falling apart, when is buying a car a wise investment?

AmoroAgain · July 2010

Fair enough. But I do agree his parents shouldn't be holding on to the money. Hope they haven't used it for anything else.

nhelene · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:1a54f0f8-0f08-470b-b887-124c17fb92c1">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 : Yes, one person agreeing with you is a total win. Way to ignore everyone else.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

I mainly wanted to point out that she said they wanted to use some of the money for a used car in her first post, and a dozen people replied "There are so many better things you can do with $10,000 than buy a new car".

But they should at the very least get that $10,000 from the dad and put it in a high-interest savings account. And if you want to spend $3,000 on a car, fine, get the other $7,000 and put it in savings.

I don't think the dad is evil, but the truth is he's earning interest off his adult son's money right now.

aragx6 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:acf28abd-e24a-45ec-96fa-033dc7a29d5f">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE] I don't think the dad is evil, but the truth is he's earning interest off his adult son's money right now.
Posted by nhelene[/QUOTE]

I was wondering this myself. It sounds like it's been a good number of year's since his grandmother's death. I would think that even in a basic savings account there should probably be more than 10k now.

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

Lol....

I really didn't mean this to be a big deal. Sorry if I offended anyone, or ignored anyone. I know I didn't "win," I just didn't want to feel like I was completely off my rocker for thinking his car was a POS and he needs a new one.

Oh, and as far as them holding on to the money, this is one issue we just decided not to touch on. Its not like he would have made thousands in the past few years (especially with the way things have gone in the past few years), and he probably would have spent some of it for stupid reason when he was 18 anyway. And now at least he gets the whole 10k (when a good enough reason comes up). They do have it, they are well off, they aren't trying to steal it. I just feel like I should defend them, because they really are nice people who are really good to their kids and good with money.

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:f85bf418-efe0-4cec-ab8d-2437e68ad3fa">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 : I was wondering this myself. It sounds like it's been a good number of year's since his grandmother's death. I would think that even in a basic savings account there should probably be more than 10k now.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

Sadly, they weren't smart enough to open up a seperate account for each of the grand kids. They took the whole 40k (4 grandkids) and stuck it in their account, and gave out 10k to each (except my FI). So yea, he probably lost some in the end.

Calypso1977 · July 2010

money was legally left to his parents, and privately through conversations before his grandma passed away told for it to be given to her grandchildren because all her children were are very well.

technically, the parents arent doing anything wrong. the money was left to them.

if it were my kid, i'd offer to keep teh $10K in the bank earning interest until they do something major, like buy a house. i woudlnt give it for a car or for a wedding - those arent investments. HOWEVER, if the parents are "well off" which i assume the latter part of that sentence was meant to read, then i'd give my kid $2-5k to get a downpayment on a car and help them that way, while holding that larger chunk to give them later. $10K is a good sum, but it will chunk away fast.

also, they may have placed it in a CD or other investment vehicle. its quite possible they cannot even access that money wtihout paying a penalty. if its in the stock market, they may also stand to lose more than the $10K.

i'm on team parent with this one, only because of the possible logistics involved.

nhelene · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:3c70167c-9887-466f-b04e-8b200e97da0f">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>And now at least he gets the whole 10k (when a good enough reason comes up)</strong>. They do have it, they are well off, they aren't trying to steal it. I just feel like I should defend them, because they really are nice people who are really good to their kids and good with money.
Posted by Juxtaposition00[/QUOTE]

Like I said, I don't think the parents are bad people. And I don't think you need to bug them about interest when you do get the money, although you're within you're rights to.

But I think "Dad, I'm 25, I've cleaned up my act, I'm getting married, and I'd really like to put that $10,000 in savings" is a good enough reason for him to get it.

Simply Fated · July 2010

We can't possibly know what constitutes as a good enough reason to get the money. What did his siblings have to do to get the money?

ETA: I know two of them bought houses, but that can't be the only way to get the money, is it?

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_10000?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a76ba843-32f4-4996-a44f-0e9f130a1569Post:cae3278a-cc51-4ab1-a722-dac1bb7d15e3">Re: $10,000</a>:
[QUOTE]technically, the parents arent doing anything wrong. the money was left to them. Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Yes, I completely agree; nothing ilegal is being done. However, they are chosing to do the right thing, which is honor her wishes.

And on giving him random lump sums to help out: since his dad doesn't even think he needs a new car, I don't see that happening.

Simply Fated · July 2010

What was actually said in the will? I mean, does it say, "he can have it when the parents think he'll use it for something they approve of"? Or is there no will? Because then we have a whole other moral issue.

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

I dunno what a good enough reason is, honestly. I know that his parents help out with random things (like his sister's ac broke and they bought her a new one, or they paid for his health and auto insurance until recently because couldn't afford any on his own), but they are oddly picky about what is proper for other people to spend their money on.... I know his oldest brother did not spend it on a house cause they already had one. Then again, he is the most responsible out of the four, maybe he just got the money.

$10,000

Re: $10,000

Choose Another Board

Search Boards