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Telling our Parents?

BrideofStevenBrideofSteven member
Second Anniversary First Comment
in Not Engaged Yet
So BF and I have decided to get married, (which online sounds more like a business transaction than it does IRL) but before we do anything official or start any kind of planning we want to talk to our parents...all three sets! 
We are planning to approach his parents together, but because I come from a very traditional family he will have to speak with both sets of my parents individually.  Herein lies my query...How??
I'm in desperate need of advice on how to best approach this without being completely awkward (or even worse, giving them visions of having a you're-gonna-be-a-grandparent talk!) or throwing too much at them at once. Do we warn them that we want to have a "talk" with them, or just sit down and have an impromptu conversation.  How do we present this to our parents? 
We both have complicated family backgrounds that make the mention of marriage a bit of a touchy subject, so I think I'm just hoping that someone out there in cyberland has been here before and tell me what did/didn't work for them!
Any advice is appreciated!!
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Re: Telling our Parents?

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Just tell them you and your BF have started talking about marriage. It doesn't have to be some big sit-down, serious conversation. Just mention it in casual conversation and then answer whatever questions or concerns they might have. It's only going to be a huge deal if you sit them down and make a big deal out of it.


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  • bourgehmbourgehm
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Here's what you do:

    Hey mom! Hey dad! We're engaged.

    And go from there.
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_telling-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e97a5e9f-16d2-4050-96f7-62c4fe4d5b74Post:9636a9af-627e-4cb8-bcae-69a0d0383ca9">Re: Telling our Parents?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's what you do: Hey mom! Hey dad! We're engaged. And go from there.
    Posted by bourgehm[/QUOTE]

    WIN!


    Report Reply
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_telling-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e97a5e9f-16d2-4050-96f7-62c4fe4d5b74Post:9636a9af-627e-4cb8-bcae-69a0d0383ca9">Re: Telling our Parents?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's what you do: Hey mom! Hey dad! We're engaged. And go from there.
    Posted by bourgehm[/QUOTE]

    <div>i love you.</div>
    I french with my man
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • bourgehmbourgehm
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    love you too. ;)
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
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  • skidevil89skidevil89
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I was really nervous to tell my Dad and step-mom that BF and I were thinking about moving in together and eventually getting married. Their response was that they couldn't believe how long it had taken us or that we hadn't decided this sooner, which surprised me. I don't know your situation like how close you are to your parents or how long you and BF have been together, but your parents might see this coming.


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  • amandanoelle12amandanoelle12 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If your families are traditional, then he would ask your parents for your hand in marriage and inform his parents that he's going to propose... then he proposes... then you tell them you're engaged.

    I don't see what issues there could be with that unless one of you is not liked by the other's parents.
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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Hope FTW!

    image

    image
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  • SeaTea02SeaTea02
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FI took both of my parents out to lunch and just told them what he was planning for the proposal (he proposed at their house with a bunch of our friends and family there). 

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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  • Sparrow87Sparrow87
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I vote just sitting down and telling them, why would you need to give a warning for happy news? 
    Daisypath Vacation tickers 4 Leaf Clover
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Are you engaged? (deciding to get married is getting engaged)  If so, then it is past the point of asking your parents. I mean he can, but why you two are already engaged. I would just call them asap or drop by for a drink/dinner one night & just tell them.

    If you are not engaged yet, then he can just call them (if you are out-of-town) or drop by for lunch or a drink or something.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_telling-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e97a5e9f-16d2-4050-96f7-62c4fe4d5b74Post:a2cacae7-e344-4019-ac79-4f6671530733">Telling our Parents?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So BF and I have decided to get married, (which online sounds more like a business transaction than it does IRL) but before we do anything official or start any kind of planning we want to talk to our parents...all three sets!  We are planning to approach his parents together, but because I come from a very traditional family he will have to speak with both sets of my parents individually.  Herein lies my query...How?? I'm in desperate need of advice on how to best approach this without being completely awkward (or even worse, giving them visions of having a you're-gonna-be-a-grandparent talk!) or throwing too much at them at once. Do we warn them that we want to have a "talk" with them, or just sit down and have an impromptu conversation.  How do we present this to our parents?  We both have complicated family backgrounds that make the mention of marriage a bit of a touchy subject, so I think I'm just hoping that someone out there in cyberland has been here before and tell me what did/didn't work for them! Any advice is appreciated!!
    Posted by BrideofSteven[/QUOTE]

    I was pretty nervous to tell my (recently-divorced) parents when I got engaged.  I stressed about it for a good week.  Some of the ladies on here can testify to that.

    In the end, though, it turned out I had built it all up in my head to a much bigger deal than it really needed to be.  My dad was a little weird at first, but not in a bad way.  More like a quiet, contemplative way.  My mom was just really excited.

    We just sat down with each of them separately and told them "we have a little announcement."  We paused for a minute after that, to watch their faces go from surprise to curiousity to suspicious, and then dropped the bomb.

    If your FI is planning on talking to them by himself, you don't need to give them any warning.  The fact that he's approaching, without you, should be a dead giveaway anyway.
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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_telling-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e97a5e9f-16d2-4050-96f7-62c4fe4d5b74Post:28a8ffb9-fbd2-491a-a16c-212fac5b8ab1">Re: Telling our Parents?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just tell them you and your BF have started talking about marriage. It doesn't have to be some big sit-down, serious conversation. Just mention it in casual conversation and then answer whatever questions or concerns they might have. It's only going to be a huge deal if you sit them down and make a big deal out of it.
    Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • BrideofStevenBrideofSteven member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you so much, ladies!  This put the situation in a much better perspective for me.
    BF & I talked about it a little last night, too, and I shared your advice.  MUCH less stressed about it now...we only have one small obstacle each!  He really wants to speak with my mother FTF, but she lives three states away(GA - MO); I am still stressed about telling his parents (his brother recently went through a particularly nasty called-off engagement to a long-time GF). 
    Both are things that we can handle, and if these are the worst issues we face with planning I will count myself incredibly lucky!! :)
    Thank you, thank you, thank you!
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Don't plan until you're engaged.

    I repeat.

    Don't plan until you're engaged.
    I french with my man
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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