Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

father daughter dance, limo ride to ceremony...divided family, help!

Alright ladies, I will break my questions into paragraphs to make it easier.  The run down is this:  My parents are divorced and both are remarried.  Keep in mind both parents remarried by the time I was 5.  I will be 27 by the time I am married.  I call my step dad; dad and my biological father dad.  I love both of them very much and want both of them involved EQUALLY.  I also have a step mother, and obviously a mother.  My step mother is a really good person but she has come into this "knowing" everything about weddings.  She has been to a ton and has obvisouly been married once.  My mother has been married twice and has been to a ton of weddings.  Everyone had their opinions and traditions right?  So here are my questions and dillemas:

I wanted both of my dads to give me away.  My step dad thought it was a neat idea, my bio dad said no way.  So, I am going to have my bio dad give me away and my dad walk with my son down the aisle. I dont understand what the big deal is about having both of them give me away.  They both helped me get to where I am today.

Father daughter dance; obviously I will have two of them.  My step dad asked that since my bio dad is giving me away, that he have the first father daughter dance.  I am reallllly nervous about bringing this up to my bio dad...

When going to the ceremony who does the bride ride with?  My step mother says that the bride goes with her father to the ceremony site.  I disagree, I feel as though the bride rides with the brides maids.

What do you all think??

Re: father daughter dance, limo ride to ceremony...divided family, help!

  • -I think you should share with your bio father that although it is an important day for him it is also an important day for SD who has equally been involved with your life.  You can also ask "Dad, I'm so blessed to have so many amazing men in my life.  Since you are giving me away would you be offended if I danced with SD at the reception?"

    -If it's not too late you can consider your SD walking you half way down the aisle, then your father meeting you two then him taking over while SD follows behind. 

    -When the officiant asks 'who gives this bride away' every parent (your 4 and your FI's) can say "We do"

    -I've seen it a multiple of different ways.  I drove myself to the ceremony (everybody met AT the church), then DH drove me in his car to the reception. 
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  • That seems so disappointing that your bio dad had the reaction he did.  Honestly, if it was me, I wouldn't ask him his opinion about the dance.  I would just tell him.  No discussion - just a "Hey...just wanted to give you a heads up that I decided since you've insisted that you walk me down the aisle by yourself, I'm going to do my first father-daughter dance with stepdad.  Let me know if you would like to choose the song that you and I dance to."

    As for the limo ride, in the couple of weddings I've been in with one before the ceremony, I've always seen it be the BM only since we usually needed to be at the ceremony location to finish getting ready and take pictures, so the dad's didn't seem to show up until a bit later. 
  • I like Saric's solution to the Father/Daughter dance situation. I don't think you should ask your Dad if he's ok with you dancing with your Step-Father first, I think you should just tell that's how it's going to be. He was wrong to say that you couldn't have both of them walk you down the aisle, that should be a personal choice of the bride's and I think it's awful and selfish of him to not let you have what YOU want.

    For the limo ride, you can really have whoever you want in there. Your family or the BMs. Or you can skip the issue all together and just not use a limo. Or rent one that's too small to fit more than you and one other person in it (like your MOH)
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  • lulu4150lulu4150 member
    First Comment
    edited February 2012
    ckovacs05  i'm so glad you posted the question about the father daughter dance but my situation is a little different.  i'm having both my dad and step-dad walk me down the aisle.  How do we figure out the father daughter dance?   I'm close with both of my dads.  Since I'm a bit closer to my step dad I asked him if it would be alright if I didn't dance the official father/daughter dance with him and his feelings were really hurt.  I dont know what to do.  My bio dad has missed out on a lot since my parents divorced when I was 3 and I've not lived in the same state since I was 9.

    thanks ladies!
  • So sorry you're dealing with this. I just had to go through the exact same thing. But I did find that when I approached things as NBD to my dad he didn't think itvwas a big deal (I.e. instead of "dad would it be ok if SD also walked us down the aisle" I just said "hey dad, talked with the wedding coordinator and this is what we've figured out..") Also I made sure to tell my bio dad that I wanted ALL my parents to feel special that day, and I think he was able to realize that he wanted my step mom treated as a mother so of course step dad should be treated as a father. I would just casually say hey this is how we've decided to do special dances at the reception, I cant wait for our dance, do you have any song ideas? And just brush over it! Good luck!
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  • If it helps anyone, DD began the father/daughter dance with her dad and then stepdad cut in half way though.
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