Wedding Woes

Setting a date

Ok well I am only 20 and my fiance and I just recently got engaged.  We are both still in school and have 2 1/2 years left.  My parents say that we should get married this coming  summer or fall.  Where as his parents don't even want us to get married until after school.  I personally do not want to wait long, and neither does he.  We have tried to compromise by sayding a year in a half but I'm really not sure if that's what i want.

Some people have said that we shouldn't care what our parents think, but do what we feel to be best.  Since we are still fairly young, we are at a loss.  Any suggestions???

Re: Setting a date

  • edited December 2011
    I think you're 20, and you should wait until after you graduate college to get married. You plan on spending the rest of your life with him anyway, so what's a few more years of engagement?
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Wait until you both graduate before getting married.  Enjoy being engaged and enjoy your early twenties.
  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Once you are married, you will need to support each other instead of your parents supporting you. Think more about married life, where and how you are going to support yourselves. If you cant do that in a year and a half, then wait. Think realistically about budgets, school costs, and how much time you will need to br in school vx. at work supoprting yourselves.

    IMO you should wait until you finish school. Being in school is a totally different lifestyle than the world of work. Keep focusing on school and get married after you graduate.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think it totally depends on your situation.  How long have you know him?  How long have you seriously dated him? Are your backgrounds very similar?  Have you had important discussions about what you want in life--children, money, work, religion, celebrating the holidays, chores, travel, buying a home, further education, employment, etc. 

    If you haven't dated long, there is a chance he may have some habits that you can't cope with or the other way around.  It's easy to be on your best behavior for months or even a year or so but after a couple of years, your true selves shine through.  Also, the problem with getting married very young is both of you might change a lot and grow apart.  While a broken engagement is obviously heart breaking, it's probably better than growing apart and divorcing.  The statistics show that couples who marry when they are 22 or older are less likely to divorce than those who marry younger. 

    With that said,  I don't believe that everyone who gets married  very young is bound to have their marriage fail.  I know many people who got married at 20 and 21 and are perfectly happy.  (Their chances for a successful marriage are still greater than teenagers). 

    As a student, sometimes your schedules are more flexible, and you can actually spend more time together, which can be a great way to build a new marriage.  Also, being committed to each other and struggling through being young and (usually) poor can really unite some people.  Sometimes, younger couples are flexible and can adjust better than people who have been single for years and are both very set in their own ways. Just remember, once you are married, you're a team.
    Good luck to you with your decision!  Hope you make the one that's best for you :-)
  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Probably anyone who thinks it's a year IN a half and not a year AND a half is too young to get married.
  • edited December 2011
    wait until you graduate! you are very young and if you're going to be together forever, there should be no rush. you will change SO much in the next few years.
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  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    The thing is...you're not JUST getting married...
    you're starting a family as independent adults.

    Which means, 1-you need to be emotionally independent of family.  (which does not mean you don't see/love/talk to family; it means you have boundries w/ your family and have the correct priorities re: family/husband/etc) and 2-you need to be FINANCIALLY  independent and able to support yourselves 100% w/o parental help.

    I've no idea on #1 (although most college students aren't there yet) but it certainly sounds like you dont' have #2.

    Money can ruin a marriage.  Finish school.  Get jobs.  Then get married.
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