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how long do shower invitees have to send gifts?

ccny778ccny778
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
First of all, correct me if gifts are not customary.

My fabulous mom threw me a fabulous, surprise bridal shower.  There are several people who were invited, did not attend, post-surprise expressed regret over their non-attendance (usually through facebook) and there is still no gift from said people.

How long do they have, if they are, in fact, obligated to send a gift.

Thank you :)
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Re: how long do shower invitees have to send gifts?

  • KellyCJordanKellyCJordan member
    First Comment
    I don't think gifts are ever obligatory
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    No one is obligated to send a gift if they did not attend the shower.  But if you get something you get something.  Just send out the TY note quickly!
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Yeah, shower gifts are given at the shower and opened there. If people do not attend, they normally do not send a gift.

    Sometimes, I've heard of a bridesmaid who couldn't attend the shower send a gift to the bride, but that's usually about it.
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  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's very customary and appropriate to bring a gift if you attend a shower, since you're going specifically to shower the bride with gifts and the host is feeding and entertaining you.

    Just getting invited to a shower though isn't like a special honor that mandates a gift though. If people don't come, I don't believe there's any obligation for them to send gifts (if there is, I wish I'd invited Bill Gates and Oprah to my shower...)

    Some people are very thoughtful and send a gift even if they can't attend, but that should just be considered an unexpected and wonderful surprise; not the norm.

    So send thank yous for the gifts you received from the guests who attended your shower, and as for the guests who did not attend your shower, hopefully you'll get to see them at your wedding. :)
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  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Gifts are not required - especially if they did not attend.  If you do get somethinga after the fact, just make sure to send a prompt thank you.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Gifts are never obligatory.  It is normal to bring a gift when you attend a shower, but most people that don't attend don't send a gift.  

    Unless a person specifically expressed that they intended to send a gift when they mentioned not attending, there is no reason to think that they would send one.  
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  • mcda04mcda04 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-do-shower-invitees-have-to-send-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c0f8633-fe66-4601-9897-15a333deb695Post:a7d064b0-459b-4810-91e2-3b81e13ab9f3">how long do shower invitees have to send gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]First of all, correct me if gifts are not customary. My fabulous mom threw me a fabulous, surprise bridal shower.  There are several people who were invited, did not attend, post-surprise expressed regret over their non-attendance (usually through facebook) and there is still no gift from said people. How long do they have, if they are, in fact, obligated to send a gift. Thank you :)
    Posted by ccny778[/QUOTE]
    They don't have to buy you anything. Your guests at your wedding don't HAVE to bring a gift either. Their presence is the gift.
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  • Ali092011Ali092011 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-long-do-shower-invitees-have-to-send-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c0f8633-fe66-4601-9897-15a333deb695Post:fb2fc6d1-c24f-4965-aa91-f117d3eb50e7">Re: how long do shower invitees have to send gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Some people are very thoughtful and send a gift even if they can't attend, but that should just be considered an unexpected and wonderful surprise; not the norm.
    Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

    This. I did get one gift from someone who did not attend my shower, but that was only because she had been planning to attend and had something come up at the last minute. The other couple of people who couldn't make it did not give gifts, nor would I have expected them to.

    I also don't give gifts if I can't make it to a shower, though sometimes I will give a bigger wedding gift than I would have if I'd bought a shower gift.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Nobody is ever required to give you a gift. Ever. For any reason.  Including your shower or wedding. 
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    If gifts were obligatory regardless of attendance, people would invite everyone they knew just to get more gifts. That's a ridiculous notion. Rarely does someone send a gift if they aren't attending.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I'm a little concerned with why you're asking this, but I agree with PPs. 
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  • ccny778ccny778
    10 Comments
    No need for the concern.  It was just a question.  I just didn't know the "rules" and wanted more info.  I just have always sent shower gifts even when I was unable to attend.  I didn't knowif this was the norm or how others treat it.  And again, I tried to make clear (twice) that only if they are obligated (which it is clear they are not) would I want to know the appropriate time frame.

    Thanks all for the info.
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