Emotional moment... :'(

rachelea · September 2010

Just needing to share my emotional moment with other brides...my MOH did a great job talking with me, but its hard for her to understand entirely.

My fiance's best friend got called about a great deal on cruises since he went on one over the spring, so he suggested it to Nate for his bachelor party. Now, let me set the stage. The original ideas I heard for the bachelor party were skydiving or paintballing...a little more feasible. When I heard those plans I thought a spa day with the girls or a day in Disney! Now he's got this 4 day cruise they're planning! Did I mention over a year ago I suggested to him a cruise sometime and he wasn't all that interested, whereas I have wanted to go on a cruise forever?!?

...now I'm not jealous of the cruise, honestly I'm really not. What is bothering me is the fact that he and his friends can afford to go party (PG style mind you...) for 4 days, whereas my friends and I can't. All his closest friends live in our town, whereas only one of my bridesmaids is even in this state. So in planning anything I have to wonder if anyone will even be able to come and if they can, factor plane tickets in before we can figure money for anything else.

The bigger issue is this just gave me another reminder of how I am not financially stable right now. I lost my job back in May and was paid through the end of July, but since then have been living on an extremely small amount I had saved. I was hired as a substitute teacher, but haven't gotten to actually do it yet. I couldn't pay my half of the rent this month, and every time money is mentioned, whether its me or someone else paying it, it stresses me out and brings out crazy emotions.

So all of this brought to surface all kinds of terrible emotions and I was in tears on the phone with MOH and then got on some other tangent which made me cry every harder when I realized I miss my babies (the kids I used to nanny who I haven't seen in 2 months...longest I went without seeing them before was 2 days!!!)

I'm just an emotional blubbering basketcase and I had get it out somehow.

GJones27 · September 2010

I understand how you feel. I was laid off from my consulting job last November, and I was finally offered a paid job a few days ago! I felt very frustrated for months because my FI had a lucrative job, and I was living off unemployment insurance and my parents' support. Will you and your FI be combining finances soon? At least for my FI and I, I have started seeing his money as mine and he has started seeing my money as mine, as we'll be combining finances soon. Are you guys thinking about that? It might help you feel better a bit.

Also, I understand about the b-party, too. My FI wants to go on a cross-country road trip from Bosotn where he lives to SF where the wedding will be. I hate the idea, as 1) it costs a lot of money, and 2) my FI will show up just a couple of days before the wedding. It gets me frustrated that he's having such expensive of a party, when I'm just going to go out for dinner with some girls (and I'm also worried whether they'll be in town, as they live around the world!)

I haven't figured out how to handle the b-party scenario other than communication. I think guys are really determined to have extravegant, all-out b-parties based off what they have seen in the movies. They really think it's their last "hoorah" single moment. Maybe we just got to let it go... afterall, guys compromise and put up with a lot our wishes with the wedding. For example, my FI was frustrated I bought an expensive wedding ring to match the engagement ring he bought me, but he compromised and let it go and I have to do the same for him. I know this doesn't fix the fact that he's going on a cruise when you have wanted to go for so long. But thinking in terms of compromising as a loving Christian might help.

As for the emotions, please take care of yourself. When I got laid off, I ended up getting so stressed, I developed gastritis in my stomach. It's awful and will take a few years to heal. It helps to go out with friends, not dwell too much on the financial instability, set a goal for yourself to improve your skills with your time off, and exercise. I know I felt really down about not finding any job -- I would often find myself crying a lot to friends/family or by myself, as being unemployed is financially stressful and ego crushing. But one job did come through for me. It's a great job in fact -- certainly a step up from my last job with better pay and benefits. Good luck and feel better! :-)

JoyMatt424 · September 2010

I am sorry you are so sad right now! I would be upset too for what its worth. I understand the money thing -- my BMs are in the exact same situation and so are the GMs. GMs are employed with great jobs, money and cars, and my BMs are unemployed, 2 are living with their parents, and only 1 of them is 20 minutes away, the other 3 are 3 hours away.

I totally understand your frustration and jealousy -- I think you just should remind yourself that this is special for your FI too, and he's getting a once in a lifetime chance to man-cation

I'm not unemployed, but I have a new car (my old one died) undergraduate school loans, random wedding stuff, and utilities and rent, and it gets so expensive. FI has had to help me these past couple of months, and it is embarrassing and frustrating, and it really makes me sad and stressed out. I would encourage you to do what PP said and take care of yourself! Do some yoga, take some extra time to pray, and really just remember that all of the people who are helping you financially LOVE you, and that's why they are helping you because they care!

God never gives us more than we can handle, you know? He always makes a way.

You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. - Isaiah 26:3

Medidate on God's word and his peace that he offers abundantly everyday. I will pray for you!!!

erollis · September 2010

Finances are hard for most people now. My debt is not my friend. Jobless, student planning a wedding does not equal lots of money to do fun stuff. I feel for you.

What bothers me is he now wants to go on a cruise and never did before (great deal or not!). It doesn't help that it is unintentionally being rubbed in your face that he gets to do something that is out of reach for you and your ladies. Maybe your BMs would be able to afford a couple of days at Disney instead of just one. Make a weekend out of going to Orlando if he goes on the cruise. There is more to Orlando then Disney but Disney will always be my favorite thing to do there. Try and cheer up. It will all be ok in the end.

katanne9 · September 2010

I think you need to relax. Very few bachelor(ette) parties are that lavish. It should not force anyone to spend much money. To save my friends from spending extra money we did it 2 days before the wedding when everyone was in town.

You sound like you

A. Are upset that he didn't sound interested in going on a cruise with you, but now he is interested in going with them.

B. Jealous that others can afford this trip. Honestly, you don't really know if they can "afford" it. A lot of people make stupid financial decisions.

C. Don't put the stress of an expensive "b-party" on yourself. To be honest, you shouldn't really be involved in the planning or the costs of it. If someone chooses to throw you one it should be a gift.

rachelea · September 2010

Now I feel like crying all over again...happy tears, bc I really appreciate all of what you guys are saying to help

Last night when this all came up, I didn't even want to say anything to him about it because I know he deserves to go and have fun and I WANT him to go and have fun with his boys! I would never have brought it up because my thoughts were petty and I don't want him to change plans or go and feel guilty. I wish it could have just been laid to rest but his best friend's wife, a friend of mine, mentioned it to her hubby (she saw my face when I heard them chatting) and it therefore got mentioned to Nate. Gosh darnit too, 'cause I was doing a good job of letting it go! But talking about it made me think about it more *sigh*

I think I realized that, aside from being an insanely crazy emotional girl, what really is hard is that of his groomsmen, the ones that matter most are in our town. 3 of his 6 live within 5 minutes of his house. Then there is me. I have 6 bridesmaids in 5 different states, and only 1, my roommate, is in the same state as me. Not having my closest friends nearby, for even just every day planning things not to mention the bachelorette party, is difficult. Nate has lived in this town going on 5 years, whereas I just moved to town at the end of May.

Talking with my MOH last night (who is wonderful in doing whatever she can from aross the country to help!!!) she thinks maybe we can do a few days in Disney. To be honest, if any of my friends are going to fly in for the festivities, they're going to be staying more than one day anyway. Even if we only go to Disney a day, there ARE plenty of things in Orlando to do. So we're going to look into that. I also have a BM whose aunt and uncle are Disney animators, so that could be helpful...!

Last thing...? The idea of being in town where all my friends are working and I'm not and my roommate is on an opposite schedule than me (she works night shifts at a hospital) and he is gone for 4 days having an amazing time...makes me cry to think of being by myself without him

The longest I've been apart from him is a week, and that was super early in the relationship. I know times will come that we'll be apart in the many years to come but...I just don't want it to be so close to the wedding. I know I'm being petty about a lot of this, which is why I was happy to just let it go, and I wish it hadn't been brought up. But it has, so I'm trying to deal! Thanks guys...

mattycam · September 2010

God will not put more on you than you can bear. Be encouraged and know that He is your provider. I am tight on my finances as well and so are my BM but God is a good God and will take are of us all.

rachelea · September 2010

Something I wanted to share...hoping it will encourage me the way it did when I heard it 2 weeks ago, and maybe give anyone else some encouragement! I don't know how directly it applies to what I originally posted, but oh well

At church 2 weeks ago my pastor was speaking about the glory of God. A pretty basic subject, one we often hear and are like "oh yeah, I heard this, nice" and then move on. At the end of the service the pastor asked us to think about the one thing we need from God the most. So I of course thought of needing a job. Then he says "stop praying for that." ...WHAT?!? "Pray for the glory of God to be shown." I had never heard that before. So the following week I decided to try it...instead of praying for God to give me a job I just prayed to see his glory in my life. Service was Saturday night. Tuesday afternoon I was offered to be a substitute teacher in the district. I knew it was God's glory.

Now the reason I'm still stressing on finances is because I still haven't started subbing, just got fingerprinted yesterday to even start so until I actually have money coming in from that, I'll still stress...but I guess I just need to start praying for God's glory again! Not that I expect his glory to show up in some elaborate bachelorette party (ha!) but I know he'll give me what I need.

Now, can my heart start listening to what my head is hearing??

JoyMatt424 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_emotional-moment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8b173c2d-7159-48e4-bac6-939db1a909bfPost:54354046-2f2c-4ded-9e61-3f13c9be1631">Re: Emotional moment... :'(</a>:
[QUOTE]Very few bachelor(ette) parties are that lavish.
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

This is very true. Your man is one lucky man. Good luck with subbing, I hope you get a call soon.

erollis · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_emotional-moment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8b173c2d-7159-48e4-bac6-939db1a909bfPost:5793991d-5872-446c-8377-94605e92f0e5">Re: Emotional moment... :'(</a>:
[QUOTE] At church 2 weeks ago my pastor was speaking about the glory of God. A pretty basic subject, one we often hear and are like "oh yeah, I heard this, nice" and then move on. At the end of the service the pastor asked us to think about the one thing we need from God the most. So I of course thought of needing a job. Then he says "stop praying for that." ...WHAT?!? "Pray for the glory of God to be shown." I had never heard that before. So the following week I decided to try it...instead of praying for God to give me a job I just prayed to see his glory in my life. Service was Saturday night. Tuesday afternoon I was offered to be a substitute teacher in the district. I knew it was God's glory.
Posted by rachelea[/QUOTE]

I do appreciate this. Thank you for sharing this. It helps to see on occasion that God really does do wonderful things. I know he constantly does wonderful things even if we don't realise it all the time. I know I thank him everyday for what he has done for me and those I love. I have had my prayers answered before but it is always nice to see.

I am so glad that you are feeling a bit better. Keep your chin up. It all works out in the end.

mattycam · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_emotional-moment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8b173c2d-7159-48e4-bac6-939db1a909bfPost:5793991d-5872-446c-8377-94605e92f0e5">Re: Emotional moment... :'(</a>:
[QUOTE]Something I wanted to share...hoping it will encourage me the way it did when I heard it 2 weeks ago, and maybe give anyone else some encouragement! I don't know how directly it applies to what I originally posted, but oh well At church 2 weeks ago my pastor was speaking about the glory of God. A pretty basic subject, one we often hear and are like "oh yeah, I heard this, nice" and then move on. At the end of the service the pastor asked us to think about the one thing we need from God the most. So I of course thought of needing a job. Then he says "stop praying for that." ...WHAT?!? "Pray for the glory of God to be shown." I had never heard that before. So the following week I decided to try it...instead of praying for God to give me a job I just prayed to see his glory in my life. Service was Saturday night. Tuesday afternoon I was offered to be a substitute teacher in the district. I knew it was God's glory. Now the reason I'm still stressing on finances is because I still haven't started subbing, just got fingerprinted yesterday to even start so until I actually have money coming in from that, I'll still stress...but I guess I just need to start praying for God's glory again! Not that I expect his glory to show up in some elaborate bachelorette party (ha!) but I know he'll give me what I need. Now, can my heart start listening to what my head is hearing??
Posted by rachelea[/QUOTE]

Thank you for sharing. It is so like us as humans to focus on what we don't have and not what we already have. There have been many times where I didn't know how I was goin to pay for something or what I was going to do and just when I thought the worse, there was God to show up and show off! God will never leave you nor forsake you. Maybe you will not get that elaborate bachelorette party but would you rather a really nice wedding or bachelorette party? Be careful what you wish for and count your blessings, name them one by one!

Emotional moment... :'(

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