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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Parents might not be able to come... What would you do?
Sorry, not sure this is strictly an etiquette question but didn't know where else to put it!
We found out yesterday that both our dads might have to miss our wedding in April for medical reasons. His dad may be recovering from a surgery and unable to travel- they'd have been travelling overseas so his mom wouldn't be able to leave him- both would miss it. Mine is on a transplant list and could get called up at any time- he also would have needed to travel. This means we could end up with only one parent- my mom.
Of course we had no idea either dad was going to be sick when we booked the wedding last November.
The majority of guests are out of town and have already booked their travel. A lot are travelling overseas for 1-2 weeks so it's not just domestic flights and a couple nights hotel that might be transferrable. We have also booked and paid deposits for absolutely everything now.
It just seems wrong to think about going ahead without 3 parents. At the same time, if we move it to a later date, we'll lose thousands in deposits and be going ahead without all our friends and other family who won't be able to do another trip another time to the same place.
Just wondering what other people would do in this situation because it doesn't seem like there's any obvious right thing to do...
We found out yesterday that both our dads might have to miss our wedding in April for medical reasons. His dad may be recovering from a surgery and unable to travel- they'd have been travelling overseas so his mom wouldn't be able to leave him- both would miss it. Mine is on a transplant list and could get called up at any time- he also would have needed to travel. This means we could end up with only one parent- my mom.
Of course we had no idea either dad was going to be sick when we booked the wedding last November.
The majority of guests are out of town and have already booked their travel. A lot are travelling overseas for 1-2 weeks so it's not just domestic flights and a couple nights hotel that might be transferrable. We have also booked and paid deposits for absolutely everything now.
It just seems wrong to think about going ahead without 3 parents. At the same time, if we move it to a later date, we'll lose thousands in deposits and be going ahead without all our friends and other family who won't be able to do another trip another time to the same place.
Just wondering what other people would do in this situation because it doesn't seem like there's any obvious right thing to do...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Parents might not be able to come... What would you do?
Wedding stuff.
Married!
Married in Vegas - June 2011
I knew someone who's mom was diagnosed with agressive cancer right before her wedding and was home on hospice. She and her husband went to her house earlier to make sure she got the first look at her little girl as a bride. It doesn't sound like you can physically go see your dad the day of before the ceremony, but you could set up a video chat with just him that morning so he can see what a stunning bride his little girl is and share his good wishes before the ceremony.
Any chance these gentlemen live in the same town and you can get them in a room together? If so, you could have a civil ceremony a few weeks/days before the scheduled wedding with all four parents present. Then you could have a vow renewal or religious service or just a reception/party on your regularly scheduled wedding date.
I think you should talk it over with your parents but it sounds like you should continue on as planned and just hope for the best.
And about this:
>>if we move it to a later date, we'll lose thousands in deposits
I really wouldn't fret that.
You could see if those vendors could do their jobs on your new date, which is likely if you switch to any of the dates I mention above - because few people get married on the weekend before or after Christmas, etc.
And then they could pick up another job on your original date, because it's so far in the future.
Obviously you would explain everything to the vendors, so they would know that you aren't changing the date on the contract because you think the weather will be nicer or something. You are changing the date on the contract because your dad and FI's dad are quite ill, and the wedding must move up.
And you have included a paragraph worrying about your OOT guests. Really? Your parents and FI's parents should rank above people who don't even live near you and aren't involved in your lives.
The logistics here make it too hard to try to schedule an earlier civil ceremony. The dads live in different countries so there's no way of everyone in a room together if both are sick.
Just hoping for the best...