Non-Catholic FI...Just need to VENT!

Calypso1977 · May 2010

also, while you as an adult understand his jokes are due to discomfort, doubt, uncertainty, etc. a child will not have this level of interpretation. young children are very impressionable and it may be very challenging for you to teach them the faith and its importance if they hear dad making fun of it. what would you do if he cracked jokes within their ear shot about their first communion? confirmation?

children born of mixed marriages often end up not being any faith at all as it can be quite confusing for them to not know which faith they shoudl follow or why dad goes to church and mom doesnt. some fare very well. of course, some children with two catholic parents end up having no faith as well.

it used to be that the church frowned on mixed marriages for many of the reasons posted in this thread. it used to be you couldnt have mass if both of you were not catholic. it used to be that you had to be married in the rectory or lower church if you were not both catholic, as the church's way of showing their displeasure of a mixed marriage. these provisions do seem harsh, but they were originally established to help ensure that catholics maintained their catholic faith and were an attempt to discourage catholics from choosing a partner that may not support the catholic in the practice of their faith.

clearheavens · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_non-catholic-fijust-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:16bd21ea-f7b1-49fa-aab0-cae803aae419Post:6376b076-8f31-4399-9e77-93e087c7025e">Re: Non-Catholic FI...Just need to VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]it used to be that the church frowned on mixed marriages for many of the reasons posted in this thread. it used to be you couldnt have mass if both of you were not catholic. it used to be that you had to be married in the rectory or lower church if you were not both catholic, as the church's way of showing their displeasure of a mixed marriage. these provisions do seem harsh, but they were originally established to help ensure that catholics maintained their catholic faith and were an attempt to discourage catholics from choosing a partner that may not support the catholic in the practice of their faith.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

I agree with Calypso1977, that the Church in her wisdom understands how difficult it is to be in the role of spouse, and to raise children in the Catholic faith, when both spouses aren't of the same Catholic faith. I view it as wise protection and not needless strictness.

astanos · May 2010

Well we obviously aren't going to be popping out kids as soon as we get married dispite what the Church says so we will cross the kid bridge when we get there. As far as children from "mixed marriages" I have not met anyone who has a problem with it or does not have any faith at all. I do not agree with a lot of the things the Church says.

Riss91 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_non-catholic-fijust-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:16bd21ea-f7b1-49fa-aab0-cae803aae419Post:0d695732-1922-4a47-8ca3-d1f2666c33a3">Re: Non-Catholic FI...Just need to VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well we obviously aren't going to be popping out kids as soon as we get married dispite what the Church says so we will cross the kid bridge when we get there. As far as children from "mixed marriages" I have not met anyone who has a problem with it or does not have any faith at all. I do not agree with a lot of the things the Church says.
Posted by astanos[/QUOTE]

Just clarifying -
- the church doesn't require or recommend popping kids out as soon as you get married, just that you accept them willingly when conceived. NFP is a church-promoted practice used to intentionally put-off having children, if you feel you need to wait. And obivously can help you get pregnant when the time comes.
- the church doesn't say anything against mixed-religion marriages, just that if you choose to married in accordance with the church, you agree to raise your children Catholic.

Also - I don't think you're situation is impossible to fix, I think most of the ladies here just wanted to impress upon you that you have every right to want to be married in your own faith and that your future spouse should fully support that (i.e. without jokes or bashing). And it's really important to work this out now, then after you are married. We are a supportive group that truly wants to help!

Theresa626 · May 2010

I agree with Riss. Also, about the kids thing...... saying we will cross that bridge when we get there is very very dangerous. You really need to cross that bridge right now. There is no better time than the present to discuss your future. You really need to discuss with him what religion you will raise your future kids and how their faith will be dealt with. People get divorced over these things quite often. You don't want that to happen to you. It would suck to have been married for a few years and suddenly have your spouse tell you that they've always wanted their kid to never go to church or some other thing you didn't know about. If you talk about it now, you can know what you're getting into, be more willing to compromise and really have a deep understanding of how your marriage will work. Plus, these conversations might be unpleasant to start but in actuality, they really help you to grow closer and more intimate because you are both on the same page about every aspect of your future married life. Please discuss children with him. It's really not good to leave that for later.

My cousin just got divorced over this and it made me so sad. I've never seen two people more passionately in love but they never discussed children before they got married. They couldn't agree on when to have kids, etc. She never knew he wanted her to quit her job and stay home and have kids sooner. She didn't want to quit her job and she wanted to have kids at least eight to ten years later than he did. Neither of them was willing to bend on it and they got divorced.

clearheavens · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_non-catholic-fijust-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:16bd21ea-f7b1-49fa-aab0-cae803aae419Post:548b61db-7e74-4b2a-81ec-c75d51835ba1">Re: Non-Catholic FI...Just need to VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]You really need to cross that bridge right now. There is no better time than the present to discuss your future. You really need to discuss with him what religion you will raise your future kids and how their faith will be dealt with.
Posted by Theresa626[/QUOTE]
Ditto this. It is unpleasant but one of the best ways you can further protect your marriage and bond with FI is to make sure that the two of you are looking in the same direction about the future. While the Church never requires you to pop out children <em>right</em> after marriage, you do have to agree to be open to the possibility of children, so discussing your roles as a future mother and future father is a part of marriage preparation.

Calypso1977 · May 2010

I do not agree with a lot of the things the Church says.

honestly, based on this statement and everything else in this thread, you shoudl probably reconsider getting married in the Church. if you disagree with so much, perhaps it isnt the right fit for you. and i dont mean this in a snarky way.

Non-Catholic FI...Just need to VENT!

Re: Non-Catholic FI...Just need to VENT!

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