Wedding date falls on a Tuesday

heatherleanne5 · November 2012

Hi, first post, I've searched around but dont see this question already so I hope this is an ok place to ask.

My fiance and I have been together since highschool, we plan on getting married on our 10 year anniversary. Both to keep the date and because I'm a little ocd and like even numbers so whenever we have a wedding anniversary it will just be plus 10 to how long we've been together. The date is Tuesday June 24, 2014.

The wedding dates section on this site says that both Tuesday and June are lucky days, but I'm worried a lot of guests won't want to take the time off to attend. I plan on doing an evening ceremony, sunset on a yacht probably, and most guests are local, but even then they may come back saying "I have to work the next day, and could maybe stop by for a couple hours" or not at all. My family is small enough as it is, and I don't want to have an empty reception hall.

Would it be wierd to have the ceremony on the Tuesday and the reception the following Saturday? Out of town guests would have to stay longer, and we couldn't leave right away to our honeymoon. It also feels like I care more about people getting there then they care about sharing our special day. Shouldn't anyone close to us make that effort?

I don't know if it's to much to ask, or if I should just plan what I want and whoever comes, comes.

Other options that crossed my mind:

-Getting legally married on the Tuesday at city hall, and having the whole thing the following Saturday, informing people that our real date will always be the 24th

-Having a destination wedding (but I don't like that idea because most of my close family doesn't have that kind of money to travel)

Thanks for your input

theelusive1 · November 2012

Well your turn out will likely be low. People work. Then again you know your family and friends best.
Your guests will likely come to the reception not the wedding if they are held 4 days apart.

Avion22 · November 2012

You have two options:

1. Get married on your date, and whoever can make it will make it. It will remain a special day to you, no matter who shows up. You can perhaps increase your turnout by a) clearing this date with your VIPs (parents, siblings, best friends), and b) sending out save-the-dates 6-9 months in advance so people can arrange for travel and time off from work.

2 Pick a more convenient time for your guests. It won't be June 24th, but it will always be a "special" day because it's the day you get married.

DramaGeek · November 2012

I think you could do a very, very small (like, you and your groom and each of your parents) ceremony on Tuesday with a big party on Saturday or Sunday. But you can't have the big ceremony with all the guests on Tuesday, send them all away, and then expect them to come back on the weekend for the party that is really supposed to be a thank you to the guests.

Another option - elope someplace awesome, get married on your date and then have an at home reception at a more convenient time. OR have a total destination wedding and whomever makes it, makes it. People might be more willing to take time off if it's a wedding in a desireable location spot.

ETA - when i say wedding on Tues, party on the weekend, I do NOT mean a redo wedding with a fake ceremony. I literally mean a party.

ksblumb · November 2012

My FI and I are in the same situation. Our anniversaryy falls on a thursday this january. It will be our ninth... We have some older family members that we really want there with us who may not make it to our tenth, so nine it is. Anyway, we've been together a long time. We arent huge party people either. We decided to have a very intimate ceremony, with only the family and friends that have been there for us consistently throughout our relationship... All in all we sent out 19 invites, which will be roughly 50 people. We checked with each couple/family before setting our date in stone, and all but two couples have already made lodging arrangements. We decided just to do a short ceremony and then a nice supper after. No dj, dancing, etc. It will be small and laid back.... Think like big family dinners at holidays. It fits us and will allow us to really cherish our day and our guests.

zitiqueen · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_wedding-date-falls-on-a-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d03f8d06-0682-4b46-b796-83ff9f6c6417Post:c6b8c7df-80bd-4ff5-bee6-3e48f0a41fd4">Wedding date falls on a Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, first post, I've searched around but dont see this question already so I hope this is an ok place to ask. My fiance and I have been together since highschool, we plan on getting married on our 10 year anniversary. Both to keep the date and because I'm a little ocd and like even numbers so whenever we have a wedding anniversary it will just be plus 10 to how long we've been together. The date is Tuesday June 24, 2014. The wedding dates section on this site says that both Tuesday and June are lucky days, but I'm worried a lot of guests won't want to take the time off to attend. I plan on doing an evening ceremony, sunset on a yacht probably, and most guests are local, but even then they may come back saying "I have to work the next day, and could maybe stop by for a couple hours" or not at all. My family is small enough as it is, and I don't want to have an empty reception hall. Would it be wierd to have the ceremony on the Tuesday and the reception the following Saturday? Out of town guests would have to stay longer, and we couldn't leave right away to our honeymoon.<strong> It also feels like I care more about people getting there then they care about sharing our special day. Shouldn't anyone close to us make that effort?</strong> I don't know if it's to much to ask, or if I should just plan what I want and whoever comes, comes. Other options that crossed my mind: -Getting legally married on the Tuesday at city hall, and having the whole thing the following Saturday, informing people that our real date will always be the 24th -Having a destination wedding (but I don't like that idea because most of my close family doesn't have that kind of money to travel) Thanks for your input
Posted by heatherleanne5[/QUOTE]

You can't expect your wedding to be the center of somebody else's universe. Like we always say here at the Knot, once you invite guests, it's no longer about you -- their comfort becomes paramount. You're the one who is more concerned with a date on the calendar than you are with your loved ones being in attendance at your wedding.

AdeleDazeem · November 2012

A wedding on a Tuesday evening? Yeah, unless you were my sister, I wouldn't be there.

When you invite other people to a wedding, you really need to think about what is convenient for them as well as yourselves.

You're picking a date over people. That's weird.

lyndausvi · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_wedding-date-falls-on-a-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d03f8d06-0682-4b46-b796-83ff9f6c6417Post:0adf78d0-b893-41b7-94ae-61eef315448b">Re: Wedding date falls on a Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>You're picking a date over people. That's weird.</strong>
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree. It's so strange to me.</div><div>
</div><div>I would attend a Tuesday wedding. How long I stayed would depend on work. In your case I do not thing a yatch wedding is a good idea. People will have to leave early and that is hard to do when you are out at sea.</div><div>
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</div><div>
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misshart00 · November 2012

I actually had a Tuesday wedding. I think it can be done, but your turnout will be much lower and people won't stay as long. Our wedding was dry and we had no dancing (church didn't allow it). The reception lasted about an hour to an hour and a half. It was all I wanted. So, you can definitely do it but don't expect it to be a big blow out like a Saturday night wedding.

APDSS22 · November 2012

Last year, we had a couple of friends that got married on a Thursday because it was the date that everyone in her family got married and they were paying for the wedding. They had a very small turnout, but it was a nice wedding for those of us who could make it. That being said, we still talk about how much of a PITA it was.

IMO, if you're wanting to do a sunset yacht thing, I'd do a Saturday night or at least a Friday so people don't have to worry about work the next day. My FI and I picked our date as the weekend closest to our anniversary so everyone would be able to attend but it would still be close to our special day.

cwaggoner07 · November 2012

If it were ME, I would do a complete destination wedding, get married on the Tuesday, and come home and have an AHR. But like PP said, an AHR does not mean putting your wedding dress back on and pretending to have a wedding. It just means a party to celebrate your marriage.

kmmssg · November 2012

Also, think about what time the sun sets in June. The 24th will be right around the Summer Solstice so sunset will be very late for a Tuesday night wedding.

I agree that you are choosing a date over people. I would only attend a Tuesday wedding if it were local but here is the thing: My attendance at your wedding is not important in the big scheme of things. My supportive friendship, my support of your marriage, and me being there in the bad times is what matters - not my attendance at your party. Think about that.

You ARE choosing a date over people here.

RamonaFlowers · November 2012

Unless you're my sibling or my absolute bestest friend in the whole wide world, I'm probably not attending your Tuesday wedding. It has nothing to do with "not caring enough" about the bride and groom and everything to do with I have really limited PTO through my job, and at the very least, I'd have to take a half day from work to attend (Possibly more, depending on how local the wedding is to me). I need to save those days in case I get sick, a member of my family passes away, or DH gets rushed to the hospital for possibly having a stroke at work (This past August, I had to use days for all 3 of those scenarios-thank God I had the days available to use them).

If you deliberately pick a date/time that's not convenient for most of your guests, you forfeit the right to b*tch about them not showing up. You're the one that would purposely making it difficult for them to attend just because you "like even numbers", that's not even remotely their fault.

JaneAustensGhost · November 2012

My wedding is on a Wednesday. You just have to accept that some people won't be able to make it. For me, the date was important enough to accept that risk.

SKPM · November 2012

Why not do Sunday, June 22, or Saturday, June 28? I get the anniversary thing; we did the same idea. But we started dating on July 4, which was a Wednesday this year, plus the holiday. So we were looking at June 30 [I also get hung up on even numbers for some reason], but our venue was already booked and we ended up with July 7. I was privately annoyed for a bit, but we told people we were getting married on 7/7 the week of our 7 year anniversary, and my initial irritation wore off because then we were officially planning a wedding! It was exciting regardless of the number on the calendar. Like PP said, it's weird to pick a date over the comfort and convenience of your loved ones, but you can do it and not complain about people sending their regrets.

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

I also do not understand why a date is so important that you would risk having almost no guests at your wedding. I couldn't tell you the anniversary of when I met DH, when our first date was, or even the date he proposed. I sure as hell remember our wedding anniversary because that is really the only date that matters - and we picked that one by process of elimination.

Summer2011Bride · November 2012

Put me in the group that doesn't understand how a date can be more important than people. Honestly your wedding anniversary will always be special because it's your wedding anniversary, regardless of what the actual number on the calendar is. Saying that's more important than having your nearest and dearest with you is a little odd. You say you're upset that people don't find your wedding important enough to come on a Tuesday; well I say I'd be upset if I was your friend and you essentially said, "We're having it on this date because it's more important to me than inconveniencing you to come to our wedding." I wouldn't be going.

You can go ahead with it, but don't expect a great turnout; it's not just always that simple as taking an afternoon off work.

kmmssg · November 2012

I understand being sentimental about when you started dating. My DH and I met and started dating (blind date) Sept 12, 1991. Every September 12, we definitely have dinner/date night and we celebrate our first dating anniversary. We were married in October. I get two anniversaries, 2 date nights out of that whole deal. It works well...just sayin.

beardownbchs · November 2012

I kind of agree with the date thing. I really wanted to get married on 4/14/14 because I too have an obsession over even numbers (we're waiting until 2014 because I hate 13..and to save money..). 4/14/07 is our official dating anniversary and it was exactly 5 years after a very significant event in my life. Then this past year on 4/14 - our 5 year anniversary - something huge also happened. But we want to get married in Montana where it is still kind of winter. Too late to ski and snowmobile (maybe) and too early for hiking and other summer activities. It's also a Monday.

Long story short, we'd rather have our guests be comfortable and have fun and be accommodating hosts than have our magical day.

4/14 will always mean something to me but now so will our anniversary.

I agree that it's a nice thought, but it shouldn't be more important than everything else. What if your perfect venue is unavailable that day? Are you really willing to sacrifice everything else - most imortantly your guests - for a date?

Getting2Vowels · November 2012

I agree with pp's. I don't get the date thing either. Our anniversary falls on a Wednesday next year and it just wouldnt work out with all our OOT guests.. We then decided since we really wanted a summer wedding (in July) and that we would just make another anniversary and always celebrate both.

If you're really adamant to keeping your date then be prepared for everything mentioned by pp's.

alithebride · November 2012

the reception is for your GUESTS, not for you, so choose a date that is convenient for your guests.
frankly your ocd thing and superstitions are silly reasons to have it on a tuesday. if your marriage will succeed or fail depends on you and your FI-not if certain days are lucky.
get married that day. have a reception the following weekend.

QueerFemme · November 2012

Another vote for picking a different date. Unless you were my best friend or sibling, I would decline. If I had to travel, I might have to take two or three days off. 2-3 days of vacation and a gift? Um, no.

If you really want that date, I would ask your immediate family only and have a very small, private ceremony.

Maggie0829 · November 2012

First, unless you were diagnosed by a doctor with OCD, then you are just being anal.

Second, like others have said, if you have your wedding on a Tuesday expect a very low turn out and for it to not last as nearly long as you may want.

Personally, I would stop worrying about the date and just plan a wedding that is most convenient for you and your guests (and I am guessing that a Tuesday evening is not convenient).

Ali092011 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_wedding-date-falls-on-a-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d03f8d06-0682-4b46-b796-83ff9f6c6417Post:d0431ebc-fde9-47bd-974c-872b751d9950">Re: Wedding date falls on a Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]I actually had a Tuesday wedding. I think it can be done, but your turnout will be much lower and people won't stay as long. Our wedding was dry and we had no dancing (church didn't allow it). The reception lasted about an hour to an hour and a half. It was all I wanted. <strong>So, you can definitely do it but don't expect it to be a big blow out like a Saturday night wedding.</strong>
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

Definitely this. Have your wedding when you want, but make sure your expectations are rational. A Tuesday wedding will not have the same feel as a Saturday one.

Also, this is definitely a "know your crowd" situation. I had a Thursday wedding with over 80% turnout, about 86 guests. Most of the people in our families/social circle work in pharmacies, hospitals, restaurants, etc. or are retired, so they are just as available on Thursdays as they are on Saturdays. Almost everyone stayed until the night was over at 11:30, but I would never have held it against anyone if they needed to leave early for any reason.

Just keep in mind that you may have a lower turnout, and people may drink/dance a lot less than normal, and they may leave early. If you aren't going to be heartbroken about any of those things, go ahead and have your wedding when you want.

If you decide to have a small, intimate Tuesday wedding, also keep in mind that you will probably save a LOT of money. We got some pretty steep discounts for having our wedding on an "off" day. Good luck with your decision making!

itzMS · November 2012

PPs have covered all the bases. Sorry about your lame-o Tuesday June date.

Random, but May 24 falls on a Saturday in 2014. You could stick with 24, just a month earlier. Kind of cute....ish.

libby2483 · November 2012

My best friend is getting married on a Wednesday at 2:00. Since she is my best friend, I will be there. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't bother.

random4180 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_wedding-date-falls-on-a-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d03f8d06-0682-4b46-b796-83ff9f6c6417Post:9097ef52-647e-4aa7-b432-61fb3a19d682">Re: Wedding date falls on a Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding date falls on a Tuesday : Definitely this. Have your wedding when you want, but make sure your expectations are rational. A Tuesday wedding will not have the same feel as a Saturday one. <strong>Also, this is definitely a "know your crowd" situation. I had a Thursday wedding with over 80% turnout, about 86 guests. Most of the people in our families/social circle work in pharmacies, hospitals, restaurants, etc. or are retired, so they are just as available on Thursdays as they are on Saturdays. </strong>Almost everyone stayed until the night was over at 11:30, but I would never have held it against anyone if they needed to leave early for any reason. Just keep in mind that you may have a lower turnout, and people may drink/dance a lot less than normal, and they may leave early. If you aren't going to be heartbroken about any of those things, go ahead and have your wedding when you want. If you decide to have a small, intimate Tuesday wedding, also keep in mind that you will probably save a LOT of money. We got some pretty steep discounts for having our wedding on an "off" day. Good luck with your decision making!
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with everything she wrote but especially the bolded part. I got married this past August on a Wed. Of our 175 invites, 105 attended. The ceremony was at 3:30 and we had dinner and dancing and our venue was empty by 10 pm (exactly what we wanted!) My family alone includes teachers, an EMT, an RN, a doctor, a work from home professional, college students, etc. Our guests and our family included that plus retail workers and retired people. People with these jobs find it much easier to take off during the week than on a weekend, especially in the summer when many people plan vacations. It helps to send STDs out by the six month mark too.</div><div>
</div><div>Knowing your audience is key and having realistic expectations is as well. We didn't have a late into the evening hours kind of reception- awesome, we didn't want that! We didn't get 100% attendance- we were okay with that because we know a wedding is just a day. An invite is not a summons. No one <em>has</em> to come to your wedding but checking with your VIPs <em>before</em> you set the date will help to know if there are people who you can't imagine missing your wedding who wouldn't be able to make it on a weekday. We did and there weren't. </div><div>
</div><div>And as much as people will definitely tell you all the negatives to a weekday wedding (the replies by most PPs are a good summary of those) there can be positives. We saved a TON of money in the NYC area by having a weekday wedding. We hosted those 105 who did make it to our wedding for easily under 12k (open bar, cocktail hour with passed appetizers, full dinner, live band) which we'd never have been able to do on a Saturday. We got married in a Catholic church and were able to freely schedule our rehearsal and ceremony because summer hours are very light during the week. Our photographer, band, and caterer were happy to work with our budget because they would likely go unbooked if not for our wedding. Our venue rental was only $650 for the whole day and (because it was a weekday and it was not booked the day before or after) we were able to setup the night before and breakdown the morning after for no extra cost. Being able to do that for free was especially nice but even having the option is a plus!
</div><div>
</div><div>Weigh your options, know your crowd and make an informed choice. We also were sentimental about our wedding date (our fifth anniversary) and we felt a weekday wedding allowed us to invite a lot more people and afford a great venue and have all the things we wanted for our wedding (and we did properly host all those who came.) Make your choice but be realistic and if a small turnout is a concern for you, I'd find a way around the date thing. Good luck!</div>

kmartino25 · November 2012

It's your wedding. It's about the love you share with your future husband, and it's not suppose to be about simply entertaining other people. If you have a small wedding with your closest family and friend's who actually love you, is that such a bad thing?! Don't listen to everyone else who's more interested in putting on a show. Do what's best for you.

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_wedding-date-falls-on-a-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d03f8d06-0682-4b46-b796-83ff9f6c6417Post:1d3a1b11-2a52-4ed0-8047-908c589eb17a">Re: Wedding date falls on a Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]It's your wedding. It's about the love you share with your future husband, and it's not suppose to be about simply entertaining other people. If you have a small wedding with your closest family and friend's who actually love you, is that such a bad thing?! Don't listen to everyone else who's more interested in putting on a show. Do what's best for you.
Posted by kmartino25[/QUOTE]

Nobody is interested in putting on a show. We're trying to make her understand that if she goes ahead with a weekday wedding, it's probably going to be only immediate family. If she invites others and wants them there, she has to consider what it will entail for them to attend.

Ali092011 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_wedding-date-falls-on-a-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d03f8d06-0682-4b46-b796-83ff9f6c6417Post:711a6843-9ca7-4f54-bdf3-e43315943a76">Re: Wedding date falls on a Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding date falls on a Tuesday : Nobody is interested in putting on a show. We're trying to make her understand that if she goes ahead with a weekday wedding, it's probably going to be only immediate family. If she invites others and wants them there, she has to consider what it will entail for them to attend.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

This exactly. Posts saying, "Do whatever you want! It's your SPECIAL DAY!" are not helpful to the OP or to anyone else. Posts that give a realistic idea of the things the OP actually needs to consider before making a decision are, I believe, what she was actually looking for.

mefreckles · November 2012

I had to respond! You probably aren't even going to read this because of all the mean comments above! I couldn't even read some of them!

I completely understand the date thing. Intially My fiance and I had our wedding planned for May 25th our anniversary is March 25th so it worked out well that the two were close together. May 25th also fell on the right day for us in 2014. I too am obsessed with numbers and felt that 5.25.14 was the perfect date. To me I wanted a date that was more then just a random date. I hear all these people's wedding anniversaries and it alawys just sounds like a random day. Plus who wants to remember two anniversaries?

Well 2014 got blown out of the water. I wanted it for finanical reason. I just graduated college and started a new job. Planning a wedding, moving into my own place, and working this job are A LOT for one person in one year. Not impossible by any means but it's stressful. Due to religious reasons my fiance and I would basically be shunned if we lived together pre-marriage.

I wanted to be married so waiting was silly. i was just trying to be logical by waiting. Weddings are so expensive! So the wedding got moved up 2013. May was out because I just felt it was way too soon. So we settled on August. Well August 25th could have been our wedding date. Then it would still be our anniversary and everything would work out perfectly! I was so sure this was our wedding date. Well we realized that August 25th wouldn't work for a lot of our guests. It would be the first weekend of school. So after many long conversations we changed it. It irritated me so much. It feels like you have this one idea of your wedding and it just constantly gets knocked down.

To make a long story short I am now completely happy with our date of August 10th. It was a previous friends anniversary and that really bothered me. Now it doesn't matter and I'm kind of glad we get to keep our original anniversary and our wedding anniversary. August 10th now sounds perfect along with the odd 13. I swear to you I used to be upset about this but I cherish the date now. I would suggest maybe picking a totally different date that is unrelated. I promise the OCDness eventually goes away once you realize it's your weddding day.

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