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Not Engaged Yet
redheadtmk
member
anyone worried about asking friends to be in WP?
I am not engaged yet but have thought about who is closest to me and i would like to have in my WP.hypothetically. havent got my heart set on anyone other than my sister as MOH.
after reading so many posts about BM and MOH who turn crazy, jealous, etc I am starting to wonder how my friends will react after I am engaged. When i first started reading those types of post i thought what crappy friends. now that i have read so many i am thinking jealousy is quite common. not to mention that brides probably get annoying with the planning. anyone else worried about how/if thier friendships will change?
after reading so many posts about BM and MOH who turn crazy, jealous, etc I am starting to wonder how my friends will react after I am engaged. When i first started reading those types of post i thought what crappy friends. now that i have read so many i am thinking jealousy is quite common. not to mention that brides probably get annoying with the planning. anyone else worried about how/if thier friendships will change?
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Re: anyone worried about asking friends to be in WP?
Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters. Baby who can really tell, when two hearts belong so well?
Tale as Old as Time (Updated 11/26)
It is possible for brides to be annoying during planning, but the bride has complete control over this. They don't "get" that way by accident. Annoying, controlling brides (and people) suck so just chose note to behave that way. You sound like you are setting yourself up for a shitty situation. Rather than assuming that people will be jealous and you'll be annoying, why don't you focus instead on making sure that when you do get engaged you won't become one of those obnoxious "my life is so dramatic" brides.
Married!
I don't even really want a WP. I don't see my friends often enough and don't want them to feel obligated to be in my wedding. I wanted to ask one but if you ask one, the others will be mad so I've just decided to go with my cousin and FSIL and have no hurt feelings. FI will *hopefully* be having his best friend as the BM (if he's not stationed somewhere crazy) and another friend. We've been tossing the idea of a DW in Jamaica so if we do have one, the people in the B will be coming whether they were in it or not.
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Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
Several months ago, BF asked me who I'd choose to be in the WP when we get married... The question caught me off guard because 1. we aren't engaged yet and 2. It actually made me think...
My friendships have changed so much in the past year that I'm not at all sure who I would choose. One of my childhood friends (we've known each other since we're 8, we were so close we called each other 'sisters') changed after BF & I started dating. I went through a rough breakup 4 years ago and I spent 3 years being single (which was 100% my choice and I was happy with it). As soon as I started dating BF, she started with the comments "I thought you didn't want to be in a relationship?", "Oh, now you have a boyfriend so you're not a cold-hearted b*tch anymore"... and my personal favorite, "Watch, now, you're going to get married before me!"
Of course, growing up, we always said we would be each other's MOH but now, I wouldn't choose her to be in the WP at all. All of my good friends live Out of State so that makes things slightly difficult but I'm actually relieved that I'll have a very small WP and that I have a long time before I have to really worry about it...
[QUOTE]I'm not concerned. My friends are pretty cool. I already told them if they bug me I'll fight them. I'm also hella laid back when it comes to this wedding stuff...and if I decide to do things I try to make it fun so yeah...don't be a bridezilla and chose people you're close with that you know don't have that crazy look in their eyes. If people get offended b/c you didn't choose them then they just need to suck it up. <strong> It's your wedding, you can choose to have Elmo stand for you and it's none of their business.
</strong>Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]
That's an excellent idea..but what about Big Bird?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: anyone worried about asking friends to be in WP? : That's an excellent idea..<strong>but what about Big Bird?
</strong>Posted by MLekathLEEN[/QUOTE]
I call dibs on Snuffy!! :D
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: anyone worried about asking friends to be in WP? : That's an excellent idea..but what about Big Bird?
Posted by MLekathLEEN[/QUOTE]
<div>Big Bird can stand for FBD.</div>
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
Another choice I'm very iffy about is the fiancee of my FI's best friend. FI and I have a pretty close knit group of mutual friends, most of whom are couples. When FI's best friend got engaged, it was pretty much a given that my FI would be in the WP, but I was surprised when I was asked to be in the wedding party as well. I consider myself to be closer to the groom than to the bride, and although she always talks about what a close knit group we are and how us girls should get together more without the guys, she rarely ever accepts invitations out with just the girls, and NEVER initiates a get together with us. So without trying to sound rude, I'm just not exactly sure why she thinks we're that close. Perhaps we just have different views on friendship. But I'm concerned that she will be hurt and offended if I don't reciprocate and ask her to be in my WP. I'm also concerned that it might cause some tension between the guys, because her FI will likely be the best man at our wedding.
Ugh... how has anyone else dealt with feelings of obligation to include certain people in their WP? Particularly people who have asked you to be in their WP?
I'm not sad/upset about the friends I asked to be in my wedding. They might not have been a perfect fit but relationships change and shift all the time. Even in a short period of time (sometimes an engagement can push problems that already existed to the surface) but in any direction.
A BP is your choice and in the end it's your decision who choose to be friends with on a day to day basis, not just when youi're planning a wedding.
I'm pretty sure I can't include one sister without the other, so I've been debating on which way I would rather do it, both in or both out. I still have a year, possibly more, until I need to make those decisions, so I'll see how the situation changes.
I just honestly don't get the point of bridesmaids. MOH, sure. Legally, you need two witnesses. That was the original point of the MOH, to be the witness on behalf of the Bride, then the Best Man was the witness on behalf of the Groom. That has a legal and logical reason for it. But to me, I just don't see the point of bridesmaids - it seems like someone couldn't decide among their friends so they put them all in the same dress and had them stand next to the MOH.
And then you end up with people getting hurt because they're not invited, and blah blah blah. It's more about the drama of who I wouldn't pick than who I would. BF has 3 sisters, I've got a ton of cousins whose mothers all had me as a flower girl or junior bridesmaids when I was a kid. So if I bent to pressure, I'd have BF's 3 sisters as bridesmaids, then 15 cousins I'd have to beat off with a stick whose parents would all want them in the wedding. No freaking way!
Anyway, my vote is no bridal party. Me, BF, and we each have a witness (in my case, my brother). End. Of. Story. Though BF has mentioned that his soon-to-be niece will be 18 months old when we get married, so it might be cute to have her as a little flower girl. We'll see! If he really wants it, then I'm happy to do it.
I started dating FI my senior year of college, I had a few girlfriends who I thought I might have in my WP. But after graduation, people moved, got jobs, relationships changed, etc. Now there's only one I really still talk to on a regular basis.
Asking our WP was still pretty easy though, we are only having 3 each, 2 of which are our siblings, which was pretty much a given, so it's not like there was any asking involved. Our one friend each that we asked were both excited for us and glad to be in the WP.
I'm not sure I'll have a flower girl, but my niece is just so cute, so I'm sure my older sister will want me to have a flower girl. Hmmm....
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
I don't know anybody who has had drama. The only drama I've seen has been on TK. Usually this drama occurs when someone does not think about who they are asking, they ask their BP too far in advance (or before they are even engaged,) they expect their friend to change because they are getting married or the bride is BSC/bridezilla.
the most drama i'm getting is from my mom and FMIL, haha. i don't expect to get any drama from my BMs. i've never really heard of WP drama until TK.
thanks ladies for your reassurances!