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Friend's bachelorette party. To go or not to go? (long)

kcalpinkcalpin
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hey everyone,

Ok, so I have this friend(-ish) who is starting to get under my skin.  She is recently divorced (less than a year) and has recently gotten engaged to another friend (who we all really thought liked men...guess not) whom she's been dating since.  I've been engaged since last year and have had dates set for wedding, shower, and bachelorette party since the beginning of the year.  She got engaged in late February and has planned her wedding for the week after mine and her honeymoon shower for the same weekend as mine.  She called me tonight to ask if it was ok with me if she could have her bachelorette party the weekend between my bachelorette party and wedding.

I called her back and said she should do what she wants, it's her party.  So, here's my question:

I'm already planning on spending the first weekend of my married life celebrating her second marriage.  Do I need to spend the last weekend before I get married celebrating with her, too?  FI and I saved that weekend in case we had any wedding stuff to do and I'm honestly surprised she's having a bachelorette party (and shower for that matter) at all since she's not really a bachelorette.  I'm aware that I sound selfish, but it's my first (and God willing, ONLY) wedding and I want to enjoy my time.

Please be honest with me; I'm a big girl, I can take it.  :)

Thanks, ladies!
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Re: Friend's bachelorette party. To go or not to go? (long)

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you don't want to go, don't go.

    I'd be much more turned off by the shower than by the b-party, though.  
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  • katiewhompuskatiewhompus member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Honestly, I would just tell her you were busy with final touches for your wedding and can't attend.

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  • NebbNebb member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Honeymoon shower? Please tell me thats not what I think it is?
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  • maggyruthmaggyruth member
    500 Comments
    There is no law requiring reciprocation in the attendance of b-parties.  If you don't want to go, don't go.
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  • kcalpinkcalpin
    10 Comments
    Honeymoon shower? Please tell me thats not what I think it is?

    It's pretty much them asking friends to pay for their honeymoon.  They've registered with their travel agent.
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  • KatiemahlerKatiemahler member
    100 Comments
    Tell her you are tentative and then if you feel up to it - go. If you don't, you don't. You shouldn't feel obligated. Plus, you said frind-"ish" meaning not that close. Don't fret. 
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  • jamiefourjamiefour member
    1000 Comments
    I would probably decline and say you have things to do in prep for your wedding.  What is a honeymoon shower?
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  • NebbNebb member
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    oh good lord.
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  • september's brideseptember's bride member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    I'd just tell her that you're going to have to play it by ear. No matter how well-prepared you are, there are always last-minute things that are getting done. You don't know what the week before your wedding will be like until it gets here, so I'd be hesitant to make plans. Since your friend has been married before, I'm sure she'll understand what it's like to be a week out from your wedding.
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  • pixiedust84pixiedust84 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friends-bachelorette-party-not-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdaef9a1-2dee-478a-8155-88f308cd7640Post:0a439e7e-4c12-434b-91ac-b46a0eb69e93">Re: Friend's bachelorette party. To go or not to go? (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honeymoon shower? Please tell me thats not what I think it is? It's pretty much them asking friends to pay for their honeymoon.  They've registered with their travel agent.
    Posted by kcalpin[/QUOTE]


    Ugh vomit. I would SO not go to that. You don't have to go to the b-party either. Clearly you're not her number one fan so why go? I wouldn't.
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  • smallsmp8smallsmp8
    100 Comments
    If I were you I would not go to the honeymoon shower, period. If you feel like the Bachelorette party would be fun and worth it, go. But if you want to be stress free, hangover free and not annoyed with her for trying to squish everything in betweeen your important events, don't go.
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  • jandersonjanderson
    10 Comments
    Yeah... I'm definitely NOT a fan of this "friend."  She sounds insensitive to you - and generally tacky to have a shower & b-party for a 2nd marriage that is within a year of her divorce.

    Oh - and a "honeymoon" shower is simply obnoxious.
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  • eav2ceav2c
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    You aren't obligated to attend the "honeymoon shower" or her bachleorette party. It's ok--she should understand... The weekend before your wedding, your mind will probably be other places--so just tell her you'd love to attend and hate to miss her bachleorette party but unfortantely you have appointments and obligations elsewhere.
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