October 2012 Weddings

rehersal dinner

FI and I went to visit his parents last night and the topic of the rehersal dinner came up. Intially, when we started planning they said that because we chose to have the wedding "so far away" literally 45 min away from them, and his mom figured they would be spending about...get ready...2 grand between gas and hotel rooms that they would be willing to give us maybe 400 for the rehersal dinner. Ok, that's fine and I know I sound ungrateful but its more just they way things went about. So anyway, their offer was nice enough and I didn't expect much from them anyway and FI and I planned on payin for it all ourselves anyway. Well NOW, his mom says last night that she's called around and wants to go check out two places with us and see if it'll be ok for the RD. Also that we may need to cut some people's SO from the dinner because "its just too many people". We told her that we planned on paying the difference and that we already had a place in mind. She got all huffy and just sat there with her arms folded across her chest and wouldn't talk to or even look at me. FI said we could just pay for the whole thing and she said "well, you can but you still need to cut 'unnecessaries' and WE still need to go to place a and place b" I understand she feels that since she's contributing, she gets a say but....how does she get a say when she's not.
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Re: rehersal dinner

  • aimee58aimee58 member
    500 Comments
    That's a really tough position! IMO, it's tacky to not invite the SO of WP. It seems like your FMIL wants to be in control of some aspect of the wedding. I know FI told his mom to plan a shower that's all hers. She can do whatever she wants for that, and the wedding is all us.

    Also, if you're making up the difference, I don't think she really has a say in who's invited. But I'd check out the places that she wants to go to and show her your idea. You never know what could happen...
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  • I'd try to compromise just to keep peace.

    Go look at her places (you may like them!) and tell her that the final guest list will be determined by you and your FI. They aren't contributing buuutt they are your future inlaws, sometimes it worth compromising.

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    October 13, 2012
  • Interesting.... If you are paying for the dinner yourselves then I think her say means nothing! BUT, if you want to be nice... check out A & B and if you don't like it that just let her know. It wouldn't hurt just to compromise and make her happy.
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  • I feel for you. Our Rehersal dinner is up to 35 people. However we can't cut anyone. We have our bridal party and their spouses, plus grandparents, and the pastor plus us. If it makes you feel better we are doing our rehersal at a restaurant, having salad, and 4 dishes to chose from for about $600.
    Compromise is key, so I would look at a couple places and see what the food is like but remind her that who you invite is your decision:) If she really feels like she wants to be part of the wedding planning maybe give her a couple things to do that aren't huge. My FMIL is doing the candy bar - even though I have ended up chosing everything :)
  • I had a huge blow out with FMIL about the RD. She wanted to cram 25 people into her small house. We have now put the down payment on a restaurant ourselves. There is no comprosmising with her, but if you can with your FMIL I would. I would love to just live in peace and harmony with mine, but it's never going to happen. Good luck!
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  • My FMIL has complalined about every place FI and I looked at, regardless of price. We have about 45 people attending (WP with SO, FI and myself, parents, grandparents, officant). We let her know this fact way in advance and told her that if she and FI step dad did not want to pay for all of the meal, FI and I would pick up whatever cost was left. Now, here we are 5 months out from the wedding and still no word from her on the topic. FI and I have picked a local restaurant which we both love and serves "bar food", so nothing insanely pricey. Just...so...frustrating.
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  • I do want to keep the peace (honestly, mainly because of my FI) HOWEVER, I'm not going to NOT invite people's SO others.  That's incredibly tacky (like you mentioned), especially since only a few of the people in the WP live in the two where the wedding will be.  So does she really think I'm going to say "oh yeah, hey Jason's wife, thanks for coming here for the whole weekend but.........you're only invited to the ceremony and reception.  When Jason comes for the rehersal and then the rehersal dinner, you can stay at the hotel, there's tons of places that deliver around here.  See you Saturday!!!!" wth?!?!  Also, the wedding is in my hometown, which she's never been to.  The two places she wants us to go see are not going to work (one place is DISGUSTING..dirty i mean, DIRTY and the other is even more expensive than the place we planned on having the dinner, and has awful food to boot.  I'm going to go though, try to smile and not want to scream at the waste of a whole day to do that.

    I hear that she probably wants to control something or feel involved.  I even asked her if she wanted to go dress shopping with me for my dress and even bridesmaids dresses.  She said no.  Not "no thanks" or "i can't that day, i'm busy..", just "nah".  Then I told her my mom and I were going to look for a dress for my mom and that FI's sister (her daughter and one of my BM) was going to come with us and I wanted to know if she would like to come as well.  "nah". ooooooooooook then.

    The night we were over there, I had mentioned to her that my mom was talking to me about a shower for me and I said something to hint to if she wanted anyone included on the list or if she was having a separate shower...she just stared, blankly, back at me.

    She's just so annoying and being hypocritical, not to mention HYPERcritical of all of our plans so far!!!   Ive just stopped telling her things, but FI is close with her and his dad so he talks to them alot and he leaks the info to them. 

    Sorry to re-vent and I really appreciate the advice, it helps just having someone to bounce this frustration off and to hear some feed back!  I'm also sorry to hear that some of you have similar situations with the future inlaws, although, it is nice knowing I'm not alone

    Thanks again ladies!
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