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Not sure which church to marry into...

kirstenl21kirstenl21
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in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
I was raised Catholic and have a very Catholic family. I have been struggling with my faith for about a year now and know I will not remain a Catholic in my future. My SO was raised Lutheran and his mother is the secretary at a Lutheran church. Faith is very important to both of our families. Neither of us are practicing our faith besides when we are visiting our families, to not offend them. I don't want to get married into the Cathoic Church. How do I tell this to my family? How do we tell our families that we no longer want to be considered Lutheran/Catholic? Is it normal for people to get married without a faith connected to them? Thank you. I've really been struggling with this.
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Re: Not sure which church to marry into...

  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    I think you mean marry "in" the church, not into.  That sounds like marrying into a family and is confusing.

    Many people have non-denominational or secular weddings, so yes, it's completely normal.

    Just talk to them.  I don't have a set script for you.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I ditto pp's. You can decide how/who you want to perform you ceremony. There are many non-denominational churches and pastors out there. You may just have to do some checking.

    I don't think it will be an easy conversation, but they should respect your decision. If they don't, be aware there may be repercussions.

    You should also take some time to think about your reasons why you don't want to get married in the Church and not Lutheran either. And discuss them with your FI.
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  • mmenillommenillo
    10 Comments
    I'm in a similar situation--I'm Catholic, he's Baptist. We actually chose an Independent Catholic priest to marry us because this Church is very open and accepting of interfaith marriages, among other things. This actually eliminated the difficult religion talk with our families. My parents are happy the officiant's title includes the word "Catholic," and his family is happy about the word "Independent." Conclusion---your parents will get over it.
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  • Adrini76Adrini76 member
    10 Comments
    Do what works for you. I'm unitarian and the FI is agnostic. We both come from Catholic families and both have been nicely told that a Catholic wedding simply wasn't going to happen. 

    There are 10,000 ways to script a ceremony. If you want to make it a little less controversial you can try writing your own vows. Then it's a matter of you wanting to make it more personal and meaningful. 

    You do have to talk to the parents but be smart about it. We had to do a tango dance almost when we told people to make sure there were no eruptions at the top. We still had to calm a few flames. We knew how religious the families were and that was had to be sensitive about it. 

    I don't know how religious your family is but try not to make more messes then you have to. 

    Good luck. This is not a fun battle to fight. 
    Wedding planning land is not friendly to feminists.
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