Although I've been reading posts for quite some time now......I've never actually posted anything. I was kind of hoping I'd find someone experiencing the same (or similar) situation and do the posting for me....but after reading more than my fair share of posts without success; I figured I'd buck up and do it myself!
The situation: I'm 25 yrs. old and currently live with my 25 yr. old boyfriend and our 2 yr. old son. We've been together for about 4 years. We are not currently married, however, he has assured me time and time again that he plans on marrying me. Also, we just purchased our first home together in July 2009; a move that he says proves he's intent on marrying me. Towards the end of 2009 I expressed to him that I was beginning to feel strung along, and told him I was sick of hearing that we'd be married "soon".
I demanded to know what exactly "soon" meant, and requested he give me a time frame of when I could expect this to happen. In turn he told me by March 13, 2010 we would infact be married. I was thrilled to have finally been given a date range after having heard "soon" for so long.
Well, the whole March 13th "married by" date was tossed out the window (by him) after an explosive argument we had in December, 2009; about 1 month after he claimed we'd be married by March 13th, 2010. His reasoning behind this was that he wanted our relationship to be "more stable" before getting married. I asked what that means and he said we needed to go a while without fighting before he'd agree to ask me to marry him.
Now, let me explain that we are not having a real "wedding" w/ all the bells and whistles. Rather, we'd be going to the county courthouse to exchange vows and then eventually throw a reception type party. So, it's not like he's putting off asking me/marrying me for financial reasons. I tried explaining to SO that his expectations were a bit far fetched when he said we needed to be "fight-free" for a while before he'd consider proposing/marrying me b/c lets face it: ALL COUPLES FIGHT!
I even asked him recently if the March 13th date was still off the table considering how well we've been doing in the relationship and how we haven't really had any fights and his response was a quick, stern "Yes, it's not going to happen". I feel like he's basically searching for reasons to continue to postpone the next stage in our relationship for whatever reason.
I've asked him what I can do to better my chances of him proposing/marrying me soon and he just says "just keep doing what you're doing". What the hell is he waiting for? We have the house, the kid, the dog.......but no marriage? I feel like our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend has done all the growing it can do for BF/GF stage and I'm more than ready to move to the next step.
I love him very much and we're best friends, but I don't want to keep feeling strung along and like he has all control over us getting married and when. I've expressed all of this to him, SEVERAL times! I just want to hear some feedback on what you all would do in this situation. Am I being a naive idiot for continuing to allowing myself to feel strung along? Or, am I being pushy and impatient?
Any feedback is welcome.....but try and take it relatively easy on me since I'm a newbie!
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paragraphs added for your reading pleasure.
OP: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/32045334.aspx