Save the Date/Invite Question

mari0225 · January 2012

Mainly this is just a vent, my aunt and uncle have had a rocky marriage for years now. When I sent out the Save the Dates they were still married so I sent it to both of them, well right after the Save the Dates went out my aunt filed for divorce, I didn't know things had progressed that far (they always go back and forth saying their divorcing and then don't). My cousin who's a bridesmaid says if he's invited to the wedding she refuses to be in the wedding party and will not sing and mostly likely not even come, neither will my aunt attend.

So should I invite him? The divorce will hopefully be final by then, right now my aunt and cousin have rented a place so they aren't living together any longer.

MRSBJS · January 2012

If they're divorced, they are no longer a social unit, so you don't have to invite him.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

Which person are you related to though? To me, it would be weird to exclude your mother's brother from your guest list in favor of his ex-wife (although you certainly could, if you really don't like him and don't want him there). If they're all important people in your life, invite them all and let them decide to either act like grown ups and exist in the same room for a few hours, or to act like children, stamp their feet, and refuse to come. (Of course, if they do all decide to come, you should seat them as far apart as reasonably possible.)

Simply Fated · January 2012

Do you think now that they're getting divorced, ties between him and the rest of the family will be severed? Or do you think he'll still stay a part of your life? I'm totally assuming, based on your post, that your aunt is the one genetically related to you. Am I wrong there?

mari0225 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-dateinvite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:61dba3ac-401a-4994-b62a-c3963218da19Post:9389db40-62e3-4e13-8b34-2237b188dd28">Re: Save the Date/Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Which person are you related to though? To me, it would be weird to exclude your mother's brother from your guest list in favor of his ex-wife (although you certainly could, if you really don't like him and don't want him there). If they're all important people in your life, invite them all and let them decide to either act like grown ups and exist in the same room for a few hours, or to act like children, stamp their feet, and refuse to come. (Of course, if they do all decide to come, you should seat them as far apart as reasonably possible.)
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

Sorry I wasn't clear, my aunt is my mom's sister.

I am not sure if my Uncle is important to me, with all the issues he and my Aunt have had I haven't seen him much in my life except for the past few years, although he has done a lot for us.

mari0225 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-dateinvite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:61dba3ac-401a-4994-b62a-c3963218da19Post:877becc0-6440-40c8-be59-89e5cca48e26">Re: Save the Date/Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you think now that they're getting divorced, ties between him and the rest of the family will be severed? Or do you think he'll still stay a part of your life? I'm totally assuming, based on your post, that your aunt is the one genetically related to you. Am I wrong there?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

You are correct, see i'm not sure if he will be or not. My grandparents really love him, but i'm not sure if they will sever ties in favor of their daughter or not. My mom has severed ties already due to the drama surrounding the situation with him and my aunt and I have just tried to stay out of all of it. I don't really know him that well.

Simply Fated · January 2012

There is a good chance, if you two aren't close, that he isn't expecting an invitation anymore. I know when my uncle divorced my aunt I wanted her to stay in my life, but she didn't. I'm still devastated over it, but it is what it is. I was too young to change things. If you want to stay in touch with him, that's your choice and no one should keep you hostage from that. How does the rest of your family, like your parents, feel about him? BTW I want to huggle your cat. She (he?) is SO cute.

whitsy · January 2012

I would invite them both, and I'd invite them seperately. Even though my aunt and uncle are divorced now, and my aunt is my mom's sister, my uncle has always been involved in my life, although not as much as when we all were kids.

staceycaine · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-dateinvite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:61dba3ac-401a-4994-b62a-c3963218da19Post:7bc30403-980d-47dd-96cd-1bd72694ad08">Re: Save the Date/Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]If they're divorced, they are no longer a social unit, so you don't have to invite him.
Posted by MRSBJS[/QUOTE]

I mean, I guess, technically. But I can't imagine doing this.

FI's dad/stepmom are divorcing, and we are still inviting the ENTIRE stepfamily--all 50. They were a part of his life for a long time. Just because they are no longer married doesn't erase 20 years of his life.

mari0225 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-dateinvite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:61dba3ac-401a-4994-b62a-c3963218da19Post:b6e35e96-ea40-4b34-9ebf-f09e78f8038b">Re: Save the Date/Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a good chance, if you two aren't close, that he isn't expecting an invitation anymore.
I know when my uncle divorced my aunt I wanted her to stay in my life, but she didn't. I'm still devastated over it, but it is what it is. I was too young to change things. If you want to stay in touch with him, that's your choice and no one should keep you hostage from that.
How does the rest of your family, like your parents, feel about him?

BTW I want to huggle your cat. She (he?) is SO cute.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

My mom doesn't want to invite him especially if that means my aunt and cousin won't come. I would rather not have the drama and just not invite him.

Thanks her name is Dakota!

mari0225 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-dateinvite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:61dba3ac-401a-4994-b62a-c3963218da19Post:5c6b79e5-85bf-4bae-95fa-4f75837976f3">Re: Save the Date/Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I would invite them both, and I'd invite them seperately. Even though my aunt and uncle are divorced now, and my aunt is my mom's sister, my uncle has always been involved in my life, although not as much as when we all were kids.
Posted by whitsy[/QUOTE]

Maybe I will invite them separately. I just hope if I do my cousin and aunt will still come. I was excited about my cousin singing at the wedding.

tenofcups4me · January 2012

Whether or not people stay in touch after a divroce depends so much on family dynamics and the way the couple itself approaches the divorce. It seems pretty clear that in your case, your family is not prepared to continue to keep in touch with the uncle. Since you say you have little relationship with him anyway and the rest of your family is cutting ties, I wouldn't invite him.

Save the Date/Invite Question

Re: Save the Date/Invite Question

Choose Another Board

Search Boards