Wedding Etiquette Forum

Question about ceremony and reception on separate days

Hi, I know this topic has come up a few times on here, but I didn't find anything that was exactly what is going on for my fiance and I. I would really appreciate thoughts and ideas from the board members here.

We were originally planning on having a small (immediate family only) ceremony on a Friday afternoon, followed by a dinner, and then having a larger reception the next day. The wedding is taking place in the city where most of my fiance's family and friends live, since I have a much smaller family. We are expecting about 80 people to come for the reception, about 20-25% of which will be out of town guests. It has been been pointed out to me, however, that some of the people who are travelling such a long way may be offended if they are not also invited to the ceremony. I didn't really understand this until reading more on the boards here.

My question is this: if I invite everyone to both the ceremony and the reception, can I still have them on separate days? It is important to me to have a smaller dinner with just our immediate families, because most of these people have never met and I want them to get to know each other a little bit. An alternative would be to have the small dinner on Friday night, and have the ceremony and reception the next day (this is basically the traditional route, right?), but I was hoping to have a little bit of down time between the ceremony and reception to not have such a crazy day. This was a no brainer when only a few people were coming to the ceremony, but now it has become more complicated.

Any thoughts?

Re: Question about ceremony and reception on separate days

  • The reception is a thank you for those who came and saw your ceremony.  You can't do them separate days.

    Your best choice is to do a small dinner Friday and then the ceremony and reception on Saturday.
  • I don't think it is right to ask people to travel on 2 different days to attend your ceremony and reception. For some people this is an extra day they need to take off of work or an extra night at the hotel they have to pay for.  I think you should do a small family dinner the night before and the ceremony and reception the next day. You can do a first look if you want time for you and your fiance to relax on your wedding day. I've also been to weddings with an hour or so between the ceremony and the reception when the bride and groom are taking pictures.
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  • I would have the ceremony receptions on the same day. Have a rehearsal with a rehearsal dinner the day before so they can mingle and get to know each other that day
  • I would recommend you do the smaller dinner on Friday night ("rehearsal dinner" style), then have your ceremony and reception with all 80ish guests on Satuday.  It's not a long hectic day unless you make it that way.   

    This is the "traditional route" becuase it's the one that is most polite to your guests.   

    Also, I don't know if this is an option, but my family hadn't met my in-laws before the wedding either.  The wedding was in my parents' home town, so my mom just invited his parents and siblings over for dinner on Wednesday (that was the day the in-laws got into town).  It was really casual, and a good atmosphere for introducing two families.  Maybe something like this would work (whether it's on the Friday or even before that).
    DSC_9275
  • chicagarciachicagarcia member
    Eighth Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited September 2012
    I am having my wedding ceremony and reception on two different days. The reasons were beyond my control, and I was dismayed when we were first considered it. However, I promise you, my guests were the ones who encouraged splitting into two days. And I have received nothing but genuine support and excitement from our other guests regarding our "wedding weekend". Anyone who may feel inconvenienced or insulted hasn't discussed it with me and have had over a month to do so. I will only say this on the matter: do what feels right for you. Ultimately, your guests will support you by participating however they can. If that's both days, great. If only one, that's great, too. Enjoy!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-about-ceremony-and-reception-on-separate-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b3bb1adb-a295-47e9-bdff-1baa20fb7773Post:370b3102-9c31-4712-a496-060a5f6a9238">Re: Question about ceremony and reception on separate days</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your wedding reception is on the day that you are married.  It can be as simple as cake in punch.  Any party on any other day is NOT a wedding reception.  Please don't try to turn it into one. You can have a party to celebrate your marriage at any time.  Your wedding reception is on the same day as your marriage.  This is the day when you are the bride and can wear your wedding dress.  The party is to thank your guests for coming to your wedding.  You can also have a reception for friends and family after a private ceremony, as long as it is on the same day. You cannot have a wedding reception on any other day except your wedding day.  Any other day, and it becomes a party to celebrate your marriage.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
     <div>I have to disagree with this. I posted on the etiquette board a few weeks ago about my courthouse wedding at the end of October. We're doing the ceremony at the courthouse with only our parents in attendance on Friday and then on Saturday we're having a reception at our house for our marriage with our families. I think you're just way too uptight procedure and technical terms for things. Who cares if it's called a reception or a party the next day, your bringing your families together to celebrate the joy of your union, that's all that should maters. <strong>To OP, as long as it's only a few peole at the ceremony (ie family and siblings only) I don't see any problem in having the reception the next day personally.</strong> Enjoy your day! </div>
  • Even if you're only having parents and siblings at a private ceremony, you MUST host them in some sort of reception THAT NIGHT. Yes, it is considered acceptable to have a larger wedding celebration following a small, truly private event though you still risk offending people. It is NOT okay to not host people who attended your ceremony on that day... a wedding is ONE event: a ceremony and reception. As such, it should be hosted on the same day.
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