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becunning2
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Relationship Books that Helped (Alas, I'm talking about books, so it's long)
Since apparently there's something in the water and so many people on this board are at some crappy points in their relationships or suddenly no longer in them and because I love books... I thought we could post some books that we've read on relationships that were particularly insightful or helpful to you.
My biggest one:
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. I was in a really bad place and in an awful relationship (actually, I was married, briefly, long story relating to why I had this book in the first place). We were fighting, and I was miserable. This book gave me a lot of insight into what our problems actually were and the dynamics of our relationship. It won't exactly tell you to leave or to stay, but it gives you examples, discussions, self-reflection, and then tidbits of advice where based off her experience, people are happier together/apart/whatever after you've made a determination of how you feel about a particular subject. The book made me realize exactly how destructive my relationship was--while still giving me hope that there were relationships that weren't destructive, just a bit off or in a rough patch. It was a major breath of fresh air to me. And it let me shed the guilt I had for wanting a divorce, and oh man, was there guilt. Seriously.
Check it out here: http://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-Stay-Step---Step/dp/0452275350/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306359793&sr=8-1
Second recommender:
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. This book taught me a lot about relationships in general, how I express anger, and what types of anger actually turn out to be destroying and undermining relationships. I thought it was pretty insightful and interesting, but it wasn't a life changer like the first one.
Check it out here: http://www.amazon.com/Why-Marriages-Succeed-Fail-Yours/dp/0684802414/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306360105&sr=8-1
So, ladies, what books do you have to recommend to me? Or to each other?
My biggest one:
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. I was in a really bad place and in an awful relationship (actually, I was married, briefly, long story relating to why I had this book in the first place). We were fighting, and I was miserable. This book gave me a lot of insight into what our problems actually were and the dynamics of our relationship. It won't exactly tell you to leave or to stay, but it gives you examples, discussions, self-reflection, and then tidbits of advice where based off her experience, people are happier together/apart/whatever after you've made a determination of how you feel about a particular subject. The book made me realize exactly how destructive my relationship was--while still giving me hope that there were relationships that weren't destructive, just a bit off or in a rough patch. It was a major breath of fresh air to me. And it let me shed the guilt I had for wanting a divorce, and oh man, was there guilt. Seriously.
Check it out here: http://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-Stay-Step---Step/dp/0452275350/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306359793&sr=8-1
Second recommender:
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. This book taught me a lot about relationships in general, how I express anger, and what types of anger actually turn out to be destroying and undermining relationships. I thought it was pretty insightful and interesting, but it wasn't a life changer like the first one.
Check it out here: http://www.amazon.com/Why-Marriages-Succeed-Fail-Yours/dp/0684802414/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306360105&sr=8-1
So, ladies, what books do you have to recommend to me? Or to each other?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Relationship Books that Helped (Alas, I'm talking about books, so it's long)
Men think, behave, react and respond completely differently then women. Sometimes we need a little reminder of this. This book has some useful tips on how to navigate through conflict- and to avoid it completely.
The book says, "Men and women react differently to stress because of chemical and physiological differences within our bodies. Not understanding the behaviors of the opposite sex during these difficult times can lead to further misunderstanding. Men produce large amounts of testosterone, especially during stress situations, which hinders oxytocin--a calming chemical. This allows men to fight for survival or protect the family when necessary. It also causes hostility, withdrawal, and sometimes anger.
Women produce oxytocin, released in large quantities during childbirth and breastfeeding. Estrogen, another female chemical, raises the effectiveness of oxytocin. Women would rather talk through their difficulties, protect and care for their children, and surround themselves with female support.
Understanding your partner is the key to a destressed relationship, making home a safe haven rather than a war of roses."
ETA: I found you a google preview (clicky)
http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Me-Tight-Conversations-Lifetime/dp/031611300X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306369483&sr=8-1
I've skimmed through most of it and I like that it focuses on why people need to form attachment bonds, why we need to feel emotionally close to others, and how to focus your interactions with your SO on establishing and maintaining emotional intimacy.
Thank goodness for the "sample now" feature on my kindle.
...though that tends to make me want to buy more books.
Marry Him: The case of settling for Mr Good Enough. (Not what is sounds like.)
20 something 20 everything. <-Great for relationships and life in general.
Titles are clickys.
These are just my favorite self-help books.
I have to say it was a very good process to go through- reading the book together and doing the workbook. For me it was stuff I was pretty aware of but he really hadn't been through as many relationships so it was good for us.
http://www.amazon.com/Saving-Your-Marriage-Before-Starts/dp/0310259827
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/
This book is really good to help figure out what kind of needs you and your SO have in a relationship. I tried despereatly at the end of my relationship with the Ex-FI to get him to read it but he refused to work on us. BF had already read it before we met. It has really helped communicate what we are missing or need when we aren't getting along perfect.
[QUOTE]I'm usally pretty skeptical about the whole man/woman dichotomy thing. Yes, I know we're different, but it's never sat well with me. That being said, I absolutely love the chapter titles in the book! And I'm going to have to look at this one more closely.
Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]
ME TOO! My favortite college professor, who taught my Communication and Conflict Management in Intimate Relationships class, hated all Mars and Venus books because they are based so totally on men and women being different. Yes, of course we have differences, but in reality we are much more similar than we are different. I think both frames of thought have their benefits, but I think it is a mistake to just chalk things up to male and female differences and put too much stock in that theory.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Relationship Books that Helped (Alas, I'm talking about books, so it's long) : ME TOO! My favortite college professor, who taught my Communication and Conflict Management in Intimate Relationships class, hated all Mars and Venus books because they are based so totally on men and women being different. Yes, of course we have differences, but in reality we are much more similar than we are different. I think both frames of thought have their benefits, <strong>but I think it is a mistake to just chalk things up to male and female differences and put too much stock in that theory.
</strong>Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]
Agreed. Man- I want to take a class like that someday.