My fiance and I have decided to elope instead of having a traditional wedding. We originally were going change into having a courthouse wedding, but that solves only our budget problems and not the problem that we would have on what to do about my FI's parents. They are extremely bitterly divorced and my FI and I would not be able to relax and enjoy our wedding wondering what they are saying to family and friends about each other when they are in the same room. They both become crazy people when it comes to each other and we know for a fact that they cannot be trusted to act normally, even if they promise otherwise. We feel bad a bit because outside of that both of his parents and my parents have been especially supportive of us. My parents have even let us live in their house while we relocated in between jobs. However, while my parents have nothing to do with this, again his parents cannot be trusted to behave. We have already spoken to them, it is not going to happen.
Therefore, we have decided to plan a mostly secret elopment while keeping up the guise that we are getting married in a regular ceremony. The only people who would know are our maid of honor and best man. The issue is, I know that my parents would be upset at first but would most likely get over it quickly because I've always been quirky and done my own thing. Plus, they understand and also disapprove of his parents continuing conflict. It will be a bit sad not having my dad there, but I don't want to include my parents and not his. It's not a big deal otherwise for me, because my dream wedding has always been very small and intimate, and I think a destination elopement is terribly romantic.
The reason for the guise is because I know that his parents, his mom especially, will freak out and will not accept this no matter if we tell her before or after. I don't want any stress for the wedding, so we are thinking we aren't going to tell her before because we don't want to hear about how terrible we are when we are supposed to be focusing on a life together. We have a good relationship with her now, and I think it is sad that we might potentially damage our relationship with her because she and her ex can't just shut up. Again, they are not reasonable people when it comes to each other and she is not going to be reasonable when it comes to us not getting married in a traditional wedding either. I choose my FI being able to relax and enjoy his wedding day without him having to worry himself sick over his parents.
What do you think is the best approach towards notification is here? Also, most importantly because this is going to be happening, outside of awesome elopement packages what are the best locations? One thing that we want to do on our honeymoon is to be able to go riding in muscle cars, quads and motorcycles. We also want some place to do that that is within a reasonable distance from our place of elopement. However, we want the place where we go to be romantic, relaxing, child-free environment. I would like to have access to breathtaking scenery and spas. I was thinking Hawaii, but my FI expressed concern that there might be diffuculty renting a Mustang there. I know that there would probably be many trails for quads though. Another option is CA, and I was thinking Napa. However, the same thing applies - are there going to be good trails nearby? Any suggestions?