BM doesn't want to chip in for Bachelorette

xoxob · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-doesnt-want-chip-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:01bff517-fa84-4a68-94b2-5308049c7ad9Post:603ceea9-3ea0-48d7-b9b2-2fb25be8ecce">Re: BM doesn't want to chip in for Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]Being gracious and accepting what is given..... hmmm she gave me nothing.
Posted by healyl99[/QUOTE]

being gracious is accepting that she doesn't have to.

healyl99 · April 2010

What makes you all think that I don't deserve a bachelorette. What I am saying to you, I have not said to her. I have not spoken to her, I pretended that I don't even know. She said all this to my MOH that she doesn't want to pay. If I were to say all this stuff to her, then yeah I can see your point. But I never questioned it or said anything. I am just thinking all these things in my head and just venting a little on here. It's not like I say all this stuff to anyones face. It's better to think in your head a little bit and vent about it, but it's not like I am screaming down her back and saying she needs to pay. I never confronted her about any of this and as far as she knows, I don't even know the conversation that took place between her and my MOH and the only reason I know is bc the MOH is my sister and told me about it. But we both didn't say anything back to the BM yet bc we didn't know what to say or do, and probably won't say anything but I went on here for advice.. not to be told that I don't deserve it, and I am bratty, spoiled, ungrateful, etc.

xoxob · April 2010

Whatever will she do without those precious flip flops?! I'm going to call "troll" on Healy (the 18 year old with the Jersey Shore themed wedding)

mrsamyjones · April 2010

Is anyone else screaming IT'S SEVEN FREAKING DOLLARS!!!!

Seriously OP, I haven't got through the entire mess of your responses but this is what it boils down to; you can A) suck it up, and pay the 7 dollars out of your own precious bank account (by which you'd be avoiding the entire issue and letting this whole thing go), or

continue to whine and gossip about your friend with all your friends at work and end up being known as the girl who ruined a perfectly good relationship over 7 dollars.

This whole thing is petty. Should your friend pay the 7 bucks? That is not the question. Should you be a better person, and just suck it up? Yes.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

[QUOTE]What makes you all think that I don't deserve a bachelorette. . ... I went on here for advice.. not to be told that I don't deserve it, and I am bratty, spoiled, ungrateful, etc.
Posted by healyl99[/QUOTE]
Deserving something doesn't mean you're entitled to it. There are plenty of people who <em>deserve </em>to have a roof over their heads and food in their mouths, but they still don't have those things because they don't just fall out of the sky. There are kids who <em>deserve </em>to go to college but don't get to do so. There's no way that you're <em>entitled </em>to a bachelorette party which is what you're trying to convey.

You've gotten advice. A ton of it. You're fighting it and acting bratty in the process. You don't think, for a second, that you might be the one who's wrong and out of line here, not your BM?

gottahavashorti · April 2010

Another thing, a bachelorette doesn't even have to cost $7 for dinner plus drinks plus staying in AC (I'm going to assume here that she doesn't live right next door). It can be ask cheap and easy as pulling out whatever people have in their liquor cabinets and hanging out at someone's house.

jaimed99 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-doesnt-want-chip-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:01bff517-fa84-4a68-94b2-5308049c7ad9Post:83e9c623-2a4d-47fd-8673-a8702eff022e">Re: BM doesn't want to chip in for Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]BM are supposed to show and and wear a dress and be sober? I feel really sad if you think that's what bridesmaids are for. That is so trashy and rude and unclassy. You are lumping the bridesmaids together with the regular guests.. they just show up.. except they are wearing a dress. A bridesmaid is an honor and should be taking seriously. When I first asked them to be bridesmaids they all asked what was expected and what they should do and all were told about the Bachelorette so therefore it was a requirement that they willingly knew about and agreed upon when they said yes to be a BM
Posted by healyl99[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yes, the only things they are expected to do is show up, sober, and stand with you...THAT is what a bridesmaid does. I have been a bridesmaid before and all I was asked to do was show up...that was an honor in and of itself...standing by someone that I care about and sharing in their special day with them.</div><div>
</div><div>You "told them" what was expected of them, as in, you told them what you wanted them to do. You are implying that your bridesmaids are congruent with servants...they are not there to fulfill your every whim. </div><div>
</div><div>You're doing to sit here and complain because they aren't paying to feed you...seriously? Are you like 12? Or do you just watch WAY too many bridal shows on TV?</div><div>
</div><div>You obviously aren't getting what almost every other bride here is saying...you don't magically get everything handed to you because you're wearing the pretty white dress. You aren't entitled to squat from your bridal party except that they show up. You don't get to tell people that they have to pay to celebrate with you, and you don't get to tell your wedding party what they "have to do" in order to be such.</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe this thread ought to be moved to the Snarky Brides board...</div>

mbcdefg · April 2010

You're not entitled to a bachelorette.

I am not entitled to a bachelorette.

Nobody in this thread is entitled to a bachelorette.

Why do you think that you, or any bride out there, "deserves" a party?

Cassandria · April 2010

I thought April Fools was yesterday.

tidetravel · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-doesnt-want-chip-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:01bff517-fa84-4a68-94b2-5308049c7ad9Post:4ea1760f-d954-43d9-b9c9-9462892178ed">Re: BM doesn't want to chip in for Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]Whatever will she do without those precious flip flops?! I'm going to call "troll" on Healy (the 18 year old with the Jersey Shore themed wedding)
Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]

Crap, it is Friday.

RachNRich · April 2010

Can I just send you $7 to cover her part of the meal so you can STFU?!

lalap69 · April 2010

Next time have them sign BM contracts. Then when they don't want to give themselves over to you wholly - mind, body and wallet - you can point to the contract and say "so pay up, bitches"

Oh well, lesson learned.

hartshead · April 2010

The older generation would be appalled at your lack of consideration and gratitude for your friends agreeing to be in the wedding. Trust me, from a BM standpoint it is a HUGE pain in the arse.   You get to buy a dress, have someone tell you what shoes to wear, how to wear your hair. Stand up at the ceremony while all the other guests are seating, keep some semblance of decorum at the reception.
I would much rather attend as a guest than a Bridesmaid, it's not an honor, it's a pain. You should be honored they accepted.

Showers and parties are expected?   Ask some older relatives and see if they feel this way. Any parties thrown in their honor or gifts brought to the wedding were unexpected "gifts". Plus the whole, matching the amount of money you spent versus what they spent is very similar to saying "the meal is costing us $100, please make sure your wedding gift covers this cost."

My MOH isn't paying for anything, I have no idea if she is planning a party or shower, if she didn't, I love her as my friend and wouldn't give a crap. I am proud she will be standing next to me on my special day.

Maybe you just chose your BM randomly (to even out numbers) and don't really know or care about this person?    If so, then let her out of the wedding as she is not someone who you really care about. However, don't be a bitch and uninvite her.

healyl99 · April 2010

The flip flops are so people don't have to dance barefoot all night after they take off their shoes. It is not a beach wedding.

Also yes I am obviously going to pay the $7.00. We are not calling the bachelorette dinner off all because one BM doesn't want to pay.

stina93446 · April 2010

Here's an idea....how about everyone who attends pays for their own food and drinks? Problem solved....and yes, that means the bride and groom pay for themselves.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

I'm very good at bringing my own flip flops if I think I'll need to change my shoes. Does no one else do that?

Cassandria · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-doesnt-want-chip-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:01bff517-fa84-4a68-94b2-5308049c7ad9Post:8140d0a1-5c45-4ff0-a8ce-39f0093aa0ef">Re: BM doesn't want to chip in for Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]Next time have them sign BM contracts. Then when they don't want to give themselves over to you wholly - mind, body and wallet - you can point to the contract and say "so pay up, bitches" Oh well, lesson learned.
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

You always need it in writing. This girl doesn't watch her Judge Judy. Now that BM is <em>totally </em>taking advantage of her and there's nothing she can do. So sad.

stina93446 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-doesnt-want-chip-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:01bff517-fa84-4a68-94b2-5308049c7ad9Post:c25ccff9-d929-42c3-9038-950b15303a28">Re: BM doesn't want to chip in for Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I just send you $7 to cover her part of the meal so you can STFU?!
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS. It's 7 effin' dollars. STFU and go away!</div>

healyl99 · April 2010

I didn't say anything out of line to my BM or any of the only bridesmaids. No one knows about this. I only mentioned to a co-worker and asked what are bridesmaids duties and got to talking and then I came on here and vented to all of you. You can't call me a brat or spoiled person when in the eyes of my bridesmaids I am nothing of the sort. I didn't say a word to her and neither did my MOH. No one told her she has to pay or anything. And I apparently do deserve a bachelorette if my sister and sister in law and other friend are all in it and chipping in and apparently they think I deserve it or else they wouldn't be throwing it for me. It was just that one girl giving problems, but I didn't give her any problems back so I don't know what the fuss is all about. I was not bratty or spoiled or whinging to her. Like I said, they don't feel that way about me. I came in here talking about emotions and personal feelings and didn't expect to be trampled on by all of you.

mrsamyjones · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-doesnt-want-chip-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:01bff517-fa84-4a68-94b2-5308049c7ad9Post:75d40e0a-6b60-4331-9dd8-46861a6dcabb">Re: BM doesn't want to chip in for Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]The flip flops are so people don't have to dance barefoot all night after they take off their shoes. It is not a beach wedding. <strong>Also yes I am obviously going to pay the $7.00. We are not calling the bachelorette dinner off all because one BM doesn't want to pay.</strong>
Posted by healyl99[/QUOTE]

This has been SOOO obvious through all of your precious posts.

tidetravel · April 2010

I just wear shoes that I'm comfortable in to begin with.

Oh wait... OP probably made them buy uncomfortable (but matching!) shoes.

sucrets4 · April 2010

I skipped page 2, but I bet OP will come back here after her wedding to bitch about how this BM didn't give her a wedding present.

healyl99 · April 2010

yes we all do live next door... or not next door.. she lives in forked River which is 20-30 minutes away. We go to AC all the time and which is why we picked it. We are not staying overnight. I am staying in Ocean city. We go there all the time. We are just having dinner, not sleeping there

mrsamyjones · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-doesnt-want-chip-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:01bff517-fa84-4a68-94b2-5308049c7ad9Post:ff87a4f3-d0af-437b-94be-d02cc47aa3b5">Re: BM doesn't want to chip in for Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't say anything out of line to my BM or any of the only bridesmaids. No one knows about this. I only mentioned to a co-worker and asked what are bridesmaids duties and got to talking and then I came on here and vented to all of you. You can't call me a brat or spoiled person when in the eyes of my bridesmaids I am nothing of the sort. I didn't say a word to her and neither did my MOH. No one told her she has to pay or anything. And I apparently do deserve a bachelorette if my sister and sister in law and other friend are all in it and chipping in and apparently they think I deserve it or else they wouldn't be throwing it for me. It was just that one girl giving problems, but I didn't give her any problems back so I don't know what the fuss is all about. I was not bratty or spoiled or whinging to her. Like I said, they don't feel that way about me. I came in here talking about emotions and personal feelings and didn't expect to be trampled on by all of you.
Posted by healyl99[/QUOTE]

I have a problem that just because they don't know you're a entitled brat you think that somehow means that you aren't an entitled brat...lets just be clear here, you are an entitled brat regardless of the fact that your friends don't know it yet.

sucrets4 · April 2010

And, op, you mentioned somewhere at the start of this mess that you were disappointed in the 'typical' responses. This should tell you what the right thing to do is.

A random coworker who agrees with you shoudln't provide more validation than a slew of people telling you to chill the eff out.

xoxob · April 2010

HEY! Healy...no one likes you here. You're not going to convince us. STFU.

lalap69 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-doesnt-want-chip-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:01bff517-fa84-4a68-94b2-5308049c7ad9Post:6dd41fb3-0a42-4f1a-9245-b47b678e66ea">Re: BM doesn't want to chip in for Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM doesn't want to chip in for Bachelorette : I have a problem that just because they don't know you're a entitled brat you think that somehow means that you aren't an entitled brat...lets just be clear here,<strong> you are an entitled brat regardless of the fact that your friends don't know it yet.</strong>
Posted by mrsamyjones[/QUOTE]
So much yes.

healyl99 · April 2010

Hey, they know me and hang out with me and know me enough to know that I am not a brat. You guys are just basing it off of what you read. You can't judge someone and not even know them. When my MOH told me about the conversation of course you don't know the conversation. She was saying that the BM was being rude and flat out saying NO I Am not paying for them and their drinks. When no one even said anything about drinks. just dinner. But the point is, we didn't go back and say rude things to her when she was rude to us. We let it slide and said it's not worth it. All the other bridesmaids and groomsmen are happy and willing and that is all that matters. That one girl, oh well. Theres one in every bunch

Button5807 · April 2010

Somehwere back in this hot mess you mentioned that they knew what to expect when they agreed to be in the WP and that it included knowledge of the bachlorette party.

Did you really tell them from the get go that they had to throw you a party?

RachNRich · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-doesnt-want-chip-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:01bff517-fa84-4a68-94b2-5308049c7ad9Post:a8d8f21d-cde0-407b-8a1d-ec664d2a9dd9">Re: BM doesn't want to chip in for Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]And, op, you mentioned somewhere at the start of this mess that you were disappointed in the 'typical' responses. This should tell you what the right thing to do is<strong>. A random coworker who agrees with you shoudln't provide more validation than a slew of people telling you to chill the eff out.</strong>
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

<div>Listen to Sookie; she is wise.</div><div>
</div><div>But seriously, is $7 worth getting your panties in a bunch? We get it---you think she's being ridiculous for not chipping in. But it's not like it's $200, and will seriously strap the rest of your WP to pick up the slack---it's $7. I've found more money than that lying on the ground before (just sayin'). </div><div>
</div><div>And, if you have no desire to end the friendship, then don't let this bother you. In a world where people are dying and shiit---you choose to let $7 get you all ruffled. It's not that big of a deal---and it makes you seem petty. </div><div>
</div><div>Sure. We don't know you. We don't know your life story. Nor do we know the story behind this BM of yours--we go off of the information you provide, and let me tell you---you did not paint yourself in a favorable light. </div>

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