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Bridal Party Woes.... (Vent)

kristi0618kristi0618
1000 Comments
in African American Weddings

Hey Ladies,

Hope all is well. Jumping right into my vent.

So I'm in one of my BMS wedding in May. I told her in Jan. that I couldn't see where the money was coming from for me to purchase her $200 dress because FI wasn't getting his full 40 hours and we are planning our own wedding. Well she was like I'm going to get ur dress. I was like ok, I 'll swing everything else. Here's my problem with her. She doesn't answer my phone calls or texts. We're going to New Orleans for My Bach Party and she said she couldnt go(which is waay in Sept.) because of her job. She works at a school my Bach party is friday-sunday. Plus she has 5 mth notice to let her JOB know "Hey I need to leave at lunch time on Sep 10."  I had to find out from another friend that Her Bridal Shower is this Saturday. Now all my friends know me. If you don't give me advance notice I don't paticipate. Alfred Angelo called to say my dress is ready for her wedding and I am in a F it mood. Seriously I know I shouldn't act like that but thats how I feel at  this point.

Now my next problem. The  trip to NOLA. I gave everyone advance notice about the trip sent out an invite on FB and everything. Had about 13 folks say that they're going. I put the due date for the $60(hotel fee) for April 9. Did anyone give me the money. Heck No. Only 2 ppl let me know what was going on with them and their cash. I asked so early for the money because I didnt want any crap when it came down to paying for the hotel. My sister is ordering shirts for everyone and u can't even get N words to send their shirt size and preference. Plus my best gay friend wants to bring his boyfriend on the trip. That's an issue because I don't like his boyfriend at all. Everyone knows it, It's not a secret. Plus he's an embarrassment. UGH. My sis doesn't want to purchase her plane ticket until we know for sure if we're going. Which is understandable. I wish my damn friends wasn't so wishy washy.

Everyone is seriously gettin on my nerves. Ok I'm thru. Give me some kinda advice please. Help me calm my nerves please. TIA

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Re: Bridal Party Woes.... (Vent)

  • desi2002desi2002 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Im sorry you have to go through the drama. I would just go w/ my sis if pple are actin up. the show must go on! and im not understanding why u werent invited to the bridal shower??? I would act like i didn't know and then if she ask you why u didnt come tell her b/c no one told you.
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  • tyboydtyboyd member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I KNEW you were gonna post this! I still dont have any good advice!

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  • kristi0618kristi0618
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @Desi. Girl that is my plan. I'm not going, even if she calls me and tells about it. I started planning my DIY weekend already.

    @Ty- U SILLY LMAO!!!
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  • MrClintonsFirstLady09MrClintonsFirstLady09
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well Kris you already know what I am going to say about her because we have our discussions about Ms. Girl. So you do what you feel is right for you. case closed.
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  • NeColeMonetNeColeMonet
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    :(  I'm at a loss and like the other poster...why weren't you informed about the shower??
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  • kristi0618kristi0618
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    IDK. NeCole the last time we talked was via text and it was about my Bach weekend and why she felt she couldn't come. I never heard anything else from her that was sometime during March. My other friend says her sis sent out a text about the shower, which I never received. I was thinking maybe her sis didn't get my number  or something. You would think when she hadn't heard anything from me she woulda called or something. I guess not. OH WELL.
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  • PB-Bride2010PB-Bride2010
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I'm sorry the mess you're having to deal with....This really surprises me that a friend/BM wasn't invited to the shower.  Every shower I've attended the bride works with the hostess to develop the invite list.  Uhmmmm I don't know about this one!!! Sorry Kristi

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  • cincy2011cincy2011 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Wow, I am really trippin about all these so called 'friends' acting a fool around wedding time!  Wasn't it MrsClinton who said "weddings and funerals"....LOL!  That is so true!! 

    I am so sorry your friend is apparently losing her mind - I agree w/ Desi, the show must go on!  If it's just you and your sis in NOLA, at least you know the trip will happen and you two will have a blast.  
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  • missrekaeaglemissrekaeagle
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you're dealing with this kristi, but all of these bm issues have made me feel better about my decision to have my sis, my cousin, and FI's sister as the bridesmaids. I can't deal with sometimey chicks. Like the previous posts said, enjoy NOLA with your sis. It's helluva city!
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  • MypasmitaMypasmita
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't have any advice but just wanted to say sorry you are going thru this... Not right!
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  • summerbride11summerbride11
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I don't know the background story about Ms. Girl(ha ha) but there seems to be a lot of different situations going on:
    1. I don't know about your region, but I work in a school in NY and there is no way I could take time off in September- September is crucial for the kids. I wouldn't take off for my own sister's Bach Party!  We get so many benefits and days off that if any teachers take time off on school days it is severely frowned upon. Plus , they are laying off so many ppl right now; I would have to proritize my job. Sorry- I know that's pobably not what you wanted to hear-but it's the truth.
    2. My sister(MOH) went through that same mess when she was planning my shower/ bacheleorette.  Everybody had so many great ideas and talked so much sh!!, but nobody was contributing $$$$$$. Listen, to the previous posters.  If nobody comes up with the money soon, just enjoy the time with your sister.  It would be so much harder to go ahead with big plans and try to collect money from ppl after the fact.
    3. That's real shady , that you're in a wedding and didn't get an invitation. 
    I wouldn't go. I don't deal well with last -minute stuff either, especially when you're trying to plan your own wedding. You seem like a planner who lets ppl know what to expect way in advance and whoever is planning this shower is not giving you the same respect. But is this really the bride's fault-or is someone else planning her shower? ...need more info.

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  • kristi0618kristi0618
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @summerbride.Trust me I don't take offense to ur comments because I asked for advice. Now to answer ur questions:

     I'm really not asking her to take off. I feel like she coulda went about saying she wasn't going in a better way. She just straight up said No without any type of explanation. It took another BM to talk to her and find out why she wasn't going(since she wasn't answering any of my calls/texts). I feel like when ur in someones wedding u should try ur damnedest to go to every function. Which I had planned to do for her up until the shower nonsense. We are just in Texas and NOLA is right next door. The plan is to leave @2pm school is out by 230p. She coulda said can y'all wait until I get off OR something. Nothing except the date is set in stone. I just feel like its the wkend and being that I'm giving so much notice if she wanted to come she would. Even if its just for Saturday.

    Now as for the shower Her Sister is throwing the shower. We talked last night(half assed) She says she gave her sis my number but is not sure if she gave her the right number or not. I got my number changed waaaay in November 2009 lol. Anyway she told me the where and when, but I never committed to coming. I said I wasn't going but I think I would rather show her how a BM is supposed to act. If I can find me an outfit I'll go. If not I'll be right here working on my DIY projects.

    Thanks!!
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  • summerbride11summerbride11
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh, ok...the 2:00 thing sounds understandable and there is no reason for her not to respond to your calls or texts.   If she didn't already pay for your dress, I would suggest you two just agree not to be in eachother's wedding parties and come as guests.  The fact that she did purchase the dress shows she must feel compassionate enough about you as a friend to want you there.  Some ppl might just tell someone not to be in thier wedding if they can't afford the obligations. I wish you and her could sit down and talk because that is the only way to get real answers. There is probably a BIG misunderstanding between the two of you and I suspect others are feeding into it. . The fact that she is not responding to calls or texts is causing all the problems, because no one can move on without communication.
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