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Playing the Age Game

Debbie4020Debbie4020
First Comment
in Canada
So, I am currently struggling with being considered serious when I talk to vendors ect. because of my age. I am 19 years old though will be 20 before my date (and my FH is almost 6 years older than me), and my FH and myself will be paying for our wedding ourselves. We are waiting to tell our parents and officially announce until the fall for many reasons. When I've been to talk to vendors about consultations I have had a mixture of reviews from "We don't help your sort here" to "It is bride's like you that are the reason we have divorce" including my favourite "Are you trying to get on that engaged and underage show?". 

Has anyone else heard of this sort of thing happening before, specifically with older vendors? Does anyone have any tips to deal with this with? Any other young brides out there? 

I put this in the Canada board because "legal adult" and drinking ages are younger here and thus I thought that this might be a more common problem around here than for our American friends. 
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Re: Playing the Age Game

  • LittlinLittlin member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow - there are a lot of rude vendors out there.  I haven't heard about this happening in Toronto specifically but I'm sure it does happen.  I was 26 when I got engaged and married at 27.  I look young for my age, but we didn't encounter any difficulty.  I'm so sorry that you have encountered all this negativity.

    Honestly, I would wait until your engagement is announced officially and use your friends and family to help you out with recommended vendors and venues.  My mother in law is a great barterer, and she was great at negotiations for price, much better than I, so I used her help from time to time.  I would suggest doing the same.  I suppose seeing that you have support may make these vendors realize you are serious about marriage, but then again, I wouldn't use any vendors who have already treated you so badly.
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  • Debbie4020Debbie4020
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the idea :) I guess I was just wondering how people felt about young brides...
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  • LittlinLittlin member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well I'm sure everyone has their own opinion, but it's not really any of their business, so please don't let it get to you too much - just enjoy being with your FI and planning for your day - it will all come together.
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  • MadisonpennyMadisonpenny member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, that really rude my tip is when a vendor says something like this all I would do is say something along the lines of "Well I'll be sure to pass the word around that you feel this way towards young couples and don't need our business"  and walk away.
    Theres so much compitition out there, theres definitely vendors out there who will appreaciate your business.
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  • Debbie4020Debbie4020
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks :) I am feeling a lot better about it now... I guess my worry was that because you just don't hear a lot about younger brides (whether people keep their ages quiet just because of this or what) and while I'm happy and am sure that this is worth it, that this wasn't the worst of it because everyone was thinking it or something... Thanks again for your help!
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  • LittlinLittlin member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My cousin is getting married in July - he is 23 and his soon to be wife is 21.  They are young, but it's not for me to judge!
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  • kaitlyn20kaitlyn20 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was 20( turning 21) when i got engaed) and ill be 22 (almost 23) when we tie the knot.  This hasnt happened to me at all and ive been to a number of places from bridal shops in new brunswick and Nova scotia To wedding venues in ottawa ontario. People have been nothing but nice to me in fact i they havent really even asked my age. Maybe its the fact that your focusing on the age thing that causes them to say it ? where abouts are you in canada/
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  • Debbie4020Debbie4020
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    edited December 2011
    I am from Saskatchewan, and it wasn't so much that I was focusing on age, as a vendor saw it on my ID (that I pulled out to check my postal code because I just moved) then started asking lots of questions and ended up calling other vendors about it after telling me "his bakery would not be the right fit for me". I have been having more luck since then with other vendors and boutique owners , but it still left a funny taste in my mouth.... 
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  • meaghan333meaghan333 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I look young for my age, and while negotiating over the high price of a meal, the vendors response was "Just ask Daddy to give you more money".  (Needless to say, we didn't use him).

    There are a lot of vendors out there who are happy for your business, and won't judge you for anything.  Trust your gut- if you don't get along great with your vendors, find someone else.  The last thing you need on your wedding day (or the days leading up to it) is a moody/opinionated vendor!
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  • Debbie4020Debbie4020
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks meaghan! That's the sort of thing that has been happening to me too, though people are finally getting welcoming and I'm now looking forward too rather than dreading vendor shopping. 
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  • BMcLeodTeamBMcLeodTeam member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am 25, but look far younger for my age I've been told. FI is 6 years older. Being he looks his age and I look younger not only do I get the 'have you asked Daddy about if he will pay for this' comments but I had one photographer question whether FI was too old for me...

    As PPs have said, there are plenty of vendors out there that would be more than happy for your business... in our case we have since found our photographers (its a married couple that work together) and LOVE them! We feel 100 times more comfortable with them than anyone else we talked to, and are excited to have them involved in our special day.... everything works out :)
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  • StephanieA36StephanieA36
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your in Sk? Can I ask which vendor this was? I'll make sure I don't use them.
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  • Debbie4020Debbie4020
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It was a local cake vendor in the Prince Albert area, Carlton cakes or something... It was similar in name to another one in the area (Carlton Bakery) which was nicer but made very traditional cakes... 
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  • Debbie4020Debbie4020
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I also had very rude service at a dress shop outside of Prince Albert that I can't remember the name of, but I went in with a few members of my bridal party who were looking at bridesmaid dresses and they told us that we couldn't just "try dresses on for fun" because they "needed to send a staff member in with us" and that we would have to "come back with our mothers" to get any help...
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  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I look very young for my age but never has a vendor disrespected me like that....I think it has more to do with your attitude and how you deal with the vendors.  If they don't take you seriously, walk out.  Don't waste your time.  They'll lose out on a sale and you'll find someone who actually WANTS to work with you.  Remember THEY are the ones who are being interviewed for a job, not you.  Go in with confidence and show them you mean business.  Good luck!
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  • Debbie4020Debbie4020
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Cynthia! 
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  • blush64blush64 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was married quite young (the first time) and never had anything but positive things said to me.

    But 19 and 20 are both NOT underage in Canada so I don't get that comment about being underage.

    I know more and more people are waiting to get married until they are older but those kind of comments are just rude and unnecessary.

    Best wishes to you and your FI.
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  • Debbie4020Debbie4020
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks blush64 :) Many Canadians just get so lost in what they see on American TV that they forget that things and legalities are a lot different over here. 
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