Major Doubting Meltdown

PaoPao820 · July 2012

Hey All,

I am having a MAJOR meltdown. It's midnight and for the past hour and a half I've been thinking about what a fool I've been about my wedding! It started while I was on Groupon and Living Social scoping out deals in general and saw all the stuff for vacations and getaways. I started fantasizing about going on vacation and realizing how much I want to get away.

We are not having a honeymoon because we decided to invest in buying a house. But even though I'm thrilled about that, I'm having panic attacks about that as well, wondering if I'm making the right choice in buying a house now and if I'm ready and if I can handle it. I'm 26 so it's not like I'm older but I'm also not super young...

I feel like everything I've been doing with the wedding just isn't me. I originally, before I even got engaged, entertained the idea of going away on a vacation with just our parents for a week somewhere and getting married, like in Italy, in some small church with a dinner after. Then my FI and I could go for another week to another country as our honeymoon. My FI's father offered us quite a bit of money to elope, whether he was joking or not, I'll never know. My mother talked about having an intimate wedding. I'm kicking myself for not listening to them right now! I'm legit having a panic attack and can't sleep thinking about this. I'm doubting whether I'm doing the right thing in having this elaborate wedding that's going to cost thousands and thousands of dollars (over 15K but below 40K) for just one day.... ONE DAY!! I'm spending that much money in one dam day!?!? I could take that money, reimburse some people for their expenses like bridesmaid dresses and suits and stuff, spend maybe a total of 2k for that stuff and then take 6gs and go on a wonderful vacation and still have money left over to put into the down payment for the house or into the house itself to make improvements... why am I doing this? Why am I making this extravagant wedding (and in reality, I've kept stuff very simple for my wedding, its not that crazy, my dress is under 2k for goodness sakes) and spending all this money?? WHY?

It's gotten to a point where I'm legit thinking of excuses to get back my deposits from different people. I still have just around 2 months... no one's gotten us presents yet, not even half the RSVP's have come... nothing's super done. People can still cancel reservations to the hotel and not get penalized... it could work to cancel all this. I could even book a last minute vacation to still get married, in August, a little earlier even. Ugh why was I so stupid in planning all this forj ust one day!?!?

Sorry about the rant... there's no place and no one I felt I could turn to at this hour...

PaoPao820 · July 2012

Sorry I think my comp freaked out... Well I mentioned something as he was falling asleep and he just said "do whatever you want" and fell asleep... he has work early so I don't want to wake him and freak out about this in the middle of the night.... essentially he'll probably do whatever makes me happy

PaoPao820 · July 2012

The wedding is Sept 2nd and invites have gone out and we've gotten some RSVP's and some hotel reservations. I know I won't make a decision tonight I'm just freaking out and needed to let it out somewhere... I was laying there trying not to cry.

PaoPao820 · July 2012

I'll definitely try that since I don't have access to xanax

StephBeanWed61502 · July 2012

So hopefully things look different in the light of morning, but just in case...

It's okay if you want to cancel your wedding. Hotel reservations can be cancelled. People can be reimbursed for dresses/flights/whatever. However, you really need to check your vendor contracts. FI and I had a meltdown kind of similar to what you just described - "why aren't we just getting married on a beach in Hawaii and saving the wedding money for a house?" - and we went through our vendor contracts, and it turns out that, this close to the wedding date (we were also about 2 months out) we were on the hook for 100% of the contract price for almost every part of the wedding. Between that and reimbursing people for what they'd already spent, it would've cost pretty much the exact same amount as going forward with what we'd already planned. That forced us to really think about why we'd chosen a large-ish wedding in the first place, and the more we talked it through, the more realized that it was the right choice for us after all, because it's allowing us to celebrate with everyone we love.

Eloping on a beach somewhere sounds nice in theory, but I'm assuming there's a reason you chose to do something larger and local in the first place - re-visit that, and think about whether the reasons you chose what you chose still hold true. For us, they did - grandparents and special-needs family members still can't travel, dear friends and some family are still having financial issues and can't afford to jet off to a destination to celebrate our wedding with us, other close family are still working jobs where they can't get that kind of time off or are saving precious vacation time for their own personal vacations, you get the idea.

This is not to say "don't cancel your wedding and elope" - that might be the best choice for you at the end of the day. Just don't forget that there's a reason you planned the wedding you planned in the first place, and that may help you sort out what's really important to you.

kmmssg · July 2012

Good morning PaoPao - how are things looking this morning?

PaoPao820 · July 2012

Hey everyone,

So while I was still freaking out this morning, I talked to my mother (who sometimes isn't the best choice to talk to) who of course first said something in line with "I told you so" but then went on to say that maybe it's just me feeling overwhelmed with not enjoying my job, having so many classes for my masters including internship, ploanning a wedding and in the process of buying a house... I think it may be all linked together.

I started talking to my fiance who reminded me that we wanted to do this right by our families and that's what we need to focus on and that some of the time you get back part of your investment. So that was a bit reassuring. I haven't even gone through the contracts but it was nice to know that if I really wanted it, my fiance would do whatever I want.... he also pointed out I have a tendency to freak out like this when it comes to bigger decisions which is true and I can admit that about myself.

I appreciate everyone's feedback though. And any other feedback is still appreciated. I stressed myself out so much last night I think I fell asleep from exhaustion. I also started questioning whether I'd be happy doing destination or if I would have regretted it. It's funny that this is my freak out as opposed to cold feet... some people might think that's what this is but it's so not! I would marry him tomorrow at city hall if it came down to it... I want to be with him but there's obviously something fueling this.

Major Doubting Meltdown

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