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Should bride sing at her own wedding?

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Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?

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    L-BrideL-Bride member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:b2b0c4c4-0602-44f2-95bd-6f413f1a5ffe">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm really surprised by all the negative comments regarding this issue. Your wedding is your own, do what you feel comforatble with. I'm sooooo tired of everyone saying "you can't do that" or "you can't do this"  "it's not acceptable" or "you might offend someone" I mean for crying out loud, it's your wedding, if you want to hire a clown to put on a show go for it.  Only you and your FI know what is acceptable for YOUR wedding. The only thing I would not agree with is openly insulting, or hurting someone(s). ie. the knottie who wanted to fly the confederate flag, or use them in decorations. That I'm not down with, but really singing at your own wedding? If you love to sing and you feel that you can pull it off, I say do it!
    Posted by Labrnr[/QUOTE]

    Notice a lot of the negative comments were from people who have witnessed people singing at their own weddings and it was weird. Obviously if she wants to sing at her wedding she can...I just don't like it and I'm expressing that.
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    ohwhynotohwhynot member
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    I can see how a serenade at the reception might be nice, but not actually during the ceremony. 

    I toyed with the idea of fi playing his guitar for me & the kids as we walk down the aisle, but nixed it as too show-offy and on account of he'll be a nervous wreck that day.  However, we might (if we get our act together) play a recording of him playing the guitar as our processional.  To me, that strikes a better balance. 
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    LabrnrLabrnr member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:f2033056-1cbd-4700-a2d6-63d5f8cabd7f">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : This only true to an extent Labrnr.  I mean, <strong>weddings are about MARRIAGE not throwing a bunch of hoopla in the mix that distracts from that. </strong> There's already a lot of junk that goes into weddings anyway, and I for one, don't think it needs to go any further.
    Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

    Yes, agreed.  But lets see how many knotties would have something to say if someone posted that they were inviting 100 people to their wedding vows and that was the end of the wedding?  I bet you would get a lot of comments about that one too! 
    My point is, people should really step back and think about their responses.  Is doing something different at a wedding really "tacky", or "attention whorey" or just different?  Come on people, different is GOOD.  

    I for one am sick to death of seeing "cookie cutter weddings", same white dress, same tuxedos, same cake, same flowers, same everything, different people, different colors. BORING!!!!
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    wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:471591d9-60a6-4107-b236-34474b964a7b">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : Yes, agreed.  But lets see how many knotties would have something to say if someone posted that they were inviting 100 people to their wedding vows and that was the end of the wedding?  I bet you would get a lot of comments about that one too!  My point is, people should really step back and think about their responses.  Is doing something different at a wedding really "tacky", or "attention whorey" or just different?  Come on people, different is GOOD.   I for one am sick to death of seeing "cookie cutter weddings", same white dress, same tuxedos, same cake, same flowers, same everything, different people, different colors. BORING!!!!
    Posted by Labrnr[/QUOTE]

    Different isn't necessarily good.  Really.

    Often there is a reason things just are not done at certain events.  Like, a stripper bride stripping at her wedding.  Probably not a great plan. 

    I'm all for "different."  But there is always a line where it crosses into inappropriate or at the very least making your guests uncomfortable.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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    eastunder1eastunder1
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    The thought of a bride singing to her groom makes me cringe in embarrassment for reasons I'm not even sure of.  I'm just certain I would not want to watch that. 

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    nda_roxybabenda_roxybabe member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:471591d9-60a6-4107-b236-34474b964a7b">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : Yes, agreed.  But lets see how many knotties would have something to say if someone posted that they were inviting 100 people to their wedding vows and that was the end of the wedding?  I bet you would get a lot of comments about that one too!  My point is, people should really step back and think about their responses.  Is doing something different at a wedding really "tacky", or "attention whorey" or just different?  Come on people, different is GOOD.   I for one am sick to death of seeing "cookie cutter weddings", same white dress, same tuxedos, same cake, same flowers, same everything, different people, different colors. BORING!!!!
    Posted by Labrnr[/QUOTE]

    I didn't see any ridiculous or rude responses here. I think you seem to have some butthurtness or something.
    Everyones entitled to their opinion which is why people come here.

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    L-BrideL-Bride member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:471591d9-60a6-4107-b236-34474b964a7b">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : Yes, agreed.  But lets see how many knotties would have something to say if someone posted that they were inviting 100 people to their wedding vows and that was the end of the wedding?  I bet you would get a lot of comments about that one too!  My point is, people should really step back and think about their responses.  Is doing something different at a wedding really "tacky", or "attention whorey" or just different?  Come on people, different is GOOD.  <strong> I for one am sick to death of seeing "cookie cutter weddings", same white dress, same tuxedos, same cake, same flowers, same everything, different people, different colors. BORING!!!!
    </strong>Posted by Labrnr[/QUOTE]

    I have to whole heartedly agree on this. I naively thought my wedding would be "different" from others...I realize this is very difficult and no matter how many unique ways I  tweak it- it's just another wedding for my guests.
    I can just honestly say that singing at weddings makes me feel uncomfortable though.
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    LabrnrLabrnr member
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    Yes I know she asked for opinions. 

    I'm not saying, you shouldn't give your opinion if asked.

    and my point isn't that your opinions are wrong.  Actually I agree with the majority that say, it could get ugly if you sob through the whole thing or whatever.

    But, for some to say it is attention whorey, please think about your advice before you give it.

    Do any of you stop to think that walking down the aisle in a big fluffy dress, spending thousands of dollars on one day, standing in front of an audience while you say your vows, having anything that brings attention to you (which on your wedding day, guaranteed there will be at least one thing that directs the attention on you)is "attention whorey" so based on 1/2 your posts we are all attention whores for inviting our family and friends to witness our wedding!
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    LabrnrLabrnr member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:48675e14-c32a-46c0-ae3e-c3b27de5ee28">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : Different isn't necessarily good.  Really. Often there is a reason things just are not done at certain events.  Like, a stripper bride stripping at her wedding.  Probably not a great plan.  I'm all for "different."  But there is always a line where it crosses into inappropriate or at the very least making your guests uncomfortable.
    Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

    Exactly which I believe I covered in an earlier post, referring to confederate flag lady.
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    jayjoejayjoe member
    First Comment

    I didnt read any of these replies, just wanted to add my 2 cents. I went to a wedding 3 years ago for my friend (the groom). After the cake was cut, his wife had him sit in a chair and then she said to everyone "i have loved this song since i was a teenager. i always said i would never marry someone unless i felt the way that is described in this song. And i do and i'd like to share it with you". She then proceeded to sing some song, i had never heard of it and i still dont know what it is, but it was beautiful. They were both crying and it was such a special moment because as it went on you could see that neither of them saw anyone else in that room. I'm tearing up right now thinking about lol. I loved it.

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    ohwhynotohwhynot member
    First Comment
    It is attention-whorey, or show-offish, or whatever because it's above and beyond the attention that is focused on the couple inherently in a wedding ceremony. 

    It's showing off a special talent they have - whether it's singing, playing an instrument, or baton-twirling.  And I know it's very common, but I do kind of feel the same way with the photo montages set to music and the pics of the couple everywhere in the reception - attention on the couple is of course the point of the day, but why go overboard (although I do realize that "overboard" is relative)? 
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    sarah0725sarah0725
    First Comment
    For me, it comes down to this:

    If the singer is bad, all of the good intentions in the world will not stop it from being a terrible experience.

    If the singer is good, I'm willing to forgive a multitude of AWing sins.
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    LabrnrLabrnr member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:be41c00a-f6b4-4ddb-a99c-f19e8e68c5cf">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : I didn't see any ridiculous or rude responses here. I think you seem to have some butthurtness or something. Everyones entitled to their opinion which is why people come here.
    Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

    I'm really not seeing where I said that anyone gave a "rude" response.  Are you reading the same posts I am?
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    LabrnrLabrnr member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:be41c00a-f6b4-4ddb-a99c-f19e8e68c5cf">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : I didn't see any ridiculous or rude responses here. I think you seem to have some <strong>butthurtness</strong> or something. Everyones entitled to their opinion which is why people come here.
    Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

     what is butthurtness?  Is that a word?
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    ohwhynotohwhynot member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:80de4311-bff1-429d-9b5a-c9219b488eff">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]For me, it comes down to this: If the singer is bad, all of the good intentions in the world will not stop it from being a terrible experience. If the singer is good, I'm willing to forgive a multitude of AWing sins.
    Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

    That's a good point, too.  And really, I wouldn't mind seeing a song dedicated to the bride or groom by the other at the reception.  Even if they're not that good - I'd find that sweet, somehow.  I really can't articulate why it's different for the ceremony, but somehow it just seems like it is. 
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    nda_roxybabenda_roxybabe member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:3c4dcf2d-46a2-4caf-8637-d6b04ef5fb64">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : I'm really not seeing where I said that anyone gave a "rude" response.  Are you reading the same posts I am?
    Posted by Labrnr[/QUOTE]

    I'm thinking not because you seem to have a problem with peoples responses whereas I don't.

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    FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:0633fa2c-c4d1-4582-95c8-1a6bab3c1b41">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? :  what is butthurtness?  Is that a word?
    Posted by Labrnr[/QUOTE]

    Bless your heart.
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    sarah0725sarah0725
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:5c3ff699-0c1f-459f-add9-f573ce158cee">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : That's a good point, too.  And really, I wouldn't mind seeing a song dedicated to the bride or groom by the other at the reception.  Even if they're not that good - I'd find that sweet, somehow.  I really can't articulate why it's different for the ceremony, but somehow it just seems like it is. 
    Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

    I agreed with you until I saw it in action, and realized that it can be great when done right. I'm also willing to admit that at least part of this may be because my brother was involved - I was always the tagalong little sister. Even when we were kids, I wanted braces because he got braces. I was silly. :)
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    AmoroAgainAmoroAgain member
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    Lab, the difference is that a wedding is for the two people, the reception is a thank you for the people attending.  You're making a much ado about nothing.
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    LabrnrLabrnr member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:145aadf2-52bd-4535-8844-0ff485a02014">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : I'm thinking not because you seem to have a problem with peoples responses whereas I don't.
    Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]


    Roxybabe, I think you are totally misunderstanding me.

    I have no problem with people responding, if in fact they are honest opinions.
    After reading countless responses on these boards, I can't help but see that if something is out of the "ordinary wedding', you get alot of opinions like, "that's just not done", or "that's offensive", or "that's rude"

    my point to these responses was directed to the "attention whore" responses, do you really think that the bride wants to show off her talent, or does it just mean that much to her to be able to sing a song from the bottom of her heart to her DH on their wedding day.  This is why I was surprised by ALL the negative comments,a s there were alot of responses saying this.
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    I mean for crying out loud, it's your wedding, if you want to hire a clown to put on a show go for it.  Only you and your FI know what is acceptable for YOUR wedding.

    Ok, but if somebody is asking for advice she probably wants to know what other people would think of it.
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    ehathewaehathewa
    First Comment
    I went to a wedding where at the reception the bride and groom each choose a song to sing to the other.  I thought that was nice.  They were both in choirs in college and really love to sing. 
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    TrishesTrishes
    First Comment
    I was at a wedding recently where the bride surprised her groom by singing to him. It was actually really sweet!
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    If you think you can pull it off, and are truly a good singer (not just going off the praise of people who know and love you), then I say go for it. But just keep in mind that there's a lot going on during your wedding and it might affect the way you sing. It does seem a little showy to me, but I think it could also be kind of sweet.
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    mwhitson14mwhitson14 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited June 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:471591d9-60a6-4107-b236-34474b964a7b">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : Yes, agreed.  But lets see how many knotties would have something to say if someone posted that they were inviting 100 people to their wedding vows and that was the end of the wedding?  I bet you would get a lot of comments about that one too!  My point is, people should really step back and think about their responses.  Is doing something different at a wedding really "tacky", or "attention whorey" or just different?  Come on people, different is GOOD.   I for one am sick to death of seeing "cookie cutter weddings", same white dress, same tuxedos, same cake, same flowers, same everything, different people, different colors. BORING!!!!
    Posted by Labrnr[/QUOTE]

    I'm reading this as you saying that the knottie was talking about not having a reception? Not having a reception, which is a thank you to your guests, is WAY different than the bride singing at the wedding. You're not even comparing the same thing. One (the former) is completely rude to your guests. The other (the latter) isn't rude, just awkward for those watching.
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    LabrnrLabrnr member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:0501c46c-c35d-44e5-8b60-afe492831cc3">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : I'm reading this as you saying that the knottie was talking about not having a reception? Not having a reception, which is a thank you to your guests, is WAY different than the bride singing at the wedding. You're not even comparing the same thing. One (the former) is completely rude to your guests. The other (the latter) isn't rude, just awkward for those watching.
    Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

    You're not reading the posts entirely. I was responding to a knottie who said "<strong>weddings are about MARRIAGE not throwing a bunch of hoopla in the mix that distracts from that."

    hence my comment.  I wasn't comparing the two.</strong>
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    mwhitson14mwhitson14 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-bride-sing-her-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:59eb6e58-327c-499f-a9ba-7dcda75a9607Post:261f14fe-e227-44b5-9903-a83b1dceaf77">Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should bride sing at her own wedding? : You're not reading the posts entirely. I was responding to a knottie who said " weddings are about MARRIAGE not throwing a bunch of hoopla in the mix that distracts from that." hence my comment.  I wasn't comparing the two.
    Posted by Labrnr[/QUOTE]

    Yes I did. But I apparently misunderstood.
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    kaeshakaesha
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    FWIW, I think you should do it only if it meets two criteria:

    a) you actually are a good singer who is comfortable performing in emotional situations

    b) the song has purpose. Is it going to make the service more meaningful? Will your guests walk out of the ceremony feeling like they were a part of moment, or will they feel like they were voyers looking in on that moment? I think that many people feel uncomfortable watching this kind of performance because the performer failed to think about the rest of the audience.
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    LnDUBSLnDUBS
    First Comment
    If you want to then go for it. Personally, it makes me extremely uncomfortable to watch things like that. Also because those kinds of people think that they are much better at singing than they actually are in reality. 
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    sctfrk1314sctfrk1314 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    OP, I say do what you want... within reason. 

    I love to sing too! I have been told by many people (not related to me) that I sing well. I cut a CD with a dixieland band, had solos during my college choir years, church singing, family occasions, you name it. But I know me- I will get emotional on my wedding day and my singing would pay the price! 

    My solution, which is an idea I'm toying with, is to record (in a studio) myself singing the song I would want to sing at my wedding and then have the DJ play it at the right time. I won't have him credit me or anything but my fam, friends, and FI will know and that'll make it special. 
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